Deep (3 page)

“Look, it has taken a long time for them to accept me.”

“I get it, don’t worry.” David reached for Sean’s hand. “Our little secret,” he said with a wink.

“What happened with your ship?” Sean asked, in an attempt to steer the conversation away from the inevitable.

David shrugged. “I was out in the pod. When I got back the ship had hit the reef and the lifeboats had been dispatched.”

Sean was shocked. “They just left you?”

“These miners are savages.”

“Not here, they’re not,” Sean told him. Some ships were populated with the worst kinds of men, but
Ariel
was a good place, with good people.

“So what’ve you got going on here? What’s the play?”

“I don’t do that anymore,” Sean said. “That’s part of a life I want to forget. Here I’m just the ship’s doctor.”

“Seriously?”

“Trust me, it makes for a better life.”

David reached out and touched Sean’s face. “I missed you.”

MIA CAME TO collect David and show him to one of the empty sleeping quarters. If she suspected anything was going on, she didn’t show it. Sean exhaled loudly once he was alone. He needed to get some air, which wasn’t going to happen this deep. Of all the people they could have dug up from his past, David was the worst. He knew everything about Sean, every sordid detail. What would the crew think? What would the captain think?

“Hey, Doc.”
Think of the devil.

Sean tried to compose himself. “Captain, is everything okay?” He gulped, and he was sure the captain noticed.

“Just wondering if there is anything I should know about our guest.”

“Eh, no, he’s perfectly well. No disease, no signs of any contamination. He has a clean bill of health.”

Joel folded his arms, his body filling the doorway. There was no escape. “Anything else you want to tell me?”

Sean swallowed.
He knows.
“I, eh....”

“You know him.” Joel stated it matter-of-factly, which meant he wanted more.

“Yes,” Sean confessed. That bit was easy; explaining how was harder. “From Earth. He’s an old friend. I’m very surprised to see him here. This isn’t the type of place a man like him would find himself.”

“Could say the same about you.” Joel stepped forward. He’d recently showered, and his hair was still wet.

Sean found himself distracted by the droplets of water running down Joel’s neck.

“What’s he running from?”

There was no point denying it; Joel would know something was wrong and then he’d dig deeper—too deep. “He helped me get off-world.”

The captain knew enough about Sean’s past to keep him from asking more difficult questions. He knew Sean had conned most of his father’s rich, influential friends into funding his trip off-world. He knew that Sean’s father and friends were not happy about it and that Sean was probably never going to be able to return to Earth. He didn’t know the rest. He didn’t know exactly how Sean got the money.

“That everything I need to know?”

“That’s it, Sir.”

“You seemed mighty horrified to see him here.”

Sean turned around to busy himself with the stores cupboard. “Just surprised to see an old face this far away from home.”

“Do you trust him?”

Sean stopped and turned back to Joel. “Why’d you ask?”

Joel closed the infirmary door, sealing them off from the rest of the ship. “You find one man alone on a ship full of booty, it makes me suspicious. The load is big, Doc, ‘bout the biggest we’ve ever come across, and the circumstances ain’t exactly tidy.”

Things in the Deep could be dangerous. It wasn’t only the weight of thousands of tons of water, or chemical imbalances that could tear through a weak hull. There were pirates, too, men who stalked the depths looking for full mining vessels to pillage, mutinies that took over ships and floated their captains. There was even the odd raving lunatic who lost it when the abyss got too much.

“You miss Earth?” Joel asked, out of left field.

“Um, sometimes, I guess,” he confessed. He missed the sunlight and the fresh air. Most of the rest he could happily live without.

“The payoff from this run, it’s gonna be big. Might even pay your way back to the good life.”

Sean looked at the floor, feeling like the captain’s burden. “Do you not want me here anymore, Sir?”

Joel rolled his eyes. “Always jumping to conclusions, aren’t you. I haven’t floated you yet, so consider yourself welcome. I’m talking about you, Doc, and what you want.”

Sean tried not to look at the older man. His past was still too much in the forefront of his mind and he was already starting to blush. “I’m happy here, Sir. I don’t want to leave.”

Clearly pleased, Joel patted him on the shoulder. “You keep me posted if that changes, son. Would hate to lose you.”

