Diane Warner's Wedding Question & Answer (7 page)

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Page 57

We have several friends who are separated, but not divorced as yet. How do we address their invitations?

Whether they are officially divorced yet or not, it is best to be safe and send separate invitations.

Should we order printed engagement announcements?

It's considered poor taste to send engraved or printed engagement announcements; instead, write personal notes to your relatives and close friends, or call them. Once they have heard the good news directly from you it is all right to have the engagement announced in your local newspaper.

How much time should be allowed to have our invitations printed?

If your invitations are being engraved or thermographed, allow at least three months. Actually, it doesn't hurt to order them as soon as you have confirmed your ceremony and reception sites and times. This is a wonderful insurance against last-minute wedding anxiety in case the printer doesn't get them to you as promised, or in case they arrive with a heartbreaking typo that wasn't caught before they went to print.

When should we mail our invitations?

It depends on whether the wedding is formal or informal. A formal wedding requires that the invitations be mailed at least a month in advance, preferably six weeks. Two to three weeks is fine for an informal wedding.

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Because the reception is the biggest expense of a wedding, we have derided to limit the number of wedding guests who will be invited to the reception. How do we do this in a tactful way?

The best way is to include a separate invitation to the reception inside your wedding invitation only for those designated guests. It would be a nice touch, by the way, to form a receiving line at the back of the ceremony site after the wedding so that all the guests may greet you and wish you well, since they won't all be able to do so at the reception.

We are planning a small wedding in the garden of my family's home that will be limited to the wedding party and our closest relatives, but we would like to have a large reception for all our friends and extended family. How do we word the invitations?

This is very simply handled by sending invitations only to the reception; no explanation is needed as to where or when the wedding itself took place.

What does the term "within the ribbon" mean?

It means that the guests who receive an enclosure card with these words imprinted on it within the wedding invitation should sit in one of the pews designated for them, usually decorated in a special way with ribbons or flowers. The ushers should be alerted that anyone handing them a card with the words
within the ribbon
should be escorted to these designated pews.

What are "enclosure cards"?

Enclosure cards
are small cards enclosed inside a wedding invitation; there are various reasons for these cards. A

Page 59

pew card
is one that reserves a seat in a specific row, such as
within the ribbon
; an
at-home card
is a small card, usually three by four inches, that gives the bride's new address after she is married; a
response card
, the most common enclosure, is what is known as an
R.S.V.P. card
that the guests are requested to fill out and return indicating whether or not they will be able to attend the reception; a
reception card
is inserted only into the invitations of those guests who are invited to the reception following the ceremony; a
map card
is a small card that gives directions to the ceremony and/or reception sites; a
rain card
is a small card that gives the alternate locations for the wedding and/or reception in case of rain. For example, a rain card may read: "
In case of rain the wedding and reception will be held in the Civic Center Senior Hall at 101 North Blake Street
."

By the way, if you want to adhere strictly to the rules of etiquette, omit the response cards because they are considered to be in very poor taste. Nevertheless, they are quite common these days because of people's busy schedules and their lack of response to the traditional R.S.V.P., which requests telephoning a reply.

What does "R.S.V.P." actually mean, anyway?

It is French for
repondez s'il vous plait
, which means "please respond."

How can we keep track of these responses?

I suggest you make up a list with columns (preferably in your computer) with these headings:

Date invitation sent.

Name and address of guest.

Response (Yes, No, How many?).

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Shower gift received?

Thank you sent?

Wedding gift received?

Thank you sent?

By adding gift information to this master list you will not only have everything together, but you'll have each guest's address handy for writing the thank you notes.

Is it acceptable to list the names of the stores where we have registered on the bottom of the invitation, or as an insert?

Sorry, but it is never acceptable under any circumstances. You'll have to depend on word of mouth to let your guests know where you are registered. Usually, guests will call and ask; that's what I always do. Or you can include a list of stores in the bridal shower invitation.

We are going to have a very small wedding. Would it be proper to call the guests to extend the invitations? Or possibly send handwritten notes?

Either would be fine. Here is sample wording for a simple handwritten invitation:


Dear Ben and Ginny,


Jack and I are going to be married at Christ Community Church on July 10 at 3 o'clock. We hope you will be able to come and then join us afterward for a light supper reception on the patio of my parents' home at 3210 Loyola Avenue .