Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Big Shot (Book 16) (3 page)
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Authors: Jeff Kinney
BOOK: Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Big Shot (Book 16)
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42
Then Mom showed me the label, and I couldn’t
believe they can even get away with that.
Mom said that, if you really want to know what’s
in the food you buy, you have to read the list of
ingredients. And she told me the cans of Chef
Marinara pasta I had in the trolley were full of
all sorts of
CHEMICALS
.
CHEMICALS
.
But I knew Mom was wrong about
THA
T
one,
THA
T
one,
because I’ve seen the Chef Marinara ads on
television that show him making his pasta by hand
in Old Italy.
43
Mom showed me the
small print on the
back of the
small print on the
back of the
can, which said the
food was made in
a factory in
food was made in
a factory in
Detroit. She said Chef
Marinara probably wasn’t
Marinara probably wasn’t
even a real person,
and they just hired
an actor
and they just hired
an actor
for those
TV
ads.
TV
ads.
Well, that made me
feel pretty stupid for
feel pretty stupid for
dressing up as Chef Marinara in our Wax Figure
Exhibit at school last year.
44
Then I started to
wonder if Rotten Rudy
was a
wonder if Rotten Rudy
was a
real person, because those Rotten Rudy
TV
ads
TV
ads
scared me into drinking a gallon of milk every day.
Mom said food companies
are really clever about
are really clever about
slipping their advertising into places you wouldn’t
expect, which made me
think about the posters
think about the posters
that are up in
our hallways at school.
our hallways at school.
45
She explained that sometimes packaged-food
companies use cartoon characters to get young
kids
to want their products.
And I think she’s
to want their products.
And I think she’s
right, because before we
left the house today
left the house today
Manny was watching an episode of “The Murples”
where Munchy Murple was chowing down on a bowl
of Rock Candy Crunch cereal.
Mom told me that when she buys food for the
family she checks the labels and doesn’t buy
anything with ingredients she can’t pronounce.
Then she said the
best thing to do
is buy
best thing to do
is buy
food with only
ONE
ingredient, like fruit and
ONE
ingredient, like fruit and
vegetables.
Well, I don’t know if it’s just my generation, but
it’s a little hard for a kid like me to eat something
that isn’t wrapped in cellophane or doesn’t come in
a cardboard box. In fact, if chocolate bars grew
in the ground, I’
ll bet I wouldn’t
T
OUCH
them.
ll bet I wouldn’t
T
OUCH
them.
But, if the people who sell fruit and vegetables
wanna get kids eating that stuff, they’re gonna
need to step up their advertising game.
46
Tuesday
Sports Day is tomorrow, and things have really
started to heat up at school.
Mrs Bosh has been making everyone in our
homeroom get to class half an hour early so we
have extra time to put together our strategy.
And she’s been getting paranoid about what the
O
TH
ER
classrooms are doing to prepare.
TH
ER
classrooms are doing to prepare.
So today she sent Ledavian Mills up into the
ceiling so he could spy on Mr Drew’s homeroom next
door. But it turns out that ceiling tiles aren’t
strong enough to hold a person’s weight.
48
The homeroom
Mrs Bosh
is most
worried about
is
Mrs Bosh
is most
worried about
is
Mrs Epstein’s,
because she’s
got a
bunch of
athletes
because she’s
got a
bunch of
athletes
in her
class. And
one of
the kids
is Jesse
Range,
class. And
one of
the kids
is Jesse
Range,
who stayed
back in
eighth grade
T
WICE
just
so
back in
eighth grade
T
WICE
just
so
he could
compete in Sports
Day one more
time.
compete in Sports
Day one more
time.
But the
team I’m most
nervous about is
Mr Ray’s
team I’m most
nervous about is
Mr Ray’s
cl
ass
, because that’s the morning detention
ass
, because that’s the morning detention
homeroom. And on Sports Day I’m sure those
guys are gonna play
DIR
T
Y
.
DIR
T
Y
.
49
To make matters worse, we found out we’re going
to be competing with
GR
OWN-UPS
in this
GR
OWN-UPS
in this
thing. The janitors went to the vice principal and
said they wanted to put together their
OW
N
OW
N
te
am
be
ca
us
e they deserve a
day off just
as much
am
be
ca
us
e they deserve a
day off just
as much
as us
students.
students.
I guess that’s fair, but the bathrooms have been
getting pretty grotty ever since they star
ted
ted
spending all
their time
TRAINING
.
their time
TRAINING
.
