Ever the Same (19 page)

Dixon was still, head tilted, lips parted, obviously focused.

“Feel so good, babe.” He stroked the small of Dixon’s back.

“It’s fucking amazing. So big.”

He grinned, not knowing if Dix meant his cock or the sensation, but he’d take it. He pushed deeper, moaning when those tight muscles fluttered.

When his cockhead popped in, they both groaned, the sounds low in the quiet room. Then the rest slid in, easy as could be, until his pelvis sat against Dixon’s ass.

The muscles fluttered, shifted around him, and the sensation was damn near unbearable. Audie sucked in one deep breath, then another, holding to his control as best he could.

Dixon arched, then rocked against him. “Move, lover.”

He nodded, then realized Dix had no idea. “Yeah. Yeah. Need to.” He moved, slowly at first, then faster and deeper. Dixon’s ass was in his hands, his fingers wrapped around the lean hips.

Audie figured this was as close to heaven as he was ever gonna get.

He leaned down, kissed the back of Dixon’s neck, the salt of Dix’s sweat lining his lips.

“So good, love.”

“Yes. You’re tight. Hot. So hot.” It was stupid and simple, but considering all his blood was in his fucking cock and not his brain, it was the best he had.

Audie rocked harder, the bed starting to sing in the springs a little. Dix got up on his knees, started meeting him, musical sounds adding to the creak and groan.

God, they were cookin’ with oil, and he was gonna burn right up. His skin slapped Dixon’s, the thrusts losing some rhythm.

“Touch me. Audie, please. C’mon.”

“Yeah, babe.” He reached under Dixon’s body and grabbed that swinging, hard cock.

“Fuck, yeah.” Dixon bucked, and he almost lost it.

He held on because he wanted Dixon’s pleasure as much as he wanted his own. God, he wanted to feel those muscles around him when Dix came. He jerked hard and fast, determined to get Dixon off.

Dix sawed back and forth under him, pushing up on his cock. He gritted his teeth, banging that fine butt hard. Dixon shivered, gripped him tight, squeezed him, and he saw stars.

“Dix. Babe. Please. I can’t—”

“Uh-huh. Hurry. Hurry.”

“Hurrying.” Moving faster and faster, he rutted, his whole body driving now.

It didn’t matter if the bed was screaming, he was going with it, flying and taking Dixon with him. He grunted with shock when Dix came for him, that ass milking him, Dixon demanding his response.

His teeth clacked together, his bones rattling with the rush of his pleasure. His orgasm tore through him, making him shout. Shudders rocked him, and he held on so hard to his Dix that his knuckles ached.

When he slumped down, he was dizzy from lack of air, his heart pounding.

Dixon held his weight, fingers reaching back to stroke his leg.

“Sorry.” He murmured it against Dix’s neck before easing off to one side.

“What for?”

“Flopping on you.”

“It felt good.”

“Oh, well, then I’m not sorry.” He laughed, feeling amazing.

He drew Dixon in, needing to hold him. They lay there together, something they hadn’t really had a chance to do, just listening to the other breathe.

Dixon’s fingers traced his, searching him, looking at him. He loved to let Dixon touch, wander with his hands. He didn’t want it to end, didn’t want to go back to constantly pretending that he was waiting for the right woman to come along.

Audie closed his eyes, pushing that thought away.

“You okay, cowboy?” Christ, Dixon felt everything.

“Yeah. I’m so good you can’t believe.” He grinned, making it so.

“Yay. It would suck if you didn’t like the afterglow.”

“No, I totally do.” He’d only seen it in movies.

“Yeah. I’d say it was my favorite part, but I’m incredibly fond of orgasms.”

Audie hooted. “God, I love how you talk.”

“There’s no sense in lying to your lover. Otherwise you never get what you want.” Dix sounded so sure.

“Well, I’m glad I got you to teach me these things.”

“Oh, am I being preachy?”

“Nope.” He kissed Dixon’s shoulder. “Not a bit.”

“Cool. I miss talking to people sometimes. I’m grateful for you.”

“I’m sorry. I mean, that you feel alone.” He stroked Dixon’s skin.

