Easy Silence (15 page)

“Are you tired?” he whispered in my ear as I nestled my head into his chest.

“A little.”

“I guess we should get going.” I looked down at the time on my watch, surprised to see that it was already seven thirty. I couldn’t believe we had been sitting out here for the past four hours. Time seemed to slow down whenever I was with him. I wasn’t sure if it was because I wanted to savor each second, not knowing if I would get another chance to be with him. I was always so content whenever he was near. We didn’t even have to be doing anything. He made something as simple as quietly staring out at the water interesting. Together we created an easy silence, a silence that most people would find awkwardly eerie, but for us, it was symbolic of our relationship. We were comfortable with each other’s lack of words. In fact, I think we communicated better without them. He stretched his entire body as he stood up and extended his hand to help me up. I shook out my tired legs, trying to wake them after sitting for so long. I stared out at the pond one last time, turning my attention to the sky that was already lighting up in beautiful hues of pink and deep shades of orange, setting the stage for a gorgeous sunset in just another half hour or so.

Jaxson looked down at me, pushing my hair from my face. “Thanks for making today such a good one, Samantha.”

“Anytime,” I whispered. He leaned down and kissed my forehead.

I was hoping he was sensing the same security that his warm soft lips on my forehead were providing me at the moment. I would never be able to completely cease those perilous waters inside of Jaxson, but if I could make them more manageable for him to deal with then that was enough for me.

The weeks were flying by, and Jaxson was opening up ever so slightly with each passing day. We were spending all of our free time together and mostly every night. On the nights he would work late, I would leave my bedroom window open so he could let himself in. I loved when I would fall asleep waiting for him, only to wake up in the middle of the night or the next morning to find him lying beside me. I had calmed the inner turmoil inside of him, while he found a piece of me that had been missing from my life. I was growing more disconnected with my friends and life back home, wanting to devote all of my time to him. I had three voicemails from my best friend, Jewel, and two from my drama teacher that needed to be returned. I was feeling guilty for ignoring them, but they were a sharp reminder of reality, a reality I would soon be facing once the summer was over. A knot formed in my stomach every time I thought about going home. Jaxson needed me here, and I was finding that I needed him equally as much.

We had just woken up and were lying in each other’s arms. The morning sun was just starting to peek through my blinds as Jaxson played with my hair. “I gotta get to Pete’s and take a shower before I head into work.”

I looked up at him and planted a kiss on his shoulder. “Do you have time for me to take you out to breakfast before you go in?”

He nodded and stared down at me, deep in thought. “What’s wrong?” I asked, afraid that his mood was beginning to shift.

“I just can’t believe I’m here with you in this way. That you would actually want someone like me.”

“What do you mean
someone like you
, Jaxson? Maybe I’m feeling the same way about you. Maybe I can’t believe you would want someone like me.”

He shook his head. “You are just so beautiful inside and out. Girls like you they don’t want—”

I put my finger over his lips to stop him from talking. “I don’t know what those other silly girls want, but I want you and only you.” He sat up to dress and grabbed the picture from the nightstand that Pete had given me of my dad and his high school sweetheart.

“You look a lot like your mom.”

“Oh, that’s not my mom. That’s my dad and an old girlfriend.” I sat up behind him and pressed my chin into his shoulder, peering down at the picture in his hand.

“Wow, she looks a lot like you.”

“Let me see.”

He handed me the picture and stood up to put on his jeans while I examined it closer. He was right; we did look a lot alike, same dark hair, same dark eyes even the same smile. My whole life I had always been told I looked like my dad, but upon examining her further, there was an uncanny resemblance to this woman. “That is weird. I do look a lot like her.” I pulled the picture closer, trying to make out the bracelet that was on her arm, and I immediately stood up and scoured through my things for the charm bracelet my father had given me on my sixteenth birthday.

“What’s wrong?” Jaxson asked, sensing my urgency as I raced back to the picture, trying my best to compare the two.

“Is this the same bracelet that she’s wearing?” I asked.

