Divided: Brides of the Kindred 10 (29 page)

Becca looked up at him in surprise.

“Truth?” she whispered.

“What happened was
not
your fault,”
the dark twin said clearly. “Anymore than what happened with my father was my
fault.”

“Truth is right.” Far came to stand beside
his brother. “I don’t know why the Mindscape made you relive this moment in
your life but if you take nothing else from it, take this—you are blameless.”

“I…I don’t feel blameless.” Becca’s throat
felt tight and the tears that had been building up behind her burning eyelids
suddenly came in a flood. “My parents always told me—my father especially—I was
supposed to wait. Wait until I found a nice Catholic boy to marry and give
myself to and…and…I’m sorry,” she whispered. “So, so
sorry.”

“Oh, Becca…” Suddenly she found herself
surrounded on either side by big, male bodies. Truth and Far had thrown their
arms around each other with her in the middle.

“It’s all right…I know it hurts but it’s
going to be all right.”

Becca didn’t know which twin was speaking
but the words seemed to sooth and calm her—as well as the intense feeling of
love and caring coming from both her men. Grief swept through her and she let
herself cry.

“I’m sorry,” she said over and over. “I’m
just so
sorry.”

She cried until she felt dry inside—dry as
a desert where nothing would ever sprout again. The whole time Truth and Far
held her tight, shielding her as though their big, muscular bodies could be a
bulwark against the storm that raged through her.

Finally the sobs tapered off and the grief
became more bearable. Becca was able to think again. She sniffed hard and
lifted her head, shifting within the cradle of her men’s arms.

“Becca?” Far asked softly. “Are you well?”

“Not well exactly but…better.” Becca
sniffed again. “I’m sorry I lost it like that. I thought…I thought I was over
all this. But seeing it happen like that, watching myself go through it…I felt
it all over again.”

“Of course you did,” Truth said roughly.
“Some pain never dies. It just goes away for a while if you bury it deeply
enough.”

“I’ve tried not to think about it for
years,” Becca admitted. “I guess I wasn’t so much over it as repressing it.”

“That sounds about right,” Far said
gently. As if by mutual consent, he and Truth took a step back, allowing her
some breathing room. “Do you feel better now?” he asked.

Becca thought about it. Strangely, she
did
feel better. The pain wasn’t completely gone but it was more like an old
ache—something she could live with. And the guilt was less too.

“It really
wasn’t
your fault, you
know,” Far said, as though reading her mind.

“I know that now.” Becca took a deep,
cleansing breath and let it out in a soft sigh. “But when you’re raised with
the amount of guilt I was, it’s really hard to let go of the idea that you’re
going to be severely punished the moment you stray from the straight and
narrow.”

“So you are well now?” Truth brushed a strand
of hair from her eyes and both brothers peered at her anxiously.

Becca nearly laughed at the worried looks
on their faces.

“Yes, guys, I’m fine—really.” A surge of
love overcame her—not for either the light twin or the dark twin but for both
of them together. Acting as a team, they had pulled her back from the brink of
despair. She was whole because of them, sane and in control of herself once
more, despite the mental torture the Mindscape had put her through.

Unable to help herself, she reached for them
both. It wasn’t easy to get her arms around two such big guys but somehow she
managed. Truth and Far came willingly and Becca held them tight, standing on
tiptoe to manage it.

The warm scent they always seemed to make
when they were in close proximity—a mixture of dark, masculine spice and some
deliciously tempting aroma like cinnamon and vanilla—completely enveloped her.
Mother of God, they smelled so
good
together. She felt her nipples
tighten and her pussy was suddenly drenched. Why was it that even in the
Mindscape where none of them were even really touching, they still affected her
so much?

No,
whispered a little voice.
You shouldn’t feel that way.
Remember what happened to Kenneth…
But even with the recent trauma and
guilt, their arms felt so good around her, so
right.
Becca might have
been tempted to give in to the electric feeling of desire that seemed to jump
between the three of them if Far hadn’t given a hoarse exclamation in the deep,
guttural language of the Kindred common tongue.

