Denial (24 page)

I linger against the wall, listening to him shuffle around in his room. If I can hear him this clearly, he would be able to hear me, something I should keep in mind. He designed this place himself with ample soundproofing. That means he left this wall thin for a reason.
I stifle a cry when I move to rise, fire shooting up my spine, bringing tears to my eyes. Oh yeah. There’s a plug up my butt. Great.

1
9

Pulling it out is proving myself to be more difficult than I thought it would be. There’s this weird suction thing happening back there that makes me want to stop and turns me on at the same time. Maybe lube would help. There was some in here last night.

Okay, it’s time to face the fact that I’m too scared to take it out by myself. Even though my fear of Isaac has evaporated once again after eavesdropping on that phone call, I don’t want to bother him. Or get caught lying. His television turns off, which means he’s probably going to sleep. It’s now or never, and never isn’t really an option.

Taking a deep breath, I unlock my door and open it. I’ll just knock and tell him the truth. He won’t be pissed at me, especially after what just happened. Even if he is, it’s preferable to the imminent ass damage that I’m
risking by not saying anything and he’ll see it tomorrow anyway. It’s almost like going to the doctor. An extremely hot, fucked up, kinky sex doctor for whom I have developed completely inappropriate feelings.

My pulse increases as I step from the carpeted floor of my bedroom to the hardwood planks that line the hallway. Shake it off. The longer you wait, the worse it’s going to be.

His breathing is so heavy I can hear it through the door, too rhythmic to be crying, almost like he’s snoring but faster. I linger, listening to him languish, unsure if I should open the door, knock, or leave. It stops suddenly.

“Maya…” he croaks. I freeze. “I can see your little feet under the door.”
Shit
. “Come in here.” I take a small step into the blindingly lit room. “I know you hate me right now, but –”

“I don’t hate you.”

He’s lying on the bed with his arm over his face. The sheet is barely concealing his groin, leaving those perfectly chiseled muscles on his hips exposed. I guess what they say about leaving something to the imagination is true, because this is even more appealing than seeing him naked. A small spark of desire threatens to ignite the fire between my legs. Then I notice the tension in his jaw and lips, the only parts of his face I can see. I come closer to the bed and see that his body is covered in sweat, his breathing much faster than it should be.

“Isaac, are you alright?”

“I don’t know.”

“Look, if this is about what just happened, don’t worry about it. I’ll be okay.”

“That’s good to know, Maya, because that was… upsetting, but right now I’m struggling with a more pressing issue.”

“Which is?”

He exhales forcefully. “I’ve taken a lot of painkillers, but I’m still hurting. So much I’m a little worried that neutered might not be a figure of speech at this point.”

“Oh. Well, you probably know more about this than I do.”

“Yeah, but…”

“What?”

He swallows. “I can’t look,” he admits, his voice cracked and shaking along with the rest of his body.

“Oh. Okay. So you want me to?”

“If you don’t mind.”

Any guy would be a little freaked out by skinning their dick, but he looks like he’s on the verge of a panic attack. He jerks as he pulls back the sheet and I kneel on the bed. This is a change, him being laid out on vulnerable instead of me.

I inhale sharply, clearly not helping his anxiety. That looks very painful. There’s a scrape where the bottom of the head meets the shaft that’s scabbed over that’s probably causing most of the discomfort, but the rest of the tip is extremely red.

“It doesn’t look like you need medical attention or anything, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“Is it still bleeding?”

“No. There’s a scab on the worst of it.” He probably did that when he ground into
my thigh to keep from kissing me. Ouch. We are so even. There’s no way I can stay mad at him for almost calling me a slut.

“Okay.” His voice is shaking, his arm still blinding him as he searches the bed next to him with his other hand.

“Do you want me to cover you back up?”

“Yes.”

Geez, I know your cock is jacked up and all, but you’re being a major baby about it
. I move closer to cover him.

“Isaac,” I gasp. His shaft is covered in a network of tiny scars. They are barely noticeable, partially because there are so many
that none of them stick out, it just creates a strange texture, one that must be invisible when he’s hard. Some of them are straight lines, but a lot of them are dots or patches of discoloration.

“It’s fine. I don’t want to talk about it.”

“I think I have a right to know if you had some sort of disease.”

“That’s not what it is.” He seems to be getting more panicked.

“Well, what is it?”

“Scars. Cutting and piercing. It’s a fetish.”
One of yours?
 

“What?” Seriously what the fuck? Who the hell does that?

“I’m clean, I promise. You aren’t going to get sick, they’re ten years old, it’s nothing to worry about.” His breathing gets faster until he’s practically hyperventilating. “Maya, I can’t talk about it okay?” He sounds like he’s crying, his jaw clenched so tightly I’m afraid his teeth might crack.

“Okay, okay,” I whisper, trying to sound soothing as I cover him gently even though I am majorly freaked out. This shit is way outside of my comfort zone.

Ten years old
. I must have misheard him. That would have made him what, eleven? A pit forms in my stomach, a strange instinctual knowledge spreading through my body until my blood runs cold. Wow. That would actually make a lot of sense. Holy shit. My head spins.

He’s lying there motionless, vulnerable and blind,
drawing in hitched, ragged breaths. My anger simmers. Unable to help myself, I snuggle up beside him. He lifts his arm, allowing me to get closer and rest my head on his shoulder. There is no way I’m leaving this room until he calms down.

This horrible sound comes out of him as I pull myself closer, but his breathing is getting slower. I’m so pissed off my ears are burning and my eyes are starting to water. I still don’t understand why people take it to that level. Is
Luke is one of those people? I’m not going to think about that right now. But how could someone do that to a kid?

“Okay, you should leave now.” His grip isn’t much looser though.