Sean’s shoulder tingled. It was the nicest thing Joel had ever said to him. He couldn’t help himself beaming like an idiot. “I will.”

THE CREW WERE celebrating in the mess. The weeks planned mining the ocean bed had been postponed while they raided the wrecked ship, and they had a payload that would keep them floating for months and months to come without breaking a sweat. Alcohol was flowing and the mood was good. Sean watched the celebration like a proud parent, keeping out of the fun, but glad to see the people he cared about happy.

Mia and Kyle were cuddling in the corner, Kyle barely able to keep his drunken eyes open. Harvey knocked back another three shots while Selena, their navigator, timed him. David sat with the others, as though he’d always been part of the crew. He was chatting happily, telling jokes and anecdotes from when he was on Earth. The captain and the others were listening and laughing at every punch line.

Sean had never been that comfortable in conversation. He’d always end up saying something wrong or making an idiot of himself. Even back on Earth his awkwardness kept him watching social occasions from the sidelines. That’s why he preferred working in the hospital; there, at least, he knew how to conduct himself.

David turned and realized Sean was there. He waved his arms and beckoned Sean into the tight space beside him. Mid-story, he passed Sean a glass and filled it with the clear hooch Selena had been brewing—the stuff that Sean was pretty sure had knocked Harvey out for two days on their last dive.

“Doc don’t drink,” Harvey told David, taking another three shots and then putting his head on the table. Sean watched him, wondering how much more the big man could manage before he’d need to be taken to the infirmary.

“What?” David said. “That’s not the Sean I know. My Sean could drink each of us under the table. Here. Show them.”

Sean didn’t drink anymore. He didn’t like the way it made him feel. He didn’t like the things it made him do. He stared at the beaker of clear liquid and David’s expectant face.

“Boy, I could tell them some stories about your drunken antics,” David started, and somewhere in his tone Sean could hear a threat.

Sean took the drink. He knocked it back and winced as the kick hit him hard.
God, what did Selena put in this stuff?
When David refilled his beaker, he realized Joel was watching them. The captain’s big brown eyes were taking everything in, and Sean felt scrutinized and judged. This was a side to Sean they had never seen, a side he never wanted them to see, and now he felt naked and exposed. Suddenly, Sean didn’t want to be there anymore. This wasn’t who he was; this wasn’t the man the crew knew. He felt like a fraud.

David was distracted with another one of his
hilarious
stories. Carefully, Sean slipped away. It was time to call it a night while he could still walk. He made it as far as the infirmary before David caught up with him.

“What are you doing skulking off?” he said, pushing himself against Sean.

“I was going to bed.”

“Alone?”

Sean gasped as David pressed a brazen hand against his crotch. “David, this isn’t a good idea.”

“I can’t help myself. I’ve had a drink. You remember how I get.”

“Anyone could se—” David’s mouth covered Sean’s, swallowing his objections.

The heat from David’s body was overwhelming. He burned against Sean in a familiar, dangerous kind of way. All of a sudden Sean was overcome, and the suppressed hunger within him awakened. He couldn’t help himself; his hands were all over David’s body, grabbing at the layers of unwanted clothing. He wanted to feel skin. He wanted to taste sweat. He wanted so much more. David snaked a hand beneath Sean’s pants, grappling for a hold against Sean’s erection. All coherent thoughts had left and Sean moaned into David’s mouth.
This is why you don’t drink anymore
.

Then he heard a cough at the end of the corridor and reality came crashing down. He rolled his head to the right and froze. Mia and Joel were watching him, their mouths almost as wide open as their eyes. Sean winced as David slipped his hand unsubtly from his trousers.

“You boys might want to go somewhere a little more private,” Mia suggested, failing to keep a smirk off her face.

She walked away, and after another long, disturbing moment, Joel joined her.

Sean rested his head against the wall. “I’m dead.”

“Your room?”

Without answering, Sean extricated himself from David’s limbs. The urge had gone. Now he just needed space.

THE TRUTH WOULD be out by morning, and everyone would know. Sean was close to packing up, but it would be weeks before they reached the surface and he would still have to face them all. He knew there would be teasing—that was nothing new—but they would look at him differently; they would treat him differently. The thought made him sick.