“It’s not your fault, and I try not to be a whiner, but….” Dix shrugged and cuddled in. “You know.”

“I do, actually.” He got it. Hell, he was queer in deep East Texas.

“Yeah. We’re… we’re a pair.”

“We are.” He wrapped Dixon in a happy embrace.

“You have time for a nap?”

“I do. I’ll have to feed in a bit, but I got plenty of time now.”

“Cool.” Dixon’s eyes were wide open, searching the room.

“What’s wrong, babe?” He nuzzled one cheek, feeling Dixon’s whiskers bristle a little.

“Mmm? Nothing. Nothing, just sitting. Lying here.”

“You’re hunting something.”

“Am I?” An expression crossed Dixon’s face—part sorrow, part curiosity, part something he couldn’t identify.

“Your eyes were. What’s going on, man?” He patted Dixon’s back, not sure what else to do.

“Just thinking, I guess. I… I can’t remember what things look like as well as I want to. I keep telling myself, Randi’s hair is red, the sky is blue, grass is green, but they’re starting to be words. I made love to you, and I wouldn’t recognize you if I saw you.”

Audie’s throat closed up a little, and he wished he could make it different. “You’d know me, though.”

“I would know you anywhere.” The words were firm, sure as shit.

“Well, there you go.” He nodded, because that was that. “You got me, no matter what.”

“Thank you. I…. You have me, although I’m not worth a hill of beans right now.”

“Not true.” Dixon was worth a heap of trouble. He did love the man.

“Yeah, it is. I’m trying hard to figure out how to be better than I am, but so far, no dice.”

“One day at a time, babe. We’ll figure it.” He knew he was selfish to hope Dixon stayed right where he was for now.

“One day at a time.” Dixon nodded and smiled, the lines around his eyes deepening.

Good deal. For now, he’d take being able to snuggle and snooze with no kids, dogs, or siblings.

It was more than he’d ever hoped for, so he’d take it.

Chapter 12

“We want
to keep her here with us, Dixon. Not forever. Just for a year. One school year. She can go to private school here. There won’t be fights. There won’t be drama. You’ve got to figure yourself out. You can’t live with your parents forever.”

God.

God.

Dixon sat there on his bed, listening to Marcy and Bill, Ron’s parents, explain in their ever-so-exotic accents that he wasn’t capable of raising their granddaughter.

God.

“Guys, I don’t think—”

“Dixon. Listen to them.” His mom was in on it too. She sounded sad. He got it. She wanted him and Randi to stay.

“She has her own room. We’d love to have her—”

“What is this?”

Marcy and Bill were supposed to be just driving Randi home, staying for a couple of days. That’s it. Not… whatever this was.

“We just want what’s best for both of you,” Bill murmured.

“It’s an intervention, Bro,” Dalton said from the doorway. He could tell from the echo of his brother’s voice where he stood.

“An intervention?” So, Dad was here too, somewhere. Great. They should put him on television like a drunk. “I assume Dad got Randi duty.”

“He did.” His mom sighed. “He thinks we’re pushing.”

“You are. You’re wanting me to give my baby girl away. Have you lost your mind?”

“No.” Dalton was the one who surprised him, speaking up loud. “I graduate this year. As soon as I can, I’m leaving. I can’t be here to help, and Mom and Dad are getting older. You can’t expect them, or Audie, to take care of you.”

“I’ve never asked Audie to take care of me.” A sick oily feeling began to build inside him, a queasy worry that threatened to send him running for the bathroom.

“Who’s Audie?” Marcy’s voice was sharp. “Are you… have you replaced Ron?”

“No one could replace Ron. That’s not how life works.”

“Audie is Randi’s friend’s father. He and Dixon are good friends.” His mom sounded so prim. Worried.

“Audie’s a good man, and I don’t ask him to fucking take care of me. You don’t want to drive anymore, Dalton? Don’t.”

“What? You’re going to just bleed Mom and Dad dry like a vampire?”

“Dalton!” Now his mother sounded pissed as hell. “That is not what is happening, and you know it. You get your butt out of here.”

“You have to learn to function, Dixon, Son.” Bill sighed, the sound gusty. “You need to live. This is not living.”

