Desire Disguised (20 page)

“You taste like some sort of fruit,” Ben muttered as he returned to her mouth.

“Mmm, you taste like you.” Cara knew she wasn’t being particularly profound, but she’d gotten his shirt halfway off, and his warm skin and ticklish chest hairs were too entrancing to ignore for such things as poetic speech. He drew back and gave her a knowing smile that made her insides melt in a quiet echo of the orgasms he’d just given her. As he shrugged out of his shirt, Cara watched the thick muscles of his chest and arms work in beautiful harmony. She wanted to see everything.

She leaned up and tugged at his belt, her knuckles bumping against the hard ridges of his abdomen. He reached down and dragged her hands away, pulling them up to kiss.

“We don’t have to do that, you’re still sore.”

“I’m not. I mean, it aches a little, but I think it’s because I’m so, so…” Cara stumbled to a stop, all these sensations were still new enough she didn’t have words. The doctor had said good communication was important to satisfaction. Ben quirked an eyebrow at her as he nuzzled her fingertips. “I want to have intercourse with you now. Ah, penetrative intercourse.”

Ben went still for a moment until a grin broke across his face. “You do?”

Cara nodded rapidly and scooted even closer to him. “Definitely. If you do.”

He laughed, and she felt abashed. “Did I say something wrong? Is that not the right word?”

Shaking his head, Ben leaned her way and cupped his hands around her cheeks. He kissed her quickly and drew back. “You said it just right. Very easy to understand.”

“So we can—”

“Of course we can.” He moved his hands to his waist and quickly disrobed. Cara knew she stared too much, but she couldn’t look away. Heat rocketed through her when she saw how beautiful he was, how strong and ready.

She wanted to touch, she wanted to feel. Ben obliged, sliding down next to her as he gathered her up, rolling onto his back and pulling her astride his firm body. She moved carefully, worried she might press or bend his erection. He smiled when he caught her staring.

“May I?” Cara waited for his nod of permission before she grasped him. He felt alive in her hand, silky skin covering pulsing flesh. Ben sucked in a deep breath and grabbed at her thighs as she stroked him. Concerned, she caught his gaze. “Is this all right?”

He nodded quickly and closed his eyes as she returned to her inspection of him. A low groan rumbled from him when she ran her fingertips along his length and made her own body flush and shiver. She’d had no idea his responses would elicit such pleasure for her. A pang of longing echoed through her, and she stared at him as she struggled to breathe normally. “I think I’m ready.”

“Like this should be easier for you.” He encouraged her to move her body with gentle touches on her breasts and belly. “You won’t have all my weight pushing down.”

Cara shook her head. She’d liked having him on top, feeling sheltered and pressed close by his arms and legs. But this position was good too; she could see him more clearly and that was a wonderful thing. In theory she knew what to do, so she rose up and slid close to him, his hand helping her as she straddled him. Initially, there was resistance, and she worried there would be pain again, but when she shivered and exhaled, he pressed in. With a few wriggles of her hips, she was satisfied and adjusting to the feel of him inside her body.

Ben shifted under her as he held her thighs. He drew in a breath. “Feel all right?”

“Fantastic.” She felt twitchy and anxious. “I think I want to move.”

Ben nodded and tightened his grip as she rocked against him experimentally once. All that pressure and texture against her sex was good, so more would be better. Leaning one hand against his forearm, she gained some more leverage and moved again, repeating and speeding up with every delightful pulse of sensation. He arched under her, his head lolling back against the tousled sheets as he gasped her name.

With a grunt, he rose up and tilted her into his lap, the change in position sending jolts of pleasure deep into her body, and she cried out. Somehow he was moving along with her, his hands no longer caressing her but clutching as if he was afraid she was going to fly away. Heat rose between their bodies, and she felt perspiration beading his back as she held on. With a loud groan she felt through his chest, he shuddered and buried his head against her shoulder. Desperate to catch her breath, she held him tight and wrapped her legs around him, while waiting for her own body to cool and quiet.

