Diane Warner's Wedding Question & Answer (12 page)

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Authors: Diane Warner

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Page 98
I always wanted to have a garden wedding, but we're getting married indoors in January. How can I create a garden setting?
Depending on any religious restrictions, you might consider bringing in white wrought iron benches, trellises, white wooden arbors, and picket fencing. Then add colorful flowering potted plants, shrubs, and trees (even silk ones). This same idea works, by the way, for converting a homely reception hall into a charming, blooming garden.
Speaking of homely reception halls, we're being stuck with a school gymnasium, of all things, which happens to be the only building in our small town large enough to hold all our guests. Help! What can we do?
Borrow some of the same tricks high school students use when converting a plain school gym into a romantic wonderland for their senior prom. First, they fill the room with all the silk ficus trees and potted shrubs they can find. Then they wrap hundreds of tiny white Christmas tree lights around these trees and plants, over the windows and doorways, and along the stage and railings. Finally, they fill hundreds of balloons with helium and suspend them from the ceiling with curled lengths of crinkle-tie ribbon. By using these few inexpensive props they are able to create a warm ambiance for their party, especially once the sun goes down and the overheads are turned off, leaving only the sparkle and glow of the tiny white lights.
Another solution is to fill the homely place with candles, more expensive than borrowed Christmas tree lights, but very effective. Also, you can break up the monotony of the room by arranging clusters of plants and trees here and there across the floor.
 
Page 99
Chapter 13
The Rehearsal
Is it always necessary to have a formal rehearsal? We have several members of the wedding party who will barely make it here for the day of the wedding, much less for a rehearsal the night before
.
Will you have music? Will you walk down the aisle? Are there bridesmaids? Unless you're having a
very
simple or a
very
informal wedding, you definitely need a rehearsal, even if it has to be a few hours before the ceremony. Believe me, I have seen couples who thought they could get by without it, and they were
always
sorry. A wedding is composed of many parts, all of which must fit together like a puzzle; for example, the ushers need to be briefed; the organist and other musicians need to rehearse, including the pace of the processional; everyone involved needs to walk through the sequence of the ceremony, especially the bride and groom who have the most important part.
 
Page 100
When is the rehearsal usually held?
It is common to hold the rehearsal on the evening before the wedding at a time that is most convenient for the clergyman and also that allows time for the rehearsal dinner to follow.
Who supervises the ceremony rehearsal itself?
Usually the clergyman, but if not, appoint someone knowledgeable, such as a wedding coordinator.
How long does a wedding rehearsal usually last?
If the officiant takes charge and gets things moving, an hour and a half should be more than enough time to run through the entire service twice, which is ideal.
What should we bring to the rehearsal?
Bring several "pretend" bouquets for the bride and bridesmaids to practice with (make them ahead of time out of ribbons left over from engagement parties, bridal showers, or wedding gifts that have already been opened). Bring the marriage license to give to the clergyman for safekeeping. Bring and deliver checks for those who are being paid to participate, such as the soloists, organist, harpist, etc. The bride and groom should bring their gifts for their attendants and groomsmen, if they haven't already given these gifts on a previous occasion.
Does the bride actually take part in the rehearsal? Isn't it proper for someone to stand in for her while she sits and listens?
That used to be the case. Today, however, it is perfectly acceptable and preferred, in fact, for the bride to go
 
Page 101
through the motions, along with the groom and the rest of the wedding party. The bride, her father, and her attendants especially need to practice walking down the aisle. Once everyone is settled in place in the front of the church or synagogue, the rabbi, priest, or minister will explain the sequence of the service, but won't use the words of the actual marriage ceremony itself. Instead he will say, "At this point, you will recite your vows to each other," etc.
Who is usually invited to the rehearsal dinner?
Believe it or not, here we go again with another pesky guest list. It is really important that everyone be invited who should be invited; this is no time for hurt feelings. To begin with, all of the attendants and their spouses or fiancés are invited, along with the parents of any children who are participating in the wedding (the children, if very young, should be left with a babysitter during the dinner), the clergyman and his or her spouse, special out-of-town relatives, including the grandparents, the parents of the couple, and,
of course
, the honored guests, the bride and groom.
Who normally hosts the rehearsal dinner?
Actually, anyone may host it, but it is traditionally hosted by the groom's parents. It may also be hosted by the bride's parents, bride's or groom's grandparents or other relatives, or any member of the wedding party. It doesn't have to be a formal affair, by the way.
Is there a traditional order of events for a rehearsal dinner?
Other than the toasts, which are traditionally part of any rehearsal dinner celebration, there are no rules that must
 
