Ever the Same (22 page)

“Summer is weird.” Audie felt better already. He hoped Dix did too.

“It is, huh? No matter where you are, it’s like time changes.”

“Yeah, the world runs different. Shit. I went from being a kid to having one, so I have no idea if it’s different when they’re grown.”

“It was for me, not for Ron. I worked near the college, and it was a different world.”

“Yeah?” He played with Dixon’s fingers. “Tell me?”

“I mixed music for a lot of the little bands, did studio work. I worked long hours, but so did Ron, so it didn’t matter. He made the big money, but I had fun. It was so much fun.”

“You miss it, I can tell.” Audie supposed he ought to feel worried that Dixon would miss it enough to leave, but he felt like they were in this together.

“I miss feeling like I’m contributing, you know? Like I’m functional.”

“I get that.” Audie felt that way, sometimes. He worked his mom’s ranch because he couldn’t make waves, not with Grainger.

“You? You’re like the hardest working man alive!”

“You think? I mean, I know I do my part, but I feel like I’m just head down and slogging a lot. I mean, it ain’t like I’m gonna get the ranch.”

“Your parents don’t want you to have it, eventually?”

“Dad doesn’t give two shits. Mom’s family owned it. No, Mom doesn’t say it, but she don’t want a homo owning her land.” His mom was a good woman, a God-fearing pillar of the community, but she would give the ranch to Grace, who would have more babies with her husband and populate the ranch with little straight people.

“Oh. Well, fuck her.”

Audie blinked. No one had ever said that. Then he hooted. “Yeah. Problem is, this is all I know how to do.”

“But there’s all sorts of pieces of your job that have other… what’s the word? Uh… other uses. You know, like you cost out feed and stuff.”

“Yeah. I’m best at training horses.” Audie chuckled. “Maybe I’ll talk to your dad about llamas.”

“Llamas are easier than horses, Dad says.”

“Stinkier too.” He glanced at the kids, who were making mud pies. “Want a drink, hon?”

“Please, yeah.” Dixon yawned. “We could raise alligators in the swimming pool in Austin.”

“Oh, that’s good.” He had to let go of Dix to get to the cooler.

“Daddy! I’m playing!” Randi called out, and Dixon waved.

“Good girl! Grainger, having fun?”

“Yes, sir! I’m hungry.” Grainger was going for plaintive.

“I got grapes and cookies here.”

“Oh!” The kids both scrambled over, dripping.

“Y’all want juice boxes?” Dixon grabbed two from the cooler.

“Is there grape?” Grainger asked.

“I don’t know, Son. Is there?”

Oh, he liked that, sort of. Dixon calling Grainger son. The idea made him happy, and checking in with Grainger showed no reaction.

“Yes!” Grainger bounced. “Capri Sun.”

“Cool.” The kids grabbed the drinks and fell on the snacks like ravenous beasts. Audie chuckled. God, he forgot how young they were.

“You want to go swing, Randi?”

“Okay. Yeah. Daddy? It’s okay?”

Dixon looked to him, obviously needing reassurance.

“Yep. Don’t go any farther than that, though, okay? Not without us.” Audie wasn’t worried at all. The park was empty, and he had a clear line of sight. “And no hurling.”

“Yes, sir!” They spoke in unison, running hard, little feet banging.

“The swings are only about fifteen feet away,” he told Dixon.

“Oh cool. See, this is the stuff you don’t remember to worry about. Can they swing? Is it safe? Busy? Too far?”

“Yeah.” That made him feel a little guilty, just for being able to see. Which did them no good. Dixon was never going to be able to see, never. He either dealt with it head on, or he walked away, right?

So, he would deal. He wasn’t willing to let go now.

Not when the lights of his life were right here.

Chapter 16

“I’m going
to Austin with Audie for a few days,” Dixon announced.

There was silence for a minute, then Dad spoke. “Yeah? Why?”

“I need to check on the house. I want to show Audie.”

“It will upset Randi.” Mom’s voice always sounded pinched when she was worried.

“You think so?” Dixon snorted. “She keeps wanting to know when we can go. I think it will upset you.”

“Don’t be evil to your mother. She’s trying to help.”

