Defying Instinct (Demon Instinct Series) (31 page)

Grayson
looked down, and I studied his emotions in the air.  “I’m not sure I’m capable
of a double-cross.”

“It’s
not a double-cross if she forced your allegiance in the first place.”  I
squinted, wondering what I was feeling from him.

“No
matter the circumstances, Iliana is still Royal.”  The full force of the
Tempter’s diamond eyes hit me when he said, “and if she weren’t, you would be.”

Eek. 
I hadn’t thought of that.

Grayson
stepped ahead of me, Cyrus joining him there, and I considered if something
happened to Iliana.  I could denounce the Royal position, couldn’t I? 

As
long as I lived, as long as the demons I Blooded with today lived, I’d be
connected to demonkind, and to half-castes, and to humans.  I’d be a half-caste
Scion.  If someone else took over, even if I wanted them to, I’d be a threat to
them.  I was rare.  A mystery.  The Razer in me understood, I wouldn’t be
allowed to live. 

Or the
demons I Blooded with today wouldn’t.

As
if instinct pulled me there, when I came out of my contemplation, I was
standing by Benn, Tanis still with him.  I gave her a scrutinizing look.  Benn
seemed okay.  Better than okay.  I think he liked her a little.

“Bennett,
do you have a moment?” Rowan, from the tail end of the group, beckoned my best
friend, and Benn fell back.  Apparently, the Marking that made Benn wary around
Rowan no longer bothered him.  Maybe because he knew what it was, and that I
had done it to him yesterday too made it okay.

“I’m
curious about you,” I said to the girl, and her emotions hinted with a mixture
of humility and fear.

“What
would you like to know?” she asked, her voice, which I’d bet was usually self-assured,
sounding feeble.

“You
could have stayed Up Above,” I said, trying not to sound critical.  But I knew
Division would have taken Tanis in.  If she had just known it was an option. 
If they had just known she existed.  “She wouldn’t have touched you if you
stayed Up Above.”

“You
don’t understand what it was like.  You got to be anonymous.”  Tanis was the
second person to say that to me in so many days.  “But what I am is etched into
my skin.  Imagine every time you thought about kissing a boy, your eyes went Succubus.”

Tanis
thrust out her chin, squinted her eyes, acting like what she was telling me
didn’t hurt.  But her scars went deep, and I could read the sadness in her calm
words.

“I
was an easy,” she swallowed hard, “victim.  I couldn’t fight back.  Everyone
knew I couldn’t get pregnant or catch any diseases.  I couldn’t hide what I
was.  Boys in school...”  She looked away, not finishing the thought.  “And
because of the laws, I couldn’t retaliate.  I had no choice but to choose the
Underrealm.”

“I
still don’t understand how you ended up one of Iliana’s slave girls.”

Her
acerbic look gave me hope.  Tanis still had plenty of fight in her.  “We’re
called waiting maids.”

“Did
you have a choice about being there?”  She said nothing.  “Did you want to be
there?”  Nothing again.  “Slave.”

“Nevertheless,”
Tanis grated.  “Her Royalty said we were her ladies in waiting.”

Not
being able to fully read her emotions, I couldn’t tell if Tanis hated my mother
for what she did to her, or if the half-caste had affection for Iliana.  The
female didn’t sound angry like I was sure she had to be. 

“I
was only in the ‘realm for a week before her lackeys found me.  What I don’t
get is, how did she even know I was Grayson’s sister?  I didn’t know.  He says
he didn’t know.”

I
thought about it, but couldn’t keep from imagining how Tanis’s life must have
been.  When she got to the Underrealm, hoping for things to be better, she was
taken into Iliana’s court, and treated like a marionette. 

Someday,
I’d ask her what Iliana did to her.  Right now, I knew she was too fragile to
talk about it, even though she was putting on a good act.

“Maybe
it’s a Sorcerer thing?  It’s like they can do almost anything.”  I gestured to
our group, because only a Sorcerer had the power to keep Hammer demons from
jumping.

“Yeah.”
 Tanis’s shoulders slumped.  “Maybe.”

After
another twenty minutes of walking in the cold, we finally arrived at the
entrance to the Gate.  It didn’t look like much, and I wasn’t sure the demons
had it right.  Not to mention, we were in downtown St. Louis.  In one of the
more crime-heavy, gang-activity parts of town.

