Don’t Forget to Remember Me (4 page)

“You have to have faith,
Ryan. Julia is strong and she has so much to live for. She
has
you
.”

“It’s been too long,” I
answered. “If she doesn’t come out of it soon, it’s less likely
she’ll survive.” I pulled my mom’s arms from around my shoulders
and stood, putting a hand to my eyes as I moved away to stand at
the foot of Julia’s bed. “They’ve reduced the medications that keep
her asleep, but she still isn’t waking up. She gives me everything
and I can do nothing here.
Nothing
!” the words ripped from my chest, dripping with
agony.

“Oh, Ryan, God won’t take Julia away from
you,” she said softly. “I promise.”

“Mom…you can’t make promises for God.” I
looked at the ceiling in an effort to get control of myself. “Can
you let me have some time? I haven’t been alone with her since that
first night. I need to talk to her. Please?”

Her arms encircled my waist from behind and
she kissed the back of my shoulder. “Of course, baby. I’ll close
the door and then you open it when you want us to come back in,
okay? Don’t you dare say goodbye to her. Understand? If you want
her to fight, you mustn’t give up, darling.”

I rubbed her arm and nodded. “Okay.”

When the door closed, the
sounds seemed to grow louder. Beeping of the heart monitor,
dripping of the IV, air whooshing through the vent; sterile
hospital sounds, not the beautiful voice or the lilting laughter
that I longed for. I wanted to scream at the injustice of it all.
My gorgeous, vibrant Julia was
lying
here
still, silent, unmoving; at the mercy of these
fucking machines
.

Every breath hurt. My gaze fell to Julia’s
chest, rising and falling in time with the ventilator. Dr. Brighton
talked about weaning her off to see if she could breathe on her
own, but I was adamant that we wait until after the medication had
ebbed a little. If she wasn’t waking up, she wouldn’t be able to
breathe without assistance and I wasn’t willing to take that risk.
Paul had agreed with me, trusting my judgment. Thank God.

Another CT scan showed there wasn’t
significant swelling in her brain, which was a blessing. It was
something positive, but until she opened her eyes, I would have no
relief.

I fell to my knees next to her and laid my
head on her stomach. Her left arm and her ribs were injured, but I
wouldn’t hurt her by laying my head below her navel. My hand
wrapped around hers and I closed my eyes as a tear squeezed from
each one.

“Julia…you have to wake up.” My right arm
around her hips tightened. “God, I’m so lost. Please, don’t leave
me, baby.” I took a shaky breath and fought back the sobs
threatening to break free from my chest. I’d denied the possibility
of losing her to Paul and to everyone else, but my education and my
reasoning told me it was possible. “It’s like we’re one person…I
can’t live without you. I love you so much.”

I lifted my head and looked into her face.
It was still swollen and purple bruises were all over the left
side. My heart ached at the site and I stared at her, willing her
to wake up. I spoke softly to Julia and then to God. “Dear God,
please let her be okay. I’d give my life gladly if you would only
spare hers.”

I stayed on my
knees
next to
her, holding her. I talked
to her, repeating the words over and over, feeling her body move
with each breath. At times, tears ran unabashed down my face and I
didn’t even bother wiping them away, the blanket on the bed
absorbing them as they fell. “Please, God.
Please
.”

It could have been minutes or hours, but
finally her hand stirred under mine. My head instantly snapped up
to find her green eyes open and staring back at me. I could see the
panic and pain behind them but in that moment, I thought she was
the most beautiful sight I’d ever seen. It meant that she was aware
of her surroundings, so chances of brain damage were minimal.

Thank you, Jesus.

Julia began struggling against the tube
invading her throat but her injuries kept her movements to a
minimum. She grimaced as pain shot through her, looking at me with
wary eyes. Her brow furrowed as she took in her surroundings. The
ventilator tube was strange and frightening and her right hand
lifted toward her mouth. She tried to speak, but the vent tube
prevented anything but a raspy whisper.

I jumped up and sat on the
edge of the bed, still in shock myself as I restrained her good
hand from pulling at the tubes. “Honey, stop. You’re in the
hospital and this has been helping you breathe. We’ll get it out,
but you have to stop fighting right now. I know
it
feels weird, and you won’t be able to talk. Just
please relax.”

My heart leapt within my chest. Julia’s eyes
were wide and frightened and confusion clouded her features. The
green irises were glassy as she shook her head, frantically trying
to talk but I stopped her with a shake of my head.

I was capable of removing the tube, but
wasn’t allowed to without a physician’s permission. I put my hand
on her thigh so she’d meet my eyes. “It’s okay, baby. I’ll have
that out very soon.” I reached up and pressed the call button on
the side of her bed.

“Yes?” the voice on the intercom
answered.

“Can you please come in here? Julia’s awake
and the vent is scaring her. Is Dr. Brighton around or my father?
We need one of them, stat.”

I lowered my voice again. “Honey, I was so
worried…going out of my mind.” I held my breath, trying to make
sure she didn’t have any brain damage as I watched for her
reactions to anything and everything. I placed my hand at the side
of her face and ran my thumb along her cheekbone. Once again, Julia
tried to pull at the tube, her eyes connecting with mine. “Just
concentrate on my eyes, and breathe through your nose. It will keep
you from gagging. If you can understand me, will you blink for me?”
She blinked once and nodded slightly.

I dropped my head as tears flooded my eyes.
This was the miracle I’d prayed for. She was going to be okay. I’d
been so scared and now the relief was equally intense. She resumed
struggling, trying to speak. The effort made her gag and choke.

“No, sweetheart. They’re
coming to take out that tube. You’ve been in an accident, but
you’re going to be fine,” I said reassuringly, hoping that the calm
tone of my voice would
soothe her. I relaxed when the room
flooded with people. That damn tube would be out in a matter of
seconds. My father and three nurses, one of whom
quickly turned off the vent and started to gently remove the
tape holding it in place on Julia’s jaw.

“Julia, we are going to ask you to cough. Do
you think you can do that?” Kari, the day nurse asked.

She nodded, but still looked frantically
from one to the other, her good arm going up to pull at the tube. I
grabbed her wrist and gently brought it down to the bed again.
“Stop struggling, please.”

“Okay, when I say three, cough and I’ll pull
out the tube,” Kari said. “It will feel strange and you’ll have a
little bit of a sore throat afterward. Are you ready?” Julia looked
into her face and nodded once. “One, two, three,” she said as she
pulled out the tube. Julia coughed several times and pulled her
hand from underneath mine to go up to cover her mouth.

I poured some water from the pitcher on the
bed stand and offered it to her, but her hands moved up to the
bandage on her head and she tried to move her injured arm. A sling
restricted her movements so her shoulder could heal properly.

Another nurse inserted a syringe into an IV
port and Julia’s eyes got heavy instantly and her movements slowed.
I put the glass to her lips and she took a small sip.

“We’re sedating her because she can
re-fracture her ribs if she moves around too much,” Dad murmured as
I returned the glass to the tray.

“I
know
that, Dad.” I brushed the back of my fingers
across her forehead as her eyes fluttered closed. She was trying to
fight the sedative, but it was impossible. I leaned down and kissed
her gently, nuzzling my nose against her temple and sighed
deeply.

I backed up and ran both hands through my
hair as the gravity of what had just happened hit me. My legs felt
weak and I leaned up against the wall for support trying to focus
on my father. He blurred before my eyes as they started to burn,
but the strong hand on my shoulder was reassuring. “She’s going to
be okay, son.”

“It’s a miracle.” I nodded, wiping at the
wetness in my eyes with the back of my hand.

Soon the room was clear and Julia was
resting peacefully. I was sitting beside her, holding her hand
again. She was very sleepy, but I wanted to talk to her. I rubbed
my thumb back and forth over the top of her hand.

“Julia? I’m here with you,
babe. Everyone is here. Your parents, Ellie and Harris, Aaron and
Jen. Everyone who loves you is here. I love you so much,” I
whispered and used my other hand to brush her hair back. She tried
to lift her eyelids slightly but the medicine
had her on the
verge of sleep
. I brought her hand up and brushed
my lips across her knuckles, unable to tear my eyes away. I
grimaced at the bruises that were beginning to turn green around
the edges. Her left eye was blackened and her face was swollen. It
hurt to think of what she must have felt during the
accident.
What did she suffer?

“What happened when she woke up?” my dad
asked. He was standing behind me and I had to shake myself out of
my thoughts. “Did she give any indication that she knew what was
happening?”

I laughed incredulously.
“She blinked and nodded when I asked her if she understood. I’m
so
relieved
,
Dad!” I stood and his arms closed around me in a comforting
embrace.

“That’s excellent, son. We’ll see how she
does in the next couple of days, but I want to order more tests to
make sure there isn’t any permanent brain damage. She may have
difficulty with muscle coordination due to the location of the
injury.” He patted my back and then clutched at it. “I’ll go find
Marin and Paul. They went to the cafeteria to get lunch. You should
call the others and then go clean up before Julia wakes up. You
look a mess, Ryan. Shave, for God’s sake. You probably scared the
shit out of the girl.”

“She’s seen me worse,” I laughed and my
chest physically hurt as my lungs pulled in the air. Was this the
first time I’d breathed in four days? I bent to kiss her on her
forehead and then rested my head lightly on hers, relishing the
feeling of her breath on my face, proof that she was alive and
would recover.

Thank you. I’ll never ask for another
thing as long as I live,
I silently prayed as
I moved away. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from her sleeping face.
T
he cut along her
hairline held 6 stitches
and looked angry and sore.

“Ryan…Ellie,
Aaron
and Jen?” Dad reminded.

I pulled out my phone to do his bidding.
Jenna was working and Aaron was on his way to pick up Ellie and
Harris at their hotel.

Soon everyone was back at the hospital and I
was being ushered out the door. I was exhausted, but I wouldn’t
stay home long enough to sleep, only to shower and change into
clean scrubs so I could do my rotations after I went to check on
Julia.

Dr. Brighton had contacted
my professors, and the chief resident,
so they
would allow me to make up my coursework and schedule
replacements for my hospital shifts over the past three
days.

The longest three days of my entire
life.

I had ten messages from Tanner on my cell
phone as well as two from Liza and one from Min. Min was checking
on Julia, Tanner was asking what the hell happened and Liza was
pestering me with another of her barely concealed ploys to help her
with research. She knew I was engaged to be married, but she never
stopped trying to get me to screw her. She had no self-respect
which turned my stomach.

After my shower, I felt much better and
rushed back to Mass General as fast as I could. My hair was still
damp when I walked into Julia’s room. Everyone was gathered around
the bed blocking my view, but I heard her talking softly to her
parents and I closed my eyes at the sound. Once again, relief
surged through me. In the darkest moments of the last few days, I
thought I might never hear that sweet voice again.

Six sets of eyes turned and my father
immediately came forward, his open hands in front of him, gesturing
for me to stop.