Endless Magic (50 page)

“So formal,” I teased, inwardly breathing deeply for the first time in seventy-two hours. “Do you have a contract drawn up for me to sign?”

“That would have been a brilliant idea,” Kiran mused.

“Except I don’t think you would have liked my terms for the length of grieving period.” I lifted a finger and pointed it at him, to prove my point.

“That is where you are wrong,” Kiran reached for my finger, holding it in his grasp playfully at first, and then he dropped it to his lap and intertwined our fingers intimately. “You may have as long as it takes to get over Jericho before I start pursuing you again. And even then, I will not ask you to fall in love with me. But I will try, Eden. I cannot help myself but try.” Our entire conversation was spoken in furtive whispers so that none of the guests would assume anything but that we were already in love. And for a second, with his nearness sparking my blood, and my chest thrumming rapidly in my chest, I started to believe that we were too.

“Thank you,” I whispered sincerely.

He held my gaze for a moment longer; his magic seemed to pierce through me with heady desire. I ignored it, trying to believe that he couldn’t help himself, forcing myself to believe he just gave me more time. Although, now that I had it, I wasn’t so sure I wanted it. A part of me, a larger part of me than I wanted to believe existed, hoped he would pursue me without reprieve so that when I eventually gave in I wouldn’t have to take the credit. If his love captured me, than I could always, even silently, blame him for our relationship. If he gave me time, if he let me get over Jericho and choose him, then it would be of my own will and desire. I would have no other choice then to take responsibility and own my feelings for him. He was smart. And I had to admire him for not only the space he forced himself to give me, but the way he protected his own heart.

But now, without Jericho in between, and with full knowledge of his feelings, there was this friction between our bodies. It flickered frenetically in the dead spaces separating our untouching skin. The air between us was hot, burning my body as if Fate itself decided it could no longer be patient with us. There was an electrical charge sparking aggressively, pulling me toward him, tilting my head in his direction, moving my eyes to find his and shocking my heart with the love that used to run through it so purposefully. Worst of all, this wasn’t anything like magic, it had nothing to do with our selfish electricities or habit-formed magics.

He moved his body away from me, an attempt to offer me space and I should have been thankful. I should have breathed easier. Instead, I sat mourning the distance between us, wondering if I could ever find a way to fix it. To fix myself.

The inches between us became a cavern, a great space with silence so strong it rang loudly in my ear. Soon, all I could concentrate on was the distance between us, on his hands that were not touching me anymore, on his gaze that drifted over the room and I began to panic, irrationally, and stupidly panic.

And then his arm fell across my shoulder, and he moved into me. I exhaled, long and slowly and closed my eyes in relief. I prayed he didn’t notice my reaction, my…. response to him. It didn’t make sense. Not even to me, nothing made sense anymore.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered incredulously. “I just received the death stare from my father. You would think the king would disapprove of public fondling, but apparently it’s greatly encouraged at this table,” he joked, making the situation light, making my heart light.

----

Talbott escorted me back to my room after dinner. Kiran originally asked Sebastian to do it, but he ran off with Seraphina after dinner and Talbott had been more than willing to volunteer in his place. Not that a glimpse of seeing Lilly held any appeal for him or anything….

Kiran asked somebody else to walk me, in a concerted effort to give me more space. It was very gentlemanly of him. I promised myself that, repeating that over and over inside my head. I did my best to suffocate feelings that shouldn’t exist, and certainly didn’t make sense.

“Talbott?” I began as we neared the top of the tower. “Did Amory make you promise to protect Kiran above all else, right before he died?”

Talbott cleared his throat uncomfortably before answering, “Yes, he did. But he should have known that I would never betray my calling.”

“You
did
betray your calling,” I pointed out, gesturing at his hidden Resistance mark I knew tattooed his neck.

“Eden,” Talbott reprimanded me with a harsh, quiet tone, “I
still
protect Kiran; that will
never
change.”

“Ok, fine, but before Amory died…. I mean, were you in danger of, uh, not protecting Kiran?” I asked more pointedly. Talbott slowed down, turning to answer me.

“If Amory wouldn’t have made me promise, there is a chance…. a small chance…. there is a slight possibility that I would have tried to find Lilly, instead of helping Kiran capture your brother,” Talbott admitted, and his olive skin paled at the memory.

I too, took a moment to collect myself after his business-like description of Avalon’s imprisonment. “And were you key to detaining my brother?” I nearly choked on the words, but I had to get to the bottom of this mystery.

“In a way I suppose. Avalon at first trusted Kiran, which caught your brother off guard. But also, Kiran is strong with magic, unparalleled before you and your brother. Partly because of his duel magic…. Anyway, with Kiran’s help, we were able to restrain him until the end, until there were enough Titans so that he could go talk to you. But it took Kiran and ten of us Guards to take him down.” Talbott’s face blanched at the horrid memories brought up by our discussion.

“So do you think Amory wanted Avalon to get caught?” I pressed, following the cryptic clues I had begun to gather.

“I cannot answer that, Eden. I respected your grandfather; he was truly a great man. I cannot for one second believe that he wanted Avalon to go through what he went through last spring. There was no way for Amory to know Avalon would give you his magic, or that he would be captured while Amory died…. But I do not believe he would ever have wanted either of you to suffer,” Talbott promised with deep emotion. “I would also like to say, that if I had known Amory was going to die that night, that he wouldn’t have continued on to protect you and…. Lilly…. I would like to believe I would have acted differently.”

“Talbott, I think we’re all in that place,” I patted his arm and finished the climb to the top of the tower.

Jedrec and his team of protective Titans stood watch outside the apartment door. I smiled at them, in a weird way relieved to see them all. I knew Lucan would have been furious when I was kidnapped; and I was afraid Jedrec would be punished for it. But they seemed in high enough spirits or at least, they seemed normal, so the fears washed away as easily as they came.

