Deep (4 page)

“I can’t talk about this with you.”

“What’s wrong with talking to me about it?”

“Apart from you being you? You won’t want to hear about it. It’s not something you talk about in the Deep.”

Joel rolled his eyes. “I asked you, didn’t I? Pull that stick out of your ass for a minute. Only person here uncomfortable with your libido is you. There’s nothing wrong with you and nobody worth worrying about thinks otherwise. Come on, I’m being a caring captain here; share with me.”

Sean took the bottle and another gulp of courage. “I don’t know. I’ve never really thought about it.”

“Bullshit.”

“Fine. I guess it’s the same as you,” Sean said, daring to look Joel in the eye. “Somebody who is strong, who knows his own mind, but cares about other people, too. Someone I can respect and who respects me.” He gave the bottle back to Joel, letting his fingers brush the captain’s.

Joel didn’t seem to notice. “So, everything except the breasts then. You ever been with a woman?”

Sean glanced away, the awkwardness returning once again. “Yes, once or twice, but it’s not my thing.” The alcohol had full control of him now. He started speaking before he realized what he was asking. “What about you, Sir? Have you ever been with a man?”

Joel sprayed whiskey over the cockpit. He heaved and started laughing. “No. Definitely not my thing.”

“How do you know if you haven’t tried?” Inside, a part of Sean was screaming at him to stop. This was not a good idea, and the liquor was pushing him into dangerous territory.

Joel shifted in his seat. “Eh, I guess I just don’t think I could do it.” He met Sean’s eye and then turned away, clearly embarrassed. Sean understood the full awkwardness of the
it
the captain meant.

“I didn’t think I could stay down here for a season, never mind three. You should try kissing.” Internal Sean put his head in his hands in despair.

“Kissing?”

“There’s not much difference between kissing a man or a woman.”

“No?”

“Like you said, there’s nothing wrong with it.”

Joel stared at him with an intensity Sean had never seen before. He was impossible to read. Sean was suddenly overcome with dread. Either Joel would kiss him or he would reject him, and whatever he did their relationship would change. He liked the captain, a lot more than he would let himself think about, and he didn’t want to leave
Ariel.

“I better get some sleep,” Sean said, and forced himself from the cockpit before he did something really stupid.

JOEL OPENED HIS eyes and immediately regretted it as light sent waves of pain through his temples. His head pounded as he tried to move from his bed. He sat up, victorious, and then dashed for the sink. A few heaves later he’d cleared out most of the near-fatal toxins from Selena’s hooch—his body was reliable like that. He grabbed a clean set of overalls and ran a razor over his face.

Most of the night before was a haze of alcohol, and even thinking about drinking made his stomach churn again. He needed something greasy to settle his body before he started the day. Now with purpose, he stepped out of his quarters and caught sight of the doc sneaking off toward the infirmary, looking about as hung over as he was.

Then a bold, startling memory smacked Joel in the face. He could see the cockpit and the doc sitting seductively in the chair opposite him, scratching at a notion Joel didn’t even realize he’d ever had. Joel had never thought of the boy that way before, but now that the wound was open it was bothering him something terrible. He’d been about to kiss the boy, and the urge from the previous night still pulled at him. There was no point denying it. He’d done some stupid things in his life, but that was about the stupidest idea he’d ever had. It didn’t make any sense; it wasn’t like he even thought about men that way.

Joel shook his head and regretted the movement immediately. They hadn’t been down in the water long, and the start of the season was always more difficult on a man’s needs and desires. This early in the voyage his body missed the release sex provided him. He could still remember his time onshore and the nights he’d spent in the whorehouses and bars. Seeing Sean all tussled and debauched had been a sharp reminder that he would be celibate for several months to come. That was probably what prompted his almost-indiscretion. Another week and he’d have it all under control.

Harvey was cooking breakfast in the mess. The man was a bumbling ball of hair and muscle elsewhere on the ship, always walking into things or cutting himself open, but in the kitchen he was an expert. Joel sometimes wondered if the big man hadn’t missed his calling, but then, like Joel, Harvey had the sea in his blood.

“Hey, Captain, I heard about last night,” he said, his eyes lit up like an excited child.

