Don’t Forget to Remember Me (5 page)

“Ryan, I need to talk to you in the
hallway.”

“Okay, in a minute,” I said impatiently. “I
want to see Jules.”

“Ryan, we need to talk first,” he said
sternly. His tone was very low, like he was trying to keep anyone
else from hearing what he was about to say.

“Now? Dad, please…I…” I began but he grabbed
my shoulders and turned me toward the hall.

“Yeah,
now
.”

The manhandling pissed me off. “What the
hell?” I questioned in agitation. Why was he keeping me from Julia?
She’d wonder why I wasn’t with her immediately.

“Julia seems to have some memory loss and
trouble with coordination on her left side. She can’t move her
toes, but she feels a pin prick. Motor function manifests near
where she hit her head, so it’s common with injuries like this. I’m
sure it will get better with time, but she may need some help with
walking at first.”

Memory loss?
I
nodded and waited for more of an explanation, but he just looked at
me. “Okay. What sort of memory loss? Short-term, long-term,
w
hat
?”

“It’s strange. It seems to be selective. She
remembers her childhood. Paul, Marin and Ellie, but has no memory
of me. We mentioned you, Ryan, and she doesn’t appear to remember
you either.”

“
What?
” I asked in disbelief. My
heart dropped into the pit of my stomach.
How can she not
remember me? We can’t breathe without each other, for God’s
sake.

“She’s very confused. I needed to warn you
before you go in. I know it’s a shock, but we don’t want to
overwhelm her. You have to keep your emotions in check.” He placed
a hand on my shoulder in an attempt to comfort me. I was still
trying to wrap my head around it and was slightly reeling. “This
will most likely pass, son.”

“Did she ask about the baby?” I asked with
serious hesitation. This memory loss wasn’t good, but I was
thankful that she was recovering.

“Not a word. She hasn’t said much to anyone
other than her parents. I know you didn’t want to upset them, but
don’t you think we should tell Marin and Paul about the baby, Ryan?
In case Julia does ask, we don’t need any emotional outbursts from
them when she is so fragile. Her vitals look good and I’ve ordered
some broth for her. Dr. Brighton and I agree that we should monitor
her memory loss and coordination issues and get her back on solid
food before she’s discharged. Her ribs will be sore, but we’ll get
her up and walking today.”

My mother moved behind me and slid her arms
around my waist. I put an arm around her shoulder as her eyes
reflected her sorrow that Julia didn’t remember me.

My mind was racing. “Okay, yeah. Can you
take them out and tell them while I get a chance to talk to Julia
alone?”

“Don’t tell her too much, Ryan. I know
you’re anxious and can’t wait to get in there, but remember, she
doesn’t know you.”

I rubbed my hand over my face and my
mother’s arms tightened around me. “My God, Dad,” I murmured as the
implications sank in.

“Let’s just be gentle and supportive and see
how she progresses. She’ll be able to cope with losing the baby
better if she remembers everything on her own. Right now, let’s
concentrate on getting her physically well. We’ll do some tests to
try to figure out what’s causing this.”

I left my mother in the hall and followed
Dad back into the room. My heart was racing, palms sweating. How in
the hell would I handle it when my beautiful girl didn’t know me? I
steeled myself for what I would face in the next seconds.

“Would everyone like to
join me for coffee in the cafeteria?” My father invited the others
to leave. Some of them nodded, others
gathered
their things and moved away from Julia. Her bed was elevated
to a sitting position. When her eyes met mine, I searched for some
sign of recognition. She watched me walk in, but didn’t
speak.

“See you in a bit, Jules. Love you.” Paul
placed a kiss on Julia’s forehead. Thankfulness, like I’d never
known, rushed through me when she smiled up at him and spoke.

“Love
you
too
, Daddy.” Her voice was soft and a little
raspy, a remnant from the breathing tube.

On his way out, Paul came toward me and
threw his arms around me. “Ryan, I’m so relieved.”

I patted him firmly on the back. “Yeah.
There hasn’t been a second since she woke up that I haven’t been
thanking God,” I said so only he could hear. “There are no words to
tell you how much I love her, Paul.”

“You don’t have to, son. We know,” he said
as he waited for Marin to join him.

The thick bandage on Julia’s head had been
replaced with a smaller one and most of the blood had been cleaned
out of the hair at her left temple, but the most amazing thing was
that her eyes were clear and alert. My hand went to my heart as I
walked slowly toward her. My instinct was to run and gather her
close, but that would frighten her.

“Bye, honey. We’ll be back soon.” Marin
squeezed her hand before preceding Paul, Ellie and Harris out.
Ellie’s eyes met mine briefly as she passed. She looked worried,
squeezing my arm before she walked around me and out of the room,
shutting it behind her.

Finally, we were alone.

“Hey. You gave us quite a scare,” I said
gently when her soft eyes fell on mine. I saw a lot of questions
there and wondered if she had any recollection of me at all. The
situation would have me freaking out if I didn’t think she’d
eventually get all of it back, but right now I was just damn happy
that she was alive and awake. That was all that mattered.

“Hello.” Julia’s voice was timid and her
eyes wide as I sat on the edge of bed.

“How are you feeling?” I asked in a low
tone, trying to keep my voice steady. Emotions flooded through me
at record speed and I was struggling with each and every one. I was
aching to touch her, to hold her close, but I couldn’t behave like
we were lovers. No matter how much I was dying to.

“I’m pretty sore. My side really hurt and my
head is throbbing.” She was hesitant and uncertain in her
response.

I longed to touch her face, but moved slowly
and took her hand instead, my fingers going to the inside of her
wrist to check her pulse. It was steady and strong, and I glanced
at the dry board where the nurses kept track of her other vitals.
Her blood pressure was perfect and most of the beeping machines had
been disconnected.

“I’ll tell the nurses to get you some
medication to manage the pain.” I checked the charts and saw that
Dr. Brighton had prescribed Vicodin. “We want to get you up for a
short walk soon and will need the medicine to kick in before that.
It might make you a little sleepy, but that will be better than the
pain you’d feel without it. We have to get the circulation in your
legs going. The sooner you get up and about, the sooner you’ll get
out of here.” I tried to reassure her in calming tones but felt
like I was babbling. I needed to let her lead any personal
conversation.

Her eyes followed my every move. She didn’t
look scared, but Julia searched my face for something I couldn’t
quite comprehend. It was difficult because I knew her so well and
it was usually easy to read her emotions.

“Are you…my doctor?” Her eyes moved over my
scrubs and the stethoscope hanging around my neck, then back up to
my face.

I tried to lift my lips in
a small smile, but my heart squeezed in pain.
She doesn’t
remember me at all
.

“Hmmph,” I let my breath out in barely
veiled frustration as I pulled up a chair and sat down next to her
bed. “No, Julia. I mean, I’m a fourth year med student and I will
be a doctor in a few months, but I’m your…” I stopped and
considered what to say. “I’m…” I didn’t want to lie but didn’t want
to cause harm or to overwhelm her. “We’ve been friends a long time.
Don’t you remember me at all?”

Her eyes widened again as I said the words
but she shook her head. She looked apologetic, like she felt bad
for me. “Ellie mentioned you. You must be Ryan.”

It wasn’t a question. I nodded and tried to
swallow the lump in my throat, looking down at my lap briefly, not
wanting her to see the pain behind my eyes. My throat was aching
when I tried to speak.

“It’s normal that you might forget a few
things for a while. You had a nasty head injury. You will remember
everything in time, okay, honey? I’m just so glad you’re going to
recover.” I couldn’t help myself, I finally reached out then and
moved my fingers along her jaw as she nodded but did not recoil
from my touch. “So many people love you and are here to help you.
Jen and Aaron, Ellie and Harris, your parents and mine.”

“I don’t remember all of them either. I do
remember Ellie from college. And my mom and dad.”

“Do you remember Elyse,
Aaron, Jenna or Gabriel?” She shook her head slightly and sadness
washed her face. As horrible as I felt, it had to be more confusing
and frightening for her. Every instinct told me to pull her to me
and comfort her, to soothe her fears with soft caresses and kisses.
I
clenched my teeth
against the urge and
just focused on her words.

“No. Gabriel has a very good bedside manner,
though. He seems like a very good doctor.” She looked up from under
her lids. Her right arm moved across her stomach and was rubbing on
her left wrist under the edge of the sling.

“Gabriel is my father and is the most
renowned neurosurgeon in Chicago.” An astonished expression flashed
across her face and I smiled at her, taking her hand in mine. “See?
We spared no expense to get you better. He and my mother, Elyse,
flew in immediately. Aaron is my brother and Jenna, his girlfriend.
Aaron is at Harvard with me and Jen is a nurse here. She was part
of the trauma team that worked on you when you came in on Wednesday
night.”

“Is Chicago where you grew up?” I nodded
shortly, agonizing internally because I had to tell her things she
already knew. Julia knew everything; knew me better than I knew
myself and it hurt that she didn’t remember all we’d shared. I
sucked in my breath and she continued, still watching me closely.
“You and Gabe look alike. I can see it in the eyes, but you have
your mother’s coloring.”

“You’re very observant. That’s an excellent
sign,” I said tightly.

“What’s causing this?”

“At this point, we’re not sure. We’ll do
another MRI this morning to make sure that there isn’t any problem
with fluids. Most likely, it’s just due to the blunt trauma you
suffered or just the shock of the whole ordeal. I don’t want you to
stress over it. I’m sure it’s only temporary and you’re going to be
just fine.”

She still looked worried but nodded. “Yeah.
Okay.”

“Hey. You might not want to remember
everything. We fight a lot and Aaron teases you constantly.” The
corners of my mouth lifted in the start of a grin.

She smiled and cocked her head to one side.
“Why would we fight?”

“Because…you’re so damn stubborn, of course.
You tell me I’m a moody ass.” I laughed and her smile widened.
“Truthfully, we don’t fight that much, but when we do, watch out!
It’s usually a blow out.”

“Hmmm…Do I win?” Her mood was lightening.
She bit her lip and looked at me through veiled eyes.

“Yes. But, only because
I
let
you.” We both burst out
laughing and for the first time in days, my heart relaxed, the
tightness in my chest subsiding. She grimaced against the pain
laughing caused her broken ribs.

“Oh, I’m sorry, honey. I shouldn’t have made
you laugh.”

“No. That’s okay. It’s good. I mean, yeah,
it hurt, but…it was worth it.”

Her hand worried back and forth on her wrist
with increasing urgency and I stopped her movements with my own.
“Are you having pain in your wrist, Julia?” I asked in concern. She
had several IV’s and one of the veins could have collapsed. My
fingers skirted over the skin as I turned her hand over and
examined where the needle was inserted. There wasn’t any evidence
of a problem.

“No…it’s weird; I just feel…” she glanced
down and then back up at my face, “Something’s wrong with my wrist.
It doesn’t hurt, but it feels like something is wrong. I know it’s
strange.” She rolled her eyes and tried to shrug but grimaced in
pain instead. “I’m sure it’s nothing.”

My heart leapt at her words. Yeah, it was
nothing alright, except the bracelet that was now in my top dresser
drawer with her engagement ring. She was missing it. Hope surged
and I smiled broadly, causing her to smile back at me.

“What?” she asked softly through her
smile.

I shook my head. “Nothing. Try not to move
too much for a few days. Your shoulder will feel better soon, but
your ribs will take a month or two before you’re completely without
pain. All we can do for them is tape you up and limit your
movements.” I stood up and pressed the button for the nurse’s
station. “Can you please bring the pain meds Dr. Brighton ordered
for Miss Abbott?”

“Sure, Ryan,” the voice on the intercom
answered.

“Julia, I’m supposed to go to work, but I’ll
come back to check on you several times today, okay?” Her face fell
a little. “Sweetie, if you don’t want me to go, I won’t. You’re my
favorite patient, you know.”

She bit her lip again, uncertainty in her
eyes.

“No…That’s okay. I wouldn’t want you to do
that. This is part of school, right?” When I nodded, she continued.
“I don’t want to mess up your classes and have you fall behind
because of me. I’m…I’ll be fine.”

“Are you sure?” Truthfully, I didn’t want to
leave, but I knew that once her memory returned, Julia would kick
my ass if I screwed up graduating after we’d both sacrificed so
much. Especially now that she was going to recover and so many
others were with her, she’d want me to take care of my
obligations.