Equinox (7 page)

“So, you’re going to the Academy?” he said after a while. He turned back to her, but was staring at the floor, his legs spread wide. He swayed from side to side, hands clamped over his biceps.

“I just started.”

He nodded and looked up at the walls, the door, anywhere but at her. She couldn’t decipher what he was thinking.

“So you’re okay, after everything, I mean?” she said.

He shrugged and put his hands in his pockets, slouching. “You know me; I’m always five by five.” He gave her a crooked smile and Rosie tried to ignore the sudden case of butterflies inside her.

“And you’ve been up in the Nation lands all this time – with Riley’s sister?” Cassie was older, nineteen. Was she pretty?
Don’t think about that
.

“Yeah, most the time, and I wouldn’t say
with
her. I’m just staying at–” He paused, caution filling his expression. “Maybe I shouldn’t say.”

Seriously? Anger overtook her confusion. “No, of course not,” she said. “I’m such a security risk. You shouldn’t tell me in case I blab it all to Helios.”

His shoulders tensed. “It’s not like that.”

“Oh, it’s not?” She thrust the chair towards the desk so hard it banged against it. “What’s it like then? Just how many times have you been back?”

He went very still. “A few.”

“Would it have killed you to leave a note?”

“Riley didn’t think it was a good idea.”

“Well, lucky for him you’re such an obedient little boy.”

His jaw clenched, eyes glinting. “It was safer, okay? And I’m never here for longer than a few hours. I get in and get out.”

“How?”

“It’s safer–”

“If I don’t know,” Rosie interrupted. “Yeah, I got that. Thanks for being so thoughtful.” She didn’t think she could be more sarcastic if she tried.

“Oh, come on, Rosie. It’s not like I don’t–” He paused. “I mean, we’re not trying to cut you out.”

“Really? Then I guess all this secrecy was for another reason.”

“Yeah, it was actually.” Anger made his eyes bright and he covered the distance between them in two long strides. “You remember Helios, you know, the ones who’d like to turn me into their own personal science project?”

“Like I could forget them,” Rosie said. There was barely a hand’s span between them, but she kept her gaze locked with his, daring him to drop his first. Her heart was racing, but she wasn’t about to back down. “It’s been three months, Pip. For all I knew they could have got you already.”

“Riley would have told you if something happened.”

“Would he? He didn’t tell me you were here. And what have you been doing up there anyway? Hiding?”

A muscle in his jaw ticked. “Would you rather I gave myself up? I hear Helios are real sweet to traitors nowadays.”

“Don’t be stupid,” Rosie said.

“Then what?” He shrugged and that just made her even madder.

“Why do you always have to be like this?”

“What, charming?” A half-amused smile curved his mouth.

“No.” She wanted to smack him. “Pretending like you don’t care.”

“Maybe I don’t.”

She stared at him, heart pounding hard. A tiny cold spot was growing in her chest. Pip was looking at her like he was working hard to stay calm. What was he hiding? It made her angry and scared. It made things come out of her mouth that shouldn’t. “You’ve still got the cure for the MalX in your blood, Pip,” she said. “Have you stopped caring about that too?”

His eyes narrowed. “Do you seriously think I could?”

“People are still dying. Have you thought about trying to find a way to use it, to make a cure? Or are you just acting as Riley’s messenger boy?” Even as the words came out, she wanted to take them back.
Good one, Rosie, hit him where it really hurts
. She knew having the MalX cure in his blood tortured him. His parents had died of the MalX. They stared at each other, the tension between them like a cord stretched to breaking.

“Rosie–”

“What?”

He opened his mouth as if he was going to say something. The pulse in her neck throbbed.

“What?” she said again.

His lips clamped into a line and all emotion fled his face like a switch had been flipped. He swallowed, his Adam’s apple moving against the smooth brown skin of his neck. “Riley didn’t tell you I was here because I asked him not to. It was my choice.”