“What is it, Far?” Becca pulled away a
little to look at him. He was staring over her shoulder, a grim look on his
face. “What is it?” she asked again, turning to look.

Standing behind her was a third door.

“I think,” the light twin said softly.
“It’s my turn now.”

Chapter
Twenty-eight

“Your turn for what?” Truth asked but then
he appeared to catch sight of the door as well and cursed softly. “Seven Hells,
Brother,” he said, frowning. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.” Far kept eyeing the
door, making no move to open it. “It’s simply my turn. I just thought…I guess I
thought I might not have to go through this…this test the Mindscape is putting
us through.”

“Why would you think that?” Truth
demanded.

“Because the Mindscape has been showing us
the reasons we resisted being together,” Becca said thoughtfully. “The
obstacles that stand in our way. Your abuse, Truth,” she said, nodding at the
dark twin. “And my guilt. But Far has always wanted to be with both of us. So
it’s natural for him to think…”

“To think that he might not have to relive
a past trauma since he had none that would stop him from forming a bond,” Truth
finished for her. “That does seem to make sense.”

“Apparently it doesn’t though.” Far spoke
as lightly as he could but inside he was dreading the coming ordeal. What would
he see when he stepped through that familiar doorway? All the times he’d been
picked last for sports teams because he had no twin to play with him? The
taunting he’d endured in school for being a ‘loner’ or worse, the pitying,
sidelong glances he got when others didn’t think he was looking? On a world
where everyone had a twin, not having one had made him a freak. He’d thrown
himself into his studies, trying not to be noticed, trying not to care what
others thought of him. And his only friend has been…

Suddenly Far knew what he was going to
have to see.

No. Oh, no, please Goddess. Not that day.
Not that one. Please…

“Brother.” Truth’s voice was low and kind
but firm. “I am sorry but we
must
go through.”

“Whatever it is, Truth and I will be right
here with you the whole time,” Becca promised softly. She slipped her small,
soft hand into his and squeezed lightly. “It’ll be all right—I promise.”

“Thank you, Becca.” He squeezed back and
gave her a grateful glance. “Come on, I guess we’d better go.”

“Lead on, Brother. We’re behind you,”
Truth murmured.

Might as well get it over with.
Taking a deep breath, Far reached for the door…and
stepped into the family living area of his adopted family’s dwelling on Twin
Moons.

His mother was making second meal in the
food prep area and his older brothers, Shouts Loudly and Studies Hard were
setting the table. One of his fathers was doing something on a personal work
station and the other was fixing a broken tool.

To anyone who didn’t know better, it
looked like a scene of domestic bliss. And it was, really—for his adopted,
family, that was. They were like a well oiled machine, each part fitting
perfectly to make a whole.

Far had been like an extra gear—a cog that
didn’t fit. The unity of his adopted family had been constantly thrown into
discord by his presence. Often, he wondered if his parents had regretted taking
the infant orphan into their happy home. And then he found out the truth…

“Oh look—is that your mom?” Becca asked
softly though none of the family seemed to be able to see them.

“I see your fathers and your brothers but
where are you?” Truth asked, scanning the room with a frown on his face.

“I’m on the way,” Far said grimly.

“What are we going to see—do you know?”
Becca asked softly. “Or would you rather not talk about it?”

“It’s not nearly as awful as what happened
to you or Truth.” Far tried to speak dispassionately, though his throat felt
dry. “Really, I just—”

Just then the front door of their domicile
burst open and Far—a much younger Far—came rushing in. He looked to be about
thirteen or fourteen cycles old but he was still small and scrawny with a shock
of dark blond hair that kept falling into his eyes.

“
Mumzelle
,” he gasped, running to his adopted mother and holding
out his arms. “Blix—he’s been hit! Please…please help him!”

