Devoted (3 page)

CHAPTER 6

Blake

My gaze remains affixed to the clock on the wall, watching time as it passes. Seconds turn to minutes and then into hours as I wait for the inevitable.

“Comfortable?”

Lowering my gaze, my eyes fall to the middle-aged man coming towards me. His hair is longer than normal for someone his age, and is thinning, combed over in an attempt to conceal the bald patch on top of his head.

“Quite,” I sneer, leaning back against the cool brick wall. This isn’t my first run in with the law, and probably won’t be my last.

“Glad to hear it,” he smirks, shaking his head at me. “Bet you won’t be so cocky when your parent’s show up.”

“Whatever,” I mumble, rolling my eyes at him. He thinks he has the upper hand, but little does he know the number I gave him was Bethany’s. She knows the routine. One quick call to Trace and I’ll be outta this joint, this dumb fuck none the wiser.

“If I were you, I’d lose the attitude. One of these days, mommy and daddy won’t come running to your rescue,” he says, raising his brow.

Narrowing my eyes at the man, I bite my tongue. There won’t be a next time because I’m not stupid enough to make the same mistake twice. Trying to score on the street was a dumbass move, one I won’t make again.

“What’s the matter? Cat got your tongue all of a sudden? You weren’t this quiet when we busted your ass back on Seventh, now were you?”

“Fuck off,” I say through clenched teeth. He thinks he’s intimidating me, but he couldn’t be more wrong. I’m no fuckin’ pussy and if I wasn’t shackled, I’d beat the shit out of this fucker without batting an eye.

When I hear the station door open, my anger quickly dissipates and a cocky smile forms on my lips. Turning my attention towards the entrance, my smile instantly vanishes as my gaze lands on the form standing inside the doorway.

My eyes widen as my mother crosses the room, her cold eyes boring into mine. Angry doesn’t begin to describe her demeanor as she closes the distance between us. Coming to an abrupt stop in front of me, the fury in her eyes is replaced with a mixture of hurt and disappointment, wounding me to the core.

What the fuck is she doing here?
Bethany wouldn’t rat me out… or would she?

“Jade,” the man’s eyes soften as he looks over at my mom in recognition.

“It’s good to see you again Neil,” she says, her eyes never leaving mine.

“I wish it were under better circumstances, but I figured you’d want to know. Sorry to ruin your evening.”

“Don’t apologize,” she says, finally looking away from me. “I’m glad you called.”

“I’ve got everything in my office,” the officer says as he places his hand in the small of her back. Without another word, he guides my mother towards the hallway and the two disappear down it.

He knows her.
Fuck!
I swallow hard, unprepared for the wrath my mother will certainly unleash. I’d stand a better chance if my father had shown up, but Mom… there’s no way she’ll let this slide.

Closing my eyes, I try to come up with a valid excuse for being here. Something she’ll believe, but I come up empty handed. I’m fucked and I know it.

When they finally reappear, my heart sinks. The look on her face says it all. Glaring down at me, she waits patiently as the officer unshackles my ankles and wrists. He says nothing until he turns to face my mother once again.

“If you need anything Jade, I’m just a phone call away.”

“Thanks Neil,” she mutters, before locking her gaze with mine. “Let’s go!”

She doesn’t even wait for my response as she turns to head for the door, knowing I will trail behind her. Rising from the chair, I step in behind her, lowering my head in shame as I follow her outside.

When she reaches the bottom of the stairs to the station, she abruptly stops and turns to face me, a look of utter despair in her eyes. The guilt I already feel is instantly magnified.

“This isn’t the first time, is it?” she asks, her voice trembling as she speaks.

I say nothing, merely shaking my head in response. What’s there to say?

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” she demands.

I lower my eyes, unwilling to see meet her gaze. Her anger I can handle, but the pain emanating from her eyes is more than I can bear.

“Answer me!” she commands, her voice echoing in the vacant parking lot.

Drawing in a deep breath, I release it slowly before lifting my eyes to meet hers.  I try to find the right words but there are none. “I don’t have an answer.”

“Of course you don’t.” Shaking her head, a stray tear escapes her eye, breaking my heart. She reaches up and roughly brushes it away. “It would just be an excuse anyway,” she mutters before turning away and heading towards the car.