Joel felt what was left in his stomach start to sink. “What?”

“The hanky-panky outside the infirmary.” Harvey chuckled. “Didn’t think the doc had it in him.” Realizing his own pun, Harvey laughed even harder, the rest of the crew joining in.

He was talking about Sean and David. Not Sean and Joel. Not that there was a Sean and Joel. The relief made Joel speechless. He realized Harvey was waiting for a response. Quickly, Joel blurted out the only thing he could think of. “Who the hell says hanky-panky anymore?”

They were going to give Sean hell. He could see it in their eyes. It wasn’t out of maliciousness or bad feeling, but the Deep could be boring, and if a laugh could be had there was no denying the crew. But as well as the longing from last night, Joel could also remember Sean’s fear when he thought the crew would lynch him for his sexuality. He didn’t want the doc to misunderstand their teasing or pranks. They had no issue with Sean being gay; they were merely bemused that their shy doctor got caught with someone else’s hands down his pants.

“And whatever happened, do not give the doc a hard time,” Joel warned them.

Harvey looked away.

Damn, too late
. “What have you done?”

“All I did was write on the wall. Mia was the one who set up the bed.”

Joel turned to his sister, his second-in-command, the supposedly mature sibling. “Really?”

Mia shrugged with a smile. “Come on, Joel; he got caught, he’s fair game. I remember the hell me and Kyle used to get when we started dating.”

Dating? Were Sean and David dating? Joel shook his head. That was a thought he’d need to pursue in private. He gave his sister his most disapproving glare and handed her his breakfast rations to give to Sean. “Go make amends.”

He followed Mia out of the mess, catching her by the arm. “Listen, don’t give him a hard time. I mean it.”

“It’s not like you to be so prissy over a little joke.”

Feeling exposed, Joel stepped back. “I’m not. But you know the doc, smart as a button when it comes to doctoring things but I’ve known jellyfish with more social skills. He got himself into a mighty state last night. He didn’t think we’d appreciate him being the way he is. Thought we’d want him off the boat.”

“I think we appreciate the way he is a lot more than we do Harvey.”

“See, that’s what I said. But go easy on him.”

Mia gave him her most innocent smile. “Best be careful. You don’t want the crew thinking you’re picking favorites,” she teased.

Joel didn’t have favorites; each member of crew was as valuable as the next. He didn’t even rank his sister above the others unless the moment warranted it. And that was the point. Each crew member deserved consideration when consideration needed to be given. There were those like Harvey who would happily bumble through life without incident as long as his pay was on time and his leave was fair—Joel knew he couldn’t ask the man to do more than his share, and he wouldn’t. There was Selena, who was brilliant in the Deep and a walking disaster ashore—Joel always kept a close eye on her when leave came, in case he needed to bail her out of some kind of trouble. And then there was the doc. He was often the strongest of the team, but there were cracks in his character that Joel felt he had to keep a constant eye on. A lot of the Deep captains took on casual workers and changed ships with the tides. Joel liked things to stay the same; he liked to keep his crew the same, and if that meant taking a bit of extra care now and again that was all right by him—even if most of the time he wanted to strangle them all.

He walked through his ship, checking her over and enjoying the satisfying feeling of being in charge of his kingdom. She wasn’t the fanciest boat in the ocean, but she’d been crafted by boatmen who wanted a ship to last. She was nearing her fifteenth year with Joel and would see him for another fifteen, he was sure. This, more than anywhere, was home. The crew felt the same. At least he hoped they did. He knew for certain the doc did. After his first season on
Ariel
the boy had found his place. The infirmary was his refuge, just like the cockpit was Joel’s. Everyone had a place.

Joel stopped when he came to the walkway overlooking the cargo hold. Everyone had a place, apart from the newcomer. David was checking the interface by the entrance to the cargo hold. He had no business to be interfering with the ship’s internal system—only Joel and Mia dealt with
Ariel
’s computer—and Joel didn’t take kindly to strangers snooping around his ship.

“Looking for something in particular?” Joel bellowed.

David didn’t seem concerned about being caught; he looked like a man who was used to getting away with things. “Just checking on my cargo.”

