Disasterology 101 (17 page)

Then he’d witnessed how agitated the guy was.

Kevin was starting to believe that if something could go wrong tonight, it would. Just to mess with him. To sabotage the date he’d anticipated so much he’d hardly been able to sleep the prior night.

“Come on, man,” Kevin muttered. “Where are you?”

He rolled his shoulders and threw his head back, and that’s when it hit him. He was no expert, but he was probably spot-on thinking a compulsive germaphobe person as jumpy as Cedric would want to avoid being around other people.

Kevin was in the elevator to the top floor two minutes later. There was a Do Not Open sign on the roof door, but he didn’t let that stop him. It wasn’t the first time he’d been on the roof, and he knew nothing would happen.

He looked around the air conditioning units until he made out the glowing red tip of a cigarette in the shadows by the edge of the building.

Kevin cleared his throat loudly to make Cedric aware of his presence, and then waited until the guy looked in his direction before he started walking toward him. He didn’t get too close. Cedric put out his right hand and gestured for Kevin to stop when he was still several feet away from him. Instinctively knowing he shouldn’t invade Cedric’s personal space unless the guy gave signs it’d be okay, Kevin honored the silent request immediately.

A few minutes passed in silence, with Cedric smoking and looking down at the street, and Kevin openly staring at him.

Remembering how completely intoxicated he’d felt the couple of times he’d kissed Cedric.

Coming up with possible ways in which they could get together without it turning into a disaster.

Deciding it’d be in his best interest to educate himself on all things OCD and be prepared to deal with Cedric’s episodes.

Trying to understand why the hell he was even considering these things.

Thinking about how vulnerable Cedric looked and how much he wanted to hug him right now.

Kevin didn’t have a clue why he felt so protective of a guy he hardly knew, but there was no denying it. What he did know about Cedric sparked a strong desire to shield him from the world. He’d wanted to punch that other student in the face for making fun of Cedric, and Kevin wished he could do something to make Cedric feel better. His presence at MCC spoke of an effort to deal with his condition, and Kevin would gladly be his shelter if the tough-looking but fragile guy happened to need one.

He wondered if there was anything that could distract Cedric from whatever it was that set him off. A make out session, maybe? Not like the clumsy one they had before, but the really hot stuff. Hot, erotic and intense. The kind of making out Kevin was hoping he’d be able to deliver once he’d learned to play a male body and acquired some experience.

Feeling slightly contrite, Kevin stuck his hands inside his jeans pockets and tried to control the restless, pulsing need that hadn’t left him for a minute since his encounter with Cedric at the sex shop. He knew sexual thoughts were completely inappropriate with the situation at hand, but he was incapable of stopping his brain from going that route.

There were certain desires and emotions Kevin had never felt in his life. Like, for example, the certainty he wouldn’t be satisfied until he’d learned everything there was to be learned about a particular someone. Or having his balls tighten into a painful knot because he wanted that someone so much. He didn’t regret his marriage one bit, but now he wanted more.

Kevin had standards and requirements he wasn’t willing to overlook, but he’d tried to show up to every date he had with an open mind and a clean slate. He gave every guy and himself a fair chance. There was never a deep connection, though. Not even on a physical level. Hard as some of them tried, none of those guys had made him feel as if there was an explosion of heat inside him just from being in the same room with them.

Which was why, even though he was all dirty and Cedric wasn’t very receptive at the moment, Kevin was still hoping he’d get to use the lube and the condoms he’d put in his backpack.

Considering he’d been reluctant to even talk about sex with most of the guys he’d met so far, wanting to do it on a first date with a twenty-six year old guy he had no business getting tangled up with , was monumental for Kevin. It made him think his previous trepidation was heavily influenced by the lack of spark between him and those men. Cedric on the other hand, had set Kevin’s body on fire with a single glance the first time he saw the guy at the coffee shop.

He had no desire to explore or second-guess the reasons why things with Cedric were completely different. There was no wanting to get to know him better before going to bed with him. Kevin knew the guy well enough, and he was ready for Cedric Haughton-Disley to take him.

Kevin glanced at his watch. A few more minutes and they’d have to get back to class. Breaks were only fifteen minutes long, and he was sure Cedric wouldn’t want to be out longer than that. It was one of his rules, after all.

He shifted his weight from one foot to another, forcing himself to remain quiet. A few seconds later his patience was rewarded, as Cedric put the cigarette out and looked at Kevin over his shoulder.

“It isn’t going to work,” he said so softly Kevin almost didn’t hear him.

“What isn’t?”

Kevin was hesitant to ask. The thought of Cedric flaking out on him was more than disappointing. It caused Kevin’s heart to skip a few beats. He really didn’t want to hear that.

“What I planned for tonight.” Kevin watched Cedric kick a pebble off the roof before he finally turned his body around and faced him. “Can we please try again on Thursday?”

Kevin almost said yes. He liked Cedric and was more than willing to see him whenever they could work it out. But he was certain that if he agreed to reschedule now he’d be risking one cancellation after another.

“Mind if I ask what you planned?”

“I made a dinner reservation.”

Kevin was equal parts surprised and touched by that revelation. He’d been convinced they were going somewhere to talk a little and fuck a lot. Maybe the other way around, if Cedric started having issues with Kevin’s breathing and whatnot. But he hadn’t considered Cedric would want to take him out.

