Enough (7 page)

My wrists are
still bluish and my arms and legs are covered in the same color. My rapist was very rough with me. There’s another reason why I feel worthless. I was used and treated like shit.

I put some jeans on and a tank top
but that didn’t work. I can still see where he touched me. I can still feel where he touched me.

I
put on Alex’s sweater and put my hair in a loose messy bun.

I went on the computer for a bit.
Biggest mistake of my miserable life. Facebook had all the latest news about Sophie’s party. Of course the people that saw me and Alex leave together said something. They stretched the truth and said I should get an award for “Biggest Slut.” I agree.

Apparently everyone thinks this is true, I should to
o.

I lo
gged off and checked my emails.

I jumped when someone knocked on my door
a few minutes later.

“Come in.”
I managed to say.

“Hi honey, just checki
ng to see if you’re awake.” Mom said lingering at the door before coming in.

“
I’m up. Did you talk to Rachel yet?” I asked.

“No, she never answered.”
Weird.

“I’ll talk to her at school then.”

“Are you mad because we’re leaving soon? Emily, you know we didn’t forget about your birthday. I wasn’t suppose to tell you but Declan and Scarlett are planning a party for you. Don’t say anything.”

I really thought they forgot.
Well we have no money. I shouldn’t expect anything fancy. Not that I want it anyways. I hate gifts.

“Sure. My lips a
re sealed.” I said kissing her cheek. “Mom, I’ll miss you guys.” She smiled and left my room. It’s times like this that I love. She doesn’t invade my privacy.

I got an email from Tiffany.
Hey, I think you forgot about me. We need to talk about the party. Did you see what was on Facebook? We’ll talk at school. Are you trying to avoid me???? :(

I didn’t reply back. I g
uess I am avoiding her. I don’t want to talk about the party. I never want to talk about the party. I stared at myself in the mirror for the longest time. My eyes don’t sparkle the way they use to. My hair is dull, my skin looks pale. I don’t look anything like me.

It wa
s 7:50 when I went downstairs. I’m late for school but I don’t care. I called a taxi because there is no way I’m leaving this house by myself. He honked the horn and I hopped in the back. “Wilks Academy please. It’s on White Street.” I said numbly.

I hopped out of the cab
five minutes later and walked up to the front door. I looked for my ID and couldn’t find it.
Damn it. How did I leave it in the house?

Mrs. Bond waved good morning to me
when I walked in.

“I forgot it again.” I said.

“Just get to class, Emily.” She said giving me a look.

I
saw some students in the hall and as they passed by they fake coughed “slut” or “whore.” I kept walking and tried to ignore them.

Everyone seemed to notice how I was dressed. I didn’t dress to impress anyone
so I can care less. I just came to tell Mrs. Diaz that I am going to move in with her and her husband and then I plan on ditching the rest of the day.

It bothered me when I didn’t see
Bryan waiting at his locker for me. What’s that about? Maybe he’s doing to me what I did to him and Tiffany.

I got to class
to find the first door locked. I went to the back door and walked in. The whole class stared at me. Alex turned around, found my eyes and smiled. It was a genuine smile but I didn’t return it. It would only fuel more rumors. That’s me. Getting other people involved in my shit. I looked for Mrs. Diaz but she wasn’t sitting at her desk like she regularly would.

I
walked over to Tiffany’s desk. “Where is she?” I asked.

“First, why are
you dressed like that? Second, we still need to talk about the party and third, she didn’t come in yet.” Tiffany said taking me in. Whoa. Why is she staring at me like that? “Are you okay? You don’t seem like…you.”

I gl
anced up at the clock, 8:10 am. Mrs. Diaz is never late. As my eyes lowered, I saw bright green eyes staring back at me. I saw his brown hair just above his eyebrows and then I saw those lips that I use to catch myself staring at months ago. Zach was staring back at me. He’s not in my class but I guess since the teacher isn’t here, he decided to stay. He was talking to a few guys near by. “Where’s Bryan?” I asked.

“He didn’t come in either. I texted
him but I guess he’s sleeping.”

I heard the whispers
starting. It’s all getting to me now. It’s too much to handle. I don’t know why I came today. I stood up and started walking toward the front of the class.

As I
walked by Zach’s friends, I tripped. I saw someone’s leg popping out of its desk but I was too late to react. I landed on Zach’s chair. Oh, for the love of God. He caught me by the arms and whispered, “If you wanted me so much, you could just ask.”

I looked
up at him. Rage burning in my eyes. What an ass.

“
You have a girlfriend and I would rather die then be with you.” I said. He stared back at me then let me go. I don’t know what’s going on with him and Sophie but it must be bad because he’s talking to me. They usually ignore me.

I got to Mrs. Diaz’s desk and got out a piece of paper and
a pen. I wrote:
Call me or my mom, I will take you up on the offer if it still stands.

I felt someone put their hands on my back. I tensed up and said “Get your hands off me.”

“Don’t be mean, Emily. I just came to talk to you.” Zach said. I finished writing:
They’re moving this weekend. Get back to me ASAP.  Emily.
Zach slid his hand down to the small of back. I slammed the pen on the desk and turned around to face him. He pressed his body against mine. I tried shoving him away but he bent down to my ear and said, “I just want to spend some time with you. Like old times.” Okay, gross. Now I know he’s trying to get back at Sophie. Maybe she said something and he didn’t like it.

“You’re forgetting about Sophie.”
I said.

“We had a fight.” He said with a shrug. Then he
leaned into me even closer. What is he doing? I tried pushing him off me but he wouldn’t budge.

This reminded me of the party and what happened over the weeke
nd.

I panicked and slapped him. Shit.

It sounded like it hurt. I don’t care. He backed off me and pressed his hand to his face. I shoved him against the white board because I wasn’t thinking.

