Ever the Same (30 page)

Neville was right. Audie wasn’t the same kind of man Dixon’s Ron had been.

They’d shown him a picture of Dix, back with Ron before Randi was born. Dixon with his hair in dreadlocks, Dixon laughing and kissing this stunning beautiful man with skin like ebony.

Audie knew he wasn’t stunning. God, he was just a cowboy. He wanted to fight for Dixon, but he had no idea how to fit into that Austin life.

Still, Dixon wanted to be with him and let him know that. Hell, the man had offered him a quarter of a million dollars. The man loved his son, wanted to help raise Grainger.

He really thought Dixon loved him too.

“I love you so much it hurts,” he told Dix.

Dixon touched his leg. “Then we’ll be okay. Somehow.”

“We will.” He wished Dixon could see him, see his face. Wished he could share a smile.

Everything pressed in on him, as if something had set off the air bag, and it was puffed up in his face so he couldn’t breathe. They hadn’t even gone to that fancy school to see about getting Dix some training.

Audie was just too wigged out to keep bringing it up, and he thought Dix was too freaked to own up to it too.

This whole thing sucked. Maybe they just needed to slow down. Breathe. But the kids were going to start school, and then nothing would happen for a year.

Could Dix survive another year at his mom and dad’s? It wasn’t like Audie could ask him to move in. The little house on the ranch was Audie’s, but the land belonged to his mom, and she would kick his ass out.

“I can smell the smoke coming out of your ears, love.”

“That thinking problem I have, huh? I feel like I’m all over the map.” As if neither of them could make a decision because they were so worried about the other one not agreeing.

“Yeah. There’s a lot to ponder, a lot to consider. I mean, I’m not exactly the most functional human being alive.”

“Stop it.” Audie checked the rearview to make sure both kids slept on. “You’re getting better every day. You did just fine at your house.”

Only one mishap with the stairs, which had almost stopped Audie’s heart.

Still, really, Dixon was an adaptable guy. He learned quickly. And brave. Dix thought he wasn’t, but Audie knew better.

Truth was, Audie was fucking scared of messing up. Now that he knew what Dix’s life had been like, with the house and the dinner parties and the money—

What if Dix did get all trained up and decided he didn’t need a cowboy around the place? That was the fear Audie could barely admit, even to himself. What if this was really just born of need, not desire?

Hell, he’d heard Neville ask Dix that very question. “Are you sure this isn’t a rebound, man?”

To Dixon’s credit, there hadn’t been even a touch of hesitation. “I love him, Nev. I got lucky and found someone new.”

Audie felt lucky too, but that luck felt like a winning streak in Vegas. As if it might end any moment.

Dixon’s fingers moved over his, restless, the motions obviously worried. Audie couldn’t blame the man. Going back to his folks’ place had to suck. The anxiety level got higher with every mile.

By the time they got to the far side of Quinlan, the urge to stop at Dairy Queen and just hide was huge. They couldn’t. No way. They could hit the drive-thru, though, and grab a drink or a cone.

He checked the babies. They were still sleeping good, and ice cream meant drips and stickiness and soggy napkins in his truck.

Fuck it, he’d just drive. He chuckled, and Dix turned his way.

“What?”

“I was just deciding against ice cream,” Audie said.

“Ah. Too messy.”

“Especially as sleepy as they are.” He paused. “You’ll get Randi a little snack when you get back to the house, yeah?”

“Yeah. I’m sure Mom’s cooked all the things because, you know, you and I have fed her nothing but Froot Loops and chicken nuggets.”

“You hippie.” Audie laughed, which made both kids stir. “Shh. Sleeping.”

“Butthead.” Dixon squeezed his leg. “Have I mentioned you and love and me all together, man?”

“Couple of times.”

“Rock on.”

They hit the Greenville city limits, Audie’s shoulders rising up around his ears. “You could just stay at my place tonight.”

“I wish. We need to come up with a solution for Randi, then. She’ll want to stay with Grainger.”

Yeah. Yeah, the kids were fast becoming inseparable, and God knew if they shared a room, Audie’s folks would freak.

Christ, this was complicated.

“I still want you there,” he told Dix, knowing how important it was to say shit out loud.

“I know. We’ll figure it out. We’re smart dogs.”