“It’s fine. I’ll stay.” Isaac was probably such an adorable little boy. Big, curious green eyes. Mischievous crooked smile. Black mop of curls that didn’t magically stay perfect.

“Just get out of here. Go.”

“I want to stay…”

“
I said leave!
” he shouts, shoving me away.

“Okay,” I croak, tears spilling over. “Ow!” When I attempt to get up, I remember why I was headed to his room to begin with. Crap. This is going to be extra awkward now.

“What? Did I hurt you?”

“No, but…”

“Goddammit, Maya. This is getting old fast.
Spit it out!
”

“I lied!”

He finally pulls his arm away and I see his red eyes. It makes the green of his irises incredibly bright, but his face is so tortured I can’t bear to look at them. “About what?”

“The plug. I didn’t take it out.”

“What?” His demeanor changes instantly, the panic all but disappearing.

“Don’t get mad at me, okay? I was too scared to tell you.”

“I’m not mad,” he grumbles, shaking his head wildly, popping up a new man. “How many times did you try to get it out?”

“Four. I was afraid to pull hard enough.”

“And it hurts?”

“Yeah, but it’s not that bad.”
Compared to your poor dick.

“You’re probably just tense.”

“I am. But, I don’t want to bother you.” The plug in my ass seems so trivial to the scars on him.

“No, it’s fine. Actually, it’s a good distraction,” he says nervously. I shoot him a quizzical look. “I don’t know… I just like taking care of you. It pulls me out of my own head.”

That was so sweet. He shifts us upright until we’re sitting, wincing from the apparent pain movement causes him. It’s such a minor injury, it shouldn’t be this painful. Maybe it’s psychosomatic. He’s exhausted and pale, but still gorgeous. I don’t even want to think about what I probably look like.

“Turn around and sit on your knees. I’m just going to rub your shoulders.”

I gulp. “Okay.”

So he’s a masseuse too. It takes a while, but
my muscles unclench. He shifts closer to me, his hand gently sliding from my shoulder until it’s playing with my hair in that way that brings my bubbling arousal to the surface. I gasp when his lips meet my neck.

“Maya, I need you to lean forward and put your hands on the bed.”

“I can’t.” All of the tension he just rubbed away returns in a flash. I start blubbering, embarrassing myself even more.

“Maya…” he whispers sympathetically, wrapping his arms around me. “Hey, it’s okay.” I turn around to face him but I can’t bear to open my eyes. He pulls me against his chest and I sob into his shoulder uncontrollably. “Rookie, talk to me.”

“It’s just so humiliating,” I squeal. “I hate it.”

“I know what that feels like,” he sighs, leaning me back, his thumbs wiping my tears away. Our eyes lock together for a moment and then he’s kissing my face all over. “I’m so sorry. I am so so
so
fucking sorry.” I nod back at him. “I’m letting you go for a second.” Grabbing a pillow, he sits cross legged and puts it over his groin. “Okay, I’m going to close my eyes and you’re going to pull your pants down a little bit. Then crawl into my lap. Gently.” I hesitate. “Maya, we have to get it out, right?” There’s a bit of a chuckle to his words, putting me slightly at ease.

“Yes,” I giggle nervously as he grins. “You don’t have to close your eyes.”

I close mine and pull my pants to my knees. His arms support me as I crawl into him, balancing my weight so that most of the pressure is on his thigh. He held me like this last night.

“Just relax,” he whispers. We stay that way for a few minutes as he rocks me back and forth, kissing me everywhere he can as we settle into this now familiar dance. Our breathing gets faster and I rediscover just how much I can get lost in his eyes. They keep getting more and more beautiful the longer I look at them. “Pull your knees up a little.”

“Okay.”

“I don’t have to look. I don’t even have to touch you. I’m a professional, remember?” We laugh
nervously. “Not that you’d know it lately.”

“Isaac…”

“Shhhh.” He holds my gaze as his hand moves lower. I wince, the pressure building as he pulls the plug, but he’s right, he doesn’t even touch me. He pecks my nose playfully when I moan in relief. I wish I could stay here and he must want me to because instead of pushing me away he’s pulling me closer and kissing me more fervently.

“You really should go,” he pants, but his arms are begging me to do something else.

“I don’t want to.” I slide my fingers across his jaw, relishing the way it makes him shudder.

“I don’t want you to either. But you will.” His lips stop moving, his body tense. “Go back into your bedroom. Look at your pictures.”

“No.”

He sighs painfully. “Maya, I am so fucking exhausted. Please just work with me on this.” I fall to the bed as he slides out from beneath me. “Go. Now.”

“No.”

“Maya.” He fails at trying to sound commanding.

“I’m afraid I’ll masturbate if you make me leave.”

“No, you’re not,” he chuckles. “You’re just ridiculously good at finding loopholes and you know I’m too tired to argue.”

“Maybe.”

He flops on his back, grinning. “Fine. Stay.”

Beaming at yet another victory, I crawl beside him, kissing the bite mark I left on his shoulder. My lips move to his neck, then his jaw, until he rolls onto his side with an admonishing grunt and feigns sleep, facing me. I scoot closer.

“You are fucking impossible, you know that, right?”

“You like it.”

Opening his eyes, he sighs out a laugh, shaking his head. “Yes, I do.” Cocky, crooked smile. I missed you. I kiss the hollow beneath his neck as his fingers play in my hair. “Maya, come on.”

“I can’t help it.” My words have a touch of desperation.

I’m kissing him the way he keeps kissing me, my lips pecking every little part of his face and neck as my hands stroke the hard muscles of his chiseled torso. His body relaxes, urging me to continue. As much as I try, I can’t stop thinking about what someone did to him. That panic far away now, out of his mind because of my presence and the desire to keep it at bay is utterly overwhelming.