Deep Surrendering: Episode Ten (5 page)

“Go ahead, but make it quick. I need one too.” She mumbled something and then shuffled off to the bathroom. She still had a lot of her stuff here from previous sleepovers, including a few work uniforms.

I stared at the coffee, waiting for it to be ready. It wasn’t going fast enough.

“Come on,” I moaned to the pot just as the steaming liquid started pouring into the pot. Thank God. As soon as it was done, I grabbed the French vanilla creamer and savored my first cup as Chloe began to sing in the shower. Whatever got you going, I suppose.

C
hloe and I rode the T together since the stop for her job was right before my stop for school.

“Have a good day at work, dear,” I said, giving her a kiss on the cheek that she returned.

“You too, my love.”

Classes went by as they usually did and soon it was time to meet Chase again. I was having reservations about seeing him today, seeing as how we’d just seen each other last night. Was it too much? But we’d be studying. We weren’t going on a date.

I beat him to our table at the library and spread my books out so he wouldn’t have any delusions about what I was going to be doing.

“Hey,” a voice said behind me. I was in the process of getting some pens out and I dropped them all over the floor in surprise.

“Oh, shit, I’m sorry,” Chase said, bending down to gather them up. I grabbed a few. God, I had a lot of pens in my purse.

“No worries,” I said as he handed the pens back to me. I put all of them back in purse, except for two.

“Well, I’m starting this off right, aren’t I?” he said, sitting down directly across from me this time.

“All you need to do now is spill hot coffee in my lap.” We smiled at each other and I compared the feeling I got from that with the effect Fin had on me. They were just… different. Fin was like a hurricane. This was more like a gentle rain, washing over me.

“I’ll see what I can do. So, how was your day?” he asked as he started pulling out his books and notebooks and a laptop.

“Pretty good,” I said as he brought out some tomes that looked like you could use them to bludgeon someone to death. “Got enough books there?”

“Apparently, law requires a lot of really heavy books. Did you know that?” he said with pretend shock.

“Noooo, I had no idea. You should have gone into something lighter. Like advertising.” We both laughed.

“That’s kind of terrible. But true. I had a gen ed class with a girl who was in advertising and she asked me how to spell Canada once,” he said and I winced.

“That sounds about right.” He smiled at me again and turned his laptop on.

“So, let’s say we work for two hours and then take a coffee break?” he said.

“Sounds perfect.”

I knew, given the same situation, only with Fin in Chase’s place, I wouldn’t be able to concentrate on my work. But Chase was unobtrusive and quiet. The only sound he made was the turn of a page or his fingers quietly clacking on the keyboard. He didn’t make much noise in general, which was what made him nearly the perfect study partner. He didn’t sigh, or chew on his pen, or jiggle his foot or anything like that. In fact, he was so still that at the end of the two hours he’d barely moved.

He’d said I was studious, but damn. Chase took the focus cake.

I finished at exactly the two hour mark, closed my book and rubbed my eyes. I’d gotten out of the studying habit lately, so my eyes weren’t used to staring at print for long stretches. Chase looked up at me and then at the clock.

“Damn, two hours already?” He stretched his arms above his head and both his shoulders popped.

“You were really focused there,” I said.

“Yeah, I was actually doing some research for mock trial and it was interesting. We’re arguing about assisted suicide. I always find it easier to focus when something or someone is particularly interesting.” Somehow I didn’t think he was talking about assisted suicide anymore.

Chase stared at me and I had to look away from those dark eyes. They were quite something.

“Coffee?” he said, blinking and breaking the connection.

“Absolutely. But you’ll let me pay this time.” He laughed, causing a few people to glare from nearby tables. Chase just gave them a sheepish smile and packed his things up again. Charming. He was charming in a sweet way. Not like Fin.

I really had to stop comparing Chase to Fin. They weren’t the same and it wasn’t even a fair comparison. I wasn’t dating Chase and I didn’t plan to. Right now he was a friend, if even that. I hadn’t even known him for 24 hours yet.

“It was a nice try,” he said as we walked to the café. “But there’s no way I’d let you pay.”

“Why?” I asked. There were a lot of potential reasons, but I wanted to know his reasons.

“Because that’s just how it works.” I gave him a look as he let me get in front of him in line.

“How it works? What does that mean exactly?”

He shrugged.

“I don’t know. Look, I am a big believer in equality for everyone. Unlike some men, I find assertive and in-control women sexy as hell. But there are some things, like paying for a woman and opening doors for her that I think are just nice and we should keep doing them. If that makes me old-fashioned, then I guess I’m happy to wear that label.” That was quite a speech and a few people in line were definitely listening when he said it. An older gentleman in front of us turned around and gave Chase a thumbs up.

“That’s the way it should be, young man,” he said. Chase just grinned and flashed him a thumbs up.

“Well, I can’t argue with that,” I said.

“You should never argue with a lawyer. They always win.” I rolled my eyes at him.

“You should never argue with a woman. They always win,” I said, giving him a smug smile.

Chase started a slow clap that made everyone around him stare, but he didn’t seem to notice.