It was like he’d punched her in the stomach. Rosie blinked and for a second she couldn’t speak. She was such an idiot. What had she thought – that he’d been up north with Riley’s nineteen-year-old, probably gorgeous, sister, pining away for her? Clearly, he didn’t want to see her. He was watching her like he was scared she was going to start bawling.

“God, Pip, don’t look so worried,” she said. “It’s not like I’m going to take a swing at you.” Her heart was thudding too fast and she tried not to let him see how upset she was.

“Rosie, it’s not–”

“It doesn’t matter. I’ve got to go.” She turned towards the door.

“Wait.” He grabbed her arm. “It’s dark now, you should–”

“What? Wait for you or Riley to escort me?” The hurt was making her voice sharp. “That doesn’t seem practical, does it? Besides, I can look after myself.”

“I know.” He let out a frustrated breath. “But look, Rosie, I … It’s not like I don’t care.” His voice was low, soft.

Something inside her broke. This was worse. His pity. She stared down at his hand on her arm. She wanted to wrench away, but he was stronger and she was scared she would just start crying and lose any dignity she had left by getting into a tug of war.

“Please let me go,” she said quietly. He didn’t. He moved closer so she could feel his breath on her hair.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t contact you,” he said. “I didn’t want to risk it.”

An angry ache lurched inside her. “I would never lead Helios to you. If that’s what you’re so worried about.”

“No, that’s not–”

She cut him off. “Let me go. I have to get home.” He was frowning as if he couldn’t work her out. Being so close to him after wanting him for so long, but knowing now he didn’t want her, was more than she could take.

“Rosie–”

“Pip, I’ve got to go,” she spoke sharply.

“Fine.” He lifted his hand away and she bolted out the door.

By the time she made it back to the apartment, it was after eight. Aunt Essie was actually home for a change. She was waiting, arms folded, her back against the kitchen bench as Rosie came in. Angry was an understatement.

“Where the hell have you been?” she said in a tight voice.

Rosie closed the door behind her. She was not up to this. She felt drained, exhausted, like she’d run a marathon in heavy gravity. “Funny, I could ask you the same thing,” she said. “Isn’t this a bit early for you to be home?”

“Excuse me?” Aunt Essie said curtly.

“You’ve hardly been home.” Rosie dropped her bag on the floor. “Now you want to burn me for being out late?”

“I’ve been working. You know, making the credit to pay for this place. Or are you going to pay the rent this week?”

Rosie closed her eyes and said softly, “Fine, whatever.”

“Whatever?”

Rosie’s eyes shot open. “I was at Riley’s, okay?”

“What? You didn’t have a meet scheduled. Did he contact you?”

“No, I–”

“You know you don’t go unless it’s necessary. It’s too goddamn risky, Rosie.”

“I know, I know!” Rosie leaned against the bench and stared at the counter. “Pip was there.”

“Pipsqueak? He’s turned up again, has he?”

Rosie straightened. “He was showing Riley some info on the Helios base, which he brought from Nation lands.”

“So, that’s where he’s been. What did he have with him? Anything more we can use?”

Did she not understand the implication? “Aunt Essie, Riley was expecting him,” she said. “He knew he was coming. He’s been in contact with Pip for God knows how long and neither of them wanted me to know. It’s like this conspiracy to keep me in the dark.”

“Why?” Aunt Essie said calmly.

“I don’t know! Maybe because Riley seems to think I’m a security risk.”

“Acting like you did today, you are.”

Rosie was shocked into silence. She stared at her aunt, who watched her for a minute then sighed and unfolded her arms. “Rosie, I know this is tough for you. I know you don’t have my training or Riley’s experience and we sometimes ask more of you than we should, but you have to remember what the stakes are.”

“I know what the stakes are. I know what Helios can do,” Rosie retorted. “I just want you both to stop treating me like a child.”