He took it from my hand and looked it over before diverting his eyes back to the picture. “It looks like it could be.” I let out a deep breath, completely baffled. “Hey, are you okay?” he asked taking a seat next to me on the bed. “I don’t know. My dad gave me this bracelet on my sixteenth birthday.”

“And?” he still wasn’t getting it.

“Well, don’t you think it’s kind of weird that he would give me this when it was once an ex-girlfriend’s?”

He shrugged. “A little, but maybe it was an old family heirloom or some shit like that.”

“I don’t know; he never said it was.” I stared at the photograph a little while longer, now bothered by this discovery until Jaxson's lips on mine broke me from my brooding.

“Did you just want to meet me somewhere for breakfast?” he asked.

“Oh, yeah. Sure,” I responded, my mind still a million miles away.

“Okay, the Pancake Palace in an hour?” I nodded. “Are you okay?” he asked.

“Yeah. I'm just a little confused by this…I'm just probably overthinking things,” I said, finally putting the bracelet and picture down. “Pancake Palace in an hour sounds perfect.” I smiled. He gave me one last kiss and was on his way out the window.

I let out a deep breath and pulled it together, heading into the shower and telling myself there was probably a logical explanation for this whole thing. After getting myself ready in record time, I breezed by the kitchen, shouting a good morning to Hadley on my way out.

"Where are you headed? I made your favorite for breakfast…chocolate chip pancakes.” Hadley caught me just as I was at the front door.

“Oh, Hadley, I'm sorry. I told Jaxson I'd meet him for breakfast.”

“Well, you could have just told him to stay here to eat instead of going out the bedroom window.” She raised her eyebrow, and I could feel my face heating up.

"What–what are you talk—”

“Sam, I wasn't born yesterday, and believe it or not, I was young once, too.” I knew I was probably turning bright red, hoping that she never heard us having sex. “I was dusting in your room and noticed the screen popped out. Please, tell him to use the front door if you're not going to put the screen back in properly. I don't want those nasty green head flies getting in here.”

"Hadley, I'm sorry. It's just that he works a lot during the day so…”

She held up her hand to stop me. “You're not a little girl anymore. You’ll be nineteen in a few short months, so I know nothing I say is going to stop you from doing such things. I just hope you are responsible about it. Even though you aren't a little girl, you are still much too young to become a mother.”

“Hadley! We are not having this discussion!” I could feel my embarrassment mounting.

She shook her head at me. “Fine. We won’t, but please tell me you are being careful.”

I rolled my eyes as she widened hers, waiting for my reply. “Yes, Jaxson is very responsible,” I muttered, hoping she would just drop it. She nodded seeming satisfied just enough to allow me to make a getaway.

My embarrassment over the situation overshadowed my other worries from earlier this morning. Seeing Jaxson’s best attempt at a smile as he looked me over when I approached him in the parking lot made me forget everything. He grabbed my hand as we walked inside and took a seat. After looking over the menus, we placed our orders, and the familiar silence fell between us.

“So, I was thinking. I would really like you to meet my mom and dad if they come to my grandmother’s this summer,” I said.

The uneasy look on his face made me regret even asking. I didn’t want him to think I was pushing him or taking things too fast, but the reality was, he was becoming a very special part of my life.

“Umm…” He nervously rubbed the back of his neck.

“It’s okay, Jaxson. I shouldn’t have asked you. I know it’s too soon,” I reassured his doubt.

“No. It’s not that, Samantha. It’s just…”

“Just?” I raised my eyebrow.

“Well…I just don’t think they would approve. I’m not part of your world.”

I shook my head in frustration. “You are part of my
life,
Jaxson. I don’t want to scare you away, but you really mean a lot to me.”

“And—You really…you really mean a lot to me, too.” I bit my lip and smiled inwardly.

I reached over the table and grabbed his hand. “Stop thinking that I’m so much different from you, Jaxson, because, I’m not.”

“Samantha, you are.”

