Desire of the Soul (16 page)

My mouth dropped, and I dropped to the ground next to Sloane. “She is the one who gave us the Red. When we’re Red, we’re without our soul. But why does she want you to fail so badly?”
 

“That my darling…is a story for another visit. You must be going. Sloane, I wish for you to stay here for the time being, as I will gift you with your soul. Tammy, I do so think that someone outside the castle is waiting for you.”
 

I nodded slightly, and then turned dejectedly toward where a dark wooden door had appeared. I hadn’t even gotten to see what Atiyana looked like. It seemed like she didn’t care at all though, a small wind pushing me forward that I knew came from her, and sweeping me back down to the original hallway, albeit a lot quicker this time.
 

When I walked out of the castle, Sloane/Dracul/whoever the hell he was, was waiting patiently right where I’d left him.

As soon as he caught sight of me, he jumped up from the grass and looked at me with a smile. “So, how’d it go?”

I snorted a laugh, my face twisted with annoyance. “I don’t know Dracul, or sorry I forgot how your name is actually Sloane. So I correct myself, I don’t know Sloane. I mean I met the real you, probably almost got killed by a Goddess, and met another Goddess who wouldn’t show herself but seemed to be the one who held all the power.”

Dracul’s mouth dropped, his eyes widening. “You met Atiyana? She never bothers herself with talking to anyone other than a God or Goddess. She’s always too busy doing one thing or another to control her universe, or at least that’s what I have been told. And Tammy, I am no longer Sloane. I am Dracul now, so please....please call me Dracul.”

My lips tightened into a thin line, and I nodded at Dracul. “You were with me when I met-you know what? Never mind, just...can we go back to our time? Our real time? I need-I need to find a way home. I need to go home! I miss my family, I miss my friends! This whole Amatores thing is too much pressure! I mean…God! My whole religion just got all screwed up over there! This is just-it’s just too much...” I felt the tears building up, ready to fall out any second. I hated being so weak, so vulnerable, but it was just getting to be too much!

My whole world had gotten messed up, and I just wanted someone out there to see that I was only a teenager! I could only handle so much before I couldn’t handle anything anymore. Before I finally let go, before I finally gave up.

“I understand Tammy, I understand exactly what you are saying. Before we go...can I tell you a story? It’s the story of how I came to be the person I am now. The Amatores I am now,” Dracul said, his voice soft as he looked upon me with bright, knowing eyes. I nodded once, still trying to keep the tears from falling, and so he began telling his story.
 

His Story

“I didn’t know what was going on. I had woken up with no memories at all, just a burning pain that emerged from my throat the minute my eyes snapped open. I went days, just lying on bright green grass, trying to figure out where I was, who I was. Trying to figure out how to get the burn to go away. Finally, after maybe a week of feeling like I was going to combust from the fire and pain, an animal, I believe it was a deer, came to me. Instantly it was like I could feel what the deer was feeling, smelling the blood that ran through its veins in thick, heady waves.
 

Without thinking, I attacked and killed the deer in one strike. Its blood poured out like a waterfall, drawing me to it. My mouth descended on the deer, and I drank thick gulps from it, feeling the burn start to fade away with each sip.
 

After that...I became a monster. I brought terror, destruction, where ever I went and onto anything I touched. I cared for no life but my own. I was a soulless monster that was bent on destroying anything that crossed my path.

I would kill, just for the fun of feeling one’s life drain away as I bit into them. I lived for that; I reveled in the excitement of the hunt. No one could face me, my power was too great, at least that is what I thought until She came into the picture.

It was a beautiful and sunny day, the perfect day to go out on the hunt as many were enjoying the fresh air. I was right on the tail of a werewolf, chasing it through the dense forest, when she appeared. Her hair was down to mid-stomach, a dark chestnut color, and her lips were full and inviting. That is not what stopped me though, no it was her eyes. They sparkled and shone in the light, changing color with each slight move of her head.
 