As she climbs into the driver’s seat, I catch a glimpse of the tears streaming down her face, all because of me… because I caused her pain and it guts me.

“Mom!” I shout as I run across the parking lot, yanking the passenger door open just as she throws the car into reverse. “Please wait…”

“For what, Blake? For you to lie to me?” she cries out. “You’re my son and I love you with every beat of my heart, but I can’t do this! I won’t do this!”

“I know,” I say, I say as I climb in beside her. Looking over at her with pleading eyes, I silently beg her to give me a chance that I honestly don’t deserve.

“How long?” she demands and from the look on her face, I know this is my one and only shot.

“Too long.” It’s as honest of a statement as I can give. I’ve been using for many years but can’t pinpoint the exact moment I went from experimenting to addiction. Maybe I’ve been an addict all along. “I never meant to hurt you.”

“This isn’t about you hurting me or letting me down. This is about you destroying yourself!”

“So what if I use every now and then?” I ask, not bothering to hide my frustration.  “So does Maze. You’re making a big deal out of nothing.”

“Maze isn’t my son!” she snaps. “And there’s a big fuckin’ difference between a little weed and fuckin’ heroin! So yeah, this is a big damn deal, Blake!”

“Look Mom, I’ve got this under control.” It’s a lie, plain and simple. She knows it and deep down so do I.

“No, you don’t Blake,” she murmurs, her eyes filling with tears once again.

“What do you fuckin’ want from me?!” I shout out in frustration.

“I want you to get help! Let me help you, Blake,” she pleads.

“I don’t need your help, you stupid fuckin’ bitch!” I roar, slamming my palm onto the dash, instantly regretting my outburst.

She says nothing for several moments, but the look in her eyes speaks volumes. “Get out,” she whispers, her tone tortured. When I don’t budge, she lets out a rushed breath. “Get. Out.” Her voice is stern and unforgiving.

“What?” I breathe, looking at her in disbelief.

“The worst thing in life is watching someone you love slowly drown and not being able to convince them that they can save themselves just by standing up. I won’t sit back and watch you destroy yourself, Blake. I love you too much for that.”

“So you’re just gonna kick me out?!”

“No. You made that decision, not me. You can come by in the morning to get your stuff.”

I am trembling with rage as I jerk the car door open and step out into the cold night. The one person I always thought I could depend on is turning her back on me. “Fuck you,” I mutter as I slam the door shut and storm across the parking lot, never looking back.

CHAPTER 7

Blake

Pulling into the driveway of my old stomping grounds, a sinking feeling forms in the pit of my stomach but I quickly push it aside.

Marching towards the front steps of the all too familiar house, nothing stands in my way as I push my way past the party goers and inside the front door. Coming to a stop in the foyer, my eyes begin scanning the room.

Finally, I spot Trace perched on the sofa beside two girls. Making my way over to him, an unsettled feeling makes me second guess my decision to come here, but where else am I supposed to go. I need a fix… bad, and I know Trace will hook me up.

“I was wondering when you’d show your face again,” Trace smirks as he stands. “Long time, no see bro.”

“Yeah,” I mutter, refusing to meet his cocky gaze.

“Anything particular you’re looking for or you just want your usual?” he asks as he motions towards the back door. For someone who’s strung out all the time, Trace always puts business before pleasure. This is how he supports his own habit.

Following behind him, I inhale deeply when we step out into the cool night’s air, walking away no longer an option. “The usual,” I tell him, closing the door behind me.

“I think I can handle that,” he says, pulling several baggies from his jean pocket. “So is it true?”

“What’s that?”

“That your mom found out and threw your ass to the curb,” he chuckles, slapping five bags into my palm.

Shaking my head, I refuse to admit the truth. “How much?”

“The usual,” he sneers, watching me as I pull the last bit of cash from my pocket.

“Glad to have you back, bro. Betcha Bethany’ll feel the same way. She hasn’t stopped talking about you since you left. Poor girl thinks you’re getting yourself clean. She should be used to it by now.”

I freeze at the mention of my sister’s name. “Bethany?” I take a step towards him, towering over his small frame. “She’s here?”

“Relax,” Trace says, holding his hands up in defeat. “She’s only been coming around a few weekends. Don’t even think she’s touched the stuff yet.”