“You mean
my
cargo,” Joel said, climbing down the steps.

David placed his hands on his hips—hands that had recently been fondling the ship’s doctor. Joel tried to ignore the distraction.
One more week and you’ll settle down
.

“Captain, this cargo was collected by my crew. It’s mine, and while I am happy to cut you in, it belongs to the remaining crew of the
Albatross
. You picked me up on the reef line; there was no danger to your crew or ship. By rights, this cargo is mine and I will fight you for it.”

“Did you miss the bit where you were sending out a distress beacon, looking for help? This cargo gets divided between the crew evenly, as usual. You get a seventh share, like everyone else. Like I imagine your old crew would have got before they mysteriously disappeared.”

“I want half. Your crew were preparing to mine anyway; they still come out better off, and you can keep the drill that you pillaged and the other equipment. All I want is what I can sell.”

Joel scoffed at the suggestion. “You’ll take what you’re offered and be grateful for it, kid. I could have easily left you on that wreck to die; there are many others who wouldn’t have been so generous. Besides, it’s law. Finder takes possession. You got an issue, take it up with the Titan Mining Board.”

David squared his shoulders. He was a lot smaller than Joel, but he reminded the captain of a particularly nasty type of terrier—the type that would sink its teeth in and never let go. “You’re not one for keeping to the right side of the law. How would the Board like your claim if I could prove you were already breaking one law, Captain?” He spat out the title like it was beneath him.

“I take it you got some facts to back up a claim like that.” Joel’s body tightened, ready to fight if needed.

“You know you are harboring a fugitive, don’t you? Or didn’t Sean tell you?”

Joel wasn’t going to be bullied. He was bigger and uglier, and he had a lot of pent-up tension he’d happily work off. “You got something to say, kid, say it. We’re not a ship for mincing our words.”

“I want my cut or I will report you to the Board for harboring a wanted felon. They’ll take your ship away and arrest all of your crew as accomplices.”

Before Joel could stop himself, he grabbed David by the throat. It would be easy to extinguish his worthless life. “Or I could just kill you,” he growled.

“How are you going to explain that to Sean? Do you think he’ll forgive you if you murder me?”

David was right. Sean wouldn’t stay aboard a ship with a murderous captain. Joel’s hands weren’t spotless, but he’d never killed a man in cold blood. He relaxed, letting the boy go.

“I want half, Captain,” David said as he straightened himself out. “Think about it. You could turn the ship around, head back to the docks, and I’ll be nothing more than a bad memory.”

NEWS TRAVELS FAST on a small ship. Sean stopped dead and stared at his infirmary door. Someone, and he was pretty sure he knew who by the crude handwriting, had scrawled over his door,
CUM IN, DOC
.
Sean sighed and went to get some cleaning fluid. He stopped again when he was inside. Some clever bastard had pulled out all the bottles of lubricant and placed them neatly on the bed next to a few packs of condoms. Sean put his head in his hands—he was never going to live this down.

“Hey, Casanova,” Mia said from behind him. She had at least brought him something to eat. “Captain figured you’d be keeping a low profile today.” She surveyed the bed in amusement. “Getting ready for a big night?”

“You’re not funny. Who did it? Kyle? Harvey?” His eyes narrowed. “It was you, wasn’t it?”

“Doc, we just want you to be safe,” she said, putting his food on his surgical table.

“You’re all being very childish,” Sean mumbled as he cleared the bed. “If someone had needed to come in here last night and it was like this—well, it’s not very responsible.”

Mia pursed her lips, ignoring him, and lifted herself onto the counter. “So, this David. He seems nice.”

Sean stopped and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Can we please not do this.”

“Do what?”

“Discuss my sex life. Not that I have a sex life. I mean.... Oh, what does it matter.”

Mia’s face softened. “Doc, relax. We’re all happy for you. Honestly. It’s about time you let your hair down a bit. I’m sure this season is going to be great fun for you now that you’ve got someone to share it with.”

Sean felt a sudden wave of panic. The last thing he wanted was to spend the whole trip with David. He wasn’t even sure he wanted to spend a single night with him.