As soon as they locked onto mine, her mouth dropped and her eyes filled with bright red tears. I felt a need to run to her, run to her and hold her, allow her to draw strength from me.
 

It scared me, these feelings, as I did not know what they were. For years I’d just felt one thing, the hunger, but as soon as she appeared...it was like a floodgate had opened, allowing feelings to pour into me.
 

I looked up at the girl, and saw the red tears falling down her face slowly, tracing patterns of sadness, of her sadness. She ran to me then, her arms outstretched, and pulled me into a tight hug, sobbing as she held me.
 

The animal in me begged to bite her, but the other part wanted me to just enjoy her embrace. I’d ever received an embrace, although I had seen them given. I listened to the other part for once, feeling happiness light up inside me as I wrapped my arms around her.
 

At the time, as it was long before communication through words was invented, I could not say a thing to her. She, on the other hand, was whispering words into my hair, her angelic voice making my heart speed up. I didn’t know what she was saying, and I felt that she knew that, but she continued to speak, her words full of love and compassion. It startled me, her feeling those things, as I’d never known one to feel anything but hate for me, and I remember feeling so at peace with the thought that she was mine. This girl, she was mine.
 

I backed away from her, feeling the animal lunge throughout my body, wanting to get out. Closing my eyes I tried to get it to go away, tried to push it away, but it did not work. The animal, the Red, was fully present as my eyes reopened. She wasn’t there though, somehow she’d completely disappeared without me knowing. That made the Red angry, angry to the point where I was no longer taking any part in my own body.
 

I didn’t see the girl until centuries later, when language had just started to form itself to a point where we could all communicate verbally. I knew the instant she appeared, as it was like I’d suddenly stepped into a bright patch of sunlight, the heat lighting up my body in a million different places. I’d forgotten what that felt like, the suns heat. The Red had taken such a hold on my body that I could no longer stand in the sunlight without getting almost burned to a crisp.

By that time, I’d become even more of a monster than before. I would kill and rape woman who had even a freckle in the same place as the girl who I had let weaken me did. Each one I imagined as her, waiting for the day when I knew she would come, so I myself could kill her. When I would get to hear her scream as I tortured her body, and then drank every drop of her blood.
 

I couldn’t do it though. When she appeared again, she broke through every barrier I had, just by looking at me with those amazing eyes. I’m almost positive that if I had to breathe, I would’ve kneeled over right then because she took my breath away with her beauty.
 

‘Dracul, oh God...what happened to you? Your eyes-your eyes are so red!’ I remember she had said that, with such a horrified look on her face that I felt a pang of something foreign. I felt regret, guilt at what I had caused that gave me these eyes. Guilt because of the hundreds, thousands I had killed or raped.
 

‘It doesn’t have to be like this you know...you don’t have to kill. There are more ways than one to fill the need,’ she’d murmured, her thin eyebrows furrowed with worry, worry for me.

I’d just stood there, unable to let any words filter pass my lips, until I looked away from her and broke out of the spell she had put on me. ‘Why do you think I would care?’ I’d asked. ‘Do you not think that I enjoy this killing? That I enjoy watching others suffer before my eyes?’

The girl looked at me with those big eyes that would not stay one color, and it seemed as though they were full of centuries worth of wisdom and patience. ‘You were gifted a soul Dracul. Do not misuse your gift; the Red is not something you want to take over you. Don’t you ever want to see the sun again as it breaks over the mountaintops? Don’t you want to be able to do as you wish, instead of letting the Red control your every move? Trust me, once you can be yourself...it’s like the Heavens open up and pour their strength into you. This anger, this hatred, this incessant need to kill, it isn’t you! None of this is you!’

I had not wanted to believe her, but I couldn’t deny what was so obvious. I mean there had been times where days would pass and I would remember absolutely nothing. I would see only my bloodstained hands and, in the brief times where my reflection would actually appear, bright red eyes.

