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Authors: Diane Warner

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Diane Warner's Wedding Question & Answer (10 page)

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Page 79
What is a "collar extender"? I've never seen one.
A
collar extender
is an ingenious little loop of elastic that can add an inch or so to the size of your shirt collar by extending the space between the button and buttonhole.
Our wedding is going to be a "very formal" evening affair, which evidently requires full-dress tail coats and trousers. My fiancée wants me to wear a black top hat and white gloves as well. I can handle the white gloves, but I'm just not the type of guy to wear a black top hat. I'm afraid I'll feel like a chimney sweep!
You're in luck! The black top hat and white gloves are optional for a very formal evening wedding; however, if you eliminate the top hat, forget the white gloves as well.
I had no idea that planning a wedding could be so complicated and exhausting. I feel sorry for my fiancée because she's working about 10 hours a day at the office and then trying to make calls and meet with caterers on the weekend. She's on edge all the time. How can I help her cope with the anxiety of it?
Look in Chapter 7 for the advice I gave a bride who found herself in this same predicament. You may want to have a talk with your fiancée and seriously consider downsizing the wedding and reception, or you may be able to help her delegate some of the responsibilities or, preferably, help her with some of them yourself. For example, you can do some calling on your own, getting quotes from caterers, dance bands, or photographers, and when it comes to relaxation and recreation, you can be the one to insist that you "run away from home" once in a while. Meanwhile, you both need to lighten up and keep the big picture in mind: Your object is to become man and wife and when
 
Page 80
you sink into your wedding bed at the end of the big day, as long as that has been accomplished, a few little snafus won't matter at all. Trust meyou'll see!
How soon do I need to reserve the tuxedoes for the wedding? My fiancée said that they should be reserved as soon as she bays her wedding dress.
Fortunately, rental tuxedoes aren't usually in short supply, so this is one of the few things that can wait until two or three months before the wedding.
Is there some way to save money on the tuxedo rental?
There are several ways, in fact. First, avoid the top-of-the-line name brands; go for the lesser-known tuxedo companies. Second, look for a discount rental shop where tuxedos rent for about 20 percent less than the full-service retail stores. Finally, look for a package deal (the "rent four, get the groom's tux for free" deal).
Is it all right if I take off my tuxedo jacket during the reception?
Actually, it has become quite popular for the groom to have two looks, one for the ceremony and one for the reception. By removing your jacket for the reception and replacing it with a colorful vest and tie, you'll accomplish this feat and be much more comfortable, as well.
What are some of the things I should be doing in preparation for our wedding?
Oh, you'll be busy! Following is a list of some of your responsibilities:
 
Page 81
Order and pay for your bride's wedding ring.
Help make out the guest list.
Select your groomsmen and ushers.
Plan your honeymoon and update your passport, arrange for visas, international driver's license and inoculations, if necessary.
Visit stores with your fiancé to establish wedding gift registries.
Arrange to pay for your bride's bouquet, mothers' corsages, and boutonnieres for the men.
Help your parents plan the rehearsal dinner.
Give or attend a bachelor party.
Help your fiancée write thank you notes (the more you get done ahead of time, the less you'll have to write after the honeymoon).
Put the clergyman's or judge's fee in a sealed envelope and give it to the best man, who will deliver it before or after the ceremony.
Make any necessary arrangements for transportation, including your getaway vehicle.
Make any necessary arrangements for travel and lodging for your groomsmen and ushers.
Purchase or make reservations to rent the wedding attire for you and the men in your wedding party.
If asked, help your fiancée choose your ceremony and reception sites, the musicians and musical selections, etc.
 
Page 82
Take your fiancée to meet with your clergyman, including premarital counseling sessions, if required.
Put your financial affairs in order, including making changes in your insurance policies and checking accounts.
Buy thank you gifts for your best man, groomsmen, ring bearer, ushers, and others who will help with your wedding.
Select and purchase a gift for your bride, if you are giving her something special in addition to her wedding ring.
Make a date with your fiancée for blood tests and picking up your marriage license.
Make arrangements to move your belongings into your new apartment or home.
Pack for your honeymoon.
Purchase traveler's checks.
Keep track of your marriage license and be
sure
to bring it with you to the ceremony!
Do you have any creative ideas for a bachelor party?
Planning something active seems to be popular these days, from a bicycle marathon, to a golf tournament (complete with trophies), to a camping or backpacking weekend, to a racquetball tournament, to a night out at a ball game. Actually, the more physical the better because a lot of stress builds up in the months before a wedding and you could all stand to blow off a little steam!
 