“Yet?” I seethe. There’s no way my sister would touch this shit, especially after seeing firsthand what it can do.

“Chill. She’s not the type,” he chuckles, and I instantly breathe a sigh of relief. “But Trevor on the other hand…”

Trevor?
“Where is she?” I demand, cutting him off.

“She’s around here somewhere.” He walks towards the back door and peers through the glass, scanning the room behind it. “Well at least she was.”

Pushing passed him, I hurry inside. Wasting no time, I rush towards the stairs, taking two at a time. When I come to a stop outside the spare bedroom door, my anger mounts. “I’ll fuckin’ kill him,” I mutter as I push open the door, the wood impacting the wall with a loud thud.

My eyes land on them immediately. Bethany’s eyes widen as I cross the room, stopping at the edge of the bed. Surprised by my intrusion, she quickly scrambles to cover herself with the thin sheet. “What are you doing here?!” she screeches, staring up at me in disbelief.

I say nothing, my rage taking hold. Grabbing Trevor by the neck, I drag him from the bed, tossing him onto the floor like a rag doll.

“What the fuck, man!” he shouts, scrambling to his feet.

My eyes zone in on the boxers barely covering his erection and every ounce of restraint dissipates from my body. Lunging toward him, my left hand engulfs his throat while my right fist connects with his cheek.

“Stop it Blake!” Bethany shrieks as I follow Trevor to the ground, my fists pummeling into his face again and again. I want to kill him and at this moment, I have every intention of doing just that.

Only when I feel my sister tugging at my shoulder and hear the desperation in her voice do I relent. Looking over my shoulder, I see my sister dressed in only her bra and panties, and I almost lose it again. Rising to my feet, I quickly rip my jacket off, tossing it to her. “Put it on!” I order before reaching down and grabbing her clothes from the floor.

Tears stream down her face, she complies with my demands, looking at me with nothing but fear in her eyes.

“Go anywhere near my sister again and I’ll fuckin’ kill you,” I rage before grabbing hold of Bethany’s arm. I literally drag her from the room, down the stairs and out the front door without a backwards glance.

As I pull the car door open, Bethany manages to wrench her arm free from my grasp. “Stop!” she cries out, taking a step back from me. “How could you do that to me?” she sobs.

“Because you’re my sister, damn it!” I shout, tossing her clothes into the backseat. Instantly I regret my aggression when I see Bethany flinch. Taking in a deep breath, I attempt to calm myself before continuing. “What were you thinking, Bethany? You were just gonna give it up to fuckin’ Trevor Phillips of all people?” Trevor isn’t necessarily a bad guy, but he’s notorious for using girls. I’ll be damned if my sister becomes another notch in his bedpost.

“Why do you fuckin’ care?” Bethany asks, using the back of her hand to swipe the remnants of tears from her cheeks. “It’s my life Blake, not yours!”

“You’re right. This is your life, but I won’t just sit back and do nothing when you’re about to do something you’ll fuckin’ regret.”

“How do you know I’d regret it? Maybe this is what I want!”

Shaking my head, I look down at my baby sister with a soulful look. “So you want to become some random fuck? Let some prick use you and throw you aside?”

“Trevor’s not like that!” she argues. “He loves me!”

“He loves what’s between your legs,” I retort.

“He’s not like you!” she shouts, using every ounce of strength she has to shove me.

“You’re right, he’s not. He doesn’t love you. I do.” As my eyes search hers, I silently pray that she realizes I’m telling her the truth.

“Fuck you,” she mutters as she shakes her head and climbs inside the car.

Crossing her arms across her chest, she slams the door shut and stares out the windshield, a pout forming on her lips. Climbing in beside her, I do my best to maintain my composure. “You can hate me all you want to Bethany, but one day you’ll realize I did this for you,” I say I bring the engine to life.

“I hate you Blake Andrews and I’ll never forgive you for this,” she says through clenched teeth. Turning in the seat, she stares out the passenger window and I know our conversation has ended. Bethany holds grudges. She always has.

Reaching into the backseat, I grab the clothes I retrieved from the bedroom floor and toss them into her lap. “You might wanna put these on,” I say as I pull out of the driveway.