“We will.” He turned off toward Commerce, heading down to the little gentleman farms that dotted the country road down here.

He frowned when he turned into Dixon’s folks’ driveway. That was his mom’s truck. What the hell was she doing out here? It wasn’t like they were running late at all. He’d told her to expect him around early evening, and it was just turned four. He pulled in, and then realized Dix had no idea.

“My mom is here.”

“What? Like as in
your
mom?”

“Yeah.” His heart pounded; if something was wrong, she would have called. Surely.

“Huh. Weird.”

The folks were all sitting there on the porch, looking a little like the modern version of American Gothic, all T-shirts and jeans and long, grumpy faces. Fucking A.

Audie noticed Grace and Dalton were absent, though. So, a no-kids situation.

“They’re waiting for us on the porch, honey,” Audie said, before he put the truck in park. “I’m gonna let the kids sleep a minute.”

“On the porch? Impressive. You ready for this?”

Audie chuckled. “Nope. Might as well get it over, though.”

“Works for me.” Dixon headed out of the truck, cane in hand, head held high, fearless.

Fearless and his.

Damn it.

Dixon felt
like throwing up, he had for the whole drive home. In a way, knowing he was walking into a war made him feel better. At least he wasn’t feeling scared for no reason.

Well, except that coming home to your folks shouldn’t be hell, right?

Audie got out of the truck too, and came around to let him take one strong arm in his hand. Leading him into the fray.

“Hey, y’all. What’s up? Is it a party?”

“Where are the kids?” Mom asked.

“We left them in Austin. They assured us they’d be fine.”

“Dixon!” His mom sounded horrified.

Audie made a low sound, almost as if someone had hit him. “They’re asleep in the truck. Is something wrong?”

“We all need to talk, Son.” Audie’s mother sounded like some weird, unhappy bird. “All of us, before y’all make some bad decisions.”

“So, this is what?” Dixon had to ask, had to get someone to state their intentions. “Another fucking intervention?” He was getting tired of this shit.

“Watch your mouth!” That wasn’t his mom.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake. We’re not ten. What the hell do you want? Just spell it out. I’m tired of games.”

Audie moved closer, putting an arm around his waist. “Can we sit down, or are we on trial?” Audie asked.

“Guys, come on. This isn’t a… tribunal.” Dad snorted. “The ladies here are worried. That’s all.”

“Worried about what? We went to Austin. It’s not like we visited Mars.”

“You might as well have,” Mom said. “What if something had happened? Three and a half hours is too far away.”

“I have a phone. Audie was there. Hell, Damon is there. He says hi, by the way.” He couldn’t wait until Damon called Mom.

“What if something happened to Audie? Or Grainger?” Audie’s mom’s meaning was clear. Dixon would be no help.

“I’m blind, not stupid. Hell, if something that severe happened, none of us are EMTs. We’d all call 911.”

Come on, Audie, man. Back me up here.

Audie gripped him so tight his ribs creaked. “Y’all need to stop this. Right now. Dix and I are adults.”

“Then act like it. You’re playing house, boys. What are you going to do when you have to be responsible? At some point the money will run out.”

Dixon chuckled. That was the last thing he and Audie had to worry on. They could live off the interest from Ron’s investments without ever touching the principal.

“What’s so funny?” His mom was really ramping up; he could hear the tears in her voice.

“This isn’t a joke.” That was Audie’s mom.

“No, ma’am,” Audie said. “And it’s not open for discussion. We’ll do what we want to.”

Audie’s mom drew a deep breath, one Dixon knew was going to blow no good. “Good Lord, Son. You’ve never been out on your own. You’ve always been at the ranch. Not to mention you have a responsibility to that land.”

“He’s not on his own!” Dixon was right there.

“What good can you do? You can’t work. You can’t drive. You can’t even watch the kids or make supper. What possible use do you have in the world?”

“Yvonne!” That was his dad, voice shocked as all get out. “That’s too far.”

“Momma, I know you’re scared for me, and that’s why you’re so mad, but you can’t talk to Dixon that way.”

“Someone needs to point out the truth!”

“What truth? I’m blind. It totally fucking sucks, but you know what? I mixed while I was home. Worked three tracks. I’m a musician. My ears are my… are my job. Give me another week, and I’d have gigs.”

“No shit? Did you bring me home copies, Son?” his dad asked.

