Desire (33 page)

“Why would we fight?”

“Because… okay, fine. I never told you something. I don’t think Chuck’s a rapist, let alone a murderer, even the third degree accidental kind. I don’t think he hurt her, I never did. But I didn’t know him as well and you were just so positive that’s what happened. I thought it was better to keep my theories to myself. But now that you’ve told me that you two weren’t getting along at the time… honestly, Piper, I think you just needed someone to direct your anger toward and he was an easy target.”

Maya put
s about as much distance between her and Piper as that kitchen would allow during that little speech and now she’s peeking at her through one eye. Piper doesn’t lash out, but she’s doing that deep breathing, counting to ten thing.

“I suppose
there’s a possibility that you could be right about that.”

“Kids do stupid things. Horny, unsupervised teenagers do incredibly stupid things, like have consensual sex that might look kind of weird because they watch way too much porn
. They take drugs that fuck with your circulation and stop their heart while they’re sleeping. Drugs that also make their soft tissue prone to bruising that might not have occurred under normal circumstances.”

“He had claw marks
,” Piper says.

“Ashlyn was
a lot
more mature than us. Her older sisters were constantly running their mouths about the freaky shit they probably never did just to look cool and she was always trying to prove something. That wasn’t the first guy she slept with and the other two were much older than her. How many times have you left claw marks on someone, Piper? I left a giant bite mark scar on Isaac’s shoulder that would probably look like a defensive wound, but it’s not.”

“I know.”

“I think that maybe you should at least consider the possibility there isn’t some conspiracy here. Maybe it was just a senseless tragedy and there really is no one to blame which is why it’s so fucking hard to accept. Yeah, your Dad didn’t investigate anything and maybe he protected Chuck and slut shamed Ashlyn a little, but… I mean do you honestly think he would have just let that go if he really thought that happened? Because I don’t and I don’t think you do either. Chuck ended up in the hospital too. He took what she took and he called the police right away. And he was crushed. I saw him at the funeral. He didn’t look remorseful or guilty. He was fucking devastated.”

Piper stan
ds there speechless for a while, processing it. They don’t bring it up again. Eventually Maya pushes a menu toward her and they decide to get a Hawaiian pizza, Ashlyn’s favorite, and look around on Netflix for some of her favorite movies.

“Heavy shit,”
I say, breaking the silence. Isaac just nods at me and rubs his temples. “I looked into this, you know.”

“You did?”

“Yeah. And I think Maya’s right. It was kind of weird, but that Chuck guy is squeaky fucking clean. I mean freakishly clean. He even volunteers at drug and alcohol outreach programs for teens now.”

“Oh. Um, thanks,
” he stammers.

“I didn’t do it for you
, man.”

“I mean, thanks for caring, I guess. I probably shouldn’t have assumed the worse.
”

“It’s not like you’re wrong about this blowing up in my face.”

“Yeah.” Isaac leans back on the couch. “So… are you hungry?”

“I guess ordering out for pizza is a shitty idea.”

“Pizza is never a shitty idea,” he insists. “I doubt it will look that suspicious if the delivery guy stops at this stoner haven at the same time he drops by their place. He’s probably coming here anyway.”

“Good point.” I think we just got over our shit without beating the
fuck out of each other. “Maya bites you?” I ask after he places the order.

“Dammit,” Isaac chuckles, blushing a little. “Why do girls have to fucking talk so much?”

“A lot more than we do, right? What the hell, they tell each other
everything
. That locker room talk stereotype is extremely unfair.”

“No shit. Piper asked
if my dick was bigger than Luke’s a few weeks ago and Maya was like, ‘I dunno, it’s hard to tell’ and just moved on like it was normal fucking conversation.”

“It
is
normal conversation. I cannot believe the shit they talk about, especially if they have other girls over. It’s ridiculous.”

“
They are so bad.”

“They are really fucking bad,” I agree, pushing an Xbox controller his way. “Sugar and spice and everything nice, my ass.” If he takes it, he is officially not pissed off anymore.

Isaac’s eyes narrow, but he’s forcing it. Reluctantly, he takes the peace offering and puts his feet up on the coffee table. Say what you will about girls and their yapping, at least it’s obvious when they reconcile. They just hug and say they’re sorry instead of engaging in some cryptic ritual over Xbox and pizza that is a lot more meaningful than it seems.

“How fucking cheesy is it that we’re dating best friends,” he mentions casually.

“Extremely fucking cheesy.” And incredibly fucked up because Piper has no idea and Maya only suspects something, but he’s not bringing that up so I definitely won’t. “It’ll be even cheesier when this all works out and we live in the same building.”

