Dom X - The Complete Box Set: Alpha Male Romance (24 page)

I
was starting
to wish I had more food on the third floor than some pretzels and a few chocolate bars. Not bad for snacks, but not exactly filling either. I hadn't eaten breakfast because I hadn't been hungry. No lunch since I hadn't gone back downstairs until Kipp arrived. By late afternoon, I was hungry enough to eat, but after what happened with X, not having a real meal seemed like a small price to pay for not running into him again.

Not that staying on my floor had been good enough. I'd actually locked myself in my bedroom, and around five, I was glad I had.

X knocked on my door. He said that we needed to talk. He said that he was sorry for hitting Kipp. Sorry for how he'd behaved with me. He hadn't been very specific, hadn't mentioned last night, but that didn't surprise me. He'd never talk about it, never talk about what happened.

And I didn't want to talk about it. About anything, actually. I didn't want to talk to him or anyone else. I'd already decided that curling up in bed and staring at the ceiling was the only thing I wanted to do right now.

X left after having spent a quarter of an hour banging on the door and asking me to just come out and talk to him. I finally ended up going into the bathroom and turning the shower on until he finally went away.

Every part of me hurt. My head, my heart, my body. While what X and I had done hadn't been as rough as some of the things Tanner and I had done over the years, it still hadn't been gentle. And I had the bruises to prove it.

If this had been a regular day after a morning of great sex, I would've been thinking about each ache and mark with fondness, remembering how they'd come to be. I'd done that before with Tanner, and a part of me wished that I could've been doing the same thing with X.

Except I'd never imagined that X would treat me the way he had. Even as big of an ass as he'd been in the past, I'd never thought him capable of being so...

I sighed. I couldn't even think of a word to describe what I was feeling at the moment.

Actually, that wasn't entirely true. I still wasn't feeling much of anything, because I was trying very hard not to.

I wanted to sleep, to be able to forget everything for at least that short amount of time. That's what I wanted to do after I found Logan, except the nightmares had kept me from doing that. Well, until the doctor had given me some sedatives. Then I'd slept for days. I still only remembered the funeral through a haze.

I wasn't having nightmares this evening because having nightmares would require the ability to sleep. That wasn't coming any time soon. At first, it was the adrenaline rushing through me after my confrontation, but even after that faded, I knew I wouldn't be able to relax enough for sleep, and I hadn't yet reached that kind of exhaustion that'd take over no matter what.

Maybe tomorrow.

I closed my eyes and rubbed my temples. I didn't want to think about tomorrow either. I couldn't stay up here indefinitely. I needed to eat, at least attempt to do the work I'd been hired to do. Maybe not the nursing part since I didn't want to be anywhere near my
patient
, but the house still needed to be taken care of.

Then there were the calling hours or wake, or whatever plans X was making. I hadn't known Father O'Toole well, but I wanted to go to his funeral, even if X didn't want my support. I'd go to pay my respects.

After that...I didn't know. I meant what I'd said to X at the end of our...conversation. I didn't think I could work for him anymore. Being around him was too hard. I'd done difficult things before, put up with a lot. I'd always considered myself a strong person, but X was too much. I was afraid that if I stayed, he'd break me. It wouldn't matter if I slept with him again or if I just kept going round and round with him. Whatever the method, the results would still be the same.

I'd come out here in an attempt to start over, but all I’d done was run straight into a broken heart. I could barely admit to myself how far I'd fallen and how fast. Maybe I deserved it for leaving my parents, for falling for a patient.

Not that any of that mattered. Nothing would happen between us. Not again anyway.

Which meant I really didn't have any reason to stay in Philadelphia. I hadn't wanted to go back to Texas just for Tanner, and now that I knew he and I weren't going to work, San Antonio had no appeal at all. Even if I couldn't be with X, I respected and cared about Tanner too much to give him false hope.

I needed to figure out what my next move would be. Move being the operative word. I wanted to leave not just the neighborhood, but the city. I knew the chances of running into X once I left this house were slim to none, but I'd never feel completely comfortable here.

Maybe I should just throw a dart at a map, I thought. That could be a fun way to decide where I wanted to go. I could actually go back to Texas. It was a huge state. I could be closer to my parents without being too close. I could move to Dallas or Austin if I wanted a big city. There were small ones too, if I thought that might be a change of pace.

I should've felt excited at the prospect of a new life, one away from all of this. A chance to start over where no one knew me. I could be who I wanted to be.

But I didn't feel anything.

I was starting to think that I was destined to have a very long, unpleasant night when my phone rang. I glanced at the screen, thinking I'd even be grateful for pretty much any distraction.

It was Tanner.

All right, not what I expected.

I didn't know why he'd call, not after our last conversation. Things hadn't ended badly, but they still ended. He should've been back in Texas, moving on. And moving on would be difficult if I kept answering the phone, but I was tired of listening to myself think, so I reached over and picked it up.

“Hello?”

“Nori, thank goodness you answered.”

I frowned. That didn't sound good. I sat up. “Are you okay?”

“I'm fine.”

There was a pause, the kind I recognized. He was trying to figure out how to tell me something.

“I was on my way home from the airport when I got stopped in a traffic jam.” He was speaking calmly, but quickly. “I went to speak with one of the officers at the scene and I recognized the car. It was your mom's.”

I felt the blood draining from my face.

“Both of your parents were in the car.”

No, no...

Panic started to break through the numbness I'd had all day.

“They're alive, but I don't know a lot. They won't tell me because I'm not family. They're at the hospital and I told them I'd call you.”

“Um...okay...thanks...I...uh...” I couldn't put together a competent sentence.

“Breathe, Nori.”

I closed my eyes and nodded even though I knew he couldn't see me.

“A car is already on the way to pick you up. I have a private plane preparing for you. By the time you grab a few things, the car should be there, and the plane will be waiting. There'll be another car waiting here that'll take you straight to the hospital.”

I was still nodding even though my brain was only partially processing his words.

My parents were in the hospital. They could be dying and I was half-way across the country because I was tired of them bugging me. They were my only family and I'd just left them.

And for what? To spend a couple weeks fighting with a man I thought might be something special but was just another asshole? To try and 'find myself' because I felt like they put too much on me?

“Nori!” Tanner's voice was sharp and I knew he'd said my name more than once. “You still with me?”

“I'm here.” My voice sounded weird to my ears, but I didn't take the time to analyze why. “I'm still here.”

“I know you're freaking out right now, but you need to calm yourself and focus. You have to pack a quick bag and then get downstairs to catch the car. Wait until you're on the plane to let yourself fall apart. You'll have a couple hours to pull yourself back together so that you can be strong for your parents.”

We might not be together anymore, but I spent nearly four years listening to him telling me what to do in tense and stressful – though definitely more pleasant – situations. It was almost automatic for me to respond, which was a good thing, because that meant my body did it without my brain having to consciously give the command. It didn't completely alleviate what I was feeling, but it did make it easier to deal with.

“You can do this, Nori,” Tanner said. “I'll stay here at the hospital and call if there's anything new.”

“I should call,” I said.

“They won't tell you anything over the phone,” he said. “I asked if I could just give you the phone, but they said they'd just tell you to come in.”

I cursed.

“Yeah, that's about right,” Tanner agreed. “My next call is to my lawyer to see if I can get anything out of the hospital while you're on your way. I doubt there is, but it's better than sitting around doing nothing.”

“Tanner.” I spoke around the lump in my throat. “Thank you.”

“Of course,” he said. “We're still friends, right?”

“We are,” I said. “But this is above and beyond, Tanner.”

“This is family. Don't worry about it,” he said firmly. “Don't think about anything other than doing what you need to do to get here.”

“Thank you,” I said again. I hesitated, and then asked, “Will you be at the hospital when I get there?”

Silence for a moment. “If you want me to be.”

I didn't need to think about it. I couldn't face this alone. “I do.”

“Then I'll be here,” he said. “Now, get moving.”

He ended the call and I stood. I had things to do.

I'd freak out later.

I
wasn't
sure which was worse, the pounding in my head or the ache in my hand. I hadn't taken any of my pain pills yesterday, so when it'd become clear that Nori wasn't going to talk to me, I found my bottle of tequila where I'd left it the night before and drained the entire thing.

It'd helped me forget about Father O'Toole, and about my asinine move with Kipp. It hadn't, however, managed to make me forget a single thing about Nori. That bliss hadn't come until I'd finally blacked out.

I enjoyed the unconsciousness, but the waking up part was far from pleasant. My mouth felt like I'd eaten shit-flavored cotton and just the idea of opening my eyes hurt. My head felt like someone was splitting it open. Sawing. With a dull, rusty blade.

I opened my eyes a slit and then groaned. My room was dark, but even the small stream of sunlight was too much. I started to roll over and felt my stomach lurch.

Fuck.

I was going to puke.

I should've just laid back down until the urge passed, but I also had to piss bad enough that I knew if I didn't get out of the bed now, I would make a different kind of mess. I'd rather clean up some puke on the floor than have to clean a mattress drenched in urine.

I managed to make it to the bathroom, but just barely. It wasn't pretty, and I had a mess to clean up, but it wasn't as bad as it could've been, so I supposed there was that.

It took me a while to get my shit together, clean the bathroom and myself. I tried not to think too hard while I did it since pretty much everything except 'soap good' made even my teeth ache. The one thing I couldn't stop from popping into my head, however, was that I needed to figure out some way to make Nori talk to me. I needed to explain so she could understand.

So I could convince her to stay.

Except I knew there was something else I had to do first. I knew Nori well enough to know that she'd never consider forgiving me if I hadn't already apologized to Kipp. Plus, he really did deserve an apology. I'd been so far over the line that I hadn't even seen the line. He had no way of knowing how I felt about Nori, and there was nothing crude about anything he'd said. It was just my own jealousy over the thought of Nori with him that'd come out. It hadn't been anything personal either. I actually really liked him.

I just didn't like the idea of Nori with anyone but me.

That was something I needed to get over, I told myself as I dressed. I'd done too much to Nori to expect her to give me a real shot. The best I could hope for was forgiveness and not losing her completely. That meant I'd most likely end up seeing her with other men, maybe even Kipp. I couldn't go around punching all of them just because they'd fallen for her. No matter how much I wanted to.

I was actually a little surprised when Kipp answered. I'd honestly expected him to send me straight to voicemail.

“I'm sorry,” I said bluntly. “No excuses. I was an ass.” When Kipp didn't say anything, I kept going. “And I'm not saying it because I'm worried about you pressing charges or anything like that. You do what you have to do. I'll be honest about what I did. I just wanted you to know that I know I was wrong and that I'm sorry about it.”

After a few seconds of silence, he finally spoke, “You were under a lot of stress. We're good.”

Relief flooded through me. “Thank you.”

“Don't mention it.” Another pause. “You really should tell her though.”

I blinked. “Tell who what?”

He chuckled, a dry sound, but there was no bitterness to it. “I'm not an idiot, X. You might've been upset about Father O'Toole, but that wasn't why you wanted to hit me in the first place. If you care about Nori so much, you need to tell her.”

I closed my eyes, remembering how the father had given me similar advice. “I don’t think that's an option anymore.”

“Whatever you did, if she feels the same way about you, she'll forgive you,” Kipp said. “If you need me to tell her about the apology–”

“No,” I cut him off. “I appreciate the offer, but that's not why I did it. Besides, that's only part of why she's pissed at me.”

“Look, I know it's not really my business,” Kipp said. “But since I have a bruised jaw because of it, I think I can offer my two cents.”

I might not have liked it, but he had a point.

“You'll never know unless you tell her.”

I scowled. “Father O'Toole pretty much said the same thing,” I admitted.

“He was a smart man,” Kipp said. “Trust me, X, you don't want to constantly be wondering what would've happened if you'd been brave enough to speak up.”

That didn't sound like someone who was merely offering trite advice. That sounded like someone who knew from experience.

“When I was in college, I fell for a girl,” Kipp said, his voice quiet. “She was the dean's daughter. Gorgeous. Smart. I was flunking one of my required language classes – French – and she tutored me. I spent an entire semester arguing with myself about whether or not I should tell her how I felt, but I convinced myself that she'd never want to go out with someone like me.”

I was pretty sure I didn't want to hear the end of this story, but after how I'd treated Kipp, I owed him the time to listen to what he had to say.

“Two weeks into winter break, she went on a date with this guy from the lacrosse team. Good-looking. Rich. All of the things that I knew she deserved.” Kipp paused, then cleared his throat. “After dinner, they went to a party and he got wasted. On their way back to her house, he lost control of the car and hit a telephone pole. He died instantly. No seat belt. She made it to the hospital and spent two days in a coma before dying.”

Fuck.

For the first time in a long time, I felt something for someone other than myself or Nori.

“At the funeral, her dad told me that she'd had a crush on me. She'd waited all semester for me to ask her out, but when I hadn't, she'd taken his advice and gone out with the lacrosse player as a way to start moving on.”

I didn't know what to say, but it seemed like Kipp didn't need me to say anything.

“It took me a long time to work through the guilt, and even now I still feel it sometimes,” he said. “But I've never gotten over the regret. Obviously, most of it because I felt like I could've stopped it from happening altogether, but part of it is because I never took the opportunity to tell her how I felt.” Another pause, and then he added, “Don't make the same mistake I did. If Nori doesn't feel the same, at least you'll know.”

It was funny. The father was gone and I was still getting the same message he would've given me if was alive.

“Thanks, Kipp.”

“No problem,” he said. “And, X?”

“Yeah?”

“Make sure I get an invite to the wedding.”

I'd never been the sort of person who believed in things like signs and all that, but even I had to admit that it felt like something or someone wanted Nori and me together. Or at least, wanted me to be honest with her.

I had things I needed to do. Talking to someone about the father's funeral next Saturday. Finishing contacting people who needed to know about his death. Talk to the lawyer about the reading of the will. Find out what other things I needed to do. I'd never had to do any of this before. My mother and sister died while I was still inside, and there hadn't been any insurance. There'd been no funeral or anything like that.

I knew I could do it myself, but I didn't want to. Even if it was just as a friend, I wanted Nori with me through all of this.

No good would come from putting it off any longer. I stood and headed for the stairs. This time, I wouldn't leave until I'd told her everything. One way or another, it would all come out this morning.

I listened for the television or shower, but couldn't hear either. I didn't know if that meant she was still sleeping or was just being quiet, but I figured I'd start at the bedroom. I winced as I knocked, my headache still present enough to dislike the sound.

Then the door slid open a crack and I pushed the headache to the back of my mind.

“Nori?” I called softly. She hadn't shut the door all the way, but that didn't mean she wasn't dressing or something like that. “Nori? I knocked and the door opened. Can I come in? We need to talk.”

Nothing.

I frowned. Surely she would've at least told me to get out if that's what she wanted. I pushed the door open farther.

“Nori?”

I took in everything at once. The rumpled bed. Dresser drawers open. Clothes on the bed and floor.

Shit.

I went inside. “Nori?”

Still no answer.

I opened the closet door to find it empty. A knot was starting to form in my stomach. I checked in the bathroom. Her toothbrush and all those sorts of things were gone too. The living room was next, but she hadn't brought much with her in the way of décor or anything like that, so it was hard to tell if anything was missing from there.

Not that I really needed to see any more proof.

I ran down the stairs, praying that she was still here. I called her name as I went from room to room, finding each one empty. I looked outside and saw the car Father O'Toole had given her permission to use. The keys were still in the basket next to the door. She hadn't taken the car.

Which meant someone picked her up.

Which meant she hadn't planned on needing a ride back to the house.

The truth hit me like a physical blow.

Nori had left me.

Continues in Dom X Vol. 5