“Where?”

Cedric shrugged and pointed in a general direction over Kevin’s shoulder.

“A restaurant uptown.”

The casual way in which Cedric answered almost made it sound as if a dinner date was the most normal thing in the world. It was staged, though. The man was trying his best to look nonchalant, and Kevin’s gut told him that in Cedric’s case, dining out was something he didn’t do a lot.

“I’m not exactly dressed for that that kind of place,” Kevin said.

By “kind of place” Kevin meant fancy. Bearing in mind what he’d learned about Cedric’s social background, a restaurant “uptown” probably meant on the Upper East Side. That translated to pricey and exclusive. The kind of establishment Kevin never thought he’d get to see in person.

“You look bloody gorgeous.”

“I’m flattered you think so.” Kevin ran his fingers through his hair and smiled self-consciously. “But they still wouldn’t let me inside.”

“And I can assure you they would have.”

“If anything, it would’ve been interesting to find out.” Kevin wasn’t trying to be an ass. He just needed to bring the conversation back to the matter at hand.

“We will on Thursday,” Cedric assured him. “Does that work for you?”

“It does,” Kevin said softly, not allowing his sympathy for Cedric’s situation to show in his tone. “But I have a feeling the same thing might happen again.”

“It won’t,” Cedric muttered. “I’ll make sure of it.”

“I have no doubt you’ll try, but we both know it’s very likely something might happen that’ll force you to cancel Thursday as well… or any other day we end up agreeing on, for that matter.”

“You can’t possibly know that.”

“When did you first realize we weren’t going to be able to get together after class?” Cedric’s only answer was to breathe deeply and shake his head. “I’ve watched you in class, you know.”

“What do you mean you’ve watched me in class?”

“Well, you’re damn pretty, so it’s kind of impossible for me to keep my eyes off of you.” Once again Kevin’s voice was soft. This was a delicate matter. Keeping his tone low and even was the only thing he thought he could do to soothe the guy and keep him from bolting away. “I’m very aware of the fact you need objects to be placed in certain order and things to be done in a very specific way.”

“Lots of people do,” Cedric grumbled.

“I’ve noticed you never kissed me for more than a few seconds. Three seconds, if I had to guess.” Kevin fisted his hands and scuffed the floor nervously. “I’ve heard you count, and you confirmed it when I asked if you’re a germaphobe, so I obviously know about it. But even if you hadn’t told me, I couldn’t have missed the fact that you put on three condoms before letting me suck you, and I’ve been wondering about it ever since.”

There it was, out in the open.

It was the naked truth, but judging from Cedric’s grim face and the way in which he froze on the spot, he didn’t like to be reminded of it.

Cedric tugged at his lip ring and glanced at his watch before saying, “I need to go back now.”

“We can take a few more minutes,” Kevin rushed to say.

His gaze dropped to the guy’s sexy, full lips. Although he’d been convinced Cedric was trying to be seductive the first time he saw him do it, Kevin now knew the gesture stemmed from anxiety. He hated adding to it, but certain things needed to be discussed if they wanted a real shot at getting together some time.

Cedric’s face lost all expression, but a bitter chuckle escaped him when he started moving toward the roof’s door.

“You must be daft if you think I’m going to stay here and listen to you undermine me some more.”

Kevin heart dropped to his feet at Cedric’s clipped words. “I swear that wasn’t my intention.” His voice sounded croaky, probably because he was scared shitless. He couldn’t let a misunderstanding get between them.

“I wish you would’ve just said no when I asked if you’d go out with me on Thursday instead of tonight.”

“I would go out with you! Thursday, Friday… whenever you want, I would. But there are a few things I need to understand.” Kevin didn’t try to stop Cedric when he walked by him, but he kept talking. Louder, to ensure Cedric heard him. “You made a dinner reservation at a restaurant. You wanted to take me out, even though you have issues being around people.” He ran his fingers through his hair and turned around.
Shit
. Cedric was only a couple of feet away from the door. “I don’t want to make assumptions here, but could it be that you did that because you wanted to impress me? And the only reason I can imagine you’d do such a thing is that, same as me, you’d like to have something more fulfilling than a casual encounter.”

Cedric didn’t turn to look at Kevin, but he stopped walking.

Thank you, Jesus.

“I like you so much that not even you being my teacher and part owner of the company I work for could stop me from going out with you,” Kevin continued, so nervous about the possible outcome of his monologue that he was damn near shaking in his boots. “The way I see it, I have no other option but to trust you not to cost me my job with Greenbriar, and now I need
you
to trust me with some details.”

Kevin held his breath while he waited. He closed his eyes and sent a quick prayer to heaven. He was about to walk over to Cedric when the other man started talking.

“You’ve seen me,” he said tightly. “I have multiple forms of obsessive-compulsive disorder. Order and symmetry is one of them. The germaphobia is associated with it. I’m obsessed with the number three… I count out loud…” The more he said, the faster he spoke. Kevin was having a hard time keeping up. “I was diagnosed when I was a child. I remember one day I started thinking things in my room had to be placed just so, and doing the same thing over and over again to make sure they were. Then I’d go shower and hide under my bed. It was out of nowhere… just like that. I didn’t know what I was afraid of, but I figured it was safe down there, you understand. My nurse told my mum about it, and my mum called the doctor when I refused to come out. It took a while to figure out what was wrong with me.”