“
Do you think that could really happen?” he asks. Maya calls this his little kid voice and she is spot on because I actually heard him back then.

“That’s why you’re doing this, right?”

“Yeah.” It’s easy to forget how awful this is for him. Maybe it’s more convenient to forget. I’m supposed to be helping him, that’s what friends do for each other, and we’re more like brothers. A little fucking encouragement every once in a while won’t kill me. “Me and Maya get to keep the cat.”

“You’re damn right you and Maya are keeping that fucking cat.”

“Why do you hate her so much?” Isaac laughs.

“I don’t hate it
, I—”

“
Her
.”

God, he’s such a fucking chick sometimes.
“I don’t hate
it
, I just don’t like cats.”

Piper and Maya get drunk and watch movies while they cuddle on the couch
, so there’s a constant giggling in the background all night. They look like little girls playing dress up the whole time because they’re wearing a bunch of Ashlyn’s clothes and jewelry, including two ridiculous tiara looking headbands. Isaac thinks it’s just as fucking cute as I do, but neither of us will say that out loud, yet we agree it doesn’t really count when your character gets killed because you’re too distracted spying on your girlfriend.

Maybe that’s fucked up. Okay, that’s definitely fucked up. And incredibly cheesy. But I don’t care and I don’t think he does either
, because everything finally seems right with the world. Until Isaac goes back to his stepmother/ex-girlfriend’s house at three in the morning and I pretend to come home from work and text Piper to see if she’s still awake even though I know she is.

She sleeps in my bed that night and gives me such a
heavily abridged version of her girl’s night in that I feel a little cheated because she left everything out. I’m such an asshole. I know exactly why she has cracked blood vessels around her swollen eyes. I know why there’s a headband indent in her hair and she’s still wearing the earrings. I know everything. She will never forgive me for this.

39

Maya

“Happy Birthday, Maya” he
says beaming at me.

“Happy Birthday, Isaac.” Technically, it’s not our birthday until midnight, but there’s no way in hell I’m pointing that out right now. “Where are you taking me?”

“Remember our first date?”

“Really?” I squeal. “That is so perfect.”

“The trees are mostly bare, but the meadow won’t be as crowded.”

“I can’t wait.”

“Well, you’ll have to. It’s like a three hour drive.”

“
But we get to be in the same car this time.” I’ve spent more time driving alone to get to our last few clandestine meet ups than I get to spend with him. I don’t care, I’d drive for days just to see him for five minutes. “I’m going to tease you the whole way, you know,” I coo, dragging my fingers across the back of his neck and watching his eyelids flutter.

“Yeah, I figured you would. So I already scouted out a secluded forest preserve parking lot about forty five minutes up the road where I can fuck your brains out.”

“Are you serious?” He scoffs, glancing over at me with that tilted smile. “I can probably suck your dick while you drive.”

“Maya, Maya, Maya. There will be plenty of time for that at the hotel.”

********

It shouldn’t surprise me that he probably spent as much for one night at this place as most people do on rent, but it does.
Before we walk through the door, he asks me to keep my eyes closed until he gets in front of me so he can watch my reaction. Isaac’s cuteness is completely out of control, he has been so fucking adorable all day long.

I open my eyes to hundreds of bouquets of flowers and lit candles on every level surface in this hotel suite. It is beyond beautiful, especially with him standing in the foreground with that satisfied look on his face as I squeal in surprise. Honestly, I was sort of expecting something like this, but I don’t even have to fake it.

“I might have gone a little overboard,” he says, kissing me as he twirls us farther into the room.

“Of course you did. That’s how you are.” And I love it so much, but I can’t tell him that with his tongue this deep in my mouth.

“I am insanely horny,” he rasps, sliding his hands under my shirt.

“Me too.”

The next few hours are a whirlwind of kissing and sex, occasionally interrupted with snuggling and sweet talk. He is so fucking happy. I don’t know why, but it feels like we’re more ourselves here. Maybe it’s the escapism, it’s almost like we’re back at the apartment. Isaac is happy to sneak over to my place and I can’t get enough of him, but there’s always tension in the background. Nobody knows where we are right now, nobody knows what we’re doing. I miss this freedom so much.

He rolls me on top of him, his erection digging into my thigh as he kisses my face everywhere. We have probably done that a thousand times
today. His hand slides down my spine to my ass as my pulse starts to race. I can’t believe he’s ready to go again already. My lips work their way around his chest and I lift my face, expecting to see his cocky smile, but instead he’s grinning at me excitedly.