Page 102
be followed. Here are few things, however, that you may want to include during the evening:
See that introductions are made all around; this is a wonderful opportunity for the extended families of the bride and groom to meet and get to know each other.
Various family members may want to tell little stories about the bride or groom when they were young.
Home videos or slide shows are fun, showing the couple as they were growing up. (Be sure you have a supply of tissues on hand, especially close by the mothers of the bride and groom!)
If the get-together is quite informal, you may include swimming, karaoke singing, mixer games, volleyball, or horseshoesanything to loosen everyone up after all the stress of planning the wedding.
This is also a great time to say thank you to all those present who have helped with the wedding preparations and to give gifts to members of your wedding party, if you haven't already done so.
The important thing to remember when planning the rehearsal dinner is for it to have a comfortable setting where everyone can relax, get to know each other, and enjoy each other's company before the big day.
What toasts are normally given during the rehearsal dinner?
This is the usual order of toasts:
1
. The best man toasts the bride and groom.
 
Page 103
2
. The groom toasts his bride and her parents.
3
. The bride toasts her groom and his parents.
Following these traditional toasts, anyone may offer one and, by the way, all these toasts are usually more personal and humorous than those at the wedding reception.
 
Page 104
Chapter 14
The Ceremony
What are the most popular ceremony sites?
Today's most popular sites are traditional religious sites, such as a church, chapel, temple, or cathedral. Then, there is the bride's home, a hall, a private club, hotel ball room, restaurant, or a judge's chambers, if it is a simple civil ceremony. However, when it comes to the nontraditional, the sky's
literally
the limit, when you consider being married in a hot air balloon, at the top of a ski slope, on the bank of a river or lake, beside a waterfall, on a cruise ship, or on a Hawaiian beach at sunset. You name ityou can probably be married
on
it,
in
it, or
beside
it! It's interesting that with the success of the book and movie titled
The Bridges of Madison County
, Madison county's bridges have become extremely popular ceremony venues!
 
Page 105
We're going to be married in a church that has three sections with two center aisles, instead of one traditional center aisle dividing two sections. We expect to have about 150 guestshow can they be seated so they aren't all spread out?
The best way is to ribbon off one of the side sections, preferably the left section, and then use the left aisle for the processional and the right aisle for the recessional; another solution is to use the right aisle for both the processional and recessional, as if it were the only aisle in the church.
We plan to have a very simple, brief civil ceremony in a small but attractive room in our county courthouse. Will it be ali right if I wear a floor-length wedding gown? We're going from there directly to a large hotel reception, and I want to be wearing my gown when I arrive
.
You definitely have a problem here because you don't normally wear traditional wedding attire when being married in a municipal building by a judge or justice of the peace. I'm sure you can find a lovely afternoon dress or suit that would work for both locations. Another solution would be to ask the justice of the peace to perform the ceremony in front of the guests at the hotel; that way, you can wear anything you'd like and everyone will enjoy seeing the wedding take place.
What Kind of official is authorized to perform marriages in a civil ceremony?
Depending on your state, a judge, a justice of the peace, a mayor, a county clerk or, perhaps, a notary public, depending on your state's regulations. Call your local marriage license bureau to ask for references.
 
Page 106
What are the other ways a civil ceremony differs from other wedding ceremonies?
Usually a civil ceremony is small and nonreligious; it can be performed in a courthouse or a judge's chambers, of course, but may also be performed at any other nonreligious location, such as a restaurant, country club, or at your home. The bride and groom usually have only one attendant each. The reception that follows may be small, immediately following the ceremony, or large and lavish, planned for later in the day at another location.
I'd like to be married at home, but I don't want my parents to go through anything like the characters in
Father of the Bride
did. How can we make it special without going overboard?
A home wedding is one of my favorites because of the charm of the setting. In order to keep things simple, think about some of these suggestions: Move out any really cumbersome furniture to leave room for white folding chairs to be used by the parents, grandparents, and any elderly guestseveryone else stands during the ceremony; limit your attendants to one eacha maid or matron of honor and the best man; keep the music simplea string quartet, single harpist, or even recorded music is fine; and select a wedding gown with no train (a train takes up too much room). Of course, if the wedding takes place in the garden of the home, and the garden is quite large, you may have room for more attendants and musicians, as well as a dance floor that can be rented and set up on top of the lawn. Don't forget to decorate your old childhood swing!
What is an ''arch-of-steel" ceremony?
The
arch of steel
is simply the raising of the blades of military swords or sabers at the end of a military wedding,

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