Dissonance (8 page)

CHAPTER ELEVEN

T
hey didn’t talk about it. Sooner or later, they would have to, but Chase didn’t want to push Kenzie, and besides, he had some feelings of his own to sort out. He’d come to Nashville prepared to hate the city and the whole idea of recording a duet with a country singer, and in a few short days, he’d signed on for the project, co-written a song and fallen hard for his partner in the venture. Yes, fallen hard he had. The question was what was he supposed to do about that?

Nashville wasn’t home to him. He had friends, family and commitments back east. He had a band, for Pete’s sake, and a very successful one. Jordy would undoubtedly be back soon, and it would be time to get to work on A New Horizon’s next album. He couldn’t stay here. No, it would never work.

Whoa, get a grip, buddy. You don’t even know if she wants you to stay.
No, for all he knew, it was just sex to Kenzie. A physical release. A way to feel good about herself again. If that was all it was to her, then Chase wasn’t ready to face that, so the subject was carefully avoided.

Instead, they spent the next several days exploring Nashville, including the Gibson guitar factory, where Chase bought a new acoustic guitar. That prompted an amused chuckle from Kenzie, who teased him about going country. Was he?

They toured the art gallery in Nashville’s replica of the Parthenon, and held hands as they strolled the grounds, taking pictures and stealing kisses, and did more of the same when they visited the home of Andrew Jackson. Chase was a tourist in Kenzie’s home city, and she proved to be a knowledgeable tour guide, and Chase soaked up as much history and trivia as he could.

In between exploring the city, they worked more on their song. They tweaked one of the verses, fine tuned the chorus, and added more guitar. And whenever the mood struck—and it seemed to strike quite often— they made love. Still, they never talked about where things were going or what it meant, and Chase wondered whether this was what vacation flings were like. Except this wasn’t a vacation. He was here to work.

When it was time to meet Keith again, and share their song with the producer, Chase had an attack of nerves. What if he hated it? What if he wouldn’t let them record it?

“Relax,” Kenzie said. “He won’t hate it.”

“How do you know?”

“Because it’s a great song,” she said matter-of-factly.

“Yeah? Haven’t you ever had a song you loved that other people didn’t feel the same way about?”

“You know I have.” She didn’t elaborate and didn’t need to. “But this one’s different.”

Chase wanted to believe it. “I hope you’re right.”

“Of course I’m right. I can feel it.” She gave him a quick peck on the lips. “Now come on, cowboy. Let’s go knock his socks off.”

Chase grinned. “If you say so, darlin.’” One thing was for certain. Her new confidence was darn sexy.

***

It turned out there were no socks to knock off, as the record producer wore loafers, but no socks. He also studied them with a penetrating gaze that made clear he was in charge of this project, not them, and if Keith hated their song, he wouldn’t be producing it. It didn’t matter. Kenzie was confident in the song, and with everything else right now. Chase had that effect on her, especially as he reached across the space between their chairs and took her hand.

“Do you have a song for me?” Keith asked.

Kenzie nodded. “We do, yes. We think it’s a really good one.”

The producer rubbed his goatee. “I’ll be the judge of that,” he said. “Tell me about this song you wrote.”

“Do you want us to sing it for you?” Kenzie asked.

Keith shook his head. “No. I want you to tell me about it. The story. What’s it about? What’s it mean to you? What are you trying to convey? What feelings are you hoping to evoke in the listener?”

Kenzie froze. So many questions, and she wasn’t prepared to answer them. No. She expected to sing the verses, show him the lyrics, maybe play the chord progression. They’d even brought her ukelele along for that purpose. But when Keith fired off his list of questions, she had no idea what to say.

Chase, fortunately, did. “It’s about finding love when you’re not looking for it, when you least expect it. We tried to capture the conflicting emotions a person might feel when they’re falling in love with someone. On the one hand, everything is fresh and new and exciting... you can’t get enough of the person,” he explained. “You want more, you don’t want it to stop, but at the same time maybe it terrifies you, too. Because it’s so new, so unexpected, and so intense. The whole thing kind of turns you upside down. That’s our title. The song is called
Upside Down
.”

His voice grew more animated as he spoke, and Kenzie found herself getting caught up in his explanation. She loved the way Chase described their song. It was perfect. And his words perfectly captured her own feelings, particularly the fear. She was terrified, all right. Especially by the intensity of it all.

“Hmm,” the producer said. His facial expression remained unchanged. He could love it, he could hate it, or he could be bored with the whole conversation. Kenzie couldn’t tell. One thing was for certain. She didn’t want to play cards with Keith Trainer.

“As for the feelings we’re hoping to elicit from people, we want them to feel the song with us, as we sing it,” Chase continued. “The excitement, the confusion, all of it. And by the end, when the lovers in the song decide the risk is worth it, and take a chance on love, we hope it tugs at people’s hearts, at least a little.”

“So it’s a love song, a ballad,” Keith said.

Was that a criticism? Again, it was impossible to gauge what the producer was thinking. Yeah, no way would she play poker with this guy.. “Yeah, it’s a love song,” she said. “With an overall country feel, but also some of the of edgy, distorted sounds you’re more likely to find in Chase’s music. We tried to merge our two styles together, like you suggested.”

“And you like the results?” the producer asked.

“Yes,” she said. “We like them a lot.” Hopefully he would, too.

“Are you prepared to sing it for me? Let’s see if I agree.”

***

“He loved it. Can you believe it?” Chase still couldn’t believe it himself, but Keith had been full of praise for the song. Sure, he had a few different ideas for the musical arrangement, which they’d begin to work on in rehearsals the next day, but that was expected, and Chase welcomed the feedback. The most important thing was they had the producer’s go-ahead to record their original song.

“I told you he would,” Kenzie reminded him with a laugh.

“Yeah, I suppose you did.” They were celebrating in some honky-tonk bar she’d brought him to, having a couple beers while listening to music and watching couples move to the beat of the music on the dance floor. Kenzie knew the lyrics to most of the songs, and sang along with them, and the happy smile never left her face. Chase loved seeing her like this. It was such a contrast to the vulnerable, scarred woman who’d opened up to him about the nightmare she’d been through in her marriage. Whether her happiness had anything to do with him, or simply her excitement at hearing Keith’s words of praise for their song, Chase didn’t know. He hoped he was some small part of it, at least.

“Let’s dance,” Kenzie said, bolting up from her stool.

Chase hesitated. “To this?” The song was a slow one, perfect for a two-step, which he had no idea how to do. He shook his head. “I’ll step on your feet, or trip you or something.”

“No you won’t. Come on, I’ll even lead, if you want.” She grabbed his hand and pulled him out on the dance floor. “It’s easy,” she said, putting both of her hands on his shoulders. “Now you put your hands on my waist.”

Chase grinned. “I’d rather put them on your ass.”

Kenzie’s eyes twinkled. “Fine, put ‘em on my ass, then, cowboy. I don’t mind.”

Chase did, and couldn’t help giving her beautiful ass a squeeze in the process. “Hmm. Maybe I’ll like this dancing thing after all.”

“Dancing? We’re not even moving yet. It generally helps if you move your feet,” Kenzie said with a smirk.

Oh, right. They were supposed to move. Chase took a step back, following her lead, and soon they were moving to the beat of the music. Not bad, he could do this. One song ended, and another slow one came on, so they stayed on the dance floor.

“See, this isn’t so bad, is it?”

“No.” Chase pulled her closer. “Not so bad at all.”

“Good.” Kenzie leaned in, and he expected her to rest her head on his shoulder. Instead, she surprised him by nuzzling his neck.

Oh, sweet Jesus. The unexpected sensation sent all of the blood rushing to his nether regions. He had no idea how she did it, what her magic touch was, but she sure had a knack for getting him hard.

“Do you like this, cowboy?” Her breath was hot against his neck, and she gave his ear a nibble.

“Uh, yeah.” As close as they were dancing, she had to know already just how much he liked it. “But we should probably hurry up and get out of here, if you know what I mean.” Thankfully, they drove to the club, and the car was just outside. No way they’d make it back to Kenzie’s loft, but they could make it to the car.

“I have a better idea.” Kenzie smiled mischievously. “Follow me.”

At the moment, she had Chase so hot and bothered, he’d probably follow her anywhere, but he stopped in his tracks when he discovered what she had in mind. The ladies’ room. She wanted to do it in the ladies’ room? “Are you crazy? What if someone comes in? What if we get caught?” Christ, they might get arrested. Chase didn’t want to imagine the headlines back home.

Chase Radcliffe Arrested for Public Indecency and Lewdness.

His family might disown him. Then again, he didn’t need their money, and he had to admit that the thrill of what Kenzie suggested was getting him even more turned on.

“We won’t get caught.” She spoke with a confidence that made Chase wonder if she’d done this before.

Kenzie pushed open the door of the restroom, and scanned the inside. “Coast is clear,” she said, pulling him inside and guiding him to the last stall. “We just can’t be too loud, and we have to make it fast.”

