Escaping Me (19 page)

“
I see why you wanted to come live with your mother.” My father's booming voice and disappointed stare come through the screen – loud and clear.  “Looks to me like she's perfectly okay with letting her underage daughter drink beer and hang out with whoever she wants.”  He eyes Cole up and down, obviously judging him.

“
What are you doing here?” I ask, still shocked to see him standing in my mother's house.  I barely have a memory of him in this house to begin with, so it is really blowing my mind that he is here now.

“
I could ask you the same question,” he retorts.

“
You need to relax.” My mother pushes him aside and opens the door.  “I remember a time when you and I would drive around for hours with a cooler full of cheap beer,” she reminds him.  “Oh yeah,” she adds, dramatically shaking her head, “that was before you were a big shot lawyer with a stick up your ass.”  My father is stunned by her words.  He crosses his arms over his chest and stalks into the kitchen.  “You two come in,” she says.

Cole and I timidly walk through the door.  I dropped his hand from mine the second I saw my father.  It is something instinctual that happens when he is around.  He never was one for public displays of affection.  Wesley was always a perfect gentleman when my father was around.  Actually, if my dad was around, Wes spent most of the time kissing his ass.  I might as well just have been a decoration.

“Why is he here?” I ask my mother quietly.

“
I'm here because Wesley came home and told me that you were out of control,” my father blurts out from the kitchen, obviously eavesdropping.

“
Of course he did,” I huff.

“
Do you think I should go?” Cole asks.  He looks overwhelmed by my sudden family reunion.  I know I am.  My mother looks like she is about to pull her hair out, and Mallory hasn't even made her appearance yet.  I know when my baby sister does show up that things are not going to get any better.  She has years of pent-up frustration with my father, and she’ll have no problem telling him all about it.

“
I don't know,” I answer, stealing a glance at my father, who is watching us like a hawk, unsure if I want Cole to witness the craziness that I know is going to fall upon this dinner.

“
Don't be silly.” My mom grabs Cole's arm and pulls him toward the kitchen.  “He's just an asshole. There's no reason for you to leave.  This is my house,” she notes.

I take in a deep breath and reluctantly follow them into the kitchen.  We take our seats around the table but no one makes a move for any of the food my mother has prepared.

“Are you going to introduce your new friend?” my father asks, his words full of contempt despite the fact that he doesn’t even know Cole.

“
Yes, umm... sorry.” I fumble my words.  “Daddy, this is Cole Pritchett. Cole, this is my father, Robert Vandaveer.”  I don’t look up at Cole.  I want to, but I am ashamed of how uncomfortable my father is making this.  I really wish, in this moment, I could be stronger like my mom and Mal, but just the idea of a heated confrontation has my heart racing.  I am pretty sure an anxiety attack is looming, and looking at Cole and not being able to express the way I feel about him to my father will definitely pull the trigger.  I barely have a handle on my feelings for him, and the idea of trying to explain being in love with someone I've only known a month to a man who wears his heart way underneath his sleeve seems impossible.

“
What is it you do, Mr. Pritchett,” my father continues, “besides driving around while drinking with my daughter in the vehicle?”

Cole clears his throat.  “Well, sir.” he acknowledges, and when I finally look up to see him staring my father directly in the eye, I know he is aggravated.  He has every right to be.  He didn't sign up to come over here and have my father treat him like he is worthless.  “Currently, I work at the lumber yard here in town, and for the record, I would never do anything to put Whitney in danger.”

“Really?” my dad asks, resting his elbows on the table and clasping his hands together.  “Because from what I've heard, you seem to have a very dangerous personality.  Wesley told me that you came to this house drunk and threatened him.  Now, what is a father supposed to think about that?”

“
You have no idea what happened, Robert,” my mother says, defending Cole the way I should be.  But instead, weak little Whitney sits idly by why the interrogation continues.

My dad ignores her comment and continues. “It would seem that you and I have very different opinions about who is acceptable company for Whitney.”

Cole's eyes turn to mine and I shrug, unsure of what I should do.  That's not true.  I know what I should do.  I should tell my dad that he is wrong—that Cole is the first person to ever really make me feel like I have my own opinion, that I can be the kind of person I want to be, and how, when I am with Cole, I actually feel whole, not like the shell of a person he wants me to be.  When I don't answer, Cole takes my reaction to mean I agree with my father.  He stands up and tosses his napkin on the table.

“
I'm sorry you feel that way,” he confesses.  I don't know if he is directing the comment at me or my father.

“
You don't have to go.” My mother stands up and places her hand on my shoulder, urging me to say something.  When I sit silent, she continues.  “Maybe Robert should leave.” She shoots my father an icy stare.

“
It's fine, Leanne,” Cole tells her.  “I think it's time for me to go.”  He starts to walk toward the front door but stops to add one more thing.  “I think it is a goddamn shame that you make your daughter feel like she doesn't have a say in her own life.  If you cared about her as much as you act like you do, maybe you would have noticed that she's meant for a lot more than being someone's trophy wife... or daughter.”  My father doesn't speak.  He leans back into his chair, crossing his arms over his chest as if he is impenetrable.  “And you're right, I'm probably not good enough for her, but I'd spend every second with her trying to prove that I am.”

“
Well, that's a really nice sentiment,” my dad sarcastically replies.  “It's just too bad that it's not true.  I do care about my daughter, and I know that she's meant for better things, than a life out here in the sticks with someone like you.  So you can spout on and on about how you'd try to give her everything, but the fact is, you can't and you never will.”

“
Dad!” I exclaim, earning an unwelcome glare from him.