“I know, Dad.” He did, but he wasn’t feeling very helped.

“I think it’s a good idea.” Another nation heard from. Another pimply faced teenaged nation. “He can check on Damon, make sure he’s actually still in Austin.”

Dixon tilted his head in Dalton’s direction. “We don’t know this?”

“Shit, we assume it. If you could go anywhere, be anywhere, and no one would know because you’ve got your cell phone, wouldn’t you run?”

“You should make Dalton go to school here.”

“Ha-ha.” Dalton hit his arm.

“We get regular bills from his declining balance card. If he’s not using it, I will kill whoever is.” Dad sounded more amused than anything.

“That would be worth watching.” Still, he was going. They had time before school started. He needed to go.

“Well, be careful, Son, and let us know when, so we can send some stuff to Damon.” Dad was just gonna be cool, which was nice.

“We’re going to run down Sunday, stay a few days. I’ll call.”

“I think it’s a bad idea,” his mom said, sniffing loudly.

“I know.” He just didn’t care. He wanted to go home for a few days. His house. Who knew, he might be the one to freak out. How entertaining would that be? Maybe not for Audie. He chuckled.

“Don’t laugh at me!” Momma snapped.

“Are you talking to me?” He hadn’t. He’d laughed at Audie.

“Yes. Don’t you sit there and act like this is funny in any way.”

Dixon tilted his head. “I was laughing at my imminent mental breakdown, actually.”

“You were looking right at me and grinning like a newborn fool!”

“I wasn’t looking at anything.” He stood up, thankful as fuck that Randi wasn’t here, was at little Sara’s. “I’m going out.”

“Where?”

“Out. Outside.”

“How?” His mom was damned near hysterical now. “You can’t see!”

“No shit? I’d have never fucking figured it out without someone telling me.”

He heard his dad bellering as he slammed out the back door and stumbled down the stairs. Maybe he could take a potion and become a llama, like in Randi’s movie. It had to be easier to be a llama.

He walked hard, listening to Mom’s fading screams about how it was dark out. Like he gave a flying fuck. Dixon just needed to get away where he could have some quiet, have a think.

He was fairly sure he was following a path. The grasses weren’t too tall, weren’t brushing his jeans. He stomped a little, just in case anything else was out there. God, he wasn’t sure what the fuck they wanted from him. Don’t keep Randi. Don’t go to Austin. Don’t go outside. Don’t be so helpless.

Dixon’s whole fucking world was a giant ball of no.

His cane moved back and forth, sliding through the grass, the dirt. Okay, he needed to find the fence, follow it to either the llamas or the driveway.

He stumbled over something, righting himself quick enough to be proud of it.

Okay. Okay. He….

Okay.

He grabbed his phone and said, “Take me home.”

“I don’t know who are you are, but you can tell me. Tap on settings and my info and then choose yourself from your contacts.” Fuck you, Siri. Okay, try again.

“Show my contacts.”

“I can’t show all of your contacts.” Stupid phone. He got the notice that the phone was ringing, but it took too fucking long to answer, and by the time he’d managed to bark out “answer call,” he’d missed it. His heart fluttered like a butterfly, and damned if he wasn’t flustered as a virgin at a deflowering party.

“Dammit. Uh. Uh… show home?”

The phone started talking, and he started following the instructions, feeling proud as punch. The whole process felt a lot like blind man’s bluff.

The cane warned him of the ditch about a second before he fell into it, which happened as the horn sounded, scaring the living shit out of him.

He shook, but stayed where he was, because he had no idea which direction the road lay in, and he’d get himself killed.

It took forever to find his phone where he’d dropped it, scrabbling in the grass, the rocks, but his fingers finally, blessedly brushed against it. He almost sobbed when he dropped it again, but at least that time he found it, straightaway. “Call Audie. Please call Audie.”

“Calling Audie,” the phone chirped at him, and he heard the ringing.

“Dixon? Babe? Where are you? Dalton called me after you didn’t answer. He’s looking for you. I’m coming there.”

“I’m lost. I’m near a road in a ditch. I almost got hit.”

“Shit. Okay, stay put. I’m on my way. Just stay in the ditch unless it’s wet.”

“It’s not.” Oh God. Oh fuck. He was fucking scared. Still, barring scorpions, fire ants, cottonmouths, or leprous armadillos, he was basically fairly safe.

“Hey, I’m right here. Not hanging up. Just talk to me, babe.” Audie sounded so calm.

“Okay. I lost my phone when I fell, twice, but I found it again.”

“I’m glad you did. Dalton called me.”

“We had a fight—me and Mom—and I went for a walk. The phone was leading me back.”

“Oh, babe. I bet the phone took you to the street,” Audie said. “Meant for cars.”

“Oh. Well, I was trying, right?”

“You were. I’m proud, as much as I am worried.”

“Me too. Come get me, and I’ll buy you a beer. A milkshake. Pancakes. I don’t care.”
Just come get me. Please. I’m trying so fucking hard not to wig right the fuck out.

“I’m five minutes away. I bet you’re right at the mailbox.”

“I don’t know. I never saw this place before the accident.”

“Oh shit. I forgot that. Okay, last bend in the road.”

“Should I stand up?”

“Please.” Audie grunted. “Starting to really get dark.”

He stood up, straightened his shirt. “Okay, I’m in the ditch. Standing up.”

He heard the truck then, the big diesel easy to distinguish. “I see you. Hang on. I’ll come for you.”

“I hear your truck.”

“Good, then I know I have the right guy in a ditch.” The truck pulled off and began to idle, the door opening.

“Are there lots of lost blind guys in ditches around here?” He tried for light and easy.

“Maybe not blind, but we have a fair share of drunks.” Then Audie was there, sliding down into the ditch to kiss him hard. Dixon wrapped his arms around Audie, opening up, tongue pushing into Audie’s mouth.

Audie mauled him a little, fingers digging in hard enough to bruise his upper arms.

“I was trying, huh? To get home.” He moaned the words against Audie’s lips.

“Dixon! Dixon, can you hear me, man?” Dalton sounded terrified.

“We’re here!” Audie shouted, lifting him up and out of the ditch like he was an injured calf.

“Oh fucking A. God, man. You moved fast.”

“I was out on the road, anyway.” Audie climbed up next to him just as Dalton hit his chest.

“What the fuck is wrong with you? You could have died, man! You could have got hit!” The blows to his chest were unfocused, more terrified little boy than pissed-off man.

“Hey!” Audie stepped between them. “We’re all freaked out. Get in the truck, Dal. I’ll drive you back to the house. You too, babe.”

“I’m staying with you, right?” If not, he’d go to a hotel in town. The Holiday Inn Express or something.

“Yes. I just want your folks to know you’re safe.”

“That’s fair.” He still wasn’t 100 percent sure what the hell had happened.

“Cool.” Audie guided him and a still cursing Dalton to the truck.

“Stupid fucker, jumping out of the damn house.”

“Y’all need to stop it!” Dixon just shouted, letting out all his fear and anger. “I can’t live like this. I’m trying, and you want to take my daughter away!”

“I do not! That’s Mom! I just want you to
stop being blind
!”

Silence descended, no one daring to speak. Dixon knew when they stopped at the house, though, and he turned toward where Dalton should be. “Me too, kiddo. Me too.”

“I’m sorry. That was made of suck.” Dalton sounded like he was crying. “It’s not fair. You were like, so cool, I was going to go to Austin, and we’d all be there. Not here.”

“Well, we’re going to Austin this week to check it out,” Audie murmured. “I’d invite you, but you’d seriously cramp our style.”

“Just, ew. Go. I’ll deal with Mom. Go be pervalicious somewhere else.”

Audie actually laughed, but Dixon reached out, groping for Dal. “I didn’t mean for all this shit to happen.”

“I know that. Dork.”

“Yeah. Go, before—”

“Get your ass in here!” Jesus, Mom could scream.

He closed his eyes. Too late.

“He’s cool, Mom. Audie’s got him.”

“No. I want to—” Dalton shut the door, cutting his mom off.

“Drive, love. Please.”

“I’m going.” Audie turned them right around in the big drive and headed back out.

“Thank you.” He couldn’t deal with her shit right now.