Embrace, Entice, Emblaze (32 page)

From different times in my life, different moments. Some I remembered; some seemed like they came from other people’s memories. I could see myself in the eyes of others. I saw those others too— my mother, my father, Steph, Lincoln— and I saw people who had hurt me— the elementary- school bully, the horrible ballet teacher, the girl squad from my old school that always had that knack of making me feel so inferior. And finally, the teacher who had attacked me.

He appeared time after time, taunting me like contorted mirrors in a fun house. The old fear I knew so well rushed back and I felt anger that he could intrude on my life at every point, even this.

My lungs burned with the need for oxygen, my vision blurred,

and I couldn’t hold on much longer. I was spent. I closed my eyes.

All movement stopped. The water stilled, and when I could no

longer wait, I inhaled…warm, damp…air.

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chapter
twenty- seven

“You remind me

Defi ne me

Incline me.

If you died

I’d.”

LeMn sissay

I landed on something hard. My eyes shot open while I continued to suck in more sharp, burning breaths. Tiny droplets of water

misted my face. I was half sitting, half lying back in a wooden-slatted…deck chair
?

Dark, ill- omened night encircled me. I blinked to adjust to the dim light.

Did I pass out? How did I get here?

My surroundings slowly came into view. A stainless-steel table

was to my right. On it, a glass of water. A light rain was falling. I was saturated. Had I imagined the water pool and was only wet

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because of the rain? Uncertainty enveloped me. I sat up, swinging my legs to the side. As I did, another chair came into view— and on it, a man, instantly familiar.

Anger sparked. “Is this some kind of game to you? How you get

your kicks, playing with my life? Well, congratulations. I found your stupid water and almost died in the process!” I screamed

between coughs and splutters.

I could see him smile through the darkness, teeth startlingly

white. My hands gripped the side of the chair and my stomach

prickled. Uri had not smiled.

“I see you have met my brother. He sent you looking for water,

did he? Sounds like something he would do. Predictable.” His

upper lip twitched at one corner.

I squinted into the dark. He looked exactly like Uri, but on

closer examination, there were differences. Uri had not shaved in what looked like days; the man sitting before me was clean- shaven.

Uri was dressed in casual slacks and shirt; this man looked like he had just stepped out of a boardroom. His suit was black and

perfectly tailored. He wore a crisp white shirt that glowed under the moonlight and was tightly held around the neck by a silver tie.

I looked down; his patent black shoes reflected the night, and the sand beneath them was perfectly still, like it was afraid to move.

There was no doubt he looked identical to Uri, but this was not the same man— and we were still in the desert.

“You’re the angel of dark,” I whispered, wishing I was in a better physical state to defend myself. But even though I had managed to 270

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maneuver myself into a sitting position, I knew I would be hard-pressed to stand up, let alone fight…or run.

“I prefer Angel Malign and, of course, there is always my name.

I am Nox.” He did not offer his hand as Uri had done. He was

repelled by me, the same way Uri had been, but he was worse at

hiding it. Or didn’t bother to try.

I snuck a quick look over my shoulder at the glass of water on

the table.

“Thirsty?” he asked offhandedly.

I wanted to deny it, but I was still desperately parched.

“Yes,” I confessed.

“Please.” He swept his hand toward the table. “Help yourself.”

I leaned forward a little and felt my legs shake furiously. I

wouldn’t be able to stand without falling.

“May I assist?” he asked. The same words Uri had used, yet this time they caused a crawling sensation over my skin. I wanted to shiver but restrained myself.

“No. It’s okay.”

“Will you refuse me the same courtesy you gave my brother?”

He smiled slyly.

I looked down, feeling tired and beaten. “No. You can help.”

Before I even finished my sentence, I saw a mist flow from him to me. A slight dusting of colors shimmered within it like glitter. My muscles suddenly relaxed and I felt rejuvenated. I still ached like I had run a marathon, but it was bearable. I walked to the table and gulped down the water. It didn’t occur to me until I had finished 271

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every last drop that anything could have been in that glass. The fact was, I would have thrown back a glass of bleach as long as it was wet.

He watched me and sighed. “It’s always a little frustrating to

be the second visit on a Grigori Trial, though I must say, they are normally in better shape than you. My brother must have shown

quite an interest.”

I thought back to my meeting with Uri, which now seemed like

a lifetime ago, and the total indifference he had shown me. “He didn’t seem overly interested.”

“Perhaps not to you.” He walked over to the table and stood on

the opposite side. I strained to see his face.

“You have come to save the one you love?” he said conver-

sationally.

“Yes…No…He’s not the one I love, but I do want to help him.”

I was trying to convince us both.

He made a
tsk
-
tsk
sound. “And for whose sake do you come?”

“For his.”
Uh, duh!

“Are you
sure
?” The words teased their way through the air, landing lightly like the misty rain and seeping into me slowly.

I thought of the question, of who was really at risk. It was

Lincoln’s life I wanted to save…because…
I
couldn’t fail him.

“For mine.” The realization stung.

