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Page 49

Boutonnieres for the groom, the best man, his attendants, both fathers, and grandfathers.

The bride's bouquet and going-away corsage.

Corsages for both mothers and all grandmothers.

We only have $4,000 to spend on our wedding; how much of this $4,000 should go toward each expense?

Rather than give you my personal suggestions, perhaps it would be more helpful (and encouraging) to you if I give you the
actual
cost breakdown of a wedding that took place recently in Butte, Montana, with 250 guests. First, I'll list their actual expenses, and then I'll tell you how they did it.

Bride's gown

$400

Bride's makeup

Rented hoop petticoat

Veil

Shoes and hosiery

Rented bridesmaids' gowns

Gifts for the attendants

120

Reception hall rental

250

Photographer

265

Wedding cake

150

Videotaping

Caterer

675

DJ for the reception

Organist

Soloist

Trumpeters (2)

120

Flowers

200

Decorations, balloons, etc.

100

Men's attire

150

Miscellaneous

600

Total:

$3,163

Page 50

Now, let me tell you how they pulled this off:

Bride's gown:

Sewn by a seamstress in Seattle.

Bride's makeup:

Done at no charge by a friend of the bride.

Veil:

The bride made it herself.

Shoes and hosiery:

Purchased at a discount store.

Bridesmaids' gowns:

Bride split cost of renting them.

Attendants' gifts:

Shopped wisely and found them for $20 each.

Minister's fee:

No charge (father of the bride).

Photography:

Ordered a minimal package from a retired photographer and supplemented it with photos taken by the bride's sister-in-law.

Wedding cake:

Ordered from a woman who makes cakes in her own home.

Videotaping:

No charge (brother of the bride).

Caterer:

A friend of the bride's mother who runs a catering service out of her home, but only charged them her cost (as a wedding gift).

Musicians:

Friends of the bride's mother who offered to perform for free (bride bought thank you gifts).

Flowers:

The bride made all the flower arrangements, boutonnieres, corsages, and bouquets months ahead of time in silks that she purchased at a discount market.

Decorations:

Used donated and borrowed decorations and supplemented with lots of balloons.

Page 51

Although the wedding took place in Montana, most of the supplies were purchased in Seattle.

Every successful
budget wedding
has its own story, and I have received literally hundreds of them as brides and grooms have written to me after reading my books or attending my seminars. Obviously, in order to have a quality wedding on a small budget, you will need to do a lot of the work yourself, and you will also need the good fortune of having friends and family members willing to donate their time and talents. You might want to pick up a copy of my book
How to Have a Big Wedding on a Small Budget
, which will be a big help in keeping your costs down. The encouraging thing is that you
can
have a lovely wedding for $4,000, although your spending priorities may be quite different from the budget just described.

Page 52

Chapter 6
Inviting the Guests

How do we go about compiling our guest list? Is there some rule of thumb?

Yes, there are several. Here they are:

The size of the guest list is determined by whoever is paying for the wedding; the number of invitations is usually split evenly between the bride's and groom's parents; an invitation to any married guest
always
includes the spouse; everyone who participates in the wedding should be invited to the reception, along with the spouse; the addressing of the invitations is the responsibility of the bride's family.

What is the difference between ''engraving," "thermography," and "lithography"?

Engraving
is the more traditional type of printing technique that results in raised print that is pressed through

Page 53

and can be felt on the back of the paper;
thermography
also results in raised print, but the print is shinier, less expensive, and is not "pressed through" the paper.
Lithography
, which imprints the lettering with ink and does not result in raised or pressed-through letters, is the least costly technique of all and is perfectly acceptable to be used for wedding invitations.

What is the traditional wording for a formal wedding invitation?

Here is an example of a formal invitation:

Mr. and Mrs. James Hubert Smith
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Emily Suzanne
to
Mr. Winston Carter Jones
Saturday, the fourth of May
at two o'clock
Church of the Wildwood
San Andreas, Oregon

My father passed away two years ago, so my mother will be paying for the wedding. How should we word the invitations?

Word it just the same as the one shown previously, except replace "Mr. and Mrs. James Hubert Smith," with "Mrs. James Hubert Smith." (A formal invitation must use her husband's name, but an informal invitation may say "Mrs. Susie Smith" instead.)

Page 54

My mother was widowed several years ago, but has remarried, and both of them are paying for the wedding. How do we word the invitation so that it is understood that I am her daughter?

There is a simple change in the wording whereby you are shown to be
her
daughter. Here is an example:

Mr. and Mrs. Donald Eugene Swenson
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of her daughter
Melinda Sue Anderson
etc.

The inclusion of your last name will also prevent any misunderstanding. By the way, the same rule applies for a father who has been widowed and then remarried: the wording states "at the marriage of
his
daughter."

My parents divorced years ago and have both remarried. The problem is that both of my parents want to give me this wedding. How should their names be worded on the invitation?

Using the same format shown previously for a formal invitation, simply include the names of both couples:

Mr. and Mrs. Henry Andrew Knapp
and
Mr. and Mrs. Donald John Melville
etc.

Page 55

My parents are deceased and my fiancé's parents are giving us our wedding. What do we do about the wording?

Here is an example of the proper wording. Notice that your name is preceded by "Miss" and the "Mr." is dropped from your fiancé's name.

Mr. and Mrs. Steven Francis Brownell
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of
Miss Diana Henderson
to their son
Charles Gordon Brownell
etc.

My sister and I are being married in a double ceremony. How should the invitations be worded?

Here is the proper wording for an invitation to a double wedding:

Mr. and Mrs. Richard Allan Burkett
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their daughters
Sheryl Anne
to
Mr. James Carter Patterson
and
Denise Lynne
to
Mr. Paul Ronald Vinson
etc.

Page 56

We are sending out our own invitations. How should they read?

If the parents aren't involved, their names should be omitted from the invitations altogether. Here is the proper wording:

The honour of your presence
is requested at the marriage of
Miss Barbara Jane Banks
to
Mr. Jason Harold Johnson
etc.

Is the wording any different for a civil ceremony?

The only difference is that you would use the less formal wording of "the pleasure of your company" in place of "the honour of your company."

What is the proper way to address the two envelopes?

Unfortunately, you are required to write everyone's name twice, once on the outer sealed envelope, along with the full address, and once on the inner unsealed envelope. Here is an example for the outer envelope: