Dismantled (Girls on Top #2) (10 page)

Dancing and playing with Traxx inside the wind chamber was everything that I hoped for. The best moment was when we were doing tricks and he was able to keep up with me on a series of twists and turns… The look of wonder he gave me, once he completed the movements, followed by that flawless smile and laughing like a kid – it was priceless. The fact that I was the one who helped put the smile on his face because he trusted me to help him forget… That’s what makes my heart happy. It makes everything else take a back seat.

I still wonder if I’m doing the right thing. We all know I’m not a doctor, but I have to trust my gut on this one. I knew Traxx pretty well before the incident. I can recognize the changes he’s going through. When depression takes a hold of a person, it’s so hard to overcome it. It helps to have someone to keep you pushing through. I want to be that someone for Traxx. I need to hold on to him because we are stronger together than he can be alone. And
I will
hold on to him. I won’t let him fall apart again. He’s going to learn that he can count on me and on our friends. Another kink in this chain, is the attraction I still feel for him which is not going away, unfortunately.
Or fortunately?
I wish I knew how to turn that off. I really need to turn it off, somehow, because any time my eyes land on him, sexy and carnal thoughts invade my mind and to tell you the truth, I like them. Maybe a little too much.
*Sigh*

After flying, we drive back to the apartments to shower and get ready to go out to our favorite hangout. My shower? It’s going to be a cold one, Lord, have mercy! Being near that much testosterone got me hot and bothered in the best kind of way – and no one to quench the thirst. For a moment, I wonder if I have enough time to play with one of my toys, and on a whim, I go and get BOB, my battery operated boyfriend, but as I reach for the drawer’s handle, I hear my phone beep with a message, so I look at it instead.

Brianna: Where are you guys?

Ciara: Getting ready! Save me some food!

Brianna: You do realize who’s all at this table, don’t you?

Ciara: Tell Notso and Colton that if they eat all the food again, the wrath of hell’s coming down on them – no mercy!

Brianna: They are laughing at you… and then when you get here, they’ll be shittin’ their pants. Hurry!

Ciara: K, c u in a bit

With a smile on my face, I decide to give up on BOB and hop in the shower, where I quickly believe this cold shower promise must be just for guys, because it’s not doing shit for me. Frustrated, I hurry up and get finished.

Luckily, I had already picked out my outfit. It’s a sexy little black dress. It has a silky top and skirt, but the long sleeves and midriff are made of fishnets – more erotic than tacky. I don’t really like to show my butt cheeks to anyone, so the skirt actually goes to mid-thigh, and it’s flowy, not tight. The dress is soft and racy, in a very feminine way… And I know it’s going to turn some heads.

I blow dry my hair and give it some waves. Light makeup, dark mascara and bright glossy lips. Done! I put on the dress and slip on my favorite pair of strappy black sandals. I spritz my perfume in the air and walk through it, and I’m ready.

As I’m walking to the living room to get my purse and keys, I hear a knock on the door. When I open it, suddenly my world stops spinning, my music stops playing and my heart stops beating – all at once. I slowly smile. Traxx is standing in front of me oblivious to the fact that he looks like sex on a stick. A god of all that is male and raw sex. Realizing my mouth has started to produce an enormous amount of saliva, I swallow hard and take a last glance at the tall, dark and handsome male specimen in front of me. His normally messy hair is styled and brushed up and back, making his five o’clock shadow more pronounced. His clothes are simple: a black button-up with the long sleeves rolled up, dark wash jeans, and a large square belt buckle carved with a horse riding cowboy that makes me flush because of the idea that I can be a cowgirl and I could ride… well, never mind. We’ll leave that thought for another time. His worn cowboy boots complete the outfit.

He’s fixing his TAG Heuer leather watch and is looking down not paying me attention while I dissected him and his outfit in a matter of seconds.

“Are you ready? I’m starving!”

I keep quiet because I want him to notice me and I don’t want to miss a beat of his face when he finally looks at me. Once he’s done with his watch, I catch him moving his eyes to the floor from where he slowly licks every curve of my body with his eyes only, starting with my cute pedicured feet, all the way up until he finally reaches my eyes. Traxx blinks a couple of times, as if he feels he’s dreaming and trying to wake up. His slightly open mouth shows a tiny smile that he tries to repress immediately.

I’m still waiting for him to say something… anything. So many emotions cross his face in a matter of seconds. Happy. Confused. Sadness. I don’t know what to say. Perhaps I need not say anything at all. In the stillness, our eyes do all the silent talking. Our chests move with heavy breathing and desire pours out through our pores. It’s unmistakable. The question is what are we going to do about it? The seconds feel like hours while we weigh each other’s options.

