Devoted (13 page)

CHAPTER 30

Bethany

Taking a seat in the lone chair in the seemingly sterile room, I stare down at the man I have admired for as long as I can remember.  Atop the lone bed lies every person’s future, including my own. My father, a man that was once so full of life, now waits for death to claim him. His once vibrant blue eyes now lie permanently closed, giving the appearance of what is certain to come. His laughter is nothing more than a distant memory along with his smile, but they will remain in my heart forever. 

The person he once was is still in there, trapped inside a body that refuses to quit, tethered to a heart that continues to beat despite the chance of his recovery. The single gunshot to his chest should’ve claimed his life months ago, but somehow he managed to survive and has been in a persistent vegetative state since. Because of me… because of what I did.

“Hey Daddy,” I whisper as I reach for his lifeless hand. There is an unsettling feeling every time I’m here. The chances of him coming out of this ended a long time ago and I fear I will be forced to witness that moment when his body finally gives up.

I sit beside him in silence, watching as his chest slowly rises and falls with each forced breath. A better person would’ve ended his misery long ago, but I’m selfish, continuing to pray for a miracle that will certainly never come. 

Guilt is a powerful emotion. It’s destructive and impossible to dismiss. Ultimately, it can and will destroy you.

I knew better than to leave the compound when we were on lockdown. It wasn’t the first time I’d snuck out and each and every time, I’d made it back safely without anyone being any wiser. But that one night changed everything.

Maybe I was a fool to think nothing could ever happen to me. That’s the problem with being young. You believe you’re indestructible. That night I learned a lesson that will haunt me for the rest of my life, but it didn’t stop me from making yet another mistake. Only this time, I was the one hurt in the process.

This is my punishment. Payback for all of my sins.

“I messed up again Daddy,” I murmur, grasping his weakened hand in mine. “And I don’t know how to fix it.”

I draw in a deep breath, waiting for him to open his eyes and look at me in utter disappointment, but nothing happens.

“I just wanted to take away the pain, just for a little while.” And that’s exactly what I planned to do. I knew I was making a mistake going to Trace’s house even before I got there, but it didn’t stop me from going inside.

I’ve been around Trace a million times in the past but never like this. I was always the good girl, there only to help out my big brother. Suddenly I was the one begging him to help me forget.

I still don’t know what he gave me but I’ll never forget the euphoria I felt as all the pain suddenly disappeared. In that moment I could see why Blake had used for so many years, but just as quickly as one pain vanished, it was replaced by another.

I can still feel Trace’s hands on me, the way his calloused fingertips felt like they were tearing at my flesh. I wanted him to stop. I even begged him, but was powerless to stop him.

“Mama says you wouldn’t want to live this way. That I’m being selfish, but I still need you Daddy. I don’t know what to do,” I am helpless to stop the tears that flow from my eyes. They are out of fear and desperation.

Roughly wiping away my tears does nothing to halt them, but I do it almost out of habit. “I’m not ready to be a mother. Not this way.”

Staring down at my father, I do the same thing I do every day I’m here and watch him, praying that by some miracle he will wake up. Once again, my hopes are shattered, but I still refuse to give up hope. “You can’t leave me, Daddy. I still need you.”

I turn my focus to his eyes, praying that he will suddenly open them and come to my rescue like he always had. But there is nothing. No movement. No sound. Nothing but the rhythmic sound of the machine pumping air into his lungs.

“I love you, Daddy,” I whimper as I stand, leaning over to press a gently kiss to his sunken cheek before heading towards the exit, leaving behind the Bethany I once was to watch over him.

EPILOGUE

Blake

My eyes lock with Bella’s as I drive my rigidness into her, watching in amazement as I bring her to the brink once again. She is so fuckin’ beautiful and she’s all mine.

My lips curl upwards into a smile as she cries out, begging me to take her over the edge. Just as I feel her pussy clamp down on me, I stop mid thrust, unwilling to let this moment end.

“Please, Blake…” she purrs, her heated eyes flaring in response. She wants this… needs this… just as much as I do.

“Tell me what you want,” I demand, needing to hear her words.

“I want you to make me come,” she says in a husky voice.

Lowering my lips to hers, I claim her mouth, my tongue infiltrating past her lips, allowing her to taste her own arousal that still clings to it. She groans, sucking my tongue into her mouth, caressing it with her own, silently begging me to give her exactly what she needs.

Our lips still connected, I roll over until she is straddling me. Breaking our kiss, I look up at her, the image of her in control almost sending me over the edge. My eyes instinctively fall on the scar she will forever bear, yet another reminder of her painful past. I almost lost Bella that night, a feeling I hope to never relive.

“Take me with you,” I whisper, my fingertips trailing up her side.

She shivers in response, arching her back so that her full breasts thrust forward, begging me to tease them just like she likes. I take her rigid peaks between my thumb and forefinger, working them gently, as she glides up and down on my shaft, rocking her hips in a way that drives me crazy.

