Denial (21 page)

“Goddammit
.” His knife makes more noise than mine did as it scatters his perfectly cut little squares onto the counter.  “Look, Maya, I know this is hard but—”

“If this is going to be the staying in the roles, don’t color outside the lines speech, save it. I’m not interested.”

“Maya, I swear…” he chuckles, rolling his lips together. “You are really pressing your luck.”

“I don’t care.” It feels so good to look at him in the eyes that I won’t bother worrying about any consequences. “This part is supposed to be for me. Not
Luke, who will never be in the kitchen anyway, so I’ll just be by myself saying ‘yes, sir’ to mangled onions and potatoes.”

His lips curl into his reluctant smile. “Go on.”

“It makes me nervous. I don’t want to have worry about racking up strikes when I’m trying to concentrate and learn. Or be afraid to look at you.”

“Then we’ll make some adjustments. Cooking will be a consequence free zone.”

“That’s not good enough. I’ll still be on edge.”

“Maya, it’s the best I can do.”

“The ship has sailed on keeping this professional whether you want to admit it or not, Isaac.”

“Your point?”

“I think it would be best if we just try to be friends when we cook. It will diffuse the sexual tension.”

“Like hell it will,” he laughs.

“I’m serious, I think it will help. And make this a lot more fun.”

“It might work while I’m neutered, but that is only going to last for a few days.”

“Can we just try it? While you’re neutered?” I giggle. He tries not to laugh and fails. “I’ll be on my best behavior.”

“Your best behavior leaves a lot to be desired.”

“You know what I mean!” I playfully shove his shoulder and I think he’s as surprised as I am when the air doesn’t crackle between us. “C’mon, you know you want to. Won’t it be nice to have a break?”

“Fine.
We’ll try it. You are very convincing when you want to be.”

I beam at him. “Thank you!” I’m tempted to give him a hug, but I better not, so I hold out my hand. “Friends?”

He shakes it, staring me in the eye. It’s his real face and I’m so glad to see it. “Friends. But no benefits.”
So why aren’t you letting my hand go?
“I’m new to training non-stop anyway.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I shouldn’t be telling you, but this is the first time that I’ve done both. Usually there’s another Dom and I just pop in to teach a few signature dishes.”

“Who does the Betty Cocksucker stuff?”

“I don’t specialize in domestic servitude, no one does. That’s typically the easiest part.”

“Oh,” I reply awkwardly. I doubt that’s a good sign. “
So can we start over with the onions?”

“Sure.”

He was right. They do almost cut themselves. And I was right because now that the pressure is off, this is a lot easier. Neutered or not, Isaac looks a lot happier as he shows me how to properly warm up a stainless steel pan before you add the oil so the food doesn’t stick.

“Seriously? Fifteen minutes of just standing here and stirring?”

“Yes,” he chuckles. “And watch the heat, keep it very low.”

“I don’t know if I can handle caramelizing the onions and browning the roux simultaneously.”

“I have faith in you.”

The sound the spatula makes as it slides across the metal pan is oddly satisfying. This is weird. I’m actually cooking!
“Now I’m really glad we’re not doing the submissive thing. I’d be freaking out and bored at the same time.”

“I’m sorry that I freak you out.”

“It’s okay. I’ll get used to it.”

“I know,” he replies softly with a touch of disappointment. “How are you holding up so far?”

“Good enough I guess. How’s your day going?” Friend talk. I can get used to this.

“Ups and downs. And I’m pretty sure my cock is going to fall off.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Stirring, stirring, stirring. Isaac pours us both a glass of wine. “So I slept with my boss the other day.”

“Oh really,” he chokes. “How’d that go?”

“It was great. But I made a fool of myself in the morning.” I’m on thin ice, but I can’t help myself.

“I find that hard to believe.”

“I guess it’s just a girl thing. Feeling all attached after sex.”

He swallows, eyes dropping. “I don’t think that is an exclusively female problem.”

“It was in this case.”

“No, it wasn’t.” His fingers grip my chin and turn my face to his. I keep stirring. “He probably just has the company’s no fraternization policy on his mind and doesn’t want you to get in trouble.”

“I’m pretty sure he is just saying that to make me feel better.”

“No, he’s not.”

I turn my head away from his hand and watch the onions start to turn golden. “Either way, he’s right about keeping it in check. I don’t want him to lose his job or anything.”

“Let me guess, he freaked out and screamed at you like a lunatic when you tried to acknowledge the palpable connection.”

“Something like that.” Palpable connection, huh? Maybe it’s not just me. I’m surprised because until he mentioned it, I hadn’t given his earlier outburst a second thought. “But it didn’t really bother me.”

“So you’re not afraid of him?”

“No. I think we’re going to try just being friends.”

“I hope it works out.”

“Me too.” We say that so often. I stop stirring and turn towards him. The tension is back as we gaze into each other’s eyes. Bringing up last night was a mistake and I’m going to lose my cooking friends without benefits victory before I’ve had a chance to enjoy it.

“Watch the heat, Maya,” he whispers hoarsely. I know he’s not talking about the stove, but I go back to stirring.
The rest of the lesson goes smoothly and we get healthy dose of much needed laughter. By the end of it, I’m pleased that I haven’t screwed up and actually made something edible.

“I can’t believe we made this.”

“You did most of the work.” He smiles proudly at me, but then it fades to something darker.

I shudder as Isaac comes up behind me, sliding his hand across the small of my back. What the hell is he doing? We’re supposed to be on our best behavior. Instead of pulling away, I lean into him as my heart rate increases. He dips his finger into the sauce and spins me around to face him.

“Taste it,” he orders, having a lot of nerve because he’s using the voice that instantly inspires a throbbing between my legs.

