Ever the Same (29 page)

Audie closed his eyes, happy to be where he was, luxuriating in the closeness and the freedom to be what he was. The rest was just details they had to work out.

Chapter 25

“Oh my
God! The rumors are true!”

It didn’t matter that he was blind, he’d know Neville’s high-pitched voice anywhere. “They are. Is Bryan with you?”

“Of course. Has this big queen ever gone anywhere without me? Hey, Dix.” Bryan’s hands closed over one of his, shaking vigorously. “Wow, it’s good to see you.”

“Thank you. Come in.” He’d figured out the door, the foyer, and the game room. The formal living room he was still iffy with.

“Dix? Babe? Who is it?”

“Our neighbors from three doors down. Bry and Neville.”

Audie came up next to him, hand on his lower back. “Hey. Did y’all want to come in?”

“We’d love to.” Neville sounded like a kid in a candy store. Gossip whore. “Dixon, are you going to introduce us?”

“Sure. Neville, Bry, this is my lover, Audie. If you see a small boy, that’s Grainger. Y’all know Randi.”

“Wow.” Bry sounded kinda sad. He’d adored Ron. “Sorry, man, but it’s such a bummer you’re blind.”

“Yeah. Yeah, it sucks.” Because going blind had an upside.

“Come on and have some iced tea. You good with taking everyone to the kitchen, babe? I need to, uh, wash up.” He heard a note in Audie’s voice that made him frown.

“Sure. Sure.” He’d spent the morning in the studio, exploring the equipment and seeing if he still remembered what he was doing. He hadn’t really been paying attention. “You’re okay?”

“Yeah, just gross. Been working on the disposal.”

“Oh yeah.” Dixon put his hand on… Bry’s arm. Bry was little where Neville was a bear. “Let’s go to the kitchen and sit.”

He knew how to get glasses out of the cabinets now, at least.

“Be right back,” Audie murmured before Bryan led Dixon off toward the kitchen.

“So… a Marlboro man? Really?” Nev sounded shocked. “You don’t seem the type, honey.”

“He doesn’t smoke,” Dixon said calmly.

“You know what I mean. Is he… is he queer?”

“Neville!” Bryan sounded shocked. “Don’t be a dick!”

Dix cracked up. “Excellent advice.”

Was Audie queer? He didn’t know, but he knew Audie loved him.

“He’s good to me,” Dix finally settled on. “And he’s into guys, yes. Is he like you?” Dixon flapped a hand at Neville. He hoped. “Well, no, but he doesn’t have your queenie name to live up to.”

“Bastard.” Neville cackled like a huge chicken. “God, we’ve missed you. It was so fucking scary.”

“I’m sorry.” He wasn’t sure why he was sorry, except that was what someone said when people were upset.

“Why? You didn’t do it, did you?”

“Do what?” He didn’t follow.

“Cause the accident.”

He would have stared at Neville if he could. Instead he closed his eyes, afraid of what he was giving away. “No. It was a freak thing. Ron didn’t do it either. There was a panel truck that flipped over the median. He was crushed. No one was drinking or speeding or fucking around. It was an accident.”

He felt Audie’s hand on the small of his back again, warm and firm and so there for him.

“So which house is y’all’s,” Audie asked, easily changing the subject.

“You know the two-story with the abstract art in the front? That’s ours. The one with the red door.”

“Oh, I like that statue that looks like a whale tail.”

Bry hooted. “God, yes. Exactly.”

Neville huffed. “It’s amazing.”

Bryan snorted. “It’s awful. I adore it.”

“I always thought it looked like a pea shoot.” Neville sniffed. “Anyway, you two should come over for supper.”

“We have two six-year-olds, guys. You collect Chihuly.”

“Only his apprentices. Well, we do have that one chandelier Dad got at that gallery back in the seventies. It’s an original Chihuly.” Nev sounded so blithe.

“Still.”

“Where is Randi? I haven’t seen her in forever.”