It was. He knew what dead was. Ron was dead. Dixon might be blind, but he had Randi, his dogs. Audie. “What is it y’all want me to do, huh?”

“Let Randi move in with us for the school year so you can get some training, learn how to function.”

“No.” It wasn’t an option. Randi was the reason he was alive. She’d been gone all summer, and he already felt like someone had torn a hole in him. “She needs me as much as I need her, and you know it.”

“What are you going to do when she’s a teenager? What do you do now?” Marcy asked. “I’ve talked to your momma—you sit and listen to the TV all day. You don’t even know what’s on the damn thing!”

Dixon was about to explode. “I’m paying rent! I take care of Randi. I do the best I can. It’s none of your goddamned business what I do.”

“No, but it is our business how our granddaughter is raised!”

His teeth ground together, and he forced himself not to point out that they were in motherfucking Texas, and they weren’t related by blood. The semen in the turkey baster had been his.

They’d lost Ron too. That was the only thing that kept him from going nuts. “Thank you for dropping off Randi. I’ll call you about the fall holidays.”

“Please consider it. She deserves to have a parent that is self-sufficient, that can give her a better life.”

“Y’all go on now.” Before he just lost it.

“We’re going to stay in Dallas a few days.”

“Get out.” He bit the words out, almost choking on them.

He knew when they left, his mom seeing them out politely. God, he hadn’t even gotten to talk to Randi yet.

He stood, hand sliding over the top of the dresser before he balled it into a fist, slammed it into the top. Jesus. Jesus fucking Christ on a motherfucking popsicle stick.

“Now you’re beating up furniture?” Dalton was still there.

“What the fuck do you want?” He was fixin’ to lose his mind.

“I’m serious, Dix. I won’t be here soon. I’m not upset about helping out, you know that, but what are you gonna do when it’s just Mom and Dad?”

How the fuck was he supposed to know? He was just barely making it, and 99 percent of making it right now had to do with Randi, Audie, and Grainger. “Just leave me alone, man.”

“No. You got to think about this shit.” Dalton’s boots clicked on the floor. “I love you, man, but you have to get your ass up off the couch.”

“My ass isn’t on the motherfucking couch! Goddamn it. You have no fucking idea how hard this is. You’ve got your entire life ahead of you.” He had this. Shadows.

“So do you! I mean, it sucks. I get it. You’re giving up, though. Shit, you can’t even use your cane.”

He spun around, fist slamming into what felt like Dalton’s chest. It wasn’t like you lost your fucking sight, and then, boom, canes made sense. What the fuck were they good for? Why the hell couldn’t someone make a fucking app for the goddamn phone? Beep beep. Watch out for that pole. Beep beep.

“Asshole.” Dalton hit him back, going for his belly, not his face. They were all worried about his head these days.

“Fuck you. I’m trying my best, you know that, and you think the best idea is to desert my baby girl?”

“No. No, those are nice enough folks, but I think you need to keep Randi with you.” Dalton grabbed him, holding his arms at his sides. “I just worry about you, Bro.”

“I do too.” Dalton had no fucking clue, and he wasn’t going to try to explain.

“Promise me you’ll think about at least going to classes or something.”

“Yeah. Go on, huh? I need a second.”

“Okay. Randi will be in soon, but I’ll distract her, huh?”

“Let her come. I’ve missed her.” He’d missed her more than he needed to cry.

“Will do.” Dalton squeezed him one more time and left. Only seconds later he heard Randi’s little boots pelting down the hall.

“Daddy!”

“My girl!” He crouched down and held his arms open. “Oh, I have missed you so bad.”

She hit him like a freight train. “I missed you too. And Sarge. I missed Sarge.”

“Oh, well, we should totally go see Sarge. Later. Tell me everything.”

She pushed him to sit on the bed and crawled into his lap, jabbering away.

He held her, listening to her heartbeat, his nose in her hair. His girl. No one was taking her away to punish him for being blind, damn it.

“Daddy, Daddy, pay attention. I learned to play Scrabble and ’Nopoly, and I learned to dive in the pool.”

“Did you? Can you swim in the deep end, baby?”