50
And now the lunch ladies are getting in on the
act, so the cafeteria has basically turned into a
gymnasium.
The homeroom teachers are getting pretty
spooked, so they’ve started
TRADING
kids to
TRADING
kids to
improve their team’s chances. Mr Esper sent the
fastest girl in our school, Ava Hollis, to Mrs Joy’s
class, and he got T
h
o
m
a
s
S
c
h
e
f
f
,
wh
o’s
ap
par
ent
ly
h
o
m
a
s
S
c
h
e
f
f
,
wh
o’s
ap
par
ent
ly
a specialist
in the sponge
toss.
in the sponge
toss.
All this trading has
got Mrs Bosh thinking about
got Mrs Bosh thinking about
making some moves o
f her
OW
N
.
f her
OW
N
.
51
She even gave me the job of scouting kids from
some of the other homerooms to see who we should
recruit for
OUR
team.
OUR
team.
That’s why it stung when Mrs Bosh traded me
and two other kids for Jesse Range, and threw
in a pack of dry-erase markers to close the deal.
52
Thursday
Yesterday was Sports Day
at school, and it
at school, and it
started off with some
controversy. Before the
controversy. Before the
firs
t be
ll,
Mr Ray gave Jesse Range detention
t be
ll,
Mr Ray gave Jesse Range detention
just
so he
coul
d steal Jesse for his team.
so he
coul
d steal Jesse for his team.
So that meant Mr Ray’s team was totally
S
T
ACKED
, and the rest of us didn’t stand a
T
ACKED
, and the rest of us didn’t stand a
chance.
Before Sports
Day
kicked
off, Mrs
Epstein
Day
kicked
off, Mrs
Epstein
gathered our
team
on
the playground
to
go
over
team
on
the playground
to
go
over
strategy and make some
last-minute adjustments.
last-minute adjustments.
But I still couldn’t figure out why she wanted me
and those other two kids instead of Jesse Range.
53
I was only signed up for one event, which was
the three-legged race. My partner was Madison
Burk
e, who’s about a foot taller than
me, which
e, who’s about a foot taller than
me, which
made things kind of
awkward.
awkward.
But when
the race
started I
finally understood
the race
started I
finally understood
Mrs Epstein’s
strategy. She
didn’t trade
for me
strategy. She
didn’t trade
for me
because I’m
FAS
T
. She
traded for
me because
I’m
FAS
T
. She
traded for
me because
I’m
LIG
HT
.
HT
.
54
Me and Madison took
first place, and our
team was
first place, and our
team was
off to a good start. But we had a big setback a
few minutes later when
Marcello Romera twisted
Marcello Romera twisted
an ankle in the
sack race. It turns
out the lunch
sack race. It turns
out the lunch
ladies had left some
P
OT
A
TO
E
S
in a few
of the
P
OT
A
TO
E
S
in a few
of the
sacks, and I’
ll bet
that wasn’t an
A
CCIDENT
.
ll bet
that wasn’t an
A
CCIDENT
.
Marcello was supposed to run the fifty-metre
sprint next, and all the other kids on our team
were in the middle of events. So Mrs Epstein told
me I was gonna have to fill in for him.
I got
second-to-last place
because I
was still
kind
second-to-last place
because I
was still
kind
of bashed
up from
the three-legged
race. But
I
up from
the three-legged
race. But
I
can’t really
run fast
unless I’m
MO
TIV
A
TED
.
run fast
unless I’m
MO
TIV
A
TED
.
55
The fastest I’ve ever run
was when I got chased
was when I got chased
by Rodrick after he
stepped in dog poop
and I
stepped in dog poop
and I
laughed at him. I
guarantee you if someone
had
guarantee you if someone
had
been timing me that
day I would’ve clocked
in at
day I would’ve clocked
in at
CHEET
AH
speed.
AH
speed.
The only reason I
didn’t get last place
in the
didn’t get last place
in the
fifty-metre sprint was because
as soon as the
race
as soon as the
race
started Jesse Range fell
f
lat on his
face. And
f
lat on his
face. And
when that happened I
figured he must’ve tripped
figured he must’ve tripped
over his shoelaces or
something.
something.
56
But it turns out he got paid to take a dive, and
no one would’ve found out if Vice Principal Roy
hadn’t caught him red-handed after the race
accepting his payment behind the school.
