Emerald Desire (Emerald Trilogy) (20 page)

"I'm not ready to be going yet." He got up, and to her horror, she saw he was ready for her again. His huge frame moved toward her, and in a single movement he grasped her around the waist. "Now pant for me like you did for Quint." He pulled her head back, his lips clamping down upon hers and his tongue ruthlessly invaded her mouth. She fought the urge to gag, to run. She was terrified of him, but she would rather die than moan in forced ecstasy or give herself to him again. Her body grew stiff and no amount of fondling could elicit the response Jem wanted. He pushed her at arm's length. "Don't play games with me, Dera."

Though inwardly she trembled, she eyed him with as much coldness as she could muster and used the last tactic left to her. "We made a bargain. Touch me again and I'll be forced to turn you over to the authorities for attacking me. Then you'd have to explain why you weren't captured with the other rebels. I don't think you'd be happy in Kilmainham Gaol, Jem, for I've seen it. I'd gladly let you rot there."

He glared at her with such intensity that she thought he would strike her, but to her surprise he released her and dressed quickly.

Jem went to the desk and took the gold pieces from the drawer. He walked to the veranda door. Without turning around, he said, "I'm not finished with you, Dera." Then he was gone.

She collapsed into a heap in front of the fireplace. The spot between her legs burned like fire, and she imagined slimy creatures crawled upon her flesh. A part of her longed to die, hoping to be cleansed by the fires of hell, but she remembered her baby. Quint's child. She sat up and gathered her dress about her then ran the distance up the stairs to her room and locked the door.

CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR

Dera hummed a tune to herself. The previous day, when word arrived of Quint's escape, she had known a sense of peace. She had decided that giving herself to Jem in exchange for Quint's life had saved him. Quint was free and that was all that mattered to her, even if she never saw him again.

The warm spring sunshine touched her face and she felt herself come alive. The gardens, undeniably beautiful, had blossomed forth in vibrant colors. She stopped in her afternoon stroll and gazed at the manor, more beautiful as the years passed. Memories of it as a child assailed her, but in her wildest dreams, she had never expected to live there. Yet it was Avery's home and in that home she had tasted unhappiness. She would leave it willingly when the day came.

She spotted Dominick and waved to him, but he didn't acknowledge her greeting. He walked slowly along the garden path. She met him halfway and tucked her arm through his. "I'm glad you're back from Athlone. I missed our talks."

Although he smiled his same warm smile, she detected something was wrong.

"I have terrible news, Dera. You must be strong."

"Something has happened to Uncle Timothy or Lydia?"

"No, they are fine, but…” He took a deep breath. "I may as well just tell you. Your husband has been murdered on the road returning from Dublin."

"Avery is dead?" She clutched her throat, unable to believe that she would never see him again. She felt she should shed a tear for him, but he had been so cruel that all she could feel was the shock of his passing. "How did it happen?" she asked at last.

Dominick led her to a bench and sat close to her. "It seems he was waylaid by a highway man, but though the murderer wore a mask, the driver believed the culprit was the same man who escaped from Kilmainham Gaol. The rebel leader."

"No!" Dera exclaimed. Dominick looked bewildered. "Does the driver have proof?" she asked.

"I don't know. There has been speculation that this man probably did perpetrate the deed since Avery had been instrumental in his arrest. You're shivering," Dominick noted. "This has been a great shock. Let me take you inside."

Dera allowed Dominick to escort her to her room. She lay on the bed after Dominick had departed and once again her thoughts turned toward Quint. She still loved him and didn't regret how she had obtained his escape, but she wondered if his hatred of Avery had finally resulted in murder.

"I hate wearing black." Dera refused to look in the mirror as Anna laid the black veil over her head.

"You're a widow," Anna reminded her. "You're to wear it out of respect."

"I don't feel like a widow. I don't even feel like I was ever married. And I don't mourn him. All I have is this sense of relief. I wonder if I'll be punished for it."

Anna covered Dera's face with the veil. "At least no one can tell you've not shed a tear."

Dera frowned. "Nor will I. The pity I once felt for him vanished long ago. I hated him, Anna."

Anna shook her head in dismay. "I dislike hearing you say that. It makes me uneasy to see you become so hard hearted, no matter what he did to you. The man had his private devils."

"I don't wish to hear excuses for him. Avery was evil. He was," Dera reiterated. "And I shan't feel any grief for him."

"Just don't let the others see you're not mourning. I'm speaking especially about Lady Cecelia and the Websters. Lord Webster has taken to his bed with grief, and Lady Cecelia…well, she's not one to show her feelings. I'm not sure she has them like other folks."

Dera and Cecelia had exchanged only a few polite words since the latter's arrival from London the previous day. Though nothing untoward her had been said, Dera sensed Cecelia didn't like her. Frankly, Dera didn't care. She disliked Cecelia and her superior ways just as much. Dera allowed Anna to smooth down the black taffeta gown she wore, and when the woman finished, Dera grabbed her hand.

"I'm frightened, Anna. Don't leave me for a moment."

"Don't fret. Funerals are a sad business, but I'll stay by you. So will Mister Dominick. He cares a great deal about you."

"Yes, I know he does," Dera answered, but she wasn't worried about the funeral; she was worried about Quint, wondering if he was safe. A few people in the area thought they had sighted him and this had given her hope. Yet she was also frightened that he might be foolish enough to come back to Fairfax Manor. Even if he hated her, she longed to see him again. No matter how hard she tried to put him from her mind, everything reminded her of him, and the small flutters of life in her belly made it impossible to keep him out of her thoughts for long.