Page 83
Chapter 9
The Bride's Attendants
I have been a bridal attendant or maid of honor in several weddings over the past two years. Am I obligated to return this honor by asking each of these brides to be an attendant in my wedding?
Absolutely not! After you've decided how many attendants you're going to have, make your selections from your heart, including those friends or family members closest to you, whether you were included in their weddings or not. Honor the rest of your friends in other ways: as candlelighters, guest book attendant, hostess, etc. Remember that your wedding day is a uniquely special day in your life, not an occasion for returning social obligations.
What is a ''snowball wedding"?
This is a wedding where all your bridal attendants wear white and the men usually wear white dinner jackets and
 
Page 84
black trousers. Sometimes the mothers wear white as well. The only color in the wedding is that of the flowers, which should be bright and vibrant. If you decide to have a snowball wedding, here is one word of caution: Be sure all the whites match. If your gown is slightly creamy, for example, it will look dirty next to your attendants' blue-white gowns. Select your gown first and use a fabric swatch to go shopping for everyone else.
What is a "bridesmaids' luncheon"?
It is a luncheon that is usually held a week or so before the wedding; it may be hosted by the bride for her bridesmaids, or vice versa. This is a good time for the bride to present her attendants with her gifts to them, especially if the gift is a piece of jewelry or clothing that will be worn during the wedding, such as a pearl necklace or pair of gloves. Also, the bridesmaids may use this opportunity to present the bride with their joint gift.
Do my bridesmaids' gowns have to be the same style as my wedding gown?
No, that isn't imperative, although it is normally the case. For example, if your dress is a full, hooped "Southern-Belle" styled gown, the bridesmaids would look pretty silly wearing clingy, sophisticated modern gowns.
What about my flower girl? Is it all right if she wears white?
Yes, but be sure the white of her dress matches the white of your gown. If you
are
able to match the whites, there is nothing quite as adorable as a short white dress tied in back with a wide bow in the same color or fabric as your
 
Page 85
bridesmaids' gowns. Another possibility is for your flower girl to wear a short little girl's version of the bridesmaids' gowns.
How can I be sate the sizing is correct for my bridesmaids' dresses?
Be aware that if you're ordering gowns from a bridal salon, the sizing is different than if you're ordering regular ready-to-wear. The bridal salon attire will probably run smaller, which means that if a woman normally wears a size 12, she will need a size 14. This sizing usually holds true for the bride, as well.
I would like my bridesmaids to be able to wear their dresses after the wedding. What do you suggest?
Try shopping in the "After Five" or "Special Occasion" section of your local department store; you'll find a large selection of dresses that will do double-duty and you'll be happy your bridesmaids' hard-earned money can be spent on dresses they can wear again.
 
Page 86
Chapter 10
The Groom's Attendants
What are the duties of the "groomsmen"?
When a man agrees to participate in a wedding, he takes on a number of responsibilities. The best man has most of the duties. First of all, he helps the groom select a rental store for the men's attire; then he follows through to see that alterations are made and the clothes are picked up or delivered in time; he also confirms any other orders the groom has made; he helps the groom dress; he takes full charge of the marriage license, clergyman's fee, the bride's wedding ring, the groom's passport, airline tickets, wallet, keys, and honeymoon hotel confirmations; he signs the marriage license; he proposes the first toast at the reception; he dances with the bride, her mother, and each of the bridesmaids; he places the couple's going-away luggage in their getaway vehicle; and after the wedding, he returns all the men's rented wedding attire. Whew!
 
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Compared to the best man, the rest of the groomsmen have it made. All they have to do is look handsome and dance with the bride, mothers, and bridesmaids at the reception, plus help the best man with any last-minute details.
Three of my groomsmen live in other states. How can I be sure all the men's tuxedoes are sized the same?
This can be a big problem because there will be several tailors involved. Here are a few guidelines for you to pass on to each of the men:
The jackets should fit snugly, but with no arm bulges, and there should be a little room at the waist.
The jacket sleeves should end at the men's
wrist bones.
The trousers should touch the top of the shoes with enough slack so the crease breaks slightly.
The shirt collars should be tight enough to hug the neck, but not so tight that the lapels buckle.
Who decides what the groomsmen will wear?
The groomsmen's attire is dictated by the formality of the wedding and it should coordinate with the groom's attire.
Does the color of the cummerbunds and bow ties have to match the color of the bridesmaids' gowns?
Usually they do, but the latest trend is to have cummerbunds and bow ties made from the exact same fabric as their dresses, even if the fabric is a print or stripe.
BOOK: Diane Warner's Wedding Question & Answer
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