“We are very glad to see you are safe,” Jedrec said politely as I walked into the foyer.

“Oh, didn’t you know?” I asked casually, very casually. “I can’t die; it’s one of the perks of being a twin.” I smiled and opened the apartment door with my magic, knowing I had planted seeds in all of their minds.

Maybe they knew Avalon was my twin brother, maybe they even remembered him. But they also beat him, tortured him. And I wanted them to start putting the pieces together. They could make us suffer as much, and as painfully as they wanted, but we were not going to die. We were the future.

We were their future.

“Oh, Talbott, can you come in and check on that thing?” I called back, realizing he still stood in the door waiting for a plausible invitation. I didn’t give him one, but I also didn’t think Jedrec was going to follow him inside to check on “that thing.”

The door closed and Lilly appeared out of nowhere and leapt into Talbott’s huge, muscular arms. I glanced at them before ducking into my bedroom and laughed at how tiny and alive Lilly looked next to Talbott. She had never smiled like that before, I was positive. And her brilliant, red hair had never looked brighter than next to his tanned skin. She was glowing. And he was staring at her adoringly. And I was hit with violent pangs of jealousy.

Ugh.

“Eden, even if you ruled this kingdom all by yourself, there would still be school to attend,” Mr. Lambert’s nasally voice reprimanded me from across the room.

“I know,” I grumbled, pretending like I had been paying attention and not reading every title on the book shelf next to me in an attempt to keep from falling asleep.

“Do you?” He pressed, wanting to engage me.

I smiled apologetically at him, hoping he would just let it drop. We were still not seeing eye to eye, and my disinterest in today’s lesson seemed to irritate him more than normal. He glared at me for a minute more before turning back to the SMART board and today’s lesson.

I reminded myself that he, no matter how much he made me hate school, was one of the good guys; although, he had so infiltrated the monarchy that I had never seen him interact with any Resistance member. Well, until recently, when his entire class happened to join the Resistance.

Today though, my inattention wasn’t entirely my fault. Last night’s dignitary dinner had gone late, and I was tired this morning, grumpy and worn out. I pushed magic through my body, forcing it to circulate with my blood and create the illusion of energy. But this kind of exhaustion was more than just sleep deprivation, it burrowed down into my bones and weighed heavily against my chest.

It seemed most of my nights were turning into important cocktail parties and dinners in honor of the king and his son. I didn’t know if Lucan had always been the willing host, or if his recent procuration of me had spurred him into exploring his Martha Stewart side; but either way I loathed the happy citizen I had to produce night after night.

Even the pretty dresses were getting old.

And if I had to put my hair into one more side updo to cover my tattoo I decided I might actually die. Or my hair would grow back into my neck on that side, and my shimmering tattoo would be forever lost in a tumor of my hair.

It wasn’t even the pretense of a relationship with Kiran that bothered me anymore. I didn’t mind pretending to be in love, I was grateful for the excuse to touch him, and stay close to him all night. The days had gotten harder trying to work through my seemingly non-existent grief over Jericho. I tried to convince myself I was upset that he left me, but nothing about his abrupt breakup struck a true note in my body.

So I waited instead for the pain to come, the heartbreak I was sure lay just on the horizon, waiting to attack my fickle heart and shatter it. I knew it was there, it had to be. I wasn’t so unfeeling that I believed I could just move from one love to the next. I refused to believe I wasn’t shallow enough to leave the arms of one man and jump straight into the arms of another.

Again.

I felt like a traitor. A wretched conspirator against my own body, against the cause I so desperately sacrificed everything for.

This plan had become so confused and disorienting, I had to remind myself who the real enemy was, that I still fought vigilantly against Lucan. But I had come to this castle to destroy this whole family, starting with the father and ending with the son. It was Lucan’s intention for me to marry his son. And now that I toyed with the very idea in moments of extreme weakness and boredom, I debated between my own desire and the game of war that I seemed to be losing.

Could I be with Kiran, and still keep a foothold against his father? Or would giving my love to Kiran seal the fate of this kingdom and Lucan’s ultimate authority? Kiran joined the Resistance. Kiran waited patiently for me to come to him. He didn’t hunt me, like his father suggested, or pursue me constantly. As much as I wanted to, I couldn’t doubt Kiran’s motives; I had been inside his head and felt the truth of his love for me.

So, if Jericho had only been a stand in, a way to comfort myself through the soul-dying experience of losing the man I had given every part of me to, then maybe there wasn’t much to get over after all. Maybe our love had only been a holding bay for my heart until I was ready to return to Kiran. I loved Jericho, but I always had loved him, as a dear friend and in a brotherly way. I had been attracted to Jericho, excited by the prospect of a relationship with him; but in comparison to what I felt for Kiran in the past, the feelings I had for Jericho were nothing life-changing.

In fact, going back to Kiran felt very much like going home.

“What’s with you?” Seraphina’s snide voice sounded almost concerned.

“What?” I jumped, startled by her voice that I couldn’t fault anymore. Whether I liked it or not, we had become friends. “What do you mean?” I tried to recover.

“Let’s start with the fact that class has been over for five minutes and you’re still sitting here, staring off into space like a crazy person! Eden,
are
you a crazy person?” She hushed her voice, and her blue eyes turned on me with intense worry.

Jedrec stepped into the library and eyed me pointedly. Seraphina noticed him and walked away from me to find Sebastian. I wondered why he sought me out inside the room. He was still tasked with following me everywhere I went, especially after Dmitri Terletov managed to kidnap me from inside the castle, but he usually waited patiently for me, careful not to disturb or interrupt. Lately, he started to feel less like a warden and more like my friend.