“C
razy bitch. Nobody wants a whore anyways.” Zach said under his breath. Okay, I know he’s got problems and he wants to act tough in front of everyone but that was what
he
said that night at the party. He said I was a whore and nobody would want me.

I stared
at Zach and stepped closer to him. I felt all the rage build up in me. All my strength that was weakened at that party. How I couldn’t defend myself. It all flowed to my right arm and I punched him. It must have been hard because he was on the floor holding his nose.

I
took a step back and saw Tiffany walking toward me.

I walked out of the class
and slammed the door behind me. I ran down the stairs and left through a side door. Thankfully I left before teachers and the principal found me. I don’t care where I end up. I just need fresh air…and Bryan. So that’s where I went.

I
ended up at Bryan’s in less then ten minutes. I knocked on the front door and rang the doorbell. I heard noise coming from inside then Bryan opened the door wearing only sweats. OMG! Hot!

“What are you doing here? Why aren’t you at school?”
He asked covering up a yawn.

“I could as
k you the same thing!” I said.

He let me in and we walked to his room
where he put a shirt on.

“Emily…
what are you doing here?” I sat down on his bed.

“I don
’t know. I just needed to talk. Why didn’t you go to school?” I asked. The curtains where closed but it was still bright in his room. He laid down beside me and told me to get comfortable.

“I didn’t want to. You hav
e been avoiding me all weekend so I guess you didn’t want to see me there.” He said. I looked up at him.

“Why would you think that? I just had a rough weekend. Seeing you at school is what brightens my day.”
I said. And that’s true. We stayed quiet for a while until Bryan turned on the TV. “Where’s your sister. I thought she starts work at ten.” His sister, Ella, hates me. I don’t know what about but she just does. I kind of got Bryan into drinking and she found out. It’s not like I planned it. I didn’t shove the beer down his throat.

I glanced at
my phone, it’s only eight-thirty.

“She left with Mom. They had to do something.
They’re coming late if that’s what you want to know.” I smiled. That was great news. A whole day with Bryan…I couldn’t ask for more.

“That’s good. I can take one Vincent mad at me, not two.”
I said. He turned to look at me. Oh…those eyes. Bryan put his arm around me and squeezed.

“I’m not mad at you. I thought you were mad at me because I was telling you to lay off the alcohol and you didn’t tell me you were moving. That hurt.”
He said.

“I don’t think I could ever be mad at you.”
I said.

We’
re really close, so close that I feel his breath on my cheek. I nestled my head onto his chest and inhaled. We use to spend a lot of time like this. I need something normal in my life. I need this. He didn’t tell me to move so I guess he doesn’t mind.

My eyes fluttered close t
hen I fell asleep. I feel safe. I know that when I’m with Bryan nothing bad can happen to me. Nothing.

I wok
e up around three.

“Well
, I thought you would never wake up.” Bryan said.

“Ohmy
god, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to fall asleep so easily and for so long.” I moved my head to a pillow and glared at him.

“Em, it’s al
l right. It was nice spending time like this. I mean…I’m not a creep who watches beautiful woman sleep.” I smiled as our eyes met. “I didn’t know that you talked in your sleep though.” I widened my eyes in horror. What could I have said? I hope I didn’t talk about what happened. “Well you didn’t really talk, you groaned and I swear you were going to punch me. Bad dream?” I put my hands to my mouth. Zach.

“Hold on.” I got up and went t
o the bathroom down the hall. I should just tell him, right? Zach was an asshole anyway, he deserved that punch. What he did to me when we dated, he deserved more than that punch.

I walked back to
Bryan’s room and laid back down on his bed. “I didn’t tell you what happened at school with Zach.” I said. He moved closer to me and put his hand on my arm.

“Are you okay? He didn’t…”
I told him about Zach abusing me. Bryan called it abuse…I called it letting anger out. I don’t really care what it was called. Zach just kind of slapped me one day. It’s not a big deal. It just happened and then it was over. Bryan wanted to knock some sense into Zach but I told him to drop it, he became very protective of me after that.

“No…
he didn’t. But he said a few things and I…I punched him.”

“What? You are never violent…
with anybody.” I looked down at his shirt. That’s what I thought too. “What did he say?” It took me a while to answer. It was getting dark in his room so it was harder to see his face when I looked up at him. “Em, what did he say?”

“You know this and that. Don’t worry about it. I dealt with it.” I
said turning on my back and staring at the ceiling. “I think he tried to kiss me. I tried pushing him off but he wouldn’t move. I slapped him then he said… forget it.” I said.

“W
hat is it?” Bryan asked propping himself up on his elbow.

“Do you believe the rumors at school?” I
asked glancing at him, squinting to see if I could locate his eyes. “That I sleep around?”

“How could you ask me that
, Em? You know I don’t believe them.”

I actually do
n’t know. I can’t read minds.

“You can tell me the truth. I won’t b
e mad.” I lied. If he really does believe them, I don’t know what I would do. But I do want to know.

“No, I never believed them. I know you. You’re not that kind of girl.”
He said. My heart skipped a beat.

I grabbed onto a piece of his shirt
and played with it. “At the party…the one where I kissed you… I had the biggest crush on you. I told you this but hear me out.” I said. He was silent so I took that as my cue to go ahead. “I had the biggest crush on you but I was with Zach. I wasn’t happy with him. Not all the time. I always wondered if maybe life would have been different if I went out with you.” I let out a breath. “We had this fight because I was drinking and he left me there. You were there for me. You’re always there for me. After I kissed you, all the rumors started and I had to let you go. I always thought that maybe you believed them and you wouldn’t want to be with me. But what Zach said at school was true. Everyone in school thinks I’m a whore. Nobody wants me. I stayed friends with you but it kills me to see with other girls. I really like you but–”