Dom X - The Complete Box Set: Alpha Male Romance (25 page)

N
ori was gone
.

She left me.

I kept saying it over and over again, hoping that saying it would change things. That, somehow, it wouldn't be true. It couldn't be. She wouldn't have just left without a word. That wasn't like her.

Then again...

I thought back over the last two days, over how well things had been going until I'd inevitably fucked everything up. First, by sleeping with Nori in a moment of weakness, then acting like an ass the next morning. And, of course, I couldn't forget the whole incident with Kipp either. It'd been the fact that I'd punched my physical therapist for inquiring about Nori that had led to her confronting me in the kitchen. I'd assumed that my surly attitude would piss her off, but I hadn't imagined she'd end the argument by saying that she couldn't work with me anymore.

I tried to apologize, but she'd ignored my attempts. I'd thought for sure that she'd calm down and we'd finally have our talk. She knew how hard losing Father O'Toole had been – and still was – and I didn't doubt that once I told her how sorry I was, she'd help me through all of it. That she'd be there because I needed her.

Or so I thought.

I'd come up to the third floor this morning with the intention of not moving from in front of her door until I'd had my say. Except her door had been partially open, and when I'd gone inside, her things were gone. At some point between when I began drinking myself into a stupor and when I'd woken up, she left.

She hadn't even said goodbye, not even through a note. Now that the shock was starting to fade, I realized that just because she hadn't left a note in her room or in the living room downstairs didn't mean she hadn't left one at all. I'd been looking for her, not a piece of paper.

That thought allowed me to move again, and I went toward the kitchen. If she intended to leave me a note where she knew I'd find it, it would be there. I searched the entire room twice – including the fridge itself – before I admitted to myself that she hadn't left anything.

The only other option was that she'd left a note on or outside my door, and I hadn't seen it. I kept that hope in mind as I headed upstairs, but it didn't take long for it to go away. Nothing on the floor on either side of the door. Nothing on the door. No note, no explanation.

I sat down on the bed and buried my head in my hands. I couldn't blame her for leaving without saying a word. After the way I treated her, I was actually surprised she hadn't packed her bags and left immediately. Then again, I reasoned, I didn't know for sure how the order of events had gone. For all I knew, Nori had been upstairs packing since I practically kicked her out of my bedroom, and had only waited until I was passed out to leave because she hadn't wanted to risk running into me. What she said to me was all the warning she'd been willing to give.

“Dammit!” I shouted. I raked my fingers through my hair, wincing as my stiff skin pulled across my hand. I closed my eyes as the sound cut through my head.

I had a killer headache, but that was my own dumb fault. I'd been the idiot who'd decided drinking almost an entire bottle of tequila was a good idea. At the time, it accomplished what I wanted: made me forget about everything that happened. For a while anyway. As soon as I woke up, it all came rushing back. And now I had Nori leaving on my conscience too.

Right before I kissed her, she told me that she and Tanner weren't together, that she didn't intend to get back together with him. But that was before I'd reverted back to my asshole ways and chased her off. I was sure that her rich and good-looking ex-boyfriend never would've done half the things I'd done to her. I didn't know all the reasons why they hadn't gotten back together, but it wouldn't have surprised me to find out that I'd driven her right back into his arms.

Which meant I knew where she was going...or had already gone. Home.

Just the thought of San Antonio made me nauseous. The sun, the people...the memories. Then there was what I'd have to go through to get there.

Aside from the short treks between door and car, I hadn't been outside since the day of the accident. Well, I stepped out for a minute once when I was looking for Nori before – the last time I'd been an ass. I didn't think that really counted though. It was behind the house, within a fenced in area. As for people, there hadn't been much interaction there. The thought of anyone seeing me like this turned my stomach.

The memories weren't something to disregard though. I still had nightmares, times when the past would come back with startling clarity. Sometimes they were about the accident, but other times, they were about my times in the army or the things that happened in my childhood. When Father O'Toole first suggested moving back to Philadelphia, I hadn't wanted to deal with the memories this city would bring. Now, I didn't want to even think about what going back to San Antonio would mean.

I shook my head and immediately regretted it. I wasn't going anywhere. It didn't matter that I had no way of getting back to Texas without putting myself out in public. I had too much to do here to go chasing after someone I scared away. I had to continue calling people about Father O'Toole, schedule the reading of his will, and finish planning the funeral.

I couldn't go anywhere.

I stood too fast and my head spun, but I managed to stay on my feet and not throw up, so I considered it a win. I needed to get something on my stomach and then figure out what I was going to do next.

As I made my way back downstairs, I found myself listening for the little things I'd become used to since Nori moved in. Her footsteps on the floor above, faint, but still there. Her moving around in the kitchen. The slight creak of the stairs that led from her floor to the ground.

I knew the house was large, but I'd never truly appreciated the size of it until now. Even though I knew they weren't, I almost thought I could hear my steps echoing. There'd been only two of us living here, but it shouldn't have been such a big difference to go from two to one.

My heart twisted. I knew there was no way Nori would come back, especially not if she'd felt the need to leave without a word. It would just be me here. I needed to get used to that. Kipp had already been transitioning me to doing my physical therapy on my own. After my behavior, I wouldn't have been surprised if he simply moved up the timeframe. That meant, with Father O'Toole gone, I'd be alone here pretty much all the time.

Unless, of course, I decided to hire someone new, someone to take Nori's place.

I barked a bitter laugh. Someone might be able to do the work, clean the house, make meals, but no one would ever be able to take her place.

I'd fought my feelings for her for so long, hoping they would go away, or at least fade. I'd convinced myself that I had things under control until I had a moment of weakness and kissed her the other night. After we slept together, I knew I'd never be able to completely forget her. I'd hoped then that I'd be able to push her away, force her to move on. I knew I'd be miserable, but at least, I wouldn't drag her down with me.

I had no idea just how miserable I'd be though. It was an almost physical pain, something so deep and thorough that I could feel it down to my bones. I thought I'd prepared myself for losing her, but it wasn't until now that I admitted I hadn't really thought about her actually being gone. I always thought of her as being there, probably pissed off, but still there. I never truly imagined that she'd leave me.

“Dammit, Nori,” I muttered. But it wasn't her fault. All of it was mine.

Mea culpa.

It was always my fault.

But even as I thought it, I could almost hear Father O'Toole in my head, telling me that I wasn't truly to blame.

And telling me that I needed to go after her.

I didn't want to do it. I didn't want anyone to see me, didn't want to interact with anyone. I'd been plagued by dreams in various forms that all had one thing in common. People calling me a monster, a freak.

But I wanted Nori more than I wanted to avoid people, I suddenly realized.

I wanted her more than I didn't want those other things. I needed her to know that, even if she never spoke to me again, I'd never forgive myself if I didn't try to fight for her.

Fuck it all.

I was going back to Texas.

I
n the years
I'd dated Tanner, I'd never let him use his private plane to fly us anywhere. That was the sort of thing I always felt should've been reserved for a wife, or at the very least, a fiancée. He understood my reasoning and had never pressed the issue. He'd given me gifts, but had respected my wishes not to have anything lavish. With the occasional exception of particularly fine wine or tickets to events that we really wanted to see, it was almost easy to forget how rich he was. I'd never once considered asking him for anything that reminded me of how much money he had.

When he called late last night to tell me that my parents had been in a car accident and were at the hospital, however, I hadn't hesitated to accept his offer to have a private jet take me back to Texas.

We might not have been dating anymore, but Tanner hadn't let that keep him from taking care of me like he always had before. He'd sent a car to the house to pick me up, had a private jet waiting – since his own plane was back in San Antonio – and assured me that there'd be a car to pick me up at the airport.

He'd done it all without needing to be asked, and without expecting anything in return. Considering it'd been a little over twenty-four hours since I told him that there was no future for the two of us romantically, it said a lot about his character that he'd wanted to go so above and beyond for me.

Aside from the obvious benefits of a private plane – not having to wait in lines or being subjected to regular flight schedules – I'd found myself grateful for the luxury. It wasn't a large jet, but it was definitely roomier than the business class seating I'd had on my way from Texas to Philadelphia. And being the only one on the plane meant I didn't need to worry about bothering anyone or having to carry on meaningless small talk with curious seat-mates.

I didn't know if Tanner had told anyone why he'd arranged for me to be flown out, but once we were in the air, the flight attendants simply told me to let them know if I needed anything and then left me alone.

Once they were out of sight, I finally buried my face in my hands and let go. These weren't quiet, dainty tears. While I managed to keep myself from screaming, I did sob the sort of heart-wrenching crying that left me gasping for air.

I wasn't panicking or hyperventilating, but it was close. I'd been through too much in the past two days, unable to fully process one thing before another hit me. Tanner showing up and our final date. Finding out that Father O'Toole had died moments before X kissed me. Sleeping with him, and then waking up to him being a total bastard. Him assaulting Kipp and the fight afterward. I'd only begun to work through any of that when Tanner called to tell me about the accident.

He'd assured me that, as far as the doctors would tell him, my parents were stable, but I'd worked in a hospital long enough to know that someone could go from talking one moment to flatline the next as some previously unknown injury made itself known. The only reason I wasn't completely freaking out was because I knew I couldn't afford to. I had a couple hours to compartmentalize everything, address the things I knew I needed to, and pack the rest away. It wasn't even close to what I'd need to be able to make decisions about what happened back in Philadelphia, but it was enough time for me to compose myself again.

By the time the plane touched down in San Antonio just before sunrise, I'd locked up all of my feelings about X, and what happened between us. I grieved over Father O'Toole, and then put his death at the back of my mind. I cared for him but hadn't been close enough for my sorrow to impede my caring for my family.

I'd already washed my face and brushed out my hair so that, while my eyes were red, my skin blotchy, I, at least, wasn't a total mess when I walked off the plane. As promised, a town car was waiting.

What I hadn't expected was the man standing next to it. Dark hair, green eyes, and an almost-perfect face. Tanner Boswell. Talented, rich, and my ex-boyfriend.

He took two steps toward me, and that was enough for me to run the last few feet and throw myself into his arms. I pressed my face against his chest and suppressed the urge to burst into tears again. There was nothing sexual about the way he wrapped his arms around me, or even the soothing noises he made. Above all, he'd always been my friend first, and this time was no different.

We didn't stand there long, but it was enough for me to gain strength from him and be able to get into the car without any assistance. Only once he was settled in next to me did Tanner actually speak.

“The doctors still won't tell me much,” he said. “But I was able to get a few things out of them.”

Instinctively, I reached for his hand, and he wrapped his fingers around mine. There was no spark between us, only the warmth of friendship.

“Your father's already in a private room. I don't know anything about his injuries, but they did say that he's awake and responding to questions, which I'm guessing means he should be okay.”

I nodded. The chance of complications was always there, but it was encouraging so far.

“Your mom's in surgery.”

My entire body went cold, and only the increased pressure of Tanner's fingers around mine kept me listening to him.

“I managed to get a nurse to tell me that it was to set a broken bone. She wouldn't give me any other details, but said that it wasn't life-threatening.”

I nodded numbly. Okay. That wasn't great, but the doctors wouldn't have put her under for something like that unless she was stable.

“She should probably be out by the time we get back to the hospital.”

“Which hospital?” I finally thought to ask.

“The medical center,” Tanner confirmed. “I haven't heard an official report, but based on where the accident happened, and the fact that your parents were in the same car, I'm guessing your mom had been picking up your dad at a bar.”

I closed my eyes, guilt washing over me. If I'd been here, I would've picked him up and this never would've happened.

“Don't.” Tanner's voice was firm. “Don't do that.”

“Do what?” I asked without opening my eyes.

“Don't blame yourself for this. Your parents are adults,” he said. “If you'd have been here, it might be you and your father in the hospital.”

“Or I wouldn't have gotten into the accident in the first place,” I countered, opening my eyes to look at Tanner.

He shook his head. “I went to school with one of the patrolmen who was at the scene. Some guy ran a red light. Idiot was texting his girlfriend. He's the only one to blame.”

I didn't respond. We would never agree on this. No matter what Tanner said, I knew that things would've been different if I'd been here.

Neither of us spoke again until we arrived at the hospital, but Tanner kept hold of my hand, so I knew he wasn't mad. I was so grateful that he was here, and that I wasn't having to go through this alone. I was also glad I'd told him how I felt before he left so that there weren't any misunderstandings between us. I could trust him completely not to take anything the wrong way, and not to take advantage.

A part of me even wished that I still felt something more than friendship toward Tanner. It would've made things so much simpler.

When we reached the information desk, he stayed at my side while I asked for room numbers and updates. After a couple minutes, I was told that my mother was in recovery and that visiting hours hadn't yet started. Before I could say anything, Tanner stepped in and, less than fifteen minutes later, we were on our way to my father's room.

Dad was awake when we arrived, and it was all I could do not to start crying when I walked in. His face was covered with cuts and scrapes. One arm was strapped to his chest and two fingers on his other hand were in splints. The look he gave me was both embarrassed and sober.

“Hey there,” he said. His voice was rough, and I wondered if they'd pumped his stomach to get rid of the alcohol he'd consumed.

I didn't care about that at the moment though, only that he was okay. I gave him a wobbly smile and went to his side. “I'd squeeze your hand, but it doesn't look like that's a good idea.”

“Bones in my fingers are cracked.” He scowled at his hand. “And my shoulder's dislocated. Getting my pants on is going to be a bitch.”

I didn't bother to add that he probably wouldn't be able to crack a can of beer either. His words were blunted, and a quick glance at his chart told me that he'd just been given some painkillers. I was surprised he was coherent at all.

“What happened, Dad?” I asked. I knew what Tanner said, but I wanted to hear it from my father.

His account was pretty much what Tanner had guessed. Dad had gotten fall-down drunk, and the bartender actually called my mother because Dad refused to get into the cab the bartender called. Mom had gone down to the bar, picked Dad up, and they'd been on their way back to the apartment when they were hit.

“I'm done,” he said. “No more drinking. I can't lose anyone else.” The last sentence dropped off as he fell asleep.

I was too jaded and tired to be hopeful. I'd believe his sobriety when I actually saw it. Maybe the lack of mobility would help on that count.

“Do you want to see if we can get in to see your mom?” Tanner asked softly. “Or do you want to go to the cafeteria to get something to eat?”

I rubbed at my eyes. I wasn't sure I could handle any actual food right now, but I needed to get some caffeine in my system or I was going to pass out.

“Would you get me some coffee while I go see my mom?” I asked.

He nodded and we went our separate ways.

I knew the nurse on duty so getting into the recovery room wasn't difficult. I pulled up a chair and waited. I felt myself dozing, but as soon as I heard my mom make a noise, I jerked awake. Tanner was sitting next to me, two cups in his hands. He handed me one, and it was still hot, so I assumed I hadn't been out long. I took a gulp that scalded my tongue and moved closer to my mom.

“Looks like she's almost awake.” A doctor I didn't recognize approached. He was probably one of the surgeons. I hadn't seen them much when I worked here. “Are you her daughter?”

I nodded. “What are her injuries?”

He flipped through her chart. “Multiple contusions and minor lacerations. She has a couple cracked ribs, a broken left wrist, and her left leg has several breaks. That's what we needed the surgery for. We had to set the bones and put in a few screws.” He glanced at her. “She'll be in a lot of pain, and there's going to be some serious recovery time for that leg, but she should be fine. With good physical therapy, she might not even have a noticeable limp.”

My mind automatically went to Kipp...and then straight to X. I pushed thoughts of my life in Philadelphia to the back of my mind. I had to focus on now and here. My parents needed me.

When the doctor left, I returned to my seat. Mom was just starting to stir and I knew that meant she'd be waking up soon. Once they were ready to move her, I'd talk to someone about getting her and Dad in the same room. They'd behave themselves while they were here, and it'd make visiting a lot easier. I had no idea how long they were going to be kept. I hadn't even thought to ask. With injuries like theirs, it could be just a day or two, or much longer.

“Nori.”

Tanner saying my name pulled my thoughts back. I looked over at him.

“Is there anything you need me to do?” He reached over and gave my shoulder a squeeze. “Do you want me to call X and let him know you got here safely?”

I gave Tanner a blank look. Why would I need to let X know?

“Won't he be worried about you?”

I shrugged. “I didn't tell him I was leaving, but I don't think that'll really matter.” The words were flat. “He's got a lot to do.” I felt a twinge of guilt. X was going through so much and I just left him.

No, I reminded myself. After the way he behaved, he had no right to have expected me to stay, especially not when my family was at risk.

Tanner looked confused. “I thought the two of you...”

I shook my head. “You thought wrong.”

He leaned forward, a concerned expression on his face. “I don't know him,” he said. “But I've heard the way you talked about him, read your body language. You care about him.”

“It doesn't matter,” I said a little more sharply than I'd intended. “X doesn't know how to do anything but push people away.”

There was a moment of silence, and then Tanner spoke again. “If he lets you go, he's not half the man I thought he was.”

My heart twisted in my chest. No, I thought. It wasn't that X wasn't the man I thought he was. He was exactly that man, but only if he wanted to be.

I just wasn't enough to make him want to be that man.