As she picks up speed, I know there’s not a chance in hell that I can hold back. Seeing her this way, in the throes of passion, taking what she wants… I know I can’t hold back much longer.

“Fuck me!” I growl.

And she does just that, her pussy grinding onto my thickness as if her life depends on it. Bella’s cries become more feral as her orgasm approaches and just when I think I can take no more, she throws her head back, crying out as her pussy forms a vice on my swollen cock, milking it dry, both of us finding our release together.

Collapsing onto my chest exhausted, her breathing begins to slow.  “Will it always be this way?” she asks in a sleepy tone.

“Which part?” I ask, my fingers grazing against her side. “The sex? I don’t know if I’ll have this much stamina by the time I’m ninety.”

I can’t help but smile when I hear her giggle. “Not the sex part. The
us
part. What if you wake up one morning and realize you don’t want me anymore?”

“When I say I love you, there’s no beginning or end. And I say it without fear or expectations, asking for nothing in return but to keep you in my heart where you have always been and where you’ll always remain.”

Bella lifts her tear filled eyes to meet mine. “I love you so much Blake,” she says, her lip quivering. “And I don’t wanna wait.”

Letting out a rushed breath, it takes a minute for her words to sink in. “I don’t have a ring yet,” I admit.

“I don’t need a ring, Blake. I just need you,” she smiles at me.

“All I ever needed was you Bella,” I breathe, pulling her to me.

“When you showed up in my life I didn’t recognize you for who you were,” she murmurs against my chest. “I didn’t know you were the piece that had always been missing from my life.”

Rolling her over until she is on her back, I hover over her, staring down into her dancing amber colored eyes. “Say it,” I murmur against her lips.

“I belong to you,” she whispers.

“I’ve belonged to you since the very beginning Bella. Before I even knew I did,” I breathe before taking her once again.

*****

Stepping outside into the night air, I give my eyes a moment to adjust to the darkness that surrounds me. This is my favorite time of day, when the world is still slumbering, completely unaware of what is lurking outside their window. And then there’s me, embracing the darkness that terrifies others.

Taking long strides across the yard, I make my way to the old storage shed behind the compound. Pausing outside the door, I draw in a deep breath before popping the lock and pulling the large wooden door open. Reaching out, I flip the light switch and the room suddenly erupts in brightness.

Dragging the metal chair from the corner of the room, I make my way towards the center, positioning it perfectly. Reaching into my pocket, I pull out the filled syringe before taking a seat. Holding it up to the light, I flick the side with my fingernail, the sound bringing a smile to my lips. Gripping the top with my teeth, I yank it off, revealing the glimmering silver colored needle underneath.

“I thought I’d put all of this behind me,” I whisper, leaning back in the chair. “But the past has a way of creeping up on you when you least expect it.”

The instant gratification. The escape from reality. All of it comes rushing back. I thought I’d never be able to walk away from that life, and now here I am being dragged into it once again, only this time I’m the one in control.

“But with pleasure comes pain. Isn’t that how it all works?” There’s only so much pain a person can take before they snap. I’ve witnessed it firsthand.

Shaking my head, I rise from the chair. A few short strides and I am grasping the blue elastic band from the table tightly in my hand. After everything I’ve done and seen, I never imagined myself to become this person again – filled with hatred and self-loathing.

How did I not see what was going on right in front of me? I knew losing Shadow was destroying Bethany, but I kept trying to convince myself that she would get through it. I was wrong and now I have to fix it.

Spinning around, I turn my focus on Trace. His beaten and bruised form hangs from the rafters just enough so his feet can never touch the ground. It’s funny how I don’t find the image the least bit disturbing, a far cry from my humble beginnings in the Satan’s Rebels. In fact, there’s a certain amount of satisfaction seeing him this way.

“So why don’t we start at the beginning,” I say as I close the distance between us, ripping the duct tape from his mouth.

“I told you I’m sorry, man!” he cries out, his eyes widening at the sight of the syringe in my hand. “I wasn’t thinking straight. I… I need help.”

“And that’s why I’m here,” I say, a sadistic grin forming on my lips as I take a step towards him and line the needle up to his jugular and slide it inside, depressing the plunger in one swift movement. Taking a step back, I toss the used syringe to the floor.

Taking the seat I just abandoned, I stare up at Trace, waiting for the caustic chemical to begin coursing through his veins. “So why don’t we start from the beginning,” I say, my arms crossing my chest as I make myself as comfortable as possible in the hard metal chair.

“You can’t do this!” he begins pleading. “We’re friends Blake, you and me. I’ve looked out for you, man!”

“You are your mother’s son. You have a conscience and a heart.”
My father’s words from not so long ago replay inside my mind. That part of me is still present and always will be. But there’s another side to Blake Andrews. The natural born killer not unlike my father.

“What’s gonna happen to me?” Trace asks in a strained voice.

Lifting my eyes to his, there is no hesitation. No second guessing myself. No regrets. This is who I am… who I was always meant to be. A shield for those I love. Completely devoted to their protection. Taking their pain and making it my own.

“You’re gonna die…”