David had followed him to his room and passed out half-naked on his bed. Sean needed to get out of there. He avoided the infirmary and fled to the cockpit without thinking. He had reached the doorway when he realized his mistake and tried to back away.

“You coming in, Doc?” Joel said from inside.

“Eh, I was... it’s okay Captain, I, eh....”

“Stop your mumbling and get your ass in here, you idiot.”

Reluctantly, Sean climbed inside. He took the second chair and sank into the seat, feeling more sheepish and embarrassed than ever before. For a while they sat in silence while Joel drank from the whiskey bottle he kept under his seat for emergencies. He looked pissed off.

“I don’t like liars, Doc.”

“I....” What could he say to make this better? He’d lied to the whole crew. He’d been living a lie, and now none of them would trust him again.

“I asked you if there was anything else going on.”

Sean rubbed his face in distress. He had no choice; he had to be honest. “I’m sorry. It’s just... I thought... if you knew you wouldn’t want me on the ship anymore.”

“Even more reason not to lie to me.”

“Sir, I’m sorry. I was never planning on doing anything. I.... The crew won’t want me onboard when they find out, will they? They won’t want me treating them. But I can’t help it, I just.... Okay, I’m gay. There, I said it. I’m gay, and I know you will all hate me for it. I know it isn’t right in the Deep. That I’m not right. But I can’t change it.”

Joel paused, his expression a mixture of sympathy and amusement. His anger was obviously sated by the sight of Sean’s embarrassment. “You do know we all knew that, right?”

Sean’s face fell. “What?”

“You like boys. It’s never exactly been a secret, Doc. We figured that the moment you stepped aboard.”

Sean scowled, feeling even more foolish. “You did?”

“Doc, it’s kinda obvious. You came here with your airs and whatnot. All your fine clothes and perfect nails.” Joel chuckled. “I figured as soon as you didn’t check Selena out that first day. Everyone gives her at least a second look. I did, Harvey did, Kyle did—hell, even Mia did. You didn’t.”

Sean was speechless.

“And you know you were giving Harvey the eye all the time, too.”

“I have never—” He stopped, realizing Joel was playing with him. “It doesn’t bother you?”

“It bothers me a whole lot less than Harvey’s interest in larger women twice his age. Where you all get your kicks is no concern of mine, though I’d appreciate it if you keep it out of the common areas in the future. Some stuff a guy don’t need to see.”

Sean couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Okay, I will. But then why are you so mad?”

Joel threw his hands in the air. “You lied to me! You don’t lie to me, Sean.”

The weight of Sean’s name on the captain’s lips was too much. He knew at that moment he would never lie to him again.

“I didn’t mean to, Sir. And I wouldn’t about anything I thought jeopardized the ship or any of the crew. My relationship with David, up until a few hours ago, was going to have no impact on anything. But I promise from now on I will be an open book.”

It must have been the despairing look in Sean’s face that made Joel relent.

He handed Sean his whiskey bottle. “Here, since you’re suddenly a drinker now. You two have a history, then?”

Sean took a grateful mouthful and handed it back. “I suppose you could say that.”

“He doesn’t seem your type.”

Sean had never thought about it. He wasn’t even sure he had a type. “I guess he’s not, it’s....” He wasn’t sure how to talk to the captain about this.

Joel didn’t seem to mind. “Sometimes it’s just easy, right? There’s a lass on shore. Magenta. God, she’s so not what I go for, but she’s familiar, says what needs to be said. Does what needs to be done, if you get my meaning. I go there because it’s easier than going anywhere else and dealing with
feelings
.”

“What’s your type?” Sean asked before he realized what he was saying. He flinched and waited for the captain to kick him out.

But Joel didn’t. He took another swig of whiskey instead. “I don’t know. Someone who can put up with me. Girl who likes the water, who’s feisty and strong. She’d need to be someone I could talk to, laugh with. Good ass, big breasts, that type of thing.”

“All of which I imagine are essential to a successful relationship.”

“Absolutely,” Joel said, and handed him back the bottle. “What about you, Doc? If prissy boys like David aren’t your type, what is?”