“
I don't have to stand here and take this shit from you,” Cole hisses.  He is out the door and starting his truck before I have a chance to follow him.  I curse myself for being weak.  How could I have just let someone who means so much to me just walk out the door?  Especially after what he just said about me.

“
That was just plain mean, Robert.” My mother excuses herself, leaving me alone with him.

“
I think it's time for you to come home, Whitney,” he nonchalantly says, as if the entire conversation with Cole didn't just happen.

“
I think it's time for you to leave,” I say under my breath.

“
Excuse me?” he asks, shocked.

“
She said it's time for you to go,” a voice calls out from the door frame.  I turn to see Mallory leaning up against it with a face full of attitude.  “Thanks for stopping by, Rob, but I think you've done enough damage for one night.”

“
Well if it isn't my other
daughter
,” he says, acknowledging her.  “The one that never calls or visits.”

“
Me?” she inquires, walking over and standing behind my chair.  “I'm the one who never visits?  This is the first time in ten years that you've even come out here.  And the only reason you did is because of Whitney.  Let's not pretend like you even acknowledge my existence.”

“
Well, that's a conversation you need to have with your mother,” he replies.  “There's a perfectly good explanation for my absence in your life, Mallory.”

“
How dare you?!” Mom comes storming in the kitchen.  If it's one thing my parents are good at, it is listening in on conversations.  “You need to go!”

“
What's the matter, Leanne?  You don't want the girls to know the real reason we got a divorce?” he seethes, standing to stare into my mother's eyes.  “You're the one who lets them run around like they are adults.  I'm sure they are old enough to handle the truth now.  You've been filling their heads with all kinds of bullshit about how I was the bad guy who chose his career over his family.  Did you mention the part where you started screwing my best friend behind my back?”

I am suddenly hit with flashbacks of my parents arguments and the sudden disappearance of my dad's friend—the man that never missed one of our family events, was best man at their wedding, who was always referred to as Uncle Vince, and the same man who quietly left town when my mother announced she was pregnant with Mallory.  I was only two when Mallory was born, so of course my memories are based on pictures I've seen or stories I have heard after the fact.  I remember asking about him one time when I was flipping through a photo album. It was right before my parents separated, and my dad had shrugged off my question with a simple, “He's not around anymore.”

“Oh shit,” Mallory sighs.  “I think I need to sit down.”  She pulls out the chair next to me and takes a seat.

“
You know what?” My dad steps away from the table.  “Why don't you spend the evening having your mom tell you the truth about everything, Whitney?  Maybe then you'll realize that you don't belong here.”  He starts to make his exit, leaving me stunned, Mallory speechless, and my mother trying to conceal the tears welling in her eyes.  “I didn't just come here to check up on you, Whitney.  I wanted to remind you about Jessica's party that you promised to attend, and I came because I missed you.  I'm not as horrible of a person as you might think I am.”

Hurricane Robert rolls out of town as fast as he came into it.  It is unnerving to know that, in the short amount of time he was here, he managed to completely taint every relationship I have in this town.  I want to run to Cole's and beg him to forgive me for not standing up to my father, but after looking at my mom and Mallory, I know there is no way I can leave them.  My mom finally sits down at the table and begins to tell us about their divorce.

“I'm so sorry I never told you two the truth,” she starts.  “I didn't know how to tell you what really happened between your father and me.”

“
I'm surprisingly okay with it,” Mallory says, sounding as if she is second guessing herself.  “I mean, yeah, it would have been nice to know who my real dad was, but the truth is both of them left me, so it really wouldn't have made much difference in my life.”  Despite her best efforts, I can tell that my sister is definitely rattled.  She has every right to be.  For the past seventeen years, she has thought her father doesn’t love her, when in fact her real father doesn't even know her.

“
Vince thought he was doing the right thing by leaving,” my mom tells her.  “Robert wasn't telling you the whole truth.  I never had an affair with Vince.  It was a one-time thing and, not that it justifies my actions, but Robert had just taken his first big case and he was gone more than he was around.  It was a moment of weakness.  Robert even said he forgave me for it, and we tried to work it out.  For four years we tried, but he never looked at me the same way.  When we finally decided to separate, he said being in this house with me and with you was too much for him.  And when you,” she says, turning her attention to me, “said you wanted to go live with him, I didn't object.  I figured that he deserved to have you with him because it was my fault we were getting a divorce.”

“
That doesn't change the fact that he just acted like a complete asshole,” I reason, still angry about how he treated Cole and how I just stood by and let him do it.

“
He wasn't always like that.  He's changed over the years, probably because of what happened between us, but your father does love you, Whitney.  He's just not as good at showing his emotions as he used to be.”

“
Well, he really needs to work on it.”  I walk over to the refrigerator and grab a bottle of water.  “No, you know what?  He doesn't.  I'm through with him.”

“
The answer is not to be through with him, Whit.” 
Is my mom actually defending him?
“It's time for you to start standing up for yourself.  You let him come in here and run Cole off just the way he planned.”

She is right.  I hang my head, wishing I could take it all back.  I should have told my dad the truth about how I feel.  His reaction would have probably been just as toxic, but at least he would have known the truth.

“You're right,” I agree.  “It's just so hard to know what to say to him.  I feel like I'm going to disappoint him.  It's always been like that.  That's why I always try to tell him what he wants to hear.”

“
Man, we are fucked up,” Mallory interjects.  It is to the point in our conversation that the only thing left to do is laugh.  So we do.  We laugh because we are out of tears and being angry isn't going to get us anywhere.