She turned towards Anna. “I’m ready,” she said.

Dominick met her at the bottom of the steps. He took her arm and patted her hand in sympathy. "All shall be well.
Lean on me for support."

Avery's body was interred in the small grave yard behind the church where he and Dera had been married. Dera stood, dry eyed, a cool wind blew about her. She was flanked on both sides by Dominick and Anna; they watched as the coffin was lowered into the grave. Cecelia quietly dabbed at her eyes while Monty Webster cried openly, and this time, Adele comforted him. Dera wondered if he were crying over the death of his friend or because he feared that he might be the rebels' next victim.

The minister quoted the scriptures and mused about the fleetingness of life. When he finished, everyone scooped up a handful of dirt and dropped it on Avery's coffin to symbolize one’s own mortality.

Dera's gaze traveled toward the hills, her mind unable to participate in the proceedings any longer. She wasn't a grieving widow. She wanted to throw off the black veil which blew about her face and cast off the high necked widow's weeds. She longed to run free through the tall, meadow grass and cross the mountains to the other side.

Suddenly she started, her eyes grew wide. A man astride a black horse gazed down at the ceremony from the top of a hill. His blonde hair blew in the wind; she caught her breath. Though she was unable to see the man clearly, she felt his eyes upon her, watching her. Quint!
He has come for me
, she thought. Excitement glowed on her face. Her body shook from longing, and Dominick who held her hand in his felt the tremor.

"Are you well?" he asked in concern.

For a second, she looked away from the hills and at Dominick. "Yes, yes," she said. But when she turned her gaze back again, the man on the horse was gone. She blinked, unable to believe he had disappeared so quickly. Had she imagined she saw him? "Quint," she said softly, her heart sinking.

"Pardon, Dera? What did you say?"

"Nothing, Dominick. Nothing at all." She knew he had been there and was nearby, for she still felt his presence in the same way that she felt the wind caressing her face and the hard earth beneath her feet.

After the interment, the Websters returned to the estate in one carriage, while Cecelia rode with Dera, Dominick and Anna in another. On their arrival at the manor, Cecelia waited until Anna and Dominick were inside the house before she touched Dera's cheek with dry lips. "I am certain you can manage for the time being, my dear. I simply must start for London immediately. I have business there. You do understand.”

Dera nodded and disembarked from the carriage. “It was kind of you to come.”

“
He was my brother,” Cecelia reminded haughtily. “If you have need of anything, I have instructed Monsieur Saucier to take care of you. I shall bid you a fond goodbye." She settled herself in the carriage, her green eyes again resting on Dera, but this time she also took in her thickening waistline. She looked away, then she waved the driver on.

CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE

“
What was that?” Dera sat up, fear in her voice as she gazed around the bedroom. In the dark, everyday objects took on grotesque and horrifying shapes.

Anna walked sleepily into Dera's chambers from a small adjoining room. The candle she held put everything in its proper focus.

"I heard a frightful noise, Anna. It woke me."

"You must have been dreaming. I heard nothing." Anna placed the candle on the table. "If you want, I'll keep the candle here for you. Maybe it will be a comfort."

"Yes, leave it."

Since Avery's burial three days earlier, she had been uneasy. The slightest noise caused her to jump and she was plagued by lack of sleep, though she was physically exhausted. For the first time in Dera's life, she knew real fear. Avery's cruelty had frightened her, but she had dealt with it. Now she tasted fear of another kind. At any moment, she expected to see Quint.

He was in the vicinity and taking up the torch again, followed by a handful of men. The night of Avery's funeral, an estate not five miles from the manor had burned to the ground; luckily none of the inhabitants had been injured.

God alone knew how much she loved him. She prayed he would come to her. She ached to hear words of love and feel the warmth of his lips, but she was frightened by the violence that raged in his soul. She couldn't imagine Quint wanting her, not after what he had said. He detested her and for this reason she feared him.

She was also worried by Jem's parting words to her in the library. To suffer at Quint's hands would be a mercy; being forced to endure Jem's lust again would be worse than torture. She found she couldn't even confide in Anna about what had happened that night. No one had seen Jem, and she had no idea whether he had joined Quint in his nightly raids.

She rested her chin on her knees. "I'm sorry for disturbing your sleep, Anna. Go to bed."

The candlelight softened the harsh lines of Anna's plain face. "Do you want me to fetch the apothecary in the morning? Maybe he'll give you a sleeping draught. You can't go on this way much longer."

"I know that, Anna."

“
Mr. Quint won't be showing his face around here if that's what’s making you nervous. By now, he's far away."

"No, he's still nearby," Dera insisted. "I feel.him."

"Mr. Dominick will protect you from him. Tell him about Mr. Quint."

"I won't and don't you be telling him either," Dera said.

"No, my Lady," Anna sniffed, hurt by the accusing tone in Dera's voice.

Dera reached out and took the older woman's hand. "Don't be angry. I apologize. Sometimes I don't know what I'm saying."

Anna sat beside her and enfolded her in her arms. "Get some rest, my girl. You must think of your baby. I'll stay with you until you fall asleep."

Dera nestled her head against Anna's shoulder while Anna hummed an old lullaby. Before long Dera drifted into a restful sleep.