“Walter!”

“What? That’s cool.” Dad was smiling. Dix just knew it.

“Dixon did really well at the house in Austin.” Audie was not smiling. God, he’d never seen Audie’s smile. Never would.

It was okay, though. He’d felt Audie smile against his skin. No one else had that. No one. Anyone else could see Audie smile.

“Will you at least consider staying here for a year, Son? Two? I’ll take you into Dallas every day, get you training. There are amazing social services here.”

“Mom. I love you, but I’ve been here a year. More than a year. Austin has the public transportation, the school. The music.”

“And what about Audie?” That was Audie’s mom. “He’s going to what? Be your own personal cabana boy? He’s a cowboy!”

“Momma!” Audie’s voice cracked like a whip. “That’s enough.” Dixon had never heard that tone before, not even when Grainger had cut peanut butter sandwiches with Ron’s meat cleaver.

“Audie. Let’s go.” It was time. They could do this, whatever the fuck
this
was. “Mom. Dad. I’ll call later.”

His mom made a noise of disbelief, and Audie’s mom gasped, gearing up to say something else, but Audie simply took his arm. “You got it, honey. Come on. Momma, when you can stop being evil, you have Grace call me.”

They headed to the truck, and he heard his dad say, “I’ll take care of this, ladies.”

He geared up as the bootsteps hurried toward them, and then he got a hard hug. “Go. Go, I’m so fucking proud of you, Son. Call me and we’ll figure out any details.”

Dix hugged his dad back, clinging for just a moment, the familiar scent of Gray Flannel aftershave and lanolin comforting him. “Thanks, Dad. I’ll holler soon.”

Then Audie led him to the truck and helped him in, and he heard Grainger’s little voice. “Dix? What’s going on?”

“It’s okay, Son,” Dixon answered. “Everything’s fine. Don’t you worry.”

Grainger yawned loudly. “’Kay. Love you.”

“I love you too.”

Audie came around and climbed into the driver’s seat. “You want to head over to Rockwall, honey, or just stay at the Express here?”

“Let’s go to Rockwall. That way we can take the kids to the lake in the morning. They’ll like that.”

“Sounds like a plan. We’ll hit the Waffle House for supper.” They pulled out, the tiniest jerk when they went from reverse to drive belying Audie’s agitation. “Momma was out of line.”

“Yeah.” He wasn’t going to make excuses or anything. Audie was right. The whole thing sucked.

“Your dad was awesome.”

“I know, right? He’s a solid dude. Mom isn’t a bitch, either. She’s just like your mom. Scared.”

“Mine….” Audie sighed. “She’s not good with change. I know she cares.”

“I get that.” She’d either come around, or she wouldn’t. “You okay?”

“I don’t know. I think I feel better than I did before we got to your folks’ place.”

“Yeah. Yeah. We can talk tonight. Is there like a long-term stay place? Somewhere with a bedroom and a sofa?”

“There’s a Comfort Suites right near the bridge, I think. We’ll put the kids to bed with a movie and have a sit. You think they’ll be okay?” Audie asked.

“They have us. That’s the important part, right?” Dixon couldn’t believe otherwise.

“It is. Though I can’t see any of those grandparents losing all touch with these kids.”

“Honey, do your people not have giant hysterical fights? I mean, we do it a lot. Hell, wait ’til Damon calls. We’ll be old news.” Dixon had no doubt.

“No. My mom and I have a pretty fragile peace. The only thing I ever did that she approved of was give her a grandkid.”

“He is totally great.” He reached out. “Did I fuck up, honey? I mean….” He didn’t want to take it back.

“Nope. No, I needed this.” Audie took his hand, holding it down between them on the console. “I was being a giant titty baby. I needed to make a decision.”

“Well, we did that. Now we’ve got to make a shitload.”

“We sure do.” Audie sounded lighter, as if the weight had lifted.

They headed out and got on the highway, zipping along I-30. As they pulled off to get waffles, Randi sighed. “Where are we, Daddy? Were we going to Granny and Pappy’s?”

Not home. Randi didn’t call it home. Granny and Pappy’s.

“How do you feel about an adventure?”

“An adventure, Dix? For reals?” Grainger asked.

“Yeah, Mr. G… for reals. All of us, having an adventure together.”

Chapter 27