“You win,” he said.

“Yes. I do.”

This second encounter (I refused to call it a date because it just simply wasn’t) with Chase was just as nice as the first.

“So, your girlfriend isn’t mad that you’re hanging out with me?” I said.

“Wow, subtle much?” I shrugged. Chase didn’t seem like the kind of guy who got easily offended. Or offended at all.

“Just wondering. I showed you mine, show me yours.” I didn’t mean it
that
way, but he definitely raised an eyebrow and I threw a napkin at him that he caught with one hand and then tossed in the trash with impeccable aim.

“Four years of high school basketball,” he said in response to the aim. “And to answer your very blunt question, no. I don’t have a girlfriend at the moment. There was a girl at one point that I was engaged to, but it didn’t work out.” For the first time since I met him, he wasn’t smiling. Ah. So he couldn’t be jolly and upbeat about everything. I knew there had to be a dark side. Everyone had one hidden somewhere.

God, that made me think about Fin. I needed one of those machines that when I thought about Fin, I could push a button and give myself an electric shock to make me stop doing it. Somehow I didn’t think that would quite work.

“I’m going to take a wild guess and say whenever you get that faraway look on your face, you’re thinking about him.” Chase didn’t need to specify who “him” was. I hadn’t told him Fin’s name. I hadn’t told him anything about Fin other than that I had an ex and we’d recently broken up. I just didn’t want to start a new friendship with something like that.

“Yeah. I’m sorry. It’s hard.”

“I know. I’ve been there. It was really rough there for a while. I didn’t even want to get out of bed. I missed a lot of class and had to take summer semesters just to catch up.” Wow, he had had it rough. That only made me like him more. Because he got it.

“If you want to talk about it, I don’t mind. It can really help.” I shook my head and put on a smile.

“No, it’s fine. I just drift away every now and then. It’s getting better. He… he called two days ago. That’s why I’ve been determined to be so focused on school. It helps.” I couldn’t believe I was talking to him about this. I didn’t want to, but here I was. The words just kept coming out.

“How long ago did you break up?” he asked and I found myself telling him. Not the whole story, of course, but a sanitized version.

“It just didn’t work out,” I said, finishing my coffee and folding my hands around the cup. I needed something to hold onto.

“It happens like that sometimes. Love isn’t enough.” Yes. He got it.

“It wasn’t. And it’s hard to go on.” My voice cracked and I had to clear my throat and breathe for a second so I wouldn’t start crying.

Chase, sensing where this was going, handed me a napkin.

“I’m fine. Really. I did a lot of the crying already but sometimes it sneaks up on me.” He just nodded.

“Anyway,” I said, coughing, “seen any good movies lately?”

He chuckled and regaled me with a synopsis of the latest blockbuster that had less plot than the second latest blockbuster.

“But there really is something about seeing a terrible movie with a group of people who also know it’s terrible. It bonds you together. A shared experience.” I couldn’t tell if he was hinting at something, so I just played dumb.

“I don’t go to the movies much. I’d rather stay at home where I can wear what I want and make comments without pissing anyone off.”

“Yeah, I totally get that. But I like going out.” I could tell. Chase was one of those “people” people. I couldn’t picture him staying home much. He talked to anyone and everyone, making conversation with strangers while we waited for our coffee orders, or smiling at people who walked by our table. I didn’t even think he was aware of doing it. That was just him.

We stayed late at the coffee place and even a second cup couldn’t keep me from yawning.

“I should probably get you home,” he said. I waved him off.

“No, no, I'm fine.” But he wouldn’t take no for an answer and demanded to escort me home. We had to take another cab, which he paid for.

“I’m costing you quite a bit,” I said.

“You’re not costing me anything that I’m not willing to pay.” He leaned in and I could feel that he wanted to kiss me, but I leaned back against the window and pursed my lips so he’d get the hint. He seemed to realize that he’d pushed things too far and leaned back himself before asking me if I had a busy day tomorrow.

“Not really, but I have to go and visit my mother. She’s not exactly June Cleaver, if you know what I mean.” He laughed so loud the cab driver glared at us and then turned up his talk radio.

“My mother often imitates an ice sculpture. Seriously, if you put her next to one, you wouldn’t be able to tell the difference.” My God we had a lot in common. We started swapping stories about cold and distant mothers and that took us all the way to my apartment, up the elevator and to my front door.

“Well, ah, I guess I’ll see you when I see you? Or will you be back at the library tomorrow?” I had pretty much decided that I might as well just stay over at Mom and Dad’s since I wanted to visit for a while and chat with Glenna.

“I’ll be there a lot in the next few weeks, so I’ll probably see you.” I didn’t want to make definite plans again. That would move things in a direction I wasn’t that comfortable with.

“Sounds good,” Chase said, adjusting his backpack. “I’ll see you around, Marisol.” I waved to him and he walked back toward the elevator. If anything, I’d made a new friend and that was definitely something to be positive about. The fact that he was attractive and seemed to like me in the way a man likes a woman was something I’d probably have to deal with at some point. But not right now. I couldn’t deal with another man in my life like that.