Fast? Like that would be a problem. Chase didn’t know if he could hold out much longer. He reached out and locked the stall door before pinning Kenzie against it.

There would be no foreplay this time, as Kenzie hiked up her skirt and Chase realized she wasn’t wearing underwear. Had she been commando all day, or discarded her panties sometime in the course of the evening, perhaps with this in mind? He’d ask her later. Right now he was just glad he didn’t have to contend with getting them off of her.

He pulled a condom from his back pocket and ripped the package open with his teeth while Kenzie went to work on his zipper. Good. Team work. Chase choked back a moan as his dick sprang free, and hurried to put the condom on. He barely had before Kenzie took him in her hand and guided him to her slick, wet opening. “Come on, cowboy, take me,” she whispered.

“It’d be my pleasure, darlin,’” he answered and thrust inside her.

CHAPTER TWELVE

T
hey didn’t get caught. They didn’t end up in jail. There weren’t any scandalous headlines that would haunt Chase for the rest of his career. That was the good news. The bad news was the noticeable change in Kenzie right after the restroom encounter. It was one thing to avoid the serious talk Chase knew they needed to have. He’d been doing his share of avoiding it, too, living in the moment while he enjoyed the “fling.” And since Kenzie sure seemed to be enjoying it, too, until suddenly she wasn’t, everything was deadly serious between them again.

Every time Chase tried to lighten the mood with a joke or a little flirting, she responded the same way.

“We have a song to rehearse. We need to focus on that.”

It pissed Chase off a little. Was she somehow trying to imply that he wasn’t serious about his music, or making this the best song ever? Since he didn’t want Kenzie—or anyone—to ever say that about him, Chase backed off a little. Fine. They’d rehearse. And they did.

They rehearsed tirelessly for the next few weeks, first just the two of them and Keith, trying out the different musical arrangements the producer wanted to explore with their song. And when they were all satisfied that the music was just right, they brought in a background vocalist to rehearse with, only for Keith to nix that plan after only one practice session. Chase was relieved. He wanted the song to be only about Kenzie and him. Their story. Raw, emotional, and from the heart.

Keith was a perfectionist, more so than any other producer Chase had ever worked with, and he brought out the best in them. On a couple of occasions, Chase wondered if they’d ever get it right, if the producer would be satisfied, and that made him dive in harder. Finally, Keith declared the song ready to record. They could hit the studio the very next day.

“Get some rest,” the producer said when they wrapped up the final rehearsal session. “Unwind, chill a little. Enjoy yourselves, but not too much. And be ready to go in the morning.”

Chase intended to follow the advice, but he didn’t want to unwind or chill alone. He’d spent the last two weeks with his own company, except for rehearsals, and he was getting tired of himself. He missed Kenzie. “Do you want to go somewhere?’” he asked, after Keith had left and they were alone in the studio where they’d rehearsed. “Grab some food, take a walk, maybe take in a little music?” He wouldn’t say no to return trip to the same honky tonk bar whose restroom they’d christened, but he sensed that was out of the question. Fine. He just wanted to spend a little time with her again.

She responded with a vehement shake of her head. “No, Chase. You heard what Keith said. We have a big day in the studio tomorrow. I need to relax, take a little break from the song.”

“Yeah, I do, too. That’s why I thought we’d go out, maybe listen to someone else’s music.” It seemed like a pretty good idea to him, but Kenzie let out an exasperated sigh.

“You don’t get it, do you, Chase? I thought I made it pretty clear, but I guess not. What part of ‘I don’t date. I don’t do relationships’ did you not understand?”Her tone wasn’t harsh, exactly, but there seemed to be a latent hostility to her statement.

“You said that, yeah. I just...” Just what? Chase searched for the right words. Words that weren’t overly presumptuous, and wouldn’t scare her away, but would make her realize that something had happened between them over the past three and a half weeks. Something he didn’t want to ignore or try to deny. “I thought perhaps you might be reconsidering that stance.”

“What? A few nights of really good sex, and you thought I’d be ready to go down that road again?” She laughed. “I can see all that platinum record success has gone to your head, but maybe you need to get over yourself.” Kenzie picked up her ukelele and her purse. “I’ll see you tomorrow in the recording studio. Don’t be late.”

So much for finding the right words. Chase made a fist with one hand and pounded it into his palm. Those were definitely
not
the right words.

***

Idiot. She was a freaking idiot, and Kenzie admitted as much when she met up with Annabeth after leaving the rehearsal session.

