Endless Magic (53 page)

“Well, it’s in my nature, you know. I can’t do anything about it.” More sarcasm. And more of a feeling that we truly could go back to friends. “Speaking of Mr. Wonderful,” Jericho continued dryly, “how long are you going to let the poor prince suffer?”

“What do you mean?” I asked in innocence.

“I mean, with this whole you not realizing you’re madly in love with him thing?” Jericho’s straightforwardness embarrassed me and I couldn’t respond right away.

“Well, I mean, I don’t know….” I fumbled, noticing I had no inclination to deny that I was in love with Kiran. “I guess I just wanted to make sure that there were no left over feelings from you before I got involved with him. I can’t go through this all over again in a few months.” I smiled, trying to make a joke, but the truth resounded in the night.

“Have you figured out that there aren’t any leftover feelings yet?” Jericho asked and I had the urge to argue with him and assure him there were. But he knew better and by now so did I.

“I’m starting to,” I admitted, finally finding his hazel eyes again.

“It’s Ok, Eden. That’s how we got here, remember?” he asked gently. He was an amazing man. I teared up at the realization that I should never have played with his heart or even entertained an idea of a relationship with him. He deserved a love as strong, or stronger, than what Kiran and I shared. He truthfully deserved better than me.

“Thank you, Jericho,” I hugged him again.

“For what?” he asked, surprised by my tearful emotion.

“For everything,” I breathed, knowing that from this moment forward our friendship was firmly planted and the hurt between us erased.

“Don’t let him suffer too much longer,” Jericho scolded, walking me back to Kiran. “He’s going to need you these next couple days.”

“I suppose you’re right,” I sighed.

I looked at Kiran in the obscure darkness, his light hair was tussled and his jaw set firm in his strategic discussion with Avalon. I had never been more attracted to a man before. An overwhelming part of me wanted to leap into his arms and devour his lips with my own. But the smart, loving part of me, understood that there were words that needed to be spoken between us first. Jericho was right, though; it was time. My grieving period had ended with the final closure tonight and I was impatient to release my heart to the one and only boy I truly loved with everything I had.

I paced nervously across the apartment. I tried to plan this moment down to every second, but so far the only planning that came through was getting Kiran up here by himself. And now I didn’t know what to do, or say. I hoped my instincts would take over and I could just, um, wing it.

Part of me wondered why I was making such a big deal about this. He knew the gist of my feelings for him, and we were alone often enough that if I just asked him to come to the apartment, he wouldn’t think anything of it. But another part of me screamed to make this night special. I had mistreated him, mistreated my feelings for him. And so now, I hoped to make up some of that with a special evening tonight. I hoped that offering myself completely to him would make amends for the months of separation that made my heart hurt in the memory.

I hoped.

But he didn’t have to reciprocate. He might not even feel the same way by now. I’d surely let him suffer long enough and with the impending attack after this weekend, now might not be the best time to start anything significant.
Still I couldn’t stop the nerves and I couldn’t stop myself from explaining myself to him. Maybe it was selfish, but it felt more selfish to keep all this love bottled up inside me.

Love.

Was I really calling it love again?

I wished I could say that it felt like love and that was the only way to describe it. But truthfully, it felt like so much more than the meager, inefficient English word that was the only way I could describe my feelings for him. It consumed me completely, coated my blood in emotion, exhaled and inhaled with every breath I took, wrapped around every thought and action; the mere word “love” couldn’t fully encapsulate the true definition of my feelings for Kiran, but it was a starting point. I had the rest of eternity to figure out a better way to say it.

I stepped into the bathroom for the hundredth time to check my appearance. I had gone through my entire closest, throwing everything aside before settling on a pale pink slip dress overlaid with a long sleeved lace overlay. The pink reminded me of the gown Kiran sent me before the Fall Equinox dance, and I knew he liked the color on me. Or he had once upon a time.

My hair was down and wild. It was longer than it ever had been. I would have styled it into something cute if I didn’t know I would need it for a security blanket. I felt myself shrinking into the coward I hated, but there was nothing I could do to stop it.