Within a few shared moments of recovery, Ben ran one shaking hand up her back as he kissed her neck. His strong arms helped her disengage and move her to his side as he fell back against the mattress. She blinked at the ceiling a few times, marveling at what had just happened. She’d never felt so powerful or beautiful. It was a heady sensation.

He was so responsive to her, his every touch and whisper drawing her in and making her want to please him. Did she provoke the same the same urge in him? Uncertainty trickled in as she considered all the things she didn’t know how to say.

* * * *

Ben kept Cara’s warm and limp body close and wondered how long it would last. If he thought about her leaving Gamaliel, if he even thought about leaving her bed, his heart started to pound and a band of pain clamped around his head, as if he’d lost one too many rounds in the sparring ring. He wasn’t a cuddler, he didn’t seek comfort from anyone, but somehow Cara made him need those things, as if he’d suffer an injury without them. So it was simple self-preservation that made him speak up.

“Would you like me to stay?” He hadn’t offered to go as he should have. No, he’d blatantly requested a space next to her under her soft blankets. The only thing more desperate he could have done was to get on his knees and beg her.

She shifted her shoulders and turned her head to look at him. Stormy-sky and thoughtful eyes contemplated him. With a dip of her chin she agreed.

“But when Mat gets up—”

“I’ll be gone. You tell me the time.” Ben watched Cara smile and slowly blink. She was tired. It was late, and they’d just spent an eventful and exhausting time with each other. Time to stop talking and allow her some rest. She didn’t owe him any more attention.

“Do you want to put your pajamas back on?” He hoped she’d say no. The idea of hours of time, even if he was asleep, next to her bare body pleased him.

“Don’t you wear them?” Cara’s eyebrows rose as he shook his head. “I always have. I don’t think I could fall asleep without them.”

So much for that hope. Reluctantly, Ben released her from his arms, and she rose to go to her bathroom. His ego was bolstered by the wobbly way she walked. He waited a few breaths after she disappeared inside, but the urge to see what she was doing, to see
her
, overtook him, and he gathered up her sleepwear and went to the bathroom door to observe.

She slanted a sidelong glance at him and continued with her rituals of washing her face, brushing her teeth, braiding her hair, and rubbing a smidge of some sort of lotion into her skin. He could see where his stubble had abraded her; pinkish contusions marked her neck and breasts. After placing her pajamas on the counter, Ben knelt down and pulled out the first aid kit from under the bathroom cabinet. The second time they’d had intercourse and the second time he’d needed it. Inside was a tube of derma repair, and he squeezed some out onto his fingertips and set about soothing the irritation he’d caused her.

Cara stopped her activities and silently let him touch her wherever he needed. She raised her arms and her breasts moved, and he wanted to take them in hand again but restrained himself and only used his fingertip to soothe a small abrasion. She closed her eyes when he touched her neck, and he wanted to kiss her.

When he capped the tube, she smiled and rummaged around under the counter in turn. She emerged with a slim wrapped package and handed him a toothbrush with pursed lips. He nudged her clothing her way in return, and as he brushed his own teeth, he felt her hand trail across his back as she left the room, shivers twitching along his skin wherever she’d made contact.

By the time he’d finished, he wondered for the third time if he should have just kissed her goodnight and left to sleep in his own bed. Ben entered the bedroom to find it nearly dark. Cara waited in the middle of the bed, sitting straight up as if she was being monitored for correct posture. He could see her silhouette from the scant light of a nearly turned down bedside lamp. Without being able to see her expression, he wasn’t sure how she felt about this.

He gingerly slid in next to her, and she quickly pulled the sheet and blanket up and over him as he adjusted his position. Cara moved away, and he wondered if she was going to keep some space between them, but she merely turned the light off. With a whisper of fabric, she burrowed under the blanket and pressed herself to his side, her arm bending across his chest as her head moved against his shoulder. One of her slim legs rested over his own, and she murmured out a few soft sighs as she adjusted her limbs and the pillow beneath her head.