Jesse didn’t
want to
get suspended,
so he
gave up
want to
get suspended,
so he
gave up
the kids
who were
in on
the betting
scheme. And
who were
in on
the betting
scheme. And
th
os
e
gu
ys
had a whole gambling operation running
os
e
gu
ys
had a whole gambling operation running
ou
t
of
t
he media room on the second floor.
t
of
t
he media room on the second floor.
57
The rest of Mr Ray’s team was cheating, too, but
that didn’t surprise anyone.
Those kids had stored
their water balloons in
their water balloons in
the cafeteria freezer, and
the only reason
they
the only reason
they
got
C
A
U
G
HT
is because George Ralston kn
oc
ke
d
C
A
U
G
HT
is because George Ralston kn
oc
ke
d
Mike
y A
rdal
la out
cold with a bad
throw in the
y A
rdal
la out
cold with a bad
throw in the
balloon toss.
Mrs Bosh’s
team
won
beanbag bingo,
and
that
team
won
beanbag bingo,
and
that
put them
ahead
in
the standings
for
a
while.
ahead
in
the standings
for
a
while.
But then
Mr
Chow’s
team had
back-to-back
Mr
Chow’s
team had
back-to-back
victories in
the water-bucket
relay and
the
the water-bucket
relay and
the
sp
on
ge
toss,
so
then
THEY
took
the
lead.
on
ge
toss,
so
then
THEY
took
the
lead.
58
The janitors’
team started
moving up
in the
team started
moving up
in the
rankings, and
they probably
would’ve taken
the top
they probably
would’ve taken
the top
sp
ot
if
Mr Washington’s arms hadn’t given out
ot
if
Mr Washington’s arms hadn’t given out
during the wheelbarrow race.
The final event was the tug-of-war, and it
came down to Mrs Bosh’s team versus the lunch
ladies. I thought Mrs Bosh’s team was gonna win
for
SU
RE
, but the lunch ladies outlasted them
SU
RE
, but the lunch ladies outlasted them
thanks to a solid job of anchoring by Mrs Frolley.
59
When we got back
to our classrooms after
the
to our classrooms after
the
competition, we were all
bummed out that the
bummed out that the
cafeteria ladies were the ones to win the day off
from school. And we
were nervous because we
were nervous because we
heard the janitors were
gonna have to fill
in for
gonna have to fill
in for
them during lunch.
But I guess the school knew it was going to be
an ugly scene, so, right before the last bell rang,
Vice Principal Roy made an announcement that
EVER
Y
O
NE
would be getting Friday off.
Y
O
NE
would be getting Friday off.
60
Friday
I
was
excited
about
having
a
whole
day
where
I
was
excited
about
having
a
whole
day
where
I
didn
’t
have
to
do anything
and
was
look
ing
forward
’t
have
to
do anything
and
was
look
ing
forward
to sleeping
in.
in.
But as soon as Mom found out about my day off
she filled it up with a bunch of appointments that
she’d been wanting to schedule.
I was in a bad mood all day, but Mom was really
chatty. She wanted to know about Sports Day
and if I had
fun. So I told
her the truth,
fun. So I told
her the truth,
which was that it totally
ST
U
N
K
.
ST
U
N
K
.
Mom said
the reason
I’ve never
had a
good
the reason
I’ve never
had a
good
experience with
sports is
because I’ve
never been
sports is
because I’ve
never been
part of
a team.
a team.
But I told her I was on a team for Sports Day,
and I’ve been on a bunch of
O
THER
sports
O
THER
sports
teams, too. So I figured maybe she’d just blocked
out those memories like I wish I could.
62
But Mom said what she’s talking about is being
part of a
REAL
team where everyone has your
REAL
team where everyone has your
back. She said some of her happiest times as a kid
were when she played sports in middle school.
Mom said that what’s great about being part of a
team is that you learn how to work together, and
you can
use those
skills for
the rest
of your
life,
use those
skills for
the rest
of your
life,
especially in your
JO
B
.
JO
B
.
63
That sounds a little corny to me, but I guess I
don’t really know how grown-ups act when they’re
at work.
Mom said she wants me to give team sports one
more shot, and if it doesn’t work out she won’t
bug me about it any more. So I told her I’d
think it over, but really I’m just hoping she
forgets in a day or two.
I don’t understand why
people get so wrapped
up
people get so wrapped
up
in sports, because it
seems to me there
are more
seems to me there
are more
IM
P
O
R
T
ANT
things in life.
P
O
R
T
ANT
things in life.
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