Far heard Becca suck in her breath as she
caught sight of the mangled thing his younger self was holding. It might once
have been an animal but now its dark fur was so matted with blood and its legs
were at such strange angles, it was impossible to say what it was.

“Oh, Far—oh, no!” his mother exclaimed,
examining the mangled little creature. “What happened?”

“He…it hit him. I was calling him and he
came running across the street and it hit him and they didn’t even stop and
he…and he…” The younger Far shook his head, the flow of words suddenly
stopping. “Help him,” he managed, holding out his arms insistently. “We have to
take him to the healer, Mumzelle—
please!”

“Oh, darling…” Far’s adopted mother shook
her head helplessly. “I’m so sorry but I think it’s too late for the healer. I
don’t…don’t think he’s breathing.”

“What? What do you mean? He has to be! He
has
to be all right. We have to take him to the healer and fix him!” the younger
Far insisted.

“Stands Strong!” Far’s adopted mother
motioned for one of his fathers. “Come quickly and do…something.”

“All right now, son.” Stands Strong, the
dark twin of his paternal pair came quickly to stand beside the young Far. He
took the broken animal from Far’s arms—or tried to anyway.

“No!” Far’s younger self pulled away,
holding the mangled, furry carcass to his chest protectively. “No, you can’t
take him! He’s my…my…” He shook his head, unable to continue.

Far, watching from the corner of the room,
felt a lump rise in his own throat.

“He’s my friend,” he whispered, unaware he
was speaking aloud. “My only friend.”

“Your what?” Becca looked at him
uncertainly. “I’m so sorry, Far but I thought it must be some kind of a pet.”

“It was.
He
was.” Far cleared his
throat. “Blix was a
jikem.
They’re domestic animals on Twin Moons and
people sometimes keep them for pets. In Earth terms they look a little like a
cross between a raccoon and a cat, if that helps to give you an idea.”

“A little,” Becca said doubtfully.

Far swallowed hard, still trying to
swallow the lump that wouldn’t go down.

“Blix walked with me to school and met me
there to walk home. He was my constant companion during the day. At night he
slept on the pillow beside me.”

“You must have loved him very much,” Truth
said gravely.

Far found himself unable to answer the
question. Instead, he kept talking, trying to put the facts out dryly and with
no emotion.

“My parents got him for me when I was only
three cycles old,” he explained, fighting to keep his voice steady. “They’re an
ideal pet for a loner—what they call a male without a twin on Twin Moons,” he
explained, seeing Becca’s uncertainty. “They bond with only one person and
they’re intensely loyal. They’re extremely intelligent and they live quite a
long time—thirty to forty cycles. Well, if they aren’t run down in the street,
that is,” he finished and swallowed. There was a dry click in his voice.

“Oh, honey…” Becca murmured. “I’m so
sorry.”

“They meant for him—for Blix—to be a substitute,
didn’t they?” Truth said. “A way to assuage your loneliness because you and I
were separated and you had no twin.”

“Yes.” Far nodded, unable to say more.

In the room in front of them, an ugly
scene was unfolding.

“Give Blix to your father,” his mother was
saying. “He needs to be properly taken care of.”

“Properly
buried,
you mean.” Far’s
younger self was crying, tears streaming down his flushed cheeks. “You’re not
even going to try to heal him or fix him. You just want to throw him away
like…like
trash.”

“He’s
dead,
son.” Speaks Softly,
his other father, came forward. “You must understand, you can’t keep him like
this. It isn’t safe or sanitary.” He tried to gently pry the dead animal from
the younger Far’s arms but once more the boy resisted.

“No…
no!”
he shouted. Spinning
around, he hurdled himself across the room and up the stairs that led to the
top story of the house.

“Oh dear!” Far watched his mother put a
hand to her cheek and shake her head. “This is terrible! Blix was the only
thing that kept him going.”

“That’s because he’s a loner,” Shouts
Loudly, the dark twin of his older brothers sneered.

“He can’t help that,” Studies Hard, the
light twin said quietly.

“I know he can’t, I just wish he wasn’t
such a
freak,”
Shouts Loudly said. “He makes our whole family look bad
the way he acts. Honestly,
Mumzelle, did you and our fathers even
think
at all
before you agreed to take him?”

Far’s
mother shook her head. “It seemed like the right thing to do at the time. I’m
sorry if Far’s actions have had a negative impact on you and your brother but
we agreed to raise him.”

“Sees
Far is our responsibility,” Stands Strong said, frowning at his sons. “When a
Kindred makes a commitment, he carries through with it, no matter how difficult
or distasteful the task may be.”

“Try
to imagine how hard it must be for him,” Speaks Softly said. “What would life
be like without your brother?”

“Not
worth living,” Studies Hard said promptly.

Far’s
adopted mother sighed. “Poor Sees Far. Life has always been so difficult for him
and now Blix…” She shook her head. “Sometimes I wonder if it might not have
been kinder if we hadn’t noticed he was still alive after his mother died.”

“You
should have left him,” Shouts Loudly, Far’s older brother said. “Left him to
die instead of dragging us all down with him. The freak.”

“Shouts!”
his father, Stands said sharply.

“What?”
the dark twin shrugged. “I’m just saying what we’re all thinking—that this
whole family would be happier without that freak loner around.”

Far
heard a gasp from Becca and turned to look at her.

“I
just realized something,” she said in a low voice. “If this is a memory that
the Mindscape is showing us, then you must have heard…”

“Yes.”
Far nodded. “I heard everything. Up until that point I had an idea that I
didn’t fit well with my adopted family. But having an idea and hearing it
spoken out loud are two different things. I never knew before that moment that
they…that they thought I would be better off dead.”

“Far…”
Becca started to put her arms around him but just then the scene shifted and
they were standing at the top of the stairs, to one side of Far’s younger self.

He
watched the emotions racing over the boy’s face—the pain and betrayal of
hearing what his family really felt about him…the wrenching agony of losing the
only creature in the world who had truly loved him. And as he watched, he felt
it all again with an agonizing sharpness, as though this old, wretched pain was
new and fresh again. As though it really had just happened moments before.

The
young Far turned slowly, leaving the head of the stairs and trudged to his
room. He still held Blix in his arms, cradling the
jikem
like a baby. He
shut the door behind him quietly, climbed onto his sleeping platform, and
buried his face in the soft fur, now stiff with drying blood.

How
vividly Far could remember this heart wrenching moment. He could almost hear
the thoughts his younger self was thinking as he held his dead pet.

In
life, Blix had been a wonderful companion—extremely intelligent and capable of
empathy in a way most animals weren’t. How many times had Far cuddled him close
when the world where he was an outcast and a freak became too much? How often
had he felt that rough little tongue gently clean away his tears while his
friend comforted him the only way he could?

But
there was no comfort to be found in the stiff, lifeless form in his arms. No
comfort to be found anywhere anymore. Even his family wished him dead. Maybe he
should grant their wish…

“What
is he doing?” Becca asked softly as the younger Far laid Blix gently down on
his pillow and got off the bed. “Where is he going?”

“To
get something.” Far’s throat was too tight to say more.

“To
get what?” Truth growled softly. He turned to look at Far. “Brother, you said
that this memory was not as bad as what the Mindscape showed Rebecca and myself
but I think you are wrong. To lose your one companion and hear that your
family, the ones who should have cared for you most—”

“Blix
was just a pet,” Far interrupted, forcing the words out. “That’s all. Just a
pet.”

“He
was more than that,” Becca said gently, looking at the little heap of fur on
the pillow. “He was the only one who loved you unconditionally. The one you
always knew cared. The one you could go to when life got hard.”

“It
was
always
hard,” Truth said, still looking at him. “Wasn’t it? Being
there—living on that place where everyone else had a brother and you had no
one.”