Dust (19 page)

I pointed. “No, that’s funny.”

In a shift of his eyes, Burke went from laughing to serious. He stood. “But that’s not.”

“Huh?” My head spun from the sudden switch of moods. Turning to see what Burke was referring to, I instinctively sprang to my feet. When I saw, I couldn’t speak. My reaction teetered between shock and horrified. Tammy was walking toward the house, and if it hadn’t been for the yellow backpack she carried, there was no way I would have recognized her.

***

The weight Tammy had lost was pronounced, even under the thick bulky clothes that she wore. It had been only days since we had seen her last, and I swear she dropped twenty pounds.

Tammy made the announcement to all of us that she didn’t want to hear or answer questions about her health. She was fine. And the weight loss? Tammy said it was just extra poundage she carried around for years anyhow. Stating that perhaps she was stocking it for the times like we faced.

A lesion developed on the side of her face, directly where she had an abrasion—a purple sore encircled by black. Her face was pale, drawn and she developed dark circles. There was something about her teeth that struck me as odd. It wasn’t that they were unbrushed; they had lost a luster—just like her eyes.

But those physical sufferings were not what pulled at my heartstrings. There was one attribute that Tammy had for which she constantly received compliments. Strangers on the street would stop to tell her how beautiful her hair was. Dark-blonde and thick, it flowed to her waist, like a velvet veil. When I saw Tammy, I didn’t notice, because like so often, she had her hair pulled into a long ponytail. It wasn’t until she stepped closer that I saw the appearance and texture of her hair had changed. It was thin, the color lighter, and seemed dry and straw-like.

I tried to contain my reaction, but I couldn’t. When Tammy slipped off her bandana, the pain of seeing it physically went through me. Scarcely anything was left. A minimal amount of strands created a thin overlay for her visible scalp.

There was a brief, sad moment of silence then Tammy released a soft chuckle. “I guess it won’t be long before it all goes. I could shave it ... but I think I’ll hold on to it as long as I can.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Tammy shook her head. “I knew what I was doing and I knew what the consequences were. I have to find my son, Jo, I’ll look until the day I die.”

“You will. We’ll hit the rescue station tomorrow. There’s thousands there.”

Tammy nodded.

“How are you feeling?”

With a tilt of her head, Tammy gave a half-shrug. “To everyone else, I’m fine. Between you and me ... I’ve been better.”

“Rest. Food. That may help. Why don’t you get cleaned up while I get that ready?”

Tammy nodded her response. The bathroom was reserved for simple cleansing, so I led her to the garage, which was our official ‘shower’ area. After handing Tammy fresh clothes, soap, and water rations for clean up, I left her alone and went to the main section of the basement to wait with the others. Tammy informed us she brought important news, but had yet to divulge that information. We may have been patient, but we were all anxious as to what she had to say.

***

“She smells.” Burke was blunt as he sat down at the kitchen table.

His comment made me laugh. “What?” I asked.

“I’m serious, Jo. She smells. Am I the only one who noticed?” He looked to Craig, Rod, and Dan who were also seated at the table. They didn’t answer. “Hell with you three. You just don’t want to say. I’ll say. She smells.”

“Burke.” I sat down next to him. “She’s cleaning up now. Maybe afterward ... ”

“No.” Burke shook his head. “It’s not a dirt smell, or a smell from being out there. I don’t know what it is.”

“Perhaps,” Rod spoke up. “It’s a feminine thing. Not that I would personally know, but I heard when women don’t wash ... ”

We all moaned and silenced him.

“Just a thought.” Rod stated, lifting his hand in defense.

Burke cringed. “It’s not that.”

Dan recited out his guess, “What about her head? She has that sore. It could be infected. It looks infected.”

Craig interjected his two cents. “Or the sickness. She has it. We know it.”

Rod nodded in agreement. “Makes perfect sense. With the sickness who knows what sort of vile substance has been involuntarily excreting ... ”

“Stop.” Burke held up his and to Rod. “Stop being so descriptive. We know what you mean. Whatever is causing it isn’t the point. The point is I think it’s a warning to something.”

“A warning?” I asked. “To what?”

 
“To her,” Burke said. “And she’s ignoring it. Jo, face it. Almost a week ago she needed medical attention, and right now, she needs it even more.”

Tammy stepped into the room at that very second. “I do not. I’m fine.”

Burke scoffed. “Yeah, sure you are.” Shaking his head, he stood up.

“I may not look it.” Tammy walked to the table and stood behind Rod. “But I’m fine. And I’m not dying.”

All of us drew into an eerie silence. A silence broken by Rod when he sprang to his feet.

“Ex ... excuse me,” he said with his hand hovering close to his mouth. “Take my seat, I need to stand.”

Tammy looked at Rod curiously, and then she sat down. “Thanks.”

At first I believed Rod had slipped into some emotional moment, darting away like he did with his hand over his mouth. Then I realized why he moved. With Tammy seated so close to me, I caught a good whiff of the slight sour odor that emanated from her.

“Tammy,” I said cautiously. “You ... ”

“Jo.” She halted me. “I don’t want to hear anything about my health.”

“Fine.” I folded with little resistance. Then, using ‘a need to stand’ as my excuse as well, I stood from the table. “Why don’t you tell us the news.” I suggested. “We’ve been waiting.”