“You’re not an idiot,” her friend from rehab tried to reassure her. “You’re scared, which is completely natural after everything you’ve been through.”

“If you say so.” Kenzie stared down at the slice of pizza on her plate. It was pepperoni and sausage, with extra cheese, meaning it was a greasy and gooey mess, and fattening as heck. It also looked absolutely amazing. She picked it up and took a bite, enjoying everything about its greasy, fattening goodness. “He makes me feel things I never thought I’d ever feel again.” And that wasn’t even the whole truth. No, the truth was, Chase made her feel things she’d never felt before at all. For anyone. And that scared the crap out of her.

“Great,” Annabeth said. “So why aren’t you with him tonight? Why are you settling for me and that slice of pizza?”

“I’m not settling,” Kenzie insisted. “You’re a good friend, and I’ve been craving pizza.” It sounded good, anyway, right?

“In that case, thank you,” Annabeth said. “I consider you a good friend, too, and I always enjoy getting together with you.” She nodded in the direction of Kenzie’s now empty plate. “Are you going to have another slice?”

Was the first one gone already? It was, but Kenzie barely remembered eating it. And she was still hungry. “Yes, I am. Is that okay?”

Annabeth shrugged. “Fine with me. I’m having another, too. And while we eat, it might be a good time to remind you of some of the things we learned in treatment.”

Kenzie raised an eyebrow. She had a good idea where this was going. “Such as?”

Annabeth waved a hand in the air. “Oh, you know...that it’s okay to be vulnerable. It’s okay to experience different emotions, whether it’s lust, love, uncertainty, fear, or all of the above.” She reached for another slice of pizza from the tray on the table. “What’s not okay, what’s a recipe for disaster, or at least a ticket to relapse, is pretending you don’t have feelings when you really do, or avoiding those feelings because they make you uncomfortable. Or scared.”

Her tone was gentle, yet she still managed to trigger Kenzie’s defenses. “Thanks for the treatment summary.” She grabbed a slice of pizza. “Can I eat this now?”

“You sure can,” Annabeth said. “Eat as many as you want, and when we leave here, I’m going home with you.”

“Oh, great, you think I’m going to go puke it up,” Kenzie muttered.

“I hope not, but speaking as someone who has relapsed twice, I do think I know a little about the signs and triggers,” Annabeth said. “And you’re certainly giving off some warning signs.”

***

Instead of Kenzie, Chase settled for tossing back a couple of beers with Carey. It wasn’t the same, but he liked his manager and it beat spending the evening with his own company. He’d already done plenty of that the past couple weeks.

“So you’re ready to record this song tomorrow?”

Chase took a swallow of beer. “Sure am, and hopefully we can get it done in one take. Or maybe two.”

“With Keith Trainer? You think so, huh?” Carey’s laugh told Chase all he needed to know about that possibility. “You must be in a hurry to leave Nashville.”

“I guess.” The truth was, he wasn’t in a hurry to leave at all. But what was here for him? Kenzie had made it clear there wasn’t anything. “I came here to record a song, and I’m doing that. When I’m done, I’ll leave. Simple as that.” Except it wasn’t simple at all.

“Okay...and what about the awards show in Vegas?”

“What about it? Keith wants us to debut the song there, so we will. I’ll be there. A commitment is a commitment.” Why was this even an issue? “I’ll even wear cowboy boots and a damn Stetson, if someone wants me to,” Chase said.

“You?” There was the laugh again. “Boots and a Stetson?”

“Hey, I can hack it,” Chase said. “I’ve even learned to two-step since I’ve been here.”

Carey shook his head. “This I don’t believe.”

“Fine, but it’s true. I went out with Kenzie and she taught me to dance.”
And it got us both so turned on, we ended up doing it in a bathroom stall.
Yeah, probably better to leave that part out of the story.

Carey stared at his bottle as a frown etched on his face. “You and Kenzie, huh? I thought I warned you to tread carefully there.”

“You did, yeah. And I tried...”

“But?”

“But sometimes things just happen.” The words came out more defensively than Chase intended. “I wanted it, she wanted it...” And now she apparently didn’t want it, but he still did. That left him with only one option. “Anyway, it’s done now. Over. As soon as we’re finished recording this song, I’m headed back to New England.”

“To do what?”

Try to forget that I came to Nashville to record a song and ended up falling in love
. “Write new songs. Persuade Jordy to record again. Go back to rock ‘n roll. It’s my life, Carey. This...this was just a diversion.”