“What?” I ask.

“It’s after midnight.”

“Happy Birthday,” I say officially at the same time he does.

“It’s present time now,” he informs me.

“Isaac, you said no gifts!”

“I couldn’t do it, I tried.”
Me too.
Grinning manically, he flips back on top of me and covers my entire torso with licks and kisses as I giggle. “I’ll be right back.”

He hops out of bed naked, running over to our bags that still sit next to the door. His ass is so fantastic and that channel of his spine drives me absolutely insane. If we ever get to move in together, I might have to forbid him to wear clothes entirely, at least for the first few months. His impossibly green eyes lock with mine as he spins around, holding an ornately wrapped little box. My heart skips a beat for a moment as I size it up. It’s too big for a ring, not that I’d refuse him.

“I know we have to be really careful,” he says, flopping back into bed. “But I couldn’t resist.”

I bite my lip as I untie the ribbon. “You are so bad.” I hope he didn’t get me anything that screams ‘new boyfriend’ or I’ll have to hide it. “Perfume!” That’s innocuous enough. The bottle is decidedly round. “In a bubble bottle,” I sigh, throwing my arms around him. How cute is that? “Thank you, baby.”

“It’s a custom scent.”

“Oh really?”

“Yeah. And it’s sort of a present for me too because now you’ll be able to wear me every day.” There’s that cocky smirk I was waiting for.

“That is so hot,” I murmur, spritzing
it on my bare chest as he squirms. “Knowing you, there’s probably some of your sweat, blood, or spit in here.”

“Hey,
” he laughs. “I actually resisted that impulse, I’ll have you know. Just barely.”

“God, this smells incredible.”

“You look incredible. Come here.”

I let him fondle me for a little bit before wiggling away. “You
’ll have to wait. It’s present time.”

“Maya… you didn’t,
” he says nervously.

“Don’t worry. I was extra, extra careful. I couldn’t be nearly as romantic,” I grumble. He
chases me as I run over to my bag, pinching my ass and tickling my ribs the whole way.

“You didn’t have to get me anything.”

“I wanted to,” I insist as he opens his present. “You would have totally bought these. It won’t look odd at all.”

He finally smiles at me. “
Planet Earth
.” His grin crashes into mine and I know this reminds him of the morning after we had sex for the first time. “I always think of what we did to each other when this comes on,” he chuckles.

“Me too.” Standing on my toes, I kiss the bite mark on his shoulder as he flips through th
e stack of every single one of his favorite wildlife documentaries. They calm him down when he gets angry and I know he needs that more than ever now.

“Wow, baby. Thank you so much.”

“You don’t have to keep them,” I suggest because he looks a little uneasy.

“No, I want them. Believe me. I just feel a little outdone, there’s like ten presents here.”

“Seven. And, well, I sort of had to go all out because, um… you technically bought them. I couldn’t afford it and I really wanted you to have them.”

He gaze rises to mine. “Are you saying that you actually spent some of that money?” he whispers. I fidget on my toes and nod. “
Holy shit
, that just turned me on.”

“Seriously?” I squeak.

“Uh huh,” he mumbles, his mouth latching onto my neck as I groan. “That was the real present. Though it would have been better if you’d spent it on yourself.”

“Actually,” I say breathlessly as he picks me up and starts carrying me back to bed. “I did.
I knew you’d be upset if I started buying cheap college kid groceries again, so I broke down.” Groaning, he grips my ass and lets my weight settle down on his groin. Only Isaac can literally have sex and walk at the same time. “And those new shoes I was wearing today?” He grunts affirmatively, tossing me one the bed and bucking into me. “Well, you got those for me too.”

His eyes roll back as I
lean up to drag my lips across his collarbone. “Taking care of you is such a huge fucking fetish for me now. I can’t fucking help it.”

“I know,” I gasp as his hand winds into my hair and pulls me down to the bed. “I won’t fight you on it anymore.” Isaac has to know that I need him or he feels lost. And it’s true anyway, I might as well get the fringe benefits. The sex is incredible
when I let him satisfy that caveman provider urge as he calls it.

“I love you so much,” he whispers
, interlocking his fingers with mine and holding my hands down above my head as he drives into me. This is his favorite way to keep me still. I screech and spread my legs wider as he lets himself go, pouring out for him as he pushes in as deep as he wants.

