Every Day a Friday: How to Be Happier 7 Days a Week (4 page)

It’s good to have plans, but at the first part of every day submit those plans to God and just say, “God, this is what I would like to accomplish today. But I know You’re in control, so I submit my plans to You. And I’ve decided in advance that no matter what comes my way, I will stay in peace, knowing You are directing my steps and that all things will work together for my good.”

But too many people these days have the wrong approach to life. They
think they can’t be happy unless they control all their circumstances and everything goes their way. But that’s not realistic. You have to come to the place where you can say, “I don’t have to have my way to have a good day. My plans don’t have to work out for me to be happy. Everybody doesn’t have to treat me right for life to be enjoyable. I have already made up my mind: No matter what does or doesn’t happen, I will stay in peace and enjoy this day.”

The Scripture says that “no one will take away your joy” (John 16:22
NIV
). No circumstance can take your peace. No interruption can take your enthusiasm. You have to give it away. The next time you’re tempted to be upset and frustrated, ask yourself,
Is this worth giving my power away?

Or,
This man is rude to me on the phone. I don’t even know him. Is it worth giving him my joy?

Or,
This co-worker left me out of a meeting; is it worth giving away my peace?

You may not have the victory, not because you can’t, but because you keep giving it away. Life is too short to be upset and offended. If you allow your circumstances to control your joy, there will always be some reason to be discouraged.

“It’s the economy.”

“It’s the stock market. That’s why I’m so down.”

Quit giving away your power. God is still on the throne. The economy in heaven is doing just fine. As long as you’re connected to Him, everything will be all right.

“Well,” you say, “I had to cancel my vacation this year.”

Or, “My boss sure is hard to get along with.”

“This neighbor, he really gets on my nerves. I’ve been praying and asking God to change him.”

One thing I’ve learned is to never pray for God to change somebody else without first saying, “God, change me.”

Even if that offensive neighbor were to move away, if you don’t learn this principle—to never allow others to steal your joy—two more just like him will move back in.

Jesus put it this way: “Stop allowing yourselves to be agitated and disturbed” (John 14:27
AMP
).

Notice it’s a choice we have to make. He didn’t say, “I will make sure your circumstances are perfect. That way you can be happy.”

He said, in effect, “The things upsetting you right now don’t have to upset you. The people aggravating you, even if they don’t change, they don’t have to aggravate you.” If you’ll make adjustments and change your approach to life, you can be happy in spite of those circumstances.

I’m asking you today to stop allowing negative people and disappointments and inconveniences to steal your joy. You have to put your foot down and say, “This child gets on my nerves—I love him—but I will rise above it. I won’t let this control me.” Or, “This grumpy boss jumps down my throat for no reason, but I’m not letting him ruin any more of my days.” That’s what it means to not give away your power. You have to be determined to enjoy your life.

A woman once told me about her husband’s very obnoxious relative who repeatedly made cutting and demeaning remarks to her. Every time they were at family get-togethers, invariably, this man would say something that offended her. She would become upset and it would ruin the whole trip. She reached a point where she didn’t want to even go to her husband’s family events. Finally, she told her husband, “You’ve got to do something about that man. He’s your relative.”

She was expecting the husband to say, “You’re right, honey. He shouldn’t talk to you like that. I’ll go in there and set him straight.” But the husband did just the opposite. He said, “Honey, I love you, but I cannot control him. He has every right to his opinion. He can say what he wants to, but you have every right to not be offended.”

At first she couldn’t understand why her husband wouldn’t really stick up for her. Time and time again she would feel upset. If her husband’s relative was in one room, she would go to another room. If the man was outside, she would make sure she stayed inside. Her whole focus was avoiding this man. Eventually, she grew weary of allowing him to have such an impact on her life. One day it was like a light turned on. She realized that no one took this man seriously and that she was giving away her
power. She was allowing one person who had issues of his own to keep her from becoming the woman she was meant to be.

When you allow what someone says or does to upset you, you’re allowing that person to control you. When you say, “You make me so mad,” what you’re really doing is admitting that you’re giving away your power. As long as the person knows they can push this button and you’ll respond this way, and they can make that remark and you’ll get upset, and they know if they go outside you’ll go inside—as long as you keep responding the same way—you are giving them exactly what they want.

People have a right to say what they want, to do what they want, as long as it’s legal. And we have a right to not be offended. We have a right to overlook it. But when we become upset and angry, we change. If somebody walks into a room and we grow tense, it’s because we’re putting too much importance on what that person thinks about us.

What a person says about you does not define who you are. His or her opinion of you does not determine your self-worth. Let that bounce off you like water off a duck’s back. This person has every right to have an opinion, and you have every right to ignore it.

I’ve found that some people feel it’s their calling in life to point out what others are doing wrong and where others are missing it. They’re constantly critical, always finding fault. There is nothing they love more than keeping someone upset, and arguing, and always on the defensive.

Rise above that. You don’t need them to agree with you. You don’t have to win their approval. Let that go, and just be who God made you to be.

Even the great leader Moses had to deal with relatives who didn’t like the woman he’d chosen to marry because she was of a different nationality. They criticized Moses publicly, saying, “We don’t agree with this. We refuse to approve of this marriage.”

But deep down, Moses knew he was making the right decision. He didn’t argue with them. He didn’t become upset. He didn’t criticize them. He just kept his peace. As it turned out, the person who was the most vocal critic of the bride contracted leprosy and was soon no longer around.

You don’t have to respond to every critic. You don’t have to prove yourself to them. Just stay on the high road and let God fight your battles for you. Some who will cross your path simply don’t want peace with you. No matter what you say or do, they will not be won over. Even if you were to change, they would still find some reason to be critical. You have to accept the fact that no matter what you do, some people will never be at peace with you.

I had a real nice sports car when I first dated my wife, Victoria. I was in my early twenties and wanted to impress her, so I kept that car spotless. There wasn’t a scratch on it. Then I was driving home from Victoria’s house late one night and I had an accident. I was proceeding through an intersection. The light was green. Another car going the same direction turned right from the wrong lane and hit the back of my sports car, spinning it around.

After taking a few moments to calm down, I stepped out of my car. I knew the accident wasn’t my fault. And I’m naturally easygoing. There is not much that upