Down the Shore (10 page)

I pushed my thoughts back and out of my head and rummaged through my drawer searching for my bikini. It was my favorite: turquoise with white flowers. I threw it on, pulled my hair up and ran out the door. I thought about going upstairs to see Nick, but I wanted to go to the beach alone and not be bothered.

It was a beautiful day, warm but not too humid. The weather was perfect. Seagulls in full swing hovered over a crowded beach. I threw my towel down on the semi-wet sand, wanting to be close to the water. With the low tide, I could see the baby clams washing up with the waves, and eager kids shoveling them into their buckets. I breathed in the warm salt air, turned my music on and closed my eyes.

I felt his warm touch, and it made me quiver in the hot sun. It felt so real. I wanted to wake up, open my eyes and see him sitting there beside me. I talked myself into waking, gently taking the earpiece out my ear, sitting up. There was no one next to me. I'd been right. It was a dream.

I lay back down trying to remember, and more importantly, who it was I was dreaming about. I couldn't shake the feeling it wasn't Nick. I recalled feeling his hand gliding up my arm. I envisioned seeing a silver ring attached to his pinky finger. Nick didn't wear a ring, but Colin did.

I ran my hand through my hair, jumped up and leisurely made my way into the water, trying to erase the image. The water was cold, but invigorating. I let myself fall into the waves, wanting them to pull me under. It was the greatest feeling to me. I loved to feel the ocean around my body. It was so big and I was so little in comparison.

I was happy. Swimming seemed to wash all my problems away with each new wave that came crashing over me. All of a sudden, I felt pain on my toe. It hurt like hell! I whipped my foot out of the ocean to get a good look at it. The blue-clawed crab hung on for dear life. I started screeching in pain. Some people stared, some laughed. It finally decided to let go, dropping back down to the floor of the ocean, leaving my toe throbbing in pain. I couldn't help but laugh, too. I knew the aching would be over soon. This wasn't the first time I'd been bitten. I wobbled back to my towel trying to resist the urge to put pressure on my right foot.

I heard my name being called out. I looked up to see who was yelling for me. Colin jogged toward me, coming closer and closer. He looked amazing in a bathing suit. I could see every muscle in his tanned six foot body, his tattoos, his jewelry shining in the sunlight, not to mention his broad shoulders, his constantly disheveled hair, his scruffy chin.

I couldn't believe he was standing there.

"Hello, gorgeous,” he said, tilting his sunglasses.

"Hi, what are you doing here?” I looked up at him, still rubbing my toe.

"What's wrong with your foot?” he asked.

I laughed. “Stupid crab got me."

He knelt down and pulled my foot out from my hand. He gently rubbed my toe, leaned down and kissed it.

"All better then?” he asked, smiling.

I pulled back, holding on to my foot, uncomfortable for one quick moment. “Yeah, thanks, but you didn't answer my question."

"Why am I here?"

"Yes.” I nodded.

"I came to see you. Feel like some company?"

I had come alone. Why not? “Sure."

He softly laid down next to me, his body resting on the sand.

"No towel?"

"Nah.” He was so close I could hear his heart beating.

His eyes scanned my body from head to toe. “So where's your fella, he doesn't like the view?"

I could tell he enjoyed the view that Nick was missing.

"I don't know,” I confessed.

"Trouble in paradise already?” I recognized the arrogance in his voice.

For some reason, I felt compelled to tell him things. It felt very natural to be sitting there next to him, to be talking to him like I had known him my entire life.

"I went by to see him last night,” I paused. “He wasn't home.” I bit my lower lip so he would not see me getting upset.

"Sounds like you don't trust him, love."

"Never mind, let's drop it, okay.” I sat, straightening up, and looked back out to the ocean.

"Fine, when are you workin’ again?” he asked.

"I have the dinner shift again tonight, and you?"

As he answered, I noticed him staring at my legs.

"Me too."

"Ironic, huh, us having the same schedule?"

He flashed me his great smile. I can't help but feel nervous as Colin's eyes roamed over my body.

"Want to go for a swim?” I asked.

He pulled himself up and grabbed my hand to help me. Before I knew it he had me in his arms carrying me into the water.

"Put me down,” I demanded kicking and screaming in a playful manner.