Ben whispered goodnight, and she responded, her words interrupted by a yawn. He leaned his head back against the pillow and tried to think restful thoughts. Making love with Cara had rather effectively driven his work concerns from his mind but had a left a host of other nebulous worries. Did she have feelings for him or was he a means for her to experience a bit of normal life before she’d disappear into hiding again? This thought led to some reflection on what sort of feelings he’d developed for her in such a short amount of time. He wanted her. He wanted her sexually, he wanted her company, and he wanted her trust. Lots of wanting for a person he barely knew.

Cara’s hand sliding across his chest caught his attention.

“I should have thanked you already for spending time with Mat. He really enjoyed the boxing and climbing.”

“I did too. He’s nice to be around. You should be proud.”

“I am. Thank you.” Cara moved her hip closer as her hand strayed down to his abdomen. “How did you know he was interested in climbing? He never told me.”

“I was that age once. And I have a brother, so I guess that helped me.”

“Where are you from?”

“Tellus.” Her whole body stiffened, and he heard her take in a deep breath. “The northern continent. I grew up in Maribe’s capital city. I don’t visit home as much as I should.”

She was quiet for several moments, tension tight in her body. What was bothering her? “Ben, I want—I need to tell you something.”

He took a breath of his own and waited. The stress in her voice made him nervous.

“My father was Ignar Restin.”

Silence filled the room. Blast and afterburn. So that’s what she’d been hiding, and it was no wonder she’d been hiding it. Ignar Restin had been the completely ruthless head of the secret police for the La Torre dynasty for decades, before he and the royals had died at the hands of the opposition. They’d ruled Vanaire, the southern continent on his home planet of Tellus, and by all accounts had been corrupt, cruel, and arrogant beyond measure.

Ben remembered how his parents had discussed the political doings of their neighbors to the south and how after every discussion they’d said a prayer of thanks that they’d been born in the north. Considering how many Vanairian citizens had disappeared and been displaced, there had to be a myriad of descendants of victims scattered across the galaxy and anxious for revenge. Anxiety tightened his muscles as he contemplated what she’d just confessed.

“Do you know who he was? What he did?” Even though it was completely quiet, he could barely distinguish her words.

“Yes.” The last thing he was going to do would be to discuss the notorious executioner’s misdeeds with her. He didn’t remember anything about the man’s personal life and was finding it impossible to come up with any sort of similarity between Cara and the dead man.

“Did he, did he do anything to someone you knew, or your family?” Cara’s voice quavered in the darkness, and he tightened his arm around her.

“No. We didn’t have any relatives or friends in Vanaire.” Ben didn’t say any more, didn’t reminisce about how much the La Torre line had been reviled in Maribe, or how outraged people had been every time there was another crackdown or pogrom on the southern continent and the resulting trickle of refugees heading north to survive. She didn’t need to hear it, she wasn’t responsible. In fact, she and Mat had suffered their whole lives for what their father had done. He was simply happy she’d somehow survived the assassinations that had wiped the ruling class from the surface of Tellus.

“Do you still want to stay tonight?”

“Of course I do. Why wouldn’t I?”

“Because of what I am.”

Ben reached out to find her shoulder and searched for her lips in the dark for a kiss. He landed on her cheek, but that would do for some comfort. “I know what you are already. You’re brave and intelligent and good to your brother. Who your father was doesn’t concern me.”

Cara gusted out a shaky sigh as if she’d been holding her breath. He reached up, caught her hand in his, and twined his fingers alongside hers. She shook, and he understood what she’d just shared had been a monumental act for her, probably more stressful than becoming intimate with him had been. Something shifted inside; he had to be worthy of the trust she’d just placed in him.

“Do you remember much about him?”

He felt her shake her head against his shoulder. “I was with minders and instructors most of the time. There were a couple of rooms for me, and sometimes we were permitted to go to the garden. That’s where I remember the violets. I think I remember standing with him for some ceremonies, but so much of that time is a blur. Blanked out like it never happened to me.”

A completely normal survival mechanism for a young child under stress. It sounded as if the man hadn’t had much contact with his daughter, which hopefully translated to Ignar not abusing Cara as he had so many. The thought of her as a small and defenseless child under the control of a sadistic madman chilled him.

“Did he ever hurt you?”