I had asked her how I could fix it, fix the demons that begged to explode out of me, and she stood there for a moment as if debating with herself, before sticking her arm out in front of me.
 

‘I’m allowing you to bite me, although you’ll only be able to take enough that you will be able to control yourself. That is the longest I can hold myself solid. I only have one request, use the power I am giving you to heal the monster inside of you. Don’t let the Red take over anymore, or I will not be allowed back.’ Her figure had flickered slightly, and then she became a solid form before me. I hadn’t noticed before that she was transparent, but once she became solid the difference was obvious. ‘Hurry Dracul, being solid takes up a lot of energy that I don’t have to spare.’
 

I didn’t need to be told twice, not at that time where blood was my master and I it’s slave, and so I bit into her. Even today, I still get shivers remembering that moment. It was like I was a part of her, and I’d pressed my body tightly to her, unable to see anything but her body against mine.
 

Too soon it was over, and the girl pulled her arm away from my face. When I looked up at her, I expected to see the same feeling of happiness that was lit up inside me. What I saw instead was blood red tears falling down her face, which was pale white and full of suppressed pain.

I’d felt a wave of dizziness pass over me seconds after, and within seconds was on my knees retching into a nearby bush. It was extremely painful, trying to get the Red out, and I once again did not notice her disappearing. I only realized days later when I awoke half-naked, beside a rotted log.
 

I hadn’t killed anyone, that much I was sure of, as the Red wasn’t present in my mind like it usually was after a kill. I felt free, free of the Red’s control, and that fueled excitement within me. The girl came every couple weeks after that, and then appearing at random intervals throughout the centuries, nothing but her clothes and eyes changing. Some days she would only be there for minutes, but others she would stay for days, teaching me her way of life, and how to use all my powers to their full potential.

She told me of everything that happens in the future, allowing me to create the prophecies. I would look forward to the days she visited me, craving the feelings that would explode throughout my body, craving the way I would forget about everything but her when she appeared.

She was my addiction; her beauty and voice helping me go forward through the centuries, helping me continue to push away the Red. I loved her; the spark that lit in her eyes when she saw me, would make a fire erupt in mine. She stopped coming almost eighteen years ago, maybe a little more. I’ve seen her though, I’ve gone to her, and not just in my dreams...” Dracul looked away wistfully, and I felt shock go through my system.

“What was her name Dracul?” I asked, even though I knew there wasn’t a point. From the moment he mentioned her, I knew exactly who she was.

“Why, my dear Tammy. I know you know. She was you.” My knees trembled and I fell to the ground, a small gasp escaping from my mouth. Hearing him say it was a lot different than me thinking it. Him saying it made it real.
 

Dracul pulled me up from the ground, and started muttering words in what I now noticed was so not Latin. It sounded older, more ancient, more animal than human. I knew he was taking me back home to our time, so I held in the questions that were threatening to burst out of me, and followed Dracul through Time.

---

When we finally landed back in the Fire, I plopped back into my body and sprung up from the hard concrete ground, ready to bombard Dracul with questions. “Alright, ask away,” he said, his tone amused as he sat up from the floor.

“First, what do you mean I had eyes that changed color with each move of my head? I mean my eyes already changed to purple, isn’t that enough? And how did I touch you? And how did I let you take my blood without screaming bloody murder? And wait, how did my blood help you? Oh, and why was I so sad? Also, why did I stop coming? And-um-you love me?” I knew there were probably hundreds of other questions taking stock in my brain, but right now those seven seemed the most important to me.

“Okay, obviously this might take a little bit of explaining. First, you’re eyes changed to purple because that is the signal that you are about to go through the Transformation, something that has not happened for many millennia’s. When the Transformation is done, your eyes will never stay the same color. Second, you gathered Energy to make yourself solid for a short amount of time; it’s quite simple actually. Third, you had to gather even more energy to allow the Walls that protect your blood to fall momentarily.