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Authors: Diane Warner

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Diane Warner's Wedding Question & Answer (3 page)

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Page 23
What should I wear in the way of jewelry on my wedding day? My wedding gown has a sweetheart neckline
.
The thing to remember here is that
less is better
. Don't load up on flashy jewelry, especially colored gems or stones; keep it simple. A single strand of pearls, pearl earrings, and your engagement ring, worn on your right hand, of course, would be just right. In any case, never wear your watch during the ceremony.
Sometimes I see wedding rings worn on the right hand instead of the left. Why is this?
Many couples wear their wedding rings on the fourth finger of the right hand, depending on their religious or ethnic heritage. It is common in Germany, for example, for the man and woman to wear gold rings on the fourth finger of their left hands when they become engaged, transferring them to their right hands during the wedding ceremony. It's interesting that in Southern Germany an engagement is considered so binding that the couple are known as "bridegroom" and "bride" beginning on the first day the gold rings are placed on their left hands.
My fiancée's divorce isn't final yet, but she hasn't worn her wedding ring for almost a year. I've bought her an engagement ring; is it all right for her to wear it now?
I know that in your minds she is already divorced from her first husband and committed to you. However, legally she is still someone else's wife, so she shouldn't wear your engagement ring until the day the divorce is final.
What if the rings won't slide onto our fingers during the ceremony?
This is a pretty common occurrence, actually, because even though the rings fit just fine before the ceremony, stress
 
Page 24
can cause fingers to swell and when you try to slide the ring over the knuckle, it gets stuck. If this should happen, here are some easy solutions: either slide it on as far as it will go without forcing it (then casually slide it the rest of the way as you walk down the aisle during the recessional), or slide it onto the pinky finger until after the ceremony (none of the guests will notice) and then use a little salad oil, hand lotion, or petroleum jelly to ease it onto the proper finger. Whatever happens, don't panic! It's not worth it, believe me. You'll be just as married whether the ring fits or not.
 
Page 25
Chapter 3
Planning a Wedding
What are some of the latest wedding trends?
Here are several for you to consider in your planning:
A move away from Cinderella "fluff" to sophisticated elegance (not only for the ceremony and reception themes, but the bridal attire, as well).
Because wedding costs are so high, there is more sharing of the total expense, not only by both sets of parents, but by the couple themselves. In fact, the couple, especially a professional couple who have been living on their own for a number of years, often pay for the entire wedding.
Destination weddings (getting married at your honeymoon destination).
More candid photography shots than ever.
Donating leftover reception food to food kitchens for the poor.
 
Page 26
Multiflavored wedding cakes.
No more plastic bride and groom cake toppersmore creative alternatives instead.
Food stations at the reception (see Chapter 15) and cappuccino and espresso bars in place of alcoholic beverages.
Using interesting alternatives to the standard limo (see Chapter 19).
Cummerbunds and bow ties made out of the same fabric as the bridesmaids' dresses.
Bridesmaids gowns in deep, rich colors for fall and winter, such as hunter green, burgundy, navy blue, grape and midnight; and for spring and summer, new shimmering, silvery French satins, crepes and chiffons in such irresistible colors as Victorian lilac, celadon, cornflower, periwinkle, champagne, and platinum.
Couples writing their own vows.
Children from previous marriages being incorporated into the ceremony.
Couples facing the congregation during the ceremony (as opposed to having their backs to them).
Older brides (in 1950 the average bride was 18; in 1990, the average age of first-time brides was 24).
Doing away with receiving lines.
A designated, supervised "play room" for any children in attendance (where they can watch videos, color, and play games).
More DJs and fewer bands at receptions.
Incorporation of the couple's ethnic back-grounds into the wedding's theme.
 
Page 27
More buffets; fewer sit-down dinners.
Fewer aisle runners.
We just became engaged and we're overwhelmed with all the things we need to plan. Where should we start?
The first thing you need to do is decide what type of service you want; all your other plans will hinge on this important decision. By
type of service
I mean whether it will be traditional or nontraditional, religious or civil, one faith or interfaith. Don't let your engagement euphoria rob you of some calm "dreaming time." You need to close your eyes and try to envision your wedding. What do you see? A vast cathedral with stained glass windows? A small ivy-covered brick chapel? A wedding on a hillside overlooking a sandy beach? Once you have this settled in your mind, all the other plans will come naturally, including the wedding date, style of bridal gown, number of attendants and guests, flowers, music, and theme decorations. I know you feel like hummingbirds with no place to sit, but find an empty branch and alight long enough to make this first weighty decision.
What months are considered the slow months for weddings, when everything might be less expensive?
Usually, November through January.
What is the most expensive day to get married?
Saturday, and more specifically, Saturday at 7 p.m.
What about the time of day for the wedding? Are there certain traditions about that?
The traditions mainly have to do with restrictions due to the couple's religious faith. For example, a Jewish wedding
 
