Desperate Chances (28 page)

Wow, that was harsh, even for an internal monologue. Even if I thought she deserved it.

“Oh, okay. Well then at least we won’t get lost,” I remarked brightly. So bright it was like the goddamned sun in the car.

“Have a look on the floor in the backseat, I think there might be a notebook back there,” he said, honking at a VW bug driving down the middle of the road. He rolled down the window and flipped the guy off.

“You really should address your road rage issues,” I told him. I glanced at the floor behind the seat and cringed. “I think something’s moving back there. I’m scared.”

Mitch snorted. “Don’t be such a girl about it. Just look would ya. We’re almost there.”

“If I lose a finger, I’m going to be pissed,” I warned. Mitch rolled his eyes and I forgot about Sophie and my highly unreasonable jealousy.

I twisted in my seat and leaned over the center console. I pushed aside three sweatshirts with questionable stains, an old lunchbox, and a bird feeder made of twigs.

“What in the heck do you have a bird feeder back here for?” I asked, my voice muffled. I looked over my shoulder to find Mitch staring at my ass. Which was right at his eye level. And I was wearing a skirt.

“It’s my mom’s. She was in some kind of art group and thought it would look perfect in Garrett’s yard,” Mitch answered, his voice husky.

I quickly found a green notebook and a pen and pulled myself back up. Mitch chose that moment to take a sharp turn and my butt all but hit him in the face. He put his hand up and braced himself. Against my left ass cheek.

I went completely still, unable to move.

Because Mitch was cupping my bum.

“Uh—” I gulped and he moved his hand like he had been burned.

“Shit, I’m sorry. I guess I should learn to take the toe off huh?” he chuckled uneasily.

I sat back down in my seat and gave him a weak smile, my heart hammering in my chest, making me lightheaded.

“That would probably be a good idea if you want to live to see old age,” I said primly.

Mitch pulled up in front of a colonial style house and killed the engine.

“This is it,” he said, sounding like he was choking. He wouldn’t look at me and I knew it had to do with the whole butt-grabbing thing. Things had gotten weird again, which made me incredibly sad because we had actually been getting along lately.

I climbed out of the car, tucking the notebook and pen into my purse. “Thank you so much for riding to my rescue yet again.” We stood there looking everywhere but at each other. We were so incredibly lame. “Um, well you don’t have to stick around. I can call Viv or Mays when I’m finished and have them come and get me.”

Mitch zipped up his coat and grabbed a stocking cap from the backseat, pulling it down over his dark head. “I’ll tag along if it’s okay. Like I said, I don’t have anywhere to be.”

I smiled, this time with total sincerity. “I’d like that.”

“I
just have to walk around and take some pictures and I’ll be finished. I’ll just use my phone and hope they’re good enough,” I said to Mitch an hour later.

The interview with Mrs. Wagner, the director of the botanical gardens went pretty well. She was a lovely lady that answered all of my questions with a smile and plied me with homemade fudge and hot chocolate. She encouraged me and my “man friend”—as she referred to Mitch—to take a stroll around the grounds. The gardens were closing in thirty minutes but she assured me that staff would be around so I could take as long as I needed.

“You’ve got a decent phone. It’s high res with 1.9 mega pixels, the pictures should be pretty good,” Mitch informed me after having inspecting the camera.

“I had no idea you were so well versed in camera phone specs,” I remarked as we headed out to the topiary garden towards the back of the house. The light was starting to go and I needed to take the pictures quickly. I stopped along the path and snapped a few shots in the dwindling light.

“I’m well versed in lots of things, G,” Mitch said with a smirk.

“Of course, how could I forget?” I hadn’t meant for my voice to go all rough and seductive like. Mitch gave me a heated look and I had to turn away, pretending to be engrossed in the sculpted box hedges.

“Hey, check it out! These bushes are molded in the shape of musical instruments,” I called out, pointing to a grouping of plants towards the back of the garden.

“Pretty cool,” Mitch agreed.

“Come on, Mitch, give me a pose,” I laughed.

Mitch went and stood behind the smaller bush shaped like a guitar and made a show of banging his head up and down, sticking out his tongue á la Gene Simmons.

I took a few pictures, not able to stop giggling as Mitch’s faces became more absurd as he played rock star. I looked down at the screen of my phone, flipping through the snaps. “These would make a great album cover,” I teased.

Mitch jumped over the bush and grabbed my phone. “I look awesome!”

I snatched my phone back and gave him a playful shove. “It’s good to know your ego is in check,” I snipped.

“I only call it like it is.” He rustled my hair and I swatted his hand away. “Oh, I forgot how much you hate having your hair messed with,” Mitch grinned.

“You’re hair may look good in the just rolled around on the ground way, but mine certainly doesn’t,” I said, giving him a good case of stink eye.

“Whatever, G, you always look beautiful.” Mitch, realizing what he said, closed his mouth and quickly walked towards a wisteria that threaded around a statue of naked man

“What’s up with this guy? He looks like he’s in pain. And more importantly, why is he in the buff?” Mitch commented, clearly trying to change the subject.

I cocked my head to the side. “I think he’s trying to push that boulder up a hill. Though why he’s doing it naked is anyone’s guess.” The light was almost gone and I could see the staff start to head out to their cars. “I think we should get going. I’ve gotten enough pictures.”

“Okay. Let’s head out.” He pulled his keys out of his pocket and started jangling them in his hand. I reached out and took the keys, my fingers lingering momentarily as I touched him.

“You know I hate it when you do that,” I said.

Mitch held out his hand. “I won’t do it again. I promise,” he teased with a smile.

I gave him back his keys and this time when our fingers made contact neither of us moved away. Mitch wrapped his hand around mine, the keys wedged between our palms.

“I had fun today, Gracie,” he said, looking down at me.

“Me too. I didn’t think we could ever be like this again,” I added in hushed tones.

“Be like what?” he asked.

“Like Mitch and Gracie.”

Mitch’s thumb slowly stroked the underside of my wrist where my pulse fluttered madly. “I always liked Mitch and Gracie.”

“Me too,” I agreed. “I miss them a lot.”

Mitch frowned, looking perturbed. “I’ve said some pretty harsh things to you recently. First at the Norfolk show. Then at Garrett’s. I shouldn’t have said all that stuff to you.”

I shook my head. “It’s okay, Mitch. I get it. I really do. You’ve been really angry with me. We do need to find a way to be around each other that
all parties
are comfortable with.” I sounded like I was trying to mediate in court.

Mitch ignored my dorkiness.

We were still holding hands, standing close together. I was scared to say anything else. I didn’t want to ruin this incredibly important moment.

“I’m comfortable like this,” he said softly. So softly. His thumb still stroking the tender, vulnerable skin of my wrist.

I licked my lips that were suddenly very dry. There were so many things I wanted to say, but I didn’t say any of them. Words were insufficient. Unnecessary. Mitch and I had always been able to read each other. He knew what lived inside my head better than I did.

We stared into each other’s eyes in the dying sunlight and I felt it. The connection we had always shared. It was still there, underneath the bullshit and drama. Strong as ever.

“We should get back,” I reminded him. I could see Mrs. Baker waiting by the gate for us so she could lock up.

Mitch dropped my hand and quickly turned away from me as though embarrassed. Wait. Did I do something wrong?

I put my hand on his arm. “Mitch, I didn’t mean—”

“It’s cool. We need to get back to Bakersville. I’m supposed to go to Sophie’s later anyway.” He was suddenly so cold. The warm, open Mitch I had just become reacquainted with disappeared totally.

“Yeah, well I don’t want you to be late,” I spat. I couldn’t help the nastiness that dripped off my tongue. I was annoyed with him for getting upset with me for no real reason. I was annoyed with myself for interrupting a great moment. I was annoyed with Mrs. Wagner who was impatiently tapping her foot as she waited for us to leave.

Mitch frowned and followed me down the path towards the parking lot.

“Thanks, Mrs. Wagner,” I said as we left.

“Of course! I can’t wait to see your article. You two come back soon!”

I definitely didn’t think that would happen.

Neither Mitch nor I talked as we got into the car. I turned on the CD I made for him back when we weren’t bogged down by misinterpretation and silence.

When we pulled up in front of my apartment building I wasn’t sure what to say. So I held up the notebook. “Mind if I hang onto this? All my notes from today are in it. I’ll give it back to you when I’m done.”

Mitch gave me a brusque nod. “That’s fine. Keep it.”

“Thanks again for driving me,” I said, opening the passenger door. I started to get out but then stopped. I turned back around to face Mitch who appeared confused by the fact that I wasn’t closing the door.

“Did you forget some—”

“This is ridiculous!” I nearly shouted, cutting him off.

Mitch’s eyes narrowed. “Why are you yelling at me? I’m the nice guy here, driving you to your interview and bringing you home. So what the hell do you have to be angry about?” he demanded.

“Why do you keep doing this to me? I can’t keep up with your damn mood swings!” I was getting worked up but I couldn’t help it. We had had a nice day. The best day I could remember having with him in a long time. And now he was treating me like a burden. Like a
waste of time
.

“What are you talking about? I’ve been very clear how I feel—” Mitch shouted back but I interrupted him again.

“Oh you’ve been clear ,all right.
We’ll be like old friends who’ve drifted apart.
What the hell is that supposed to mean? Then you call me in the middle of the night and tell me you miss me! What am I supposed to do with that, Mitch? Up and down. That’s how you always are! You say you want us to act like old friends. Well, buddy, we were
never
just friends. Isn’t that what you told me once?”

Mitch’s lips thinned and his jaw tightened. “Don’t throw my words back in my face. I said that shit under very different circumstances!”

“Right. You said it right before we had sex!” Mitch flinched but I didn’t stop. “We had sex, Mitch and I freaked out. I pushed you away. I acted like a selfish, immature asshole and I’m sorry! I wish like hell I could take it back but I can’t. I knew you loved me and I treated you like dirt. I get why you’re angry. Why you’ve put this wall up between us. But don’t you dare tell me that we have to behave like friends who’ve drifted apart but then look at me like you do and hold my hand and tell me you
miss me!”
Tears sprang to my eyes and I didn’t wipe them away as they started to slide down my cheeks.

“I don’t know what to think, Mitch! I’m just really confused. Because sometimes it feels like it used to be between us. I feel it in here,” I laid my hand over my heart. “But then in the next breath you tell me that you have to go and meet Sophie and I feel like you’re using her as a weapon to punish me!” Mitch closed his eyes and looked like he was about to either cry or scream.

“She’s your girlfriend. You’ve told me that enough times. So why do I feel like that’s not what you want?” I whispered, all the fight draining out of me.

I said what I needed to say. The rest was on him.

Mitch wouldn’t look at me. His chest was heaving as though he were struggling to control himself.

“What do you want, Mitch?” I watched him. Waiting. Unsure. Uneasy.

“What do you want?” I repeated.

Mitch finally opened his eyes and I could see that they were wet. “You. God help me, I just want you,” he breathed and then we were reaching for each other.

His mouth crashed into mine and I was lost.

We existed in between.

In stolen moments and desperate chances. In forgotten looks and missed opportunities.

But right now we were an absolute. There was no questioning how we felt. We would consume each other or die trying.

I had forgotten how intoxicating he was. How it felt to kiss him and know that I was loved more than anything.

He wrapped his arms around me and I dug my fingers into his back. We were close but not close enough. Not for me. Not for him.