Embrace, Entice, Emblaze (34 page)

couldn’t deny my anguish as I mourned the life I had sacrificed for him. I was bitterly aware that in healing him, I had not struck anyone but myself that final killing blow.

The questions sliced through my mind like shards of jagged

glass.
Who
was
left
dying
in
that
desert?
And even more disturbingly,
Who
returned?

“Stop!” An arm wrapped around my waist and ripped me back

to reality.

Phoenix stood behind me, restraining me. I looked at Lincoln,

now sitting up. Our eyes locked for a moment before I looked

away.

Griffin stepped forward. “Well, that way works. Lincoln, how

are your injuries?”

I appreciated his efforts at steering the attention away from the awkwardness.

Lincoln lay back down, pushing off the sheet to reveal his

wounded torso. The bandages wrapped around his stomach were

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covered in blood. I gasped. I couldn’t believe he had made it to this point. Surely I couldn’t have healed that?

Magda moved over and started taking off the gauze. While she

did I turned to Griffin. “His injuries are too severe. How does this work?”

Griffin gave me his tutor smile. “We give each other a little life force. It is one of our powers as Grigori. Unfortunately, we can’t give it to anyone, just our partner. This should give him enough strength to heal the wound himself…We hope. It sort of restarts his own enhanced self- healing abilities, so that, although still hurt, he should be able to recover at a faster rate than humans.”

I fidgeted impatiently. “So, how long will that take?”

It was Magda who answered. “No time at all.”

We all looked at her.

“What do you mean?” Griffin asked.

Magda stood up and took a step back. “See for yourselves.”

Lincoln rubbed his hand over the wounded area. There was a lot

of dried blood, but when I looked closer, I couldn’t see the wound.

“Where is it?” I asked.

He looked up at me, his beautiful green eyes glistening, bright as ever. “Gone. You healed me, Violet, completely. I feel…fantastic.

Like I was never hurt.”

Then his eyes scanned my face and body. “You were hurt.

When you first came in, you had cuts, bruises. They’ve gone. You healed yourself.”

“That’s impossible,” exclaimed Griffin and Magda at the same

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time. They examined me, grabbing my arms, looking for signs

of my injuries. My muscles weren’t sore, my thirst had gone, my throat wasn’t burning. My burned skin had returned to its normal shade. In fact, I felt good. More than that, I felt strong. Powerful.

I yanked my arms back.

“He’s right. I don’t know how, but I’m healed. Maybe Lincoln

healed me at the same time.”

Griffin obviously wanted to discuss it further, but when he saw the look on my face, he wisely let it go.

Lincoln sprang out of bed. He walked over to me and took my

hands in his. “This is what the markings meant,” he said, exam-

ining my wrists. “The lines running through your arms. They were forming wristbands. They’re within you.” He marveled at me and

I felt his thumbs brush over my wrists. My body betrayed me,

reacting to his touch. Just as quickly, I felt a strange surge of anger toward him.

Phoenix moved forward. It was understandable. I dropped

Lincoln’s hands and took a step back so I was beside Phoenix.

“Violet?” Just the way Lincoln said my name held within it

so much.

I stood staring at him, power coursing through my body. I ran

my hands through my hair, stalling.

“I’m glad you’re better. I…It was more important that you were

okay and so I made my choice, Linc. I don’t regret it, but…I don’t know if
we
can ever really be okay.” Even as I said it, I felt the anger still bubbling beneath the surface.

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His eyes shot to Phoenix. “Does this have anything to do

with him?”

Phoenix stiffened beside me. Lincoln watched as I stood in silent panic. I didn’t know how to have this conversation; there were too many people in the room and too much emotion was riding on it.

As his eyes penetrated mine, comprehension flickered.

“Something happened. You…Please tell me you didn’t.”

He looked like he didn’t know whether to yell or beg.

Phoenix put an arm around my waist, claiming me. “She doesn’t

have to answer to you. She just saved your life. A simple thank you will suffice.”

Lincoln jabbed his finger toward Phoenix. “
You
don’t talk. You son of a bitch! If you touched her, I’ll kill you!”

I flinched when he turned his daggered gaze back to me. “Violet, answer me.”

I could do this. I had to do this. I’d made my choice. Why, then, did I feel so wrong at the same time?

“Can we have a minute?” I asked quietly.

Griffin and Magda couldn’t have vacated the room faster. I think they had already been inching their way to the door. I bet Magda was loving this.

Phoenix, however, remained where he was. “No,” he said. “Last

time I left you alone…No.”

“Phoenix, please, I can’t have this conversation with you in the room. I know I’ve asked a lot of you, I know you must think I’m awful, but please just give me this minute.”

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His arm dropped from my waist and his other hand went to my

face. “I’d never think that of you. You could never be awful. It’s just…” His eyes darted to Lincoln. “He’s trying to manipulate you and he irritates me…a lot.”

He shot Lincoln a hateful glare and then turned his attention

back to me. “He loves you, Violet. But I hope he’s explained to you that Grigori partners are
not
compatible. There is no way he can ever have you, yet he still wants to stop anyone else from having you. He leaks his love for you everywhere. It’s clumsy, it’s…messy.” He screwed up his face a little. I stayed very still, trying not to react— not even to Phoenix telling me that Lincoln loved me.

“But I love you too,” Phoenix went on.

Oddly, I couldn’t feel that emotion from him as he said it. The only thing I felt was anger, but it didn’t seem to be coming from him— it must have been mine.