“Very good. I am sure my brother told you how strong you

appear. Did he tell you how very weak you are too?”

I half laughed, but my heart wasn’t really in it. “Stating the

obvious, don’t you think?”

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“True and not. Your current state is merely a physical reflection of your strength and your weakness. They compete in a
wonderful
battle within your soul. I wonder which will win…Don’t you?”

I swallowed and remained silent.

He chortled lightly. “It is a situation that we must contend with, our exiled flock. I do wonder, at times, if they find their paths fulfilling. I suppose I will never know.” He was adjusting his jacket, tugging at the sleeves. It reminded me of Onyx. “I admit, it is quite satisfying being able to enjoy these material objects. Do you like my suit?”

I was a little taken aback. “I…I can’t really see it.”

He sighed. “Yes, the shadows do like to accompany me when

I assume flesh.” His next words came abruptly. “Who is the other who seeks claim to your heart and your body?”

How
could
they
know
all
this?

“Phoenix.” My voice cracked as I spoke.

“He is one of us?”

Nothing
like
you
, I wanted to yell.

“He’s an exile,” I said, resting my hands on the table to help hold myself up.

“Yet you wish to be a Grigori? Will you surrender him?”

“I want to save my friend. I know that becoming a Grigori will

mean dealing with exiled angels and I accept it as my future. But I have no reason to surrender Phoenix. He is good and he’s my friend.”

“What if he gives you reason. Will you surrender him then?”

“I don’t believe that day will come.”

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“I can see that you do not.” He smiled widely. “Do you have a

question for me before I offer you the embrace and passage home?”
Home? Did he say home?

My mind went blank and I couldn’t think, though I knew I had

questions. My words stumbled out. “Uri said he couldn’t answer

my question.”

“Annoying, isn’t he?”

I smiled a little and delivered the same question. “Was my

mother a Grigori?”

“Hmm…Evelyn…She was a Grigori of specific charge.” He

motioned with his hand toward the deck chairs. I shook my head.

“What does that mean, ‘specific charge’?”

“She had only one task. To return one exiled angel for judgment.

She was charged with the mission by her angel maker directly. Very rare.” He was pondering something as he spoke.

“She knew where her angel essence came from?”

“Yes, I believe she even left you a trinket of theirs.”

My hand went to the outside of my pocket, tracing the outline

of the necklace. “The names on the back of the amulet.”

He just smiled.

“Who did she have to return?” I asked.

“
That
question I cannot answer. I believe the seed is planted…for now.”

He returned to his chair and reclined, crossing his legs at the ankles and placing his hands behind his head. He looked like he was relaxing in his backyard— a very dark, desolate backyard.

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“Will you send me back now?” I tried to sound like it didn’t

matter.

“Of course. You need only pierce your way to freedom.”

“What?” Dread pumped at the base of my heart.

“Take the dagger from the table; it is yours now.”

I looked down to where the glass had sat on the table. A silver dagger lay in its place.

“When the figure appears,” he continued, “give it form and

pierce it with a killing blow.”

“I have to kill someone?”
Is
he
insane?

“Details, details. It’s really just pretend; think of it as a game.

Of course, if you prefer, you could stay here with me.” He was

enjoying himself. He lay back in his chair and looked at the sky.

I reached out, my hand shaking. One finger at a time, I wrapped my hand around the dagger, lifting it into the air. The cold steel responded warmly to my touch, as if it recognized me. A chill ran down my spine and I flinched. The table disappeared and in front of me stood a figure, neither man nor woman— a blank canvas, just a silhouette.

Nox had said I needed to give it form. I thought of a form, if

there would be one that I could kill. Then he stood before me. My hands shook with pure fear and adrenaline.

“Can you speak?” I asked him. My voice was shaky. I realized I

was crying. He said nothing, remained still, watching me.

I looked in the direction of Nox; he was still casually reclined in his chair.

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“Is there another way?” I called out to him.

“Not one you would prefer,” was all he said.

This was it. This was what I had to do to get back— to become

a Grigori, to get my powers, to heal Lincoln, to return to Phoenix.

My grip tightened around the dagger weighing heavily in my hand.

I had to stab the man who had destroyed part of my world,

taken part of my innocence, my trust, who had betrayed me and

God knows how many other girls. I took a step toward him, the

teacher I had feared more than anything else. Until now. Until these trials, until knowing Lincoln might die, until knowing I might die.

I stared at him and I didn’t need any more reason. With all the other forces in my life straining to consume me, he had been the first to shatter the perfect prism of my life. I pulled my hand back for leverage; I only planned on doing this once. But when I closed my eyes, I found myself. One moment of simple clarity absorbed

me and my decision was changed and made. I opened my eyes and

plunged the dagger into the stomach, tilting it up toward the heart, as I had seen Griffin do. Only then did I allow myself to take in the full scene, to lift my eyes to meet those of my victim.

I was staring at myself.

I would ask myself another time if it had been strength or weakness that led me to change the image of the figure.

I heard Nox chuckling. “So, a new chapter has begun.”