Page 28
is traditionally held after sundown on a Saturday evening or on a Sunday; it may never be held on the Sabbath (between sundown on a Friday and sundown on a Saturday). Also, most Roman Catholic weddings are held between eight in the morning and noon, although that custom has been relaxed quite a bit in the past 20 years or so. One of the first things you need to do is meet with your clergyman to clear the date and time of your wedding.
What determines the formality of a wedding?
There are three basic degrees of formality:
formal, semiformal,
and
informal
. The degree is related to the elegance and formality of the ceremony and reception sites, the size of the wedding party, and the number of guests. A wedding with more than 200 guests would usually be considered
formal
; 75 to 200 would be considered
semiformal
; and less than 75,
informal
. Then there are other rules of thumb. For example, a home wedding is usually considered to be
informal
. Once the degree of formality is established, it should be consistent with the type of invitations selected, the length and style of the bridal gown, the men's attire, the type of food served at the reception, and the amount and elegance of the flowers. These variations are discussed, by the way, in the following chapters.
Do you happen to know what percentage of brides today choose a formal wedding?
Yes, and I have it broken down by ages, as well:
Age 18 to 25:51 percent.
Age 26 to 35:33 percent.
Age 36 and up: 14 percent.
Obviously, the older the bride, the more informal the wedding.
 
Page 29
Although they may not actually consider themselves to be "religious," I've heard that many couples want a religious ceremony in a church or synagogue. Do you have any statistics on this?
The latest figures show that approximately 75 percent of all marriages today are considered to be religious and are held in some type of religious establishment.
My father is deceased; whom shall I ask to give me away at my wedding?
Very often, due to divorce, death, or illness, a bride is given away by someone else. You may ask another male relative or family friend to escort you down the aisle, or you may choose to walk down the aisle alone behind your attendants. I hope you don't choose this last idea, however, because when your knees and hands are shaking, sturdy male biceps come in real handy!
What percentage of marriages are second marriages?
Approximately 30 percent.
What are some things we should take into consideration when setting our wedding date?
Here are just a few:
Saturday is the most popular day of the week to be married because it is so convenient for the guests.
If you're planning a civil ceremony in a judge's office, the wedding date will have to be a weekday because city offices aren't open on weekends.
 
Page 30
You will want to select a date that conveniently precedes the vacation days you have coming at work and coincides with your honeymoon plans.
You may want to set the date in consideration of the bride's menstrual cycle.
Select a date that does not conflict with other special family occasions, such as a birthday, anniversary, or bar mitzvah.
Select a date that is acceptable in your religious faith. For example, Christians usually don't marry on a Sunday and Jews never marry on the Sabbath (Friday sundown to Saturday sundown).
Select a time of day most suitable to your budget. Morning and afternoon weddings are usually less formal and require less elaborate food and drink. Evening weddings with formal sit-down dinners are the most expensive.
My sister and I have always been very close, I know she wants to be my maid of honor, but I really prefer to ask my best friend and have my sister as a bridesmaid. I don't want to hurt my sister's feelings. Any suggestions?
Yes. Did you know that you can have two maids of honor or two matrons of honor or one of each? They should stand side-by-side when attending you during the wedding. One may be responsible to straighten your veil and train and hold your fiance's ring; the other may hold your bouquet during the ceremony. So that your guests understand that you have two maids of honor, be sure their names are listed as such in your ceremony program. In the case of one maid of honor and one matron of honor, which is perfectly acceptable as well, the maid of honor always takes precedence, being the last attendant to walk down the aisle.
 
Page 31
Can my mother be my matron of honor?
Of course. A bride has the right to choose anyone she wants as her honor attendant, including her mother, an aunt, or even her grandmother, if she wishes.
My fiancé and I are tied up with our work schedules, so we plan to be married over a three-day weekend. What can we do to simplify things in the days leading up to the wedding?
Many working couples are forced to work a wedding weekend into their busy schedules, and although this is not ideal, it is possible. Here are some things you can do to ease the last-minute anxieties:
Limit the number of prewedding activitiesthere will be time to party after the wedding.
Start planning your wedding as soon as possible, doing everything you can in advance. For example, assemble as many of the decorations as you can, bake and freeze finger foods for the reception, and make up the men's boutonnieres and the women's bouquets in silk flowers.
Delegate, delegate, delegate. If anyone asks to help, be ready with a list of duties.
Limit the number of bridal attendantsthe fewer, the less chance of last-minute problems with fittings, transportation, etc.
My cousin hired a professional wedding coordinator to help plan her wedding; How much does a consultant cost, and isn't it possible to save the money by doing everything ourselves?
There are several types of wedding coordinators, from the consultant provided by a church or synagogue for a
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