I applied another layer of lip gloss, and used magic to turn my toenail paint the same color as the pink part of my dress; it was a trick Seraphina taught me and I couldn’t believe how useful it was. I pulled the black onyx necklace from under my dress and contemplated what would be easier, killing Lucan or admitting my love to Kiran….

A knock at the door genuinely startled me. One more big breath and I forced my feet to move to the door. I steadied my trembling hands and gathered my confidence before opening the door to let Kiran inside.

“Hello, Love,” Kiran greeted me happily from the other side of the door. I watched his eyes float over me with an expression that made my cheeks burn. He opened his mouth to say something more and then shut it, not willing to open up. He was holding back, still giving me space and time. Well tonight, I was going to change that.

“Hey….” I fought for confidence, feeling encouraged by his appraising look. “Come in.”

I opened the door and he sauntered passed me with a smirk on his face. I bit back a smile, and then leaned against the door to close it. The temptation to lock the door so he couldn’t escape irrationally whispered in my ear.

“Where is everyone?” Kiran turned on his heel in the kitchen. “Talbott said we were watching a movie?”

“Uh, they’ll be back….” I lied, afraid to approach the real reason I invited him here.

Kiran shrugged, he had no reason to doubt me, and turned back to the fridge. He rummaged around inside while my anxiety continued to grow. My breathing shortened and I started sweating…. Things were not looking good for me.

I sent my magic through my blood in order to calm my nerves, but my emotions confused my command and the electricity flew wildly in my veins. I yelped in surprise and then turned my head quickly away from Kiran. I reprimanded myself for getting carried away and internally decided to pull myself together.

At least I stopped sweating.

“Eden, are you all right?” Kiran laid a hand on my shoulder from behind me and I nearly screamed in surprise. At least he sounded amused….

“I’m fine,” I assured him, convincing neither of us. “Let’s just…. Maybe we should start the movie. I don’t know where they are.” I kicked myself for thinking this was a good idea. Why had I sent everyone away?

Kiran followed me to one of the couches with a Dr. Pepper in hand. I fidgeted needlessly with the TV while he sat down and then once the movie, I randomly picked to play, started, I joined him on the couch.

We sat a couple feet apart and I couldn’t help but chastise myself for the distance. This plan turned bad quickly; I still had no idea how to approach this whole, “I love you” thing….

The movie played, but I didn’t see any of it. Instead, my gaze moved from Kiran to the TV not seeing anything else in the apartment that wasn’t either of those. My hands started sweating again, and this time there was no amount of magic that could calm my erratic nerves.

“Eden, please, tell me what has you so upset,” Kiran interrupted my inner-freak-out and I turned bravely to face him.

It was then, when our eyes met and I gave him my full attention that I could finally feel my heart beat slow and my hands steady. It was in his eyes, his turquoise eyes that had captivated me from the moment I first saw him, that I found peace and courage. It was in his eyes that I felt calmed, grounded, and at home. His eyes held me in their hypnotizing stare and moved some part of my soul I knew instinctively would always belong to him. It called to him, longed to be united with his and I couldn’t deny myself any longer.

I loved Kiran. I knew he loved me back. It was time to tell him.

“I’m not upset,” I reassured him, scooting closer on the couch. “It’s just that…. There’s something I wanted to talk to you about and I am maybe a little nervous….” I smiled shyly, hoping Kiran would encourage me with his natural confidence, but his eyes turned fearful and I watched as he tried to maintain a mask of unconcern.

“And what would that be?” I heard his voice shake just once with nervousness. I enjoyed the turning of the table, and hoped that his anxiety was caused by hope and not fear.

“Well, we had a conversation before in which you offered me…. time; time to get over Jericho and move on and realize my l-, my feelings for you,” I started, and then paused for dramatic effect.

“Yes….?” Kiran prompted, leaning closer to me on the couch.

“Well, I think that the time you gave me has come to an end…. I think, no I know clearly now how I feel about Jericho and how I feel about…. you,” I paused again, sadistically enjoying Kiran squirm.

“Eden, please,” Kiran pleaded desperately, “Do not make torture me any longer.”

A warm rush of new love swept over me at his overwhelming desire to hear how I felt about him. I couldn’t stall any longer; I couldn’t deny his sweet request. “I love you, Kiran. I think I’ve always loved you. You gave me time, but it wasn’t for Jericho, it was for me. I’ve had a rough year…. a really rough year, and you and I have gone through the worst experiences. But on the other side of finding ourselves, I found my love for you never ended. I can’t help myself…. I don’t want to help myself. I-“

He leapt across the couch, tackling me backwards, his mouth finding mine with sweet surrender. I sighed happily at the gentleness of his touch, at the intensity behind his kisses and the love radiating from him in waves of consuming magic.

His lips stayed on mine, and pulled me from this world and into a universe where only we existed. Despite my past, this love was right, this love made me whole. The love we shared between us was a blinding light that blocked out the darkness that surrounded us and enveloped me in unbearable passion.

All of my feelings of uncertainty and panic disappeared and the certainty that was my love for this boy overrode everything else. The future of our kingdom, the destiny of our race all fell into second place after our love for each other.

Slowly, methodically, he pulled away, fearing never being this close to me again. I looked up at him, breathing heavily and disoriented. I smiled, shyly, afraid of what was clouding his eyes.

“Eden, I need to know…. I mean before we take this any further, I need to know if you forgive me or not. Because as much as I would like to continue this with or without your forgiveness, I can’t in good-“

“Yes, I forgive you,” I interrupted him, not willing to hear his reasons for not staying with me. “I know that it took me a long time, maybe even too long, especially after I knew you were sincere…. But I have. Kiran, everything I held against you is gone…. I can’t…. I love you, I know you love me, I just, I’ve moved on, I’ve forgiven you for the farm that night, for all the bitterness I selfishly held against you. I’ve watched you mature into this amazing man, and I want to be a part of your life, a part of everything you do for the rest of eternity. I can’t keep myself from you anymore,” I blushed at the end, realizing I had started pouring my heart out again.

“Thank you,” Kiran whispered humbly, full of emotion. “And you’re right, I do love you Eden. I will follow you into eternity, or until after this weekend when we all die gruesome, painful deaths,” he smiled teasingly at me and I slapped his bicep, “But with every breath I have left, I will use it to love you. Because, Eden, I want this…. You; I want you more than life, more than anything. There was a time when I didn’t think I was strong enough to face you again, or what is between us. I was too afraid of the heartache, of being shattered again. But now, it doesn’t matter, nothing matters except you. I will take an eternity of hardship, of war or fighting my father, or anything, just to hold your love again. You are everything to me, my sun, my moon, the air I breathe. Nothing exists except you. I love you.”

“Good.” I reached up and kissed him quickly.

“Good,” he repeated, dipping his face back to mine and taking me away into another long, intimate kiss that made me dizzy and desperate to be closer to him.

We stayed in each other’s arms for hours, unwilling to leave the security of a love finally come back to each other. Tomorrow was the All Saint’s Festival, the Citadel was already filled with Immortals from all over the world. Tomorrow a cloud would descend on this feeling of finality, knowing after the weekend was over, uncertainty lay before us.

I snuggled closer to Kiran, not wanting anything to ruin this moment. I finally found him again. I finally felt whole. All this time my heart searched for something, my magic constantly trying to connect to his again, and I had been too stubborn, too bitter to allow myself to be happy. But now, in Kiran’s arms, with the wholeness of his love enveloping me, I could finally let both exist in my life and be happy. The pain of my past, the hardness of my life defined part of who I was, but the happiness and wholeness of this love molded me into something better because of it.

Kiran had been selfish in the past, but so had I. And because of our struggle, we truly understood what it meant to love someone unconditionally and selflessly; we felt what it meant to give up oneself in sweet surrender to someone else in our bones. Yes, this love might be dangerous, star-crossed and anything but safe, but that’s how I knew my feelings were real. I wouldn’t be capable of walking away from Kiran again. He owned my heart now, I gave it to him. And I trusted him with our fated future.