Yeah, neither had he. “She’s playing in her room with Grainger.”

“Who’s Grainger?” Bry asked.

“My son. He and Randi are in the same grade at school.”

Dixon chuckled. “That’s how we met, actually. Via the kids.”

“Yeah.” Audie’s touch went a little more sensual and a little less supportive. “They had a fight.”

“The kids?”

“Yeah. Randi packs a punch. Little turd.” Dixon couldn’t stop grinning.

Neville chuckled. “I guess that’s what happens when you move to the sticks.”

About twelve nasty retorts popped up, but it was Bry who said, “Jesus, Nev! Stop being a bitch, would you? Just because the idea of getting something under your nails gives you the heebie-jeebies….”

“I am a freak about that, huh?” Nev snorted. “Sorry, huh? I’m not trying to be awful. It pops out.” Obviously Nev was talking to Audie.

“Yeah. It’s okay. I’m used to assholes.”

Everything was silent for a second, and then they all started laughing, the sound a little hysterical.

Bryan was the one to finally break the lull that came after the laughter died out. “How long are you staying? We’ll want to see Randi before you go if it’s just a visit.”

“We’re just here for a visit this time.” He couldn’t live here. He couldn’t. He didn’t want to make Randi give up the house she was born in, but… the stairs, the pool, they were too far out for buses….

“Well, if it’s not a bother, let’s all have lunch, okay?” He heard the shuffling of feet that preceded a mass exodus.

“Sounds great. Let me call Randi.” He hollered her up, the sound of pounding feet on the stairs almost immediate.

She skidded to a halt just inside the room, and Dix took a deep breath. “Randi, do you remember Mr. Nev and Mr. Bryan?”

“Daddy?” She came right to him, hiding behind his legs.

“You’re okay, Bumblebee. You’re okay.”

“Pleased to meet you,” Grainger said from nearby, sounding solemn. “I’m Grainger.”

“Hey, Grainger, aren’t you a cutie?”

“Thank you, sir.” Now Grainger’s voice moved closer to them. Maybe lunch tomorrow would be better. The kids both clung to his jeans.

He reached for them both, holding them, and Audie chuckled. “Let me show you out, guys.”

“Sure.” Bryan had always been the reasonable one. “Come on, Nev.”

“See you, guys.” He grinned in the general direction of the kids. “Peanut butter and jelly?”

“I’m sorry, Daddy,” Randi said, voice small. “I don’t remember them.”

“Why are you sorry? It’s been a long time. Aren’t y’all hungry? I’m empty as a worm.”

Randi giggled. “You sound like Daudie.”

“Daudie?”

“Uh-huh. It’s like Dad and Audie together. Grainger’s going to call you Doxie, like Gran calls the dogs.”

“And who was the genius who came up with this?” Audie asked.

“Me.” Randi sounded altogether pleased with herself.

“Well, I’m not sure Doxie suits me.” Dixon was tickled, though.

“Uh-huh. You got long red hair like the dogs, and you got a little bit of a long nose too.”

“Oh, I am going to tickle you guys so hard.”

“You hafta catch us first.” Both kids broke away from him but got maybe three steps in before Audie caught them, eliciting squeals that hurt his ears.

He found them, tickling ribs and loving the laughter. They all collapsed on the floor, Audie grunting under them when they hit.

“Y’all!” Grainger squealed.

“Bad daddies!”

“I’m going to eat kids for lunch,” Audie growled, the nom-nom monster sounds drawing more shrieks.

“I’ll save you, guys!” He opened his arms wide, ended up with a double handful of wiggling turkey-birds. They clung to his neck, hollering until they wore out, then just rested there, letting him hug them.

They all sat together, breathing. He didn’t know what to do.

“So. Should we make snacks and hit the pool? We’re not doing lunch today, right?”

“We are not.” Dixon was not interested. “We have had enough company for today.”