When
we all began walking down a flight of stairs, I turned to Tanis and Benn, who
had fallen to the rear together again.

“Benn,
you can’t come with us,” then turned to Tanis.  “You either.”

Is
that okay with you, Grayson?
  I
asked, since he was essentially her guardian now.

Yes,
Savannah.  If you think it’s best.

The half-caste
Tempter began to protest, and I saw a flash of silver in her eyes before I put up
a hand and an opaque cage in my mind so she couldn’t touch me.

“Don’t
even think it.  If something happens today, you’ll be safer Up Above.  Both of
you.  Benn?  Don’t take her back to The Bookstore, okay?  Just in case.”

I
still didn’t like the idea of them being together.  I didn’t trust her with my
best friend.  She was a Succubus, even if only partly one.  Her skills in
manipulating a human male were bound to be amazing.  But I didn’t want her in
the ‘realm today.  Or any day.  Ever again.

As
we stood at the top of the stairs, Rowan turned.  “Bennett?  Do not be afraid
to punch her in the face.” 

I
laughed, imagining Benn striking the beautiful girl.  Would never happen.

“Yeah,”
Tanis said with a seductive grin aimed at my best friend.  “I might like it.”

“Tanis!”
Grayson barked.

I
grinned, then slipped my jacket off and put it around Tanis’s shoulders.  I
gave Benn a hug, and he squeezed, the awkwardness from the first time he hugged
me gone.  Turning away before I started to cry, my three sentries surrounded
me, one on each side and one at my back. 

“This,”
I blinked away tears as we descended the stairs, “is the way to the Gate? 
Seriously?”

It
looked like an abandoned Metrolink station.  As we walked deeper, I began to
recognize the cave-like atmosphere from the first time we’d come through.  When
the lines of waiting demons came into view, there were three times as many as
the last time.

I
shook my head, amused at the strangeness even though there was a knot growing
in my stomach.  The closer we got to the Underrealm, the closer I got to
imminent, probable doom. 

I
wished I knew more about the Blooding.  I wished I knew what I got myself
into.  But not enough to grill my companions about it.  At this point, my
ignorance may have been an advantage.  I couldn’t worry about things I didn’t
know were coming.

We
got in line, and waited.

We
walked through the Underrealm streets much later, and I was getting antsy.  This
time, demons lined the streets and bowed to us as we passed, but I hardly
noticed them.  Not today.  All that waiting in line, stewing in worry making me
jittery, by the time we were through the Gate and in the ‘realm, I felt strung
out.

“Remember
what I told you about telepathy, sweet.”  Rowan leaned in when Iliana’s
fortress came into view.  He’d said nothing about my anxious behavior, and I
was glad.  There was nothing to say about it.  There was no easing it. 

Why
can’t we telepath around her?
  I
asked, wondering why I hadn’t asked this before. 
I can keep her out now.

“Yes,
but I can’t.  None of us can.”

Because
she’s Royal?  But you can keep me out.

“You
allow us to keep you out, sweet.  She doesn’t.”

The
more I learned about my mother, the more I disliked her.

When
we finally reached Iliana’s fortress much later than we’d planned, five demons
waited at the palace front entrance.  They all showed, even Hadrian.  Relief
washed over me.

“Thank
you all for coming,” I told them, a hitch in my voice.  I gave each of them a
nod or small smile.  It was all I could manage.  It took everything I had not
to weep at the sight of them, waiting there for me.  Iliana wasn’t going to win
this battle.

“I
know you didn’t have to show up, and it means a lot that you did.  When I said
there are no strings attached, I meant it.  Standing with me today holds you to
no obligations.  We’ll technically be Blooded, but that can be as far as it
goes and you can return to your lives, no questions asked.”

The
speech had been planned, and I recited it with only half my brain working.  No
one seemed to notice.

We
began to move all at once, none of them saying a word.  They all thought I was
going to die.  Their waves of resignation were thick in the air.  Even Connell,
who was glamoured, which oddly made me uncomfortable.  I turned to them, knowing
I had one more thing to say. 

“This…won’t
be pleasant,” I said, not sure how else to explain what Grayson, Hadrian, and
Holly already knew.  One by one, I planted a purposeful stare at all of them.

With
passion, I telepathed,
we give her nothing.

I
turned around, not completely sure if what I said was enough to explain what I
hoped to say.  Even I wasn’t sure exactly what I meant.  My demon half did. 
She understood way more about this stuff, had information the whole of me
didn’t seem to have access to.