His eyes
ignite, dropping down to my breasts. I arch my back as he lets my hands go to grope me. Recently, Isaac’s found a way to integrate his territorial urges into what passes for vanilla sex with us. We’ve been together so long now, I know exactly what he needs when he looks at me and I love to give it to him, nothing gets me hotter. I can tell by the way he’s breathing if he wants me to come or if he wants me to squirm and wait while he teases me. And right now he needs to hear me scream for him while his mouth devours every little piece of me that he desires.

E
ven though his thrusts are long and greedy, I know he’s in a cuddlier mood than he was just a moment ago when he pulls me up against his chest. That’s my cue to wrap my arms around him and let the fingertips he’s so enamored with explore the sensitive skin on his neck. My heart pounds as I nuzzle into his shoulder and he breathes heat against my flesh, his lips pressed against that spot below my ear. That was the first part of me that knew for sure I belonged to him.

H
is forehead stays pressed against mine as he lets me fall back into the soft mattress. Isaac is so adorable when his hands can’t decide how they want to hold me. One arm finally slides under the small of my back and the other hand finds its place at the nape of my neck. The squareness of his jaw softens and his eyes get wider as his lips part. He looks so vulnerable and I know that he needs me to touch him. I reach up to skim my fingers across his cheeks and jawline as he kisses me.

He trusts me now. I don’t know what happened that flipped that switch, but he doesn’t lose
control anymore. And he rarely needs to give me a half dozen orgasms before he feels like he deserves to enjoy me. Watching him let go is my new favorite pastime. His face is almost peaceful right now, his eyes half closed and relaxed as wraps his arm tighter around my hips so he can thrust deeper. I keep running my hands all over his face and neck while he indulges himself, kissing me deeply the whole time. It’s sweet and rough and perfect, just like him. I can’t keep it together when he gets like this, as soon as I see that he’s truly having me the way that he wants me, my entire body sets on fire.

Holding still is impossible so he does it for me, his hand closing into a fist in my hair as he l
owers his full weight down on me. I shudder but I can’t writhe, which makes me louder and that is exactly how he wants me too. Isaac watches me while I squeal for him, breathing heavier and thrusting faster until he follows me. His groans and gasps are the most beautiful sounds and I kiss his face everywhere while he thrashes, cradling his head once it falls into my shoulder.

The
re’s something about the way we start cuddling afterwards that means sex is finally out of our systems for now. It’s all giggling and kissing and handholding until I fall asleep in his arms with his lips pressed against my temple. I wake up in the middle of the night and watch him sleep for a few minutes, just so I can see his face without all the worry that’s etched on his features even when he looks happy or horny. But I can still see a trace of it, he must not be able to relax completely even in his sleep. I don’t know how much longer he can keep going like this. I wish there was something I could do.

Isaac doesn’t want to leave in the morning, a late checkout
isn’t enough. He didn’t have to tell me that he’s supposed to do something with her tonight, I knew as soon as he wanted to make sure we started celebrating by midnight. I should make him stick to the plan, but I can’t. How can I send him into her arms when I want him in mine so badly? How can I convince him to go back there when he desperately needs a longer break? We’ve been so good for so long. He’ll come up with an excuse.

*******
*

Isaac was supposed to come over
last night, but he didn’t. No call, no texts, he didn’t even log on WoW, which he almost always does if he has to cancel. I have never been more worried in my entire frigging life. He’s supposed to see me tonight, too and he should have been here by now.

Piper’s new boyfriend, who I’m about
85% sure is also Isaac’s best friend, is sitting on the couch with his arm around her. She looks so content with her head on his shoulder. There is no excuse for this, I am such an awful, horrible friend. After all that bullshit she went through with the last guy, which I wasn’t even here for, she finally starts trusting someone again, way, way earlier than I expected her to, and I’m just going to sit here and say nothing while she heads straight for a broken heart. But what do I say?

Technically, I’m only suspicious, but really I’m willfully ignorant. I can’t think of any way to phrase my concerns about the relationship covertly because they are so perfect together it’s ridiculous. I can’t think of a single reason she should stop seeing him. And if I’m honest, she will freak the hell out, rightfully so,
and then what? What the hell happens when Luke comes around and we’ve chased off whoever Isaac has protecting us? It’s not just my safety I’m worried about. Luke never really liked Piper, not that she gave him much of a reason to, but now he probably despises her. That would be the perfect way to punish me for leaving him, but it sure as hell won’t happen with Jace around all the time. They are basically glued together at the hip and she is so happy, she can’t even hide it if she tries. It really doesn’t seem like he’s playing her, but if he is… well, he is doing a fantastic job. I honestly don’t think Isaac would go that far. There’s no reason to do this.