“How? We both have ten fingers, ten toes, two eyes, and two ears. So unless you have any excess body parts that I don’t know about, we are exactly the same.” He shook his head, looking discouraged. “So, what time do you get off today?” I asked.

“Four.”

“And are you working at the diner tonight?” he shook his head just as the waitress brought us our food. I waited until she walked away before speaking again. “Well, do you want to hang out at my grandmother’s? We can watch a movie or something. Maybe
To Kill A Mockingbird
since we’re all done reading it.”

He shrugged. “Yeah, that’s cool.”

“Okay, so just come over whenever.”

He nodded and took a bite of his pancake.

Once we finished up eating, Jaxson snatched the check from my hand. “Jaxson, please. I invited you out to breakfast, remember?”

He completely ignored me as we walked up to the register to pay. I took his hand and we walked outside, stopping at his truck. “So, I guess I’ll see you later.” I squinted up at him, trying to block out the bright morning sun. He nodded and grazed my cheek with his lips.

“Jaxson Michael.” He froze at the sound of the woman’s voice that was approaching us. His eyes went from emotional to blank in a matter of seconds as he stood still staring off into space. As she got closer, I recognized her immediately as that woman from the bar—his mother. Her rough life of partying was so evident in her appearance. Her long stringy blonde hair hung in her face, and I was guessing that all of the drugs and alcohol made her appear much older than she really was. I grabbed his hand, not knowing what else to do. It was as if I were staring at a zombie. He was totally emotionless. “Well, I’m glad to see you’re still alive,” she said in a very gruff voice. My eyes remained focused on Jaxson, remembering his reaction the last time he had seen her, not wanting him to fall back into that choppy ocean once again after he had come so far.

I was relieved when he finally snapped out of it. “Come on, Samantha, I’ll walk you to your car.”

“Oh, so this is how you’re gonna be? You ungrateful bastard! Just pretend you don’t have a mother!” He stopped dead in his tracks and squeezed my hand tighter.

“Jaxson, just ignore her,” I whispered, but it was of no use, he was already turned around ready to explode.

“You know what, Tammy, you’re right on all three counts. I have nothing to be grateful to you for. I am a bastard because you were nothing but a whore. And, I don’t have to pretend that I don’t have a mother because I don’t…and I never did.”

She let out a loud laugh. “Well, you go play house with your cutesy little girlfriend there. Just remember darlin’, as much as you deny it you are still my son.”

He was shaking by the time we reached my car. So much so that I made him get in and sit down until he calmed down. “Jaxson, it’s okay. You don’t need her for anything anymore.” I gently rubbed his back, hoping it would help. His eyes were still blank, and I was praying that he wasn’t slipping back into the same dark place as when I first met him. I placed my head on his shoulder and softly glided my fingers up and down his arm. I could feel his breathing becoming more relaxed and after a few minutes his lips were resting on the top of my head.

“Thank you, Samantha,” he whispered.

“Are you going to be okay to drive?”

“I’m fine,” he replied.

I lifted my head and kissed his cheek. “Have a good day, and I’ll see you later.” He nodded and got out of the car, then bent down and stuck his head in.

“See ya, Samantha.”

“See ya, Jaxson.” He closed the door, and I watched as he walked off to his truck. I was hoping that he was really okay and not just putting on a front for me. His hatred for her was so apparent just by the look in his eyes and the anger in his voice when he confronted her. I couldn’t imagine ever feeling that way toward anyone, especially my own parents, but after everything he had been through in his past, his feelings were totally valid. After hearing how he was raised, I was hoping that she was feeling some kind of emotional pain by the things he said, but something told me she couldn’t care less. She was just as evil as the man who hurt Jaxson, maybe even worse. She was his mother; she should have been the one to protect him when he was unable to protect himself, but she didn’t. Instead she chose to let her son get abused by some heartless animal just so she could score her next drug. I was getting angry myself, just thinking about it. My poor sweet Jaxson, scared and alone as a little boy and now angry and alone as a man. But he was no longer alone. As long as he would allow me to be in his life, I intended to be there.