We
walked through the stone palace without an escort.  The place was eerily quiet,
not that it had been overly raucous before.  Even the air was silent, bracing
for something I didn’t know was coming.

Iliana’s
gold and white room door opened.  This time I was prepared for the change in
light, but my eyes still watered.  My mother sat on her golden throne, her
robes elaborate white and gold.  She matched the decor.

The half-castes
trailed behind her.  Eleven, I counted.  At least she didn’t replace Tanis with
some unsuspecting, innocent half-caste because I’d saved her.  Someday, I’d
find a way to free all of them. 

If I
survived this.

Iliana’s
advisors stood on the floor in front of her throne.  Grayson left our group
when we got inside the room, and followed the white marble floor until he stood
in front of his Royal, and nodded his respect.  His fake respect.  I could feel
how much he hated her. 

But
she couldn’t.  I sensed that Iliana liked Grayson.  She liked all her advisors. 
Yet she had no problem threatening something they cared about to force their
loyalty.

I
looked at them one by one as I led the six demons who agreed to be Blooded with
me down the white marble floor.  Matteo looked blank, and reminded me of the
moments when Rowan grew empty.  On Matteo, though, I preferred the blankness. 
Octavia stood directly in front of my mother, frozen, staring wild-eyed at
Hadrian.

My demon
half grinned.  I knew he was a good choice.

Apollo
looked even more enormous than ever.  Greta looked tiny standing next to the
giant, and Stratton forced me to take a double-take.  He’d been hurt.  He
looked fine, his glamour hiding whatever damage had been done.  But he was in
intense pain.

There
was nothing I could do for him.  I couldn’t even react to the knowledge that
he’d been injured and was having a hard time staying on his feet.

I
wondered what Iliana saw when she surveyed the demons standing with me.

“You
have succeeded, Daughter.  Well done.”

There
was so much spite surrounding her, but it didn’t affect her words.  What would the
demons lining the walls think of her if they could feel what I could?

Without
another word, the half-castes behind Iliana came forward, their hooded heads
down, coming right for me.  I didn’t react.  It creeped me out, but I had to hold
my ground.

They
surrounded me, forcing the six demons around me away, and removed my clothes
and boots.  They slipped a loose, long-sleeved white robe over my shoulders,
and secured it in front, thankfully leaving my underthings where they were.  At
least I hadn’t been completely naked in front of a few hundred strange demons.

When
I was clothed and barefoot, one of the hooded half-castes gathered my things
from the floor and all eleven of them glided back to the place behind Iliana’s
throne.  Eerie wasn’t a strong enough word. 

Still
keeping her eyes on Hadrian, Octavia moved next, taking her place at my
mother’s side.  The Sorcerer said a few words in some language I didn’t
recognize.  Iliana spoke in that same, strange language next, and for a long
time.

Pomp
and circumstance.  I tried not to fidget, but I hated this kind of thing, and
after three days of waiting and preparing, I wanted to get on with it, no
matter the outcome.

Iliana
looked at me, and said something in that language I didn’t understand. 

Do
you dedicate your life to the good of demonkind?
  Of all the demons around me, it was Hadrian who
telepathed the translation.

“I
do,” I said, because I guess that was what I was doing here.  Not that I had a
choice. 

After
several more minutes of pompous-speak, I felt the energy in the room shift. 
That was my only warning before the first shot of pain seared through me.

I
was bound, gagged, and somehow rendered deaf even though I didn’t think
anything was put around my eyes, mouth, or ears.  Though, it was hard to tell,
because my sensitive skin wasn’t picking up on anything.  All of my sensory
perceptions were affected.  I couldn’t even smell the fire I knew was there.

It
was like what Astor did to me.  Only a thousand times stronger. 

There
was so much pain.  So much anger it boiled my blood and turned my stomach.

Fire
crackled along my hair and skin.  That, I could feel.  The pain, she let me experience. 
Every second of it.  The robe was probably burned away, adhered to my charred
skin.  I saw myself naked and scorched, being looked down on by a hall filled
with demons.

There
was no air down here.  I gasped for breath, but found none.

Alone. 
Hurt. 

Probably
going to die.

No
matter what happened, I fought to keep the customer service smile I’d perfected
over the years plastered on my face.  I wouldn’t scream, even though the pain
was incredible.  I wouldn’t let her see any weakness. 