Finally, Traxx mans-up to the situation, and he slowly takes a couple of steps until he invades all my senses. So close that I can feel his body heat, and the clean scent of his cologne becomes a part of the air I breathe. I look at him, my high heeled shoes giving me a closer look to his masculine face. His jaw is tense. His eyes intense. It’s a lot more than I can take. He’s everywhere and nowhere all at once. I want to grab a hold of him, and I want to turn around and walk away. Too many feelings…too much. I want it all. With shaky fingers I place a hand on his chest. I’m unsure if I should push or pull, so I leave it still instead. He is rock solid and soft at the same time, if that’s even possible. His heat burns my hand, but I won’t move it. It’s the best burn I’ve ever had.

The heat moves through that hand and comes into me – inside of me, moving throughout my body and filling in my empty heart. One of his hands rises to cover the one I have on his chest, and as I turn my head to look at the Traxx sandwich my hand’s caught in between, his other hand lifts up, and grabs my hair, moving it behind my shoulder. His hand caresses my shoulder, then my collarbone, never leaving my skin, until it finally wraps around the side of my neck and with his thumb, he gently rubs the outline of my jaw. Back and forth. And again – back and forth. It’s a beautiful feeling. It’s excruciating. I catch myself looking into his eyes and then my eyes move so I can stare at his lips.

“Ciara, you are breathtakingly beautiful.”

I realize I can’t talk and then something similar to a whimper escapes my lips. I recover quickly by clearing my throat and whispering, “Thank you.” The time lingers on. I wish I could pull him inside my place and into my room. Keep him there, allowing myself to be selfish. There are so many things I want to do to this man that even eternity wouldn’t be enough time. I also need to try and decipher these feelings I have for him. To show him someone cares and that he is worth it. His eyes say so much and nothing at all.

Raising my chin with his fingers, Traxx whispers, “It’s time to go.”

“Is it really… time?”

“Yes, it is. We may have to finish…
this
… another day. Don’t you think?”

“Agreed. We really have to work on…
this
.”

He kisses the top of my hand and steps away from me, back into the receiving hall, waiting for me to lock the door. I turn around and he smiles and extends his hand towards me. I hold on to it and follow him to the truck. The thought occurs to me that I would follow this man anywhere he needed me.

I took advantage of Ciara locking her door so I could re-arrange my dick because
he
was starting to expand into a weapon of mass destruction. I know I’m exaggerating, but it was really getting into full attention, and then how was I to explain that one? How can I tell Ciara that I want to play connect the dots with all her freckles? That having her close to me incites feelings that I’ve never had? These
feelings
that I don’t know how to handle or what to do with? How can I tell her that I want to taste all of her skin, that I want my kisses to define new paths throughout her body? That I want my lips to pour warmth on her skin to calm the goose bumps I could feel coming to life? That I look forward to the day I can have her completely – body and soul – and I could tend to her quivering body as she looks at me with passion? I can’t… I won’t. She deserves better than me. I have to hold on to all of these overwhelming things that are happening inside of me – I have to hold them at bay. I have to keep them chained.

Besides, I need to start thinking about how I’m going to stay out of jail and not kill whatever guy comes by trying to get her attention tonight. ‘Cause they will come by, and I’m not sure how I’m going to contain the caveman in me. Man, she’s fucking hot in a simple, understated way. And that little dress she’s wearing. Shit – there he goes again! I shift on my seat, and start thinking of sharks, huge, hungry sharks. Shark week, sharks on TV. Okay, there it goes, back to normal. I chance a side glance at Ciara, but she seems to be looking for music. Good. Now, if I could just keep it that way all night…

We drive in a comfortable silence until we get in the parking lot of “Twisted,” our favorite hangout. I come around the truck to open her door and help her out. We walk side by side and I want to go in hand-in-hand, with one arm around her, laying a claim and letting everyone know she is with me, and daring anyone who looks her way into a pissing contest. All of this it’s swirling through my mind and I do nothing.
Nothing.
I let her walk in front of me and as if it was a movie queue, the moment she walks in, the spotlight that was going around and around the dance floor, stops briefly on her, and it follows as she walks confidently to our usual high table.

We love this place – all of us. It’s your typical sports bar on one side, a dance floor/concert area in the other. We enjoy coming here for karaoke nights since Colton and Brianna can actually sing. The rest of us make a full time job of keeping Ciara away from the mic. She loves to sing but just… can’t… Cats all around the neighborhood start meowing and dogs howl when she sings. Thinking back to the few times she did make it on the stage brings a smile to my face, she’s just that cute.

I go around and give each of the guys a cool guy handshake, and a brief hug to the girls. Ciara hugs everybody, and then pops a piece of boneless wing in her mouth. I tell her that I’m going to the bar to get her a drink, she nods and then she sits with the girls and starts talking. I order a Corona for me, and a Michelob Ultra and some potato skins – her favorites - and while waiting, I casually look around. One, two… three guys are steadily checking Nibblet out. I knew it. The worst part is that I have no right to lay claim to the prize she is. I need to leave it alone. So I grab the beers and the number for the table so they can bring the skins out to us. Once I get to the table, I casually stand next to her and place her beer in front of her. She smiles at me, mouthing a “thank you.” I give her a wink and mentally prepare myself for the torture that’s about to come.