“Knowing that,” he continued, “tell me it’s safe for me to leave you in here with
him.
”

Conflicting sensations ran through my body. I couldn’t tell him that I loved him, and saying that I would try wouldn’t cut it. Worse still, he could probably read my emotions anyway.

I settled for the words, “You can trust me.”

He stalked out, throwing a final glare of contempt at Lincoln,

who was shooting back a special look of his own.

Lincoln moved over to his wardrobe and grabbed a fresh T- shirt.

He didn’t say anything, just moved things around, throwing them with excessive force. He unraveled the last of the thick bandages 290

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that covered his torso, leaving his chest bare. He took a cloth from a bowl of water on the dresser and used it to wipe away the rest of the dried blood before putting on the clean T- shirt. With his back still to me, he pulled a painting off the wall and hurled it across the room.

“I gave you that,” I said quietly, looking at my painting on

the ground.

He was breathing heavily. Part of me wanted desperately to run

from the room, from the conversation. The other part wanted to

comfort him, reach out to him.

“Tell me.” He was almost trembling with restraint.

“What, Linc? What exactly is it you need me to tell you?”

Familiar defenses were coming back to me and I was grateful. We had only been back around each other for minutes and we were

already fighting.

“Did you sleep with him?”

“Yes,” I said, determined not to be pushed around and made to

explain myself— not after everything that had happened.

He turned to face me, hurt glistening in his eyes. “Do you

love him?”

“I…I don’t know.”

“But you’re with him?”

“Yes.”

“And what about me, Violet? Do you love me?”

“That’s not fair.” I looked down at my feet; my pants were

covered in dirt and dried blood.

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He gave a sarcastic, empty laugh. “A lot isn’t fair. It’s not fair that I had to be the one to train you to be a Grigori. It’s not fair that I couldn’t tell you the truth, even though I knew you’d hate me for it.

It’s not fair that I was dying and became the reason you embraced, which only gives you more reason to push me away. It’s not fair that I know how great we would be together, except that we can’t. It’s not fair that, even though I know I’ll never have you, I had planned everything— the candles, the lilies— replayed the words I wanted to say a million times when you and I finally made love. I
get
that it’s not fair, but I’m still going to ask because we’re on a roll of all that is unfair, so what’s one more thing?” He grabbed the wardrobe door and slammed it so hard it almost broke off its hinges.

My mind was boggling at everything he’d just said. “Lilies?”

He half laughed. “White. You don’t like roses.”

My heart cried out from a muffled place. Only Lincoln would

ever know all the little things. But instead of making me feel better, it just made me bitter.

He dropped his head and took a step toward me, closing the

distance. “Tell me you love me.”

When he looked up, our eyes met and I couldn’t stop the words.

It was like when I had felt compelled to do what Onyx asked of me, but I knew this time no one else was pulling the strings. It was my own soul compelling me.

“I love you,” I whispered, unable to deny the buried feelings.

His shoulders relaxed and he moved closer to me. “We’ll work

it out. Find a way.”

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There was a time I had wanted to believe that. But not now.

Even as my heart sang, I felt a rush of hatred and rage, overpowering everything else. I was surprised by its vehemence.

Lincoln’s hand reached out, toward my face. I stopped it with

mine and took a step back.

“Violet, don’t, please.”

“You can’t have it both ways, Linc. I’ve loved you more than

I’ve ever loved anyone. I just went to hell and back for you, maybe even in the literal sense. And even knowing what I know now, I’d do it again. I’m trying to do this, trying to live up to my end of the bargain and the promises I’ve made along the way…But you need

to know, the part of me that loves you…it also hates you, Linc. I’m with Phoenix and right now that’s what I need. I trust him.”

The words cut into Lincoln as he took in their meaning. They

cut into me too.

“He’s not what he says he is, Violet. He’s taking advantage of

you. You’re only young. He’s manipulating you.”

“I’m only young?” My anger boiled over. It was the wrong

choice of words. “But not too young to become some kind of angel warrior? Not too young to jump off a cliff not knowing if I would live or die? Yeah, I’m too young to make a decision about a guy, but when it comes to driving a dagger through myself to become

this
”— I held my wrists in the air, my markings reflecting a rainbow of colors— “I’m old enough for that, right?”

Lincoln looked shocked and I knew why. Admitting I’d stabbed

myself had surprised us both.

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“What do you mean you
drove
a dagger through yourself?” Worry creased his eyes.

I stared into space, distancing myself from the memory. “Nox,

the angel of dark, made me kill someone of my choice before he

would send me back.”

“And you chose yourself?”

I didn’t answer.

“Of course you did…You’d never willingly hurt someone else if

you didn’t have to. Oh God, Violet, I’m sorry.” Rather than taking a step forward, he took one back and ran a hand through his hair.

“I know,” I said.

“Look, I know you don’t want to hear this right now, but some-

thing’s not right. I can see a shadow on you, a mark. Surely you feel it?”

“No, don’t do this. Don’t turn me against him.” Phoenix was all I had left.

He stared at me. I waited for him to fight back, but he didn’t.

“Okay,” he said. Sadness rang in his voice. He was letting me go.

He didn’t want to, but he would do it…for me.

“Okay?”

His head shook even as he repeated the word. “Okay.”

He made for the door, his next words just loud enough for me

to hear. “But we both know you’re lying to yourself.”

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