"Ah, don't want you to get bit again, lass."

I wiggled out of his arms, splashing him.

We hadn't been out there more than fifteen minutes when I heard my name being called again.

"Abby!” I heard a familiar voice yelling for me from the beach. I turned around to see Nick looking on. I looked at Colin, asking him for forgiveness with just my eyes. “Go,” he said. I turned back to Nick, walked out of the water, bent down and grabbed my towel.

"Who's that? Is that the guy from the other night?” He had noticed Colin and was obviously mad that someone else had taken an interest in me.

"It's just my friend from work, no biggie.” I paused. “Besides, where were you last night? I came by."

He cut me off, “It didn't look ‘nothing’ to me.” I heard the anger in his voice as he glared at Colin.

I wrapped my towel around me, dried off and told him I had to be getting back. I didn't want Colin to be stuck in the ocean for too long. Nick looked back into the water, grabbed my hand and started to walk me home.

"Where were you last night?” I asked again, and waited for his answer patiently. I could see him thinking of what to say.

"Ya know what, babe, I went in to Sea Isle, where there was a party."

"Oh,” I said, surprised. It seemed like a completely logical explanation, but somehow I wasn't sure if he was telling the truth.

"I didn't think you would want to go, with work and all. Besides I got back really late,” he said confidently.

"How about tonight, after work?” I asked him.

"Sure, after work. I'll come down after eleven.” He leaned in and kissed my forehead, then he turned and ran back toward the beach.

The apartment was empty. I strolled through the kitchen fumbling with the dirty dishes in the sink. I was so confused. Every ounce of my being told me to run straight into Colin's arms, but I didn't want to get hurt. I didn't think Colin would intentionally hurt me, but summer was going to end and he'd leave. I knew in the long run Nick would be easier. Colin was from half way across the world. It would never be able to work out. Nick was here, local. It was easier, even if I had a bad feeling about him. I was young; I had my entire life to find out who I was and who I wanted to be. I knew in my heart Nick was only a summer romance, but the inexperienced girl in me wished it could last. I certainly knew there would be other boyfriends in my life.

I chugged a bottle of water I had pulled out from the fridge and pulled my hair down, content with my decision. Colin and I would just remain friends, very good friends. I needed to get ready for work. I jumped in the shower to wash the sand off my body and started to remember the way Nick touched me. It made me nervous, and I was sure he wouldn't mind taking my virginity away. Someday my status would change, but I was also sure it would not be at eighteen, and it probably wouldn't be with Nick.

I had gotten ready fast, even though there had been plenty of time until work. I was excited to see Colin. I leisurely made my way up onto the boardwalk to find him. He stood exactly where he stood everyday—waiting—waiting for me as he always did. I wasn't surprised to see him because he had told me at the beach he was working the dinner shift. I had come to look forward to seeing him, smoking his cigarettes. He had this way of looking at me that made me feel like I was the only girl in the world. I enjoyed having him as my friend, almost too much. I felt safe when he was around, and I liked that. Part of me wanted to attack him, but I kept my libido and my head in check. I couldn't bear falling in love this summer and then to have him get on a plane and fly away. I knew from the time we met that we always were going to have to say goodbye. At the end of the summer I would never see him again. I couldn't get involved. I needed to remind myself every single time he stared at me.

I kept my eyes on him and slowly made my way closer as my heart raced, as it always did, when I looked into his brown eyes.

"Hey, you,” I said, smiling.

"Hey, yourself.” A huge grin spread across his face.

"Sorry about the beach,” I apologized.

"No problem! Shall we?” He placed his hand around the small of my back, leading me inside.

I felt the stares as we entered the room. Girls, surprised and even downright mad to see him take an interest in me. They must have noticed the time we spent together before and after work, and all the attention that he only gave me.

The restaurant was busy; the shore was getting more crowded by the day. The Fourth of July was next weekend. The money was amazing. Work went smoothly as it had the other nights. My shift started to come to an end at just past ten.

I knew Nick would be coming over tonight, but I also knew Colin would be waiting patiently outside to walk me home. I couldn't force myself to walk out to the boardwalk to meet Colin. I couldn't bear the thought of hurting his feelings. I couldn't face him. It was a snap decision—I decided to go through the kitchen door onto the streets and walk home alone. I felt horrible just leaving him there, waiting, wondering what happened to me. I felt like I didn't have a choice; I couldn't lead him on anymore. If I walked home with him tonight, I wouldn't want to leave his side. I ran all the way back to the beach house, making it home just before eleven. I hopped into the shower, quickly washing away the smell of any lingering food. In my bedroom and getting ready for the night, I heard the soft tap on my door.

"Come in,” I answered, assuming Makenna was outside my door. I assumed wrong. Nick stood in front of me, grinning from ear to ear. My towel was wrapped loosely around my body and my hair was still wet from my shower. I pulled the towel tighter. I saw by his excited expression that coming in when he did had taken me by surprise.

"Nick, just give me a minute, okay?” I pleaded. He walked over to me. His hand ran down my leg and stopped just under my towel. I was nervous, but I let him. He leaned in and kissed me; his breath reeked of beer.

"I need a minute,” I demanded, pulling away.

"Why?” he asked.

"I want to just throw some clothes on. I'll just be a second.” I started to push him away toward the door.

He pulled me closer to him, trying to peek under my towel, trying to loosen it with his fingers.

"I don't want you to get dressed.” As he spoke, the smell of the beer on his breath reached my nose.

"Nick, I'm not ready for this, okay. You need to understand,” I yelled at him, waiting for him to walk away.

"I don't need to understand anything,” he snapped. “I'm nineteen years old, Abby, I won't wait much longer. Y'know?” Frustrated, he threw himself onto my bed.

"You know what, Nick, I think this night's over. I'll talk to you later, okay?” I was hurt, disappointed and mad as hell! He made me want to cry and I hated feeling that way.

"Nah, it's all right, I'm sorry. It really isn't a problem. I'll behave, promise.” He placed his hand over his heart. “I'll be in the kitchen.” He turned, giving me my privacy. I quickly threw my sweats on, giving my hair one last brushing. I felt so much pressure from him, it didn't feel fair. It didn't feel right. This relationship was doomed and I knew it.

I put my best face on and walked out to the kitchen to join him. We had a quiet night; we watched television, and Nick did as he'd said he would. He behaved the entire time. A kiss now and then, a rub of the leg, a stroke of the hair—it was nice, but it felt almost obligatory. It was two a.m. when he excused himself to go upstairs. I forced my tired body to my room and dropped into bed.

The sun came in brighter than ever in the morning. I heard laughter outside my window, the sound of kids biking by. It was getting busier at the restaurant; the streets were getting crowded, full of families looking for the perfect summer vacation. I waited to see if Nick would come find me this morning, but he didn't. It was just before noon, so I grabbed my towel and the sunblock and headed for the beach. I had a few hours of beach time to put in before I had to get back and get ready for work.

My thoughts immediately went to Colin. I wondered how he would feel about me dodging him the night before. Would he be upset with me? I was nervous about seeing him. I knew he would confront me and I would need to explain. “He'll understand,” I said under my breath.

It was a great day at the beach. Kids frolicked in the water with their boogie boards, umbrellas blew in the ocean breeze, twenty different songs played in the background. I couldn't ask for anything better at this moment, except for the perfect boyfriend or the perfect summer romance. That is what the summer was supposed to be all about. Maybe my quest for love this summer wasn't going to work out and part of me decided it didn't matter anymore. I didn't need a guy to have fun. I had my friends and that was all that mattered.

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I took my time getting ready for work, knowing I would see Colin. I walked up onto the boardwalk nervous and excited to see him. I knew where he would be—he would be standing there waiting for me. As I got closer, I realized he wasn't in his usual spot. The bench was empty. He wasn't there. He wasn't waiting for me like I expected. A sudden pang of guilt went through me. I felt like someone punched me in the stomach as hard as they could. Where could he be? I couldn't find him. Was he mad, as I suspected?

As the evening moved on, my heartache grew deeper. I knew he meant something to me, something I had suspected all along. I wasn't really sure until that moment. It took me by surprise. He didn't come to work. I found out after I asked about his schedule, that he switched shifts for the night. He was angry with me and I knew it—I had done the wrong thing the night before. I brushed the tears away from my face and walked out into the dimming light of the beach. I roamed the boards for two hours aimlessly, thinking about everything he had said.