Colton looks at me and asks, “How was your date?”

“Bro, you
know
it was
not
a date.”

“She asked you to go do some stuff with her, so why is it not a date?”

“Because we are not that way with one another.”

Notso butts in. “I remember at one time you wanted to be. Why is it different now?”

“Because if I remember correctly, you assholes told me not to pursue that girl. To leave her alone.” I whisper-talk to them giving them a mean look.

“Yeah, well…” says Notso, “perhaps we were wrong about that. Don’t you think so, Colton?”

Colton is steadily peeling the label on his beer bottle, without looking at me, he responds, “Yeah. Perhaps. Do you still like her?”

“Yes, I like her. I’m just not sure that I’m good enough for her. She’s a top shelf drink, and I’m a house-poured shot, you know? Besides, I’m not all there yet.”

“It
is
because you are not all there, indeed, that we think you need to give this thing with Ciara some thought. You are not a manwhore anymore, Traxx. Like it or not, the incident has changed you. We want to see your dumbass happy, and we think you and Ciara are right for each other now.” Notso eggs me on.

Do I want to pursue something with Ciara? I give it a minute and imagine Ciara and me together as a couple. It gives me the – what do girls call it? – Oh! The warm fuzzies. Well, truly, what I mean is that when I’m with her, I forget about everything and the pain that is constantly residing within me goes away… But is it fair for her to have this part man, part broken soul person after her? No. Not yet. But one day, hopefully sooner rather than later, my vision will become a reality.

Looking at her, I watch her having an intense conversation with Brianna and Keagan. I try to tune in, but the loud music covers their whispering and somehow I feel like I’m missing something important. At that moment, some girl comes between Ciara and me, and throws herself at me – literally. I move fast to try to prevent her from falling face first on the floor. The girl is wasted.

“Hey there handsome, remember me?” Using her index finger, she touches my nose and although at one point in my life I would have loved it, today just makes me recoil in disgust. I don’t want her touching me, so I put some space in between us.

“Uh, no. I don’t.”

“What? Look at me! Look at this face, my lips – you loved them wrapped around your d-i-c-k, remember?”

I groan in exasperation. “No. I don’t – I said. Why should I?” I notice Ciara and the girls throwing daggers my way. I’ve got to get rid of this drunk. Suddenly it’s really important to me that Ciara knows there’s nothing going on here but I don’t even get a chance to get rid of the girl, as Ciara jumps off the barstool, grabs Notso’s hand and heads to the dance floor. Even though I know they are best friends, and that Notso would never take advantage of Ciara, I still feel something boiling inside of me and not in a good way.

Turning to look at the drunk girl, and practically growling I say, “Well, go find another dick to entertain you. I’m not up for the job now or ever.” Her smile drops and she shrugs her shoulders, turns around and leaves.

All the eyes around the table are on me and I can’t take the pressure of their stares, especially when no one is saying anything at all. It’s like they are in shock.

“What?” I ask them. Silence. “I’ve got to go get another beer. Anyone want anything?” Nothing. So I move along, all the while watching Ciara and Notso dancing. They are laughing and joking around, having a good time. I know I need to keep heading toward the bar, that’s the command my brain is sending down to my feet, but I find my feet have a mind of their own, when I find myself diverting towards them – towards her.

Notso sees me first, and he looks surprised, probably because it’s a rare thing when I decide to dance. Just because I choose not to do it, doesn’t mean that I don’t know how. He tells Ciara something and she turns to look at me. I expected her to be somewhat upset, but she smiles and turns my way while Notso moves away from us.

“Traxx on the dance floor! Wow! What do I owe this honor?” She says into my ear.

“You guys look like you were having too much fun, so I wanted to join in…” I shrug my shoulders and grab a hold of her waist to bring her closer – not too close - I don’t want her to know how obviously bad I want her. This movement surprises her, but she likes it, her smile and happy eyes tells me so.

“Tell me, Nibblet, when is our next lesson on the BTB plan?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know? Still hate surprises, I see.”

“Yep. Very much so. Come on, fess up!” I playfully tell her.

“I won’t make you wait that long. Perhaps we can do it tomorrow. Are you free?”

“I’m always available for you, sweetheart.”

Her smile grows bigger and she comes forward, kisses my cheek, and whispers, “Tomorrow it is, then. Be ready at noon, and I expect lunch before we get started.” Moving back she winks and grabs my hand as we head back to the table.

The rest of the night passes in a blur, with me looking forward to what Ciara has in store for me tomorrow. I’m diggin’ this BTB plan of hers. I realize that I’m actually looking forward to tomorrow. Crazy, right? Is this what “normal” feels like? I like it. I hope the feeling never ends.