“Oh yay.” Grainger stood first, sturdy body rebounding off his. “I can help make snacks.”

“Me too. Me too. I’ll be Grainger’s soup chef.” Randi had been watching too much
Top Chef
with Dalton.

“Sous,” Audie said. “It’s too hot for soup.”

“Sou? Sou isn’t a word, Daudie.” There was nothing so self-righteous as a stubborn little girl.

“Neither is Daudie.”

“Uh-huh. It’s a name, and Daddy says anyone can name anyone anything ever so long as it’s not a cuss!”

Dixon had said that. He couldn’t argue with his own words, could he?

Audie laughed out loud. “Well, sous is French. I didn’t make it up.”

“I just want to make peanut butters and jellies, Daddy, not soups.”

“We can totally do that, kiddo.” Audie stood up and grabbed Dixon’s hand, helping him up off the floor.

“Are we gonna go home soon, Daddy?” Grainger asked. “We’ve missed a lot of feedings.”

“I think, so, yeah.” Audie squeezed Dixon’s hand. “We’ll see.”

“Daudie? If we all make a family here, we get to bring Sarge, right?”

“I would never take Sarge away from you.” Audie handled that well.

“Yay!”

Dixon leaned close. “Nicely done, man.”

“Thanks. Let’s feed and then wear them out. I need a break.” The warm squeeze Audie gave his hand said they were in this together.

“Yeah. Yeah, no shit.” He didn’t know what the fuck they were going to do. So many questions and there was no time to decide, somehow. Audie had a life he didn’t want. Dixon wanted a life he couldn’t have back. They wanted each other, and they needed each other, but neither of them had the foggiest fucking idea what to do. Did they even fucking know each other?

His brain said no, but his soul…. His soul said fuck you, brain.

And then there was Ron. Or there wasn’t Ron. What would have happened if he’d met Audie while Ron was alive? Would he have been tempted? Would he absolutely not? What did that mean about him either way?

What the fuck was wrong with him?

“Daddy? Daddy, are you going to puke?”

He swallowed, the bile burning the back of throat, his fingertips numb. “No. I’m okay. Just dizzy a minute.”

“Sit, honey. Come on. Grainger, grab Dix a Coke.”

“Yessir.”

The patter of Grainger-sized feet was all he heard over his own breath for a long moment.

Audie’s fingers were on his shoulders, digging in enough to massage away his sudden stiffness. “We will figure this out, babe.”

“How?” Dixon laughed, the sound a knife sliding over a cheese grater. “I’m willing to try. I just feel overwhelmed.”

“Me too.”

And that was that, wasn’t it?

They were willing, but totally fucking unprepared to make a move.

Fuck him. Fuck them both.

Chapter 26

They skirted
Dallas on the way back, and Audie sighed when they hit Terrell, where the sign read ‘Greenville 35.’ That meant just over forty-five minutes to—well, he guessed it was home, but he had no idea if he would ever feel the same about it.

The kids slept in the backseat of the truck, their heads bobbing with every bump in the road.

“How’re you doing, love?” Dixon asked, looking more and more exhausted with every bump, every minute. Not that he’d been any happier the last few days in Austin. He thought Dix might simply disappear soon.

“Okay. Nervous. What are we gonna do, you know? I can’t just go back to being a closeted cowboy.”

“Yeah. I know. I just… I guess we can take some time to figure it, although I don’t want to pull the kids out of school.”

“No. No, I know.” They’d sat together most of the drive with no words passing between them. Now his tongue kept stumbling.

Dixon reached out for him. “Tell me we’re not breaking up.”

He took Dix’s hand in his. “No. Not one little bit.” He wanted to fight for them, even if Dix’s friends looked at him like he’d stepped in dog shit, and they could smell it.

Okay, that wasn’t fair. Bryan had tried, but that lunch with Bryan and Nev passed so slowly that Audie thought maybe he’d slipped into another dimension. One where clocks melted instead of ticking away.