“Okay.” Aunt Essie nodded, her voice knowing. “That’s what this is about is it?” She cocked her head to one side. “When was the last time I treated you like a child? Hell. It’s clear I have no idea how to be a parent.” She threw up a hand. “If Riley doesn’t tell you things, he has good reasons. Reasons that keep us all safe. This – how upset you are now – this is about Pip.”

Rosie’s heart lurched. She couldn’t admit it, even to her aunt. It hurt too much.

“Pip didn’t want you to know he was here, did he?” Aunt Essie said.

Rosie didn’t reply. Her chest was starting to tighten up and she was afraid if she spoke, she’d start crying, and tears were no good.
There’s no use crying, Rosie Black
.

Aunt Essie sighed. “Rosie, hon, I’m really sorry. Men, and boys, can be unfeeling bastards, but you can’t take it to heart. We are at war here. There might not be any clear battlelines, but make no mistake about it.”

“I’m not a soldier,” Rosie whispered. “I’m not tough like you.”

“Yes, you are.” Her aunt grabbed her shoulders, forcing Rosie to look at her. “If it wasn’t for you, none of us would be alive. None of us. You got us out of the Helios Enclave on Mars. You didn’t give up and run when you could have. Don’t think we’ve forgotten that.”

Rosie’s heart lifted a little to see the certainty in her aunt’s gaze, but it didn’t erase the pain.

“Listen,” Essie said. “I know it hurts when people reject you, but you have to get your head in the game. You can’t let your personal feelings get in the way. It can get you and those you care about killed. You understand?”

Rosie nodded with reluctance.

“Okay,” Aunt Essie said. “There’re noodles in the cooker if you’re hungry.” She moved towards her bedroom, then stopped. “You going to be okay, kid?”

“Yeah.”

“Right then.” She paused as if she wanted to say something else, but Rosie knew she had no clue what to say. There was a reason Essie had never had children. “Okay then; try to get some sleep. I’ll see you in the morning. She turned away, already unzipping her flight suit.

It was only when Rosie was in her room that she remembered about the vision she’d been sent, but she was so bone-tired she didn’t have the energy to talk about it. In the morning, she decided. First thing.

The next day Rosie struggled to drag herself out of bed. She’d not slept well, her dreams full of Pip.

She lay staring at the ceiling and swore silently at him, then forced herself out of bed and into the dry-blast shower. Why did he have to surprise her like that? Why did she have to feel this way about him? Why didn’t he feel the same way?

Aunt Essie had already gone when she emerged in a towel. There was a note on the bench.
Don’t forget to visit your dad
.

Obviously, she wasn’t coming and she wasn’t here, again, for Rosie to tell her about that vision. Great. Anxiety ghosted through her. She hadn’t told Riley about it either, what with the Pip thing. Maybe she should just ping Essie. She reached for her com and dialled. Straight to stand-by. Frustrated, Rosie went in search of something to wear.

She threw on a pair of hand-me-down jeans of her aunt’s and a red tank top, then rummaged through a pile of clothes on the floor for a heat-screening UV jacket. The only one she could find was dark purple. She glanced at herself in the mirror. It too had been Essie’s but it actually looked all right, and it helped take the focus off the horrific dark circles under her eyes. She tried to brush her hair flat, but had little success. Giving up, she let it hang and was taking a self-heating noodle cup from the cupboard for breakfast when her com pinged.

About time, Aunt Essie
. Rosie rushed to check it, but stopped dead as she saw the message, feeling like she’d swallowed a lump of ice.

Today’s the day
. The line of text blinked at her. There was no indication who it was from. Rosie leaned against the kitchen bench, her pulse racing, hands shaking. What to do?

She tried to contact her aunt again, but got nothing. Should she go to Riley? But what if Pip was there? She wasn’t sure she was up to seeing him again, no matter how much she wanted to. And what if whoever had sent the message was watching her? She felt a brief moment of panic. Why hadn’t she thought of that yesterday? She could have led them straight to Riley.

She’d wait and maybe by some miracle be able to get hold of Aunt Essie. And if not, she was just going to have to figure this out on her own.