If I
died today, Iliana and her court weren’t going to get the pleasure of my
defeat.

I
could feel those waves of emotion coming from all around.  It wasn’t tangible,
it didn’t look like anything or smell or taste.  The waves made no sound, but my
body could feel them.  I started to cling to them, wanted to take solace from
those emotions no one else felt.

No,
I told myself.  Push it away.  Weakened like this, Iliana could get into my
mind.  I couldn’t let her see what I could do. 

Opaque
cages housed everything.

I
couldn’t feel the white marble below my bare feet or the heat in the air, but I
felt the six slashes along my arms, three on each, all at the same time. 

They
were too deep.  There was no way the wounds hadn’t reached veins, maybe even
bone.  And I was getting dizzy.  I couldn’t focus on my thoughts.  My head
spun, and one thought surfaced.

I
was going to bleed to death.

This
had always been a possibility.  No half-caste had ever gone through the
ritual.  No one thought I would survive it.  The feelings sneaking through my
defenses were horrorstruck, probably because they knew there wasn’t much more I
could take. 

Something
dug into three of those six slashes.  Something was being poked into them,
getting under my skin, burrowing inside me.

When
the burrowing stopped, I was pulled violently away from being deaf and blind. 
Sirens shrieked.  The brightness of the sun was before my eyes, the burst of
painful sensation felt like it lasted for hours. 

Then
it was gone.  The blackness felt even darker after the flood of sensation.

I
couldn’t even hide in thought.  I couldn’t let her see anything that I cared
about.  She only knew Rowan was my Sentinel.  She only knew I held Benn and Dad
as important.  She knew Grayson and Cyrus found their way into my life.  That I
freed Tanis. 

But
she couldn’t know more than that.  I couldn’t think about last night.  I
couldn’t think about what happened before we left The Bookstore.  Retreating,
and suppressing what was being done to me by hiding deep in my memories wasn’t
an option. 

I
had to feel everything.

The
burrowing under my skin started again, into the three remaining slashes.  It
almost made me scream.  Or maybe it did make me scream.

Violent
sirens shrieked.  Rays of brightness scorched my eyes.  Just as before, the
burst of feeling stopped.  Back to blackness.

Everything
that meant anything to me was stuffed into those opaque cages.  All that was
left was the pain.  And the belief that, any moment, I would fall, bleed out,
and Iliana would have what she truly wanted all along.  A lifetime to rule. 
Alone.

A
snake slithered up my brain stem.  Of everything, out of all the pain, the loss
of every sense, and the undeniable belief I was going to cease to exist any
moment, somehow, the snake was worse.  It pushed through grey matter, prickling
my mind with poison.

Time
no longer existed.  I was deaf and blind for a lifetime, trying not to feel,
and failing with each new torture.

My
awareness was only on the basic level, yet when I was spoken to, I responded.  The
snake was still there, probing, searching, infecting me.

Though
I had only the barest sense of my own words, as my vision cleared, as the air
began to lift so I could breathe again, I heard myself speaking, and felt
outraged demons all around, though I didn’t know what was upsetting them.

“Humans
have a saying, Royal.  What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.”  I had no idea
what I was responding to.  “But I’m not letting anyone strip away everything in
me before I find my strength.”

Chin
lifted, though every one of my muscles burned, my skin screamed, my arms bled
and my lungs struggled to inhale, I turned where I stood. 

The
moment I moved, the snake disintegrated.  My feet took a step, though I was
certain I was too weak and wounded to walk.  

I
was woozy, my head spiraling, not sure where I was going, if I was even close
to going the right way to wherever the unknown place I was going was.

But
I had to keep going.  I had to stay on my feet, show no weakness. 

She
didn’t get to have any part of me.  Not my life, because I still lived.  Not my
heart, because it beat rapidly within me, and remained one pace in front of me,
protecting me. 

Iliana
didn’t get my defeat, because I was not defeated.

The
moment I recognized the shutting of Iliana’s palace hall doors, I collapsed
onto the black, sooty floor, legs crumbling like I’d thought they would before. 
The dizziness was overwhelming, I couldn’t form thoughts.  I couldn’t speak, my
throat was so dry.  Breathing was exhausting.

Several
hands picked me up, kept me from the ground.  I couldn’t walk, but I moved. 
They carried me.  They’d take care of me.

That
was my last thought before the world went black.