The hand on my back glides slowly upwards until it’s tracing circles in the hair above the nape of my neck. It’s the first time he’s touched me there since last night
and I think I might fall over. He thrusts his sauce coated finger between my parted lips, sliding the tip over my tongue so I can taste our creation. That cocky smile plays on his lips as his eyes lock with mine.

“This is incredible,” I murmur, and I’m not just talking about the flavor.

“I know.” Neither is he.

There’s tightness at my hairline as his hand closes into a fist. Licking his lips, he gives me that look he had on his face the entire night before. It’s imminent. He’s going to kiss me and I want him to. I groan as he leans forward and jerk my hand to his mouth, stopping his advance.

“Don’t.” I hate to say it, but I have to. I try to pull away, but his grasp gets tighter. Since escape is out of the question I lean into his chest, wrapping my arms around his ribs. His heart is thudding in my ear. “Isaac,” I whine. “You’re going to mess this up and then you won’t let me be normal when we cook.”

Exhaling mournfully, his kisses the top of my head and takes his hand out of my hair. “Right,” he says, lifting my face and looking at me apologetically. “My lips aren’t neutered.” His jaw clenches as his fingers grip my necklace, pulling at it until I feel a thin line of pressure on the back of my neck.
I nod and grip his wrists to pull his hands away, kissing his knuckles before I let them fall. Isaac turns from me to walk across the room. His shaking hands struggle to open a package of thick paper plates but by the time he places them on the counter he appears to have regained his composure.

“Ok, let’s see how you do arranging the meal in an aesthetically appealing fashion.”

My plate doesn’t turn out quite a lovely as his and takes twice as long, but hey, it’s a start.

“Why did we use paper plates?” I ask.

“So we can put them in the freezer.”

“Aren’t we going to eat? I’m starving.”

“Oh, Maya,” he laughs. “I wish we could have all of this.”

“What does that mean?”

“You know that vein above my Adonis belt you were licking so enthusiastically last night?”

My face gets hot along with the rest of me. “Your what belt?”

“Those muscles on my hips you couldn’t stop touching.” He smirks and grabs my hand, sliding it under his waistband to show me exactly what he’s talking about.
Mmmm
. I can still feel them on my tingling tongue.

“Isaac, be good!” I force my fingers to leave the flesh I’d touch all day if I could. “What about them?”

“Well, you wouldn’t be able to see any of that, or feel it, if I ate like a normal person.”

“I don’t like where this is headed.”

“Neither do I, but such is the life of a toy.” He strides over to the fridge, his cocky smile spreading until the rest of his body language is dripping with the same confidence. He is so fucking gorgeous it should be illegal. “I hope you like salad,” he teases, retrieving a container of greens and two real plates.

“You mean we don’t get to eat it?”

“We get a little bit. Put one-third the size of the portions we just prepared and fill the rest of the plates with the spring mix. I’ll get some olive oil and vinegar.”

A
third
? That’s less than what I would serve to a child. “This fucking sucks, Sir.”

He responds with a throaty laugh. “Well get used to it.” We take our plates to the table, sitting at the head and the foot. “At least we’re in this together. You’ll have to watch
Luke go back for seconds.”

“Don’t remind me.” I start on the lettuce, eating most of it so that I’m saving the best for last.

“Speaking of your boyfriend.” Crap. Professional sex trainer voice is back. I guess the timeout is over. “Did you look at the pictures like I told you to?”

“Yes.” I’m not saying Sir until he orders me to.

“Did it make you feel better?”

“Yeah, it did.”
And now I’m extremely confused because I still like you just as much if not more even though I’m not pissed at Luke anymore.

“Good.” It doesn’t sound like he meant it.

“Actually, now that you mention it…”

“Spit it out, Maya.”

“I know there’s this one other thing that he wants that is just as important as the Betty Cocksucker thing, if not more.”

Isaac stops mid chew, looking at me seriously. His body tenses as he swallows. “You do?”

“Yeah, he told me.” That’s not entirely true, but close enough. I don’t know why Luke gets off when he hurts me, but he does. He keeps telling me that a lot of people like it and I would too if I let myself. “That thing that you asked me last night. Experiencing sexual pleasure from something when you’re not supposed to...”

“And?”

“Well, I might have lied a little bit when I said I didn’t.”

“Are you just saying that or do you really mean it?”

“Look, it’s embarrassing, okay. But yeah, I kind of like it,” I peep. “Well, my body does. And that freaks me out.”

Eyebrows raised, he takes another bite. This silence is killing me. “It’s alright, Maya.”
Then why do you suddenly look so disappointed and nervous?
“Good, I guess. A new dimension of compatibility.” His voice is soothing, but I have to look away from him or he’ll see the tears welling up in my eyes.

We’re quiet for a few minutes. My belly grumbles as I look down at my empty plate, scraped so clean that I could serve someone a real dinner on it and they’d never suspect it was dirty.

“So do you have any tricks for that?” I ask, awkwardly breaking the silence.

“I do.”

“It isn’t something that you like to do to, is it?”

“No,” he replies firmly. “But it’s something that I’ve done a lot. And I have my own set of tricks to get through it. I can tolerate it, if that
’s what you really want me to do.”

“I do.”

“Then we will. Look at me.” Reluctantly, I comply, staring into his beautiful eyes. “It’s fine to feel the way that you do. It’s not typical, obviously, but I wouldn’t say it’s abnormal. We’ll go slowly. You can safeword when you need to. And be mad at me afterwards.”

“I won’t be.”

“Yes, you will, and that’s okay too. But I want you to remember that nothing is going to happen to you, no matter how intense it gets in there. You are safe with me.”