She says nothing, cutting her eyes at me. For the first time ever, I see pure hatred in them and it’s all directed towards me.

*****

Taking a seat on the picnic table, I stare out into the darkness. Letting out a strangled breath, I peer over my shoulder to make sure I’m alone before I pull the baggie and syringe from my pocket, placing them on the table beside me.

The loneliest moment in a person’s life is when they are watching their world fall apart right in front of them, and all they can do is sit back and watch it happen.

I want nothing more than to walk inside that house and beg my mother for forgiveness. Even asking for her help would be easy. Going through with it would be the difficult part.

I didn’t even know I was addicted until I tried to stop. That’s the thing about drugs. They take you to hell disguised as heaven.

“What are you doing out here? Meditating or some shit?”

My hand quickly covers the baggies on the table top as I turn. Bethany smiles at me, a look of apology in her eyes.

“Thought you weren’t talking to me?” I ask, swiftly placing the tiny bags in my pocket as I rise from the table.

“Yeah, well I changed my mind,” she giggles. “I couldn’t sleep.”

“Me either.” It’s not a lie. Sleep never comes easy for me anymore.

“I’m sorry about tonight,” she mumbles, coming to take the seat I had just abandoned. “I really don’t hate you.”

“You sure?” I ask, taking the seat beside her. “Because I’d probably hate me too, if I were in your shoes.”

“I’m sure,” she says, gripping my hand with hers.

“So what happened to change your mind?” I probe. Bethany never forgives this easily.

“I called Trevor to see how he was doing and Sheila answered the phone.” I can hear the pain in her tone and it crushes me. “You were right.”

“I’m sorry Bethy,” I murmur as I drape my arm over her shoulder and pull her to me.

“He told me he loved me and I actually believed him.” Her voice is soft and a bit strained, reflecting the true sadness she feels.

“Guys are pricks. We’ll say just about anything to get what we want.” It’s the sad truth, and even I’m guilty of the same.

“I almost made a huge mistake. If you hadn’t shown up…” her voice trails off. There’s no need to say the words because both of us know what would’ve happened. “Thank you.”

“That’s what brothers do. I know I haven’t been much of a role model, but I do love you Sis. I want you to remember that.”

“I love you too,” she says, lifting her face so that I can see the ridiculous grin on her lips. “I think I’m gonna head to bed. You coming?” Rising from the table, she looks over at me expectantly.

“Nah, I think I’ll just sit out here for a while.”

“OK,” Bethany whispers, looking at me with a pained expression. “You’re using again, aren’t you?”

Closing my eyes, I bite the inside of my cheek, trying to keep my emotions at bay. “No,” I whisper as I lower my gaze from hers. It hurts too much to admit the truth, but I’m tired of lying to her. “I never stopped.”

“I don’t understand. I thought that’s why you were gone…”

“She kicked me out,” I say, cutting her off. “I got into some trouble a few weeks ago and the cop knew mom. He called her instead of you.”

It’s probably the best thing she could’ve done for me even though I despised her at the time for doing it. Forcing my hand has made me see what my life has become and where it is heading if I don’t make some changes. The problem is, I don’t know if I can.

“I don’t blame her,” I continue, my eyes meeting those of my sister. “She would’ve helped me if I had asked.”

“But you didn’t?”

“No,” I mutter as I look away. “I told her I had it under control.”

“So you showing up tonight wasn’t just a coincidence?”

“No,” I sigh. Reaching into my pocket, I pull out the five baggies along with the syringe. Gripping them tightly in my hand, I extend my arm out, passing them to her. “It’s all there.”

Bethany stares down at her open palm, her eyes filling with tears at the realization of what I am doing. “Get rid of it,” I order. Standing up, I peer over my shoulder at the house knowing what I have to do. “Will you go with me?” I ask in a hushed tone.

“To talk to Mom? Of course,” she says, giving me a sympathetic smile. “You know she’ll help you,” she adds, grasping my hand in hers as she leads me towards the house.

“I know.” The question is, will she forgive me?

As we reach the back door, my breathing catches and panic rises in my chest when I see her standing on the other side, staring back at me. Her eyes are filled with unshed tears, but otherwise she remains stoic, waiting for me to make the first move.