Tammy nodded. “As you know, I headed south to Mick’s dads. Hoping maybe he went there. I know it was a far distance, but ... ” she shrugged. “You never know. I made it a far as West James.”

That caught my attention. “West James? Oh, my God.” I gasped. “Tammy, Mona’s house ... ”

“I went there,” Tammy said. “She wasn’t there.”

Burke remarked annoyingly, “Of course she isn’t there. She’s fuckin’ toast in Tulsa.”

“Shut up.” I barked. “Go on, Tammy.”

“Anyway,” Tammy continued. “I was going to camp there for the night. But, there wasn’t a single can of food, a blanket, nothing. She was wiped out. I thought looters, but her house wasn’t messed up.”

“Gary?” I questioned.

Tammy nodded. “Gary. I went to her ex-husband’s house, and sure enough, he was there with Adam. Mona’s kid is alive and well. I ended up staying there for the night.”

“Oh.” I sighed out. “That is great news. I’ll have to write Mona and tell her.” I noticed everyone looked at me at that instant. “In my notebook.”

“So why did you turn around and come back?” Burke asked. “Because you got sick?”

“I’m not sick.” Tammy argued.

“Yeah. OK.” Burke rolled his eyes. “Why did you turn around?”

“I couldn’t go any further,” Tammy explained. “No further. You know the plan to go to Burke’s cabin? We all can forget it. We’re stuck. Military barricades at every roadway within a twenty-mile circumference of the city. No one gets out.” She paused and looked at our shocked faces. “Civilization is under the gun.”
 

18. Over Coffee
 

Tammy’s news precluded a chain of unexpected occurrences that made for a very eventful day. The first of which was denial of what she told us. It bred arguments and anger. Burke was insistent that even if what Tammy said was correct, hell or high water he’d move us through—blasting both barrels if he had to. And while Tammy grew irrational with Burke—defensively calling him immature names—Rod kept insisting on a peaceful route, logically stating that the military couldn’t possibly have every road blocked. Somehow Rod’s reasoning was buried and unheard beneath the quarrel of Burke and Tammy. They veered so far off the subject of going to the cabin, we couldn’t steer them back. It went from one storm to another.

Rod’s magical sinuses were absolutely correct, and he made no attempts to hide his gloating when it started to rain. The cleansing waters arrived with a vengeance. Lightening cracked, and the thunder vibrated the walls. The rush of the storm blared, yet for as violent as the weather was, it had an opposite effect on us. A calm took over and we sat and listened to the rain as if it were a form of entertainment.

Then Nicky started to cry. It started as whimpers, a series of which none of us paid any attention. They grew into sobs, which transformed into wails. Loud and shrill she screamed out, like a baby with colic. She locked herself in the bathroom and wouldn’t come out. We thought that while she napped, she was hit with a dream that brought her out of her happy world and back into a reality she couldn’t face. The crying wouldn’t stop. It was continuous. Finally Burke had enough. He dismantled the hinges of the bathroom door, not to find out what was wrong, but to get her to quiet down. It was then we discovered why Nicky agonized.

Flesh eating sores, the size of dimes, doused Nicky’s hands. They spread across her fingers, her palms. Her lips had blistered, and she was lethargic from the ulcers in her mouth and on her tongue. There was nothing we could do to help her. Anything we had that would even remotely help, Nicky was unable to swallow. We were able to move her to the other small bedroom. As the clock ticked, her sobbing lost its steam, and we knew eventually she would exhaust herself and fall asleep.

We hoped.

I believe it was the first time ever that Rod and Dan totally agreed on anything. Tammy camped on the first floor of Mark’s house. She didn’t want to stay in the basement shelter; she saw no reason to be cramped. Rod along with Dan insisted that Nicky be moved to the first floor. Keep misery together, sickness in one area. Just on the outside chance the two of them had something other than radiation poisoning, they would be at some distance from those of us who were healthy.

Craig remained silent. My guess was he agreed with Rod and Dan, but out of loyalty to Nicky, wouldn’t say. I was torn. Burke used, ‘I need to think about it’ as his excuse not to deal with it at all.

Like it or not, Rod and Dan had a good argument. The situation had to be faced.

We welcomed the evening. It was a time of the day when things were peaceful and quiet. Nicky passed out—a good thing. The rest of us settled into routines we had become quite accustomed to doing after dinner. Dan usually menu planned for the next day. If beans were on the agenda, he’d soak them, then go to sleep well before nine. Rod wrote. Craig was building something electronic, what it was he didn’t say and we never asked. The kids broke out a board game to wind them down. They were on a Monopoly kick since Simon started recognizing what the cards meant. And me, I sat with Burke. Whether we were fighting, debating, talking or quiet, my nights somehow always ended with him.

It was like the rain gave the world a good bath. There was a different smell to the air. Gone was the stench of ‘rotten’ that lingered about at every turn. It was replaced with a crisp smell, and cool. The temperature had dropped a little, but Burke and I chose to sit outside. He lit a small fire, and we sat at the end of the driveway nearer to the backyards.

I watched the brown liquid in the whiskey bottle splash as Burke pulled it from his mouth. He gasped and then showed me the bottle in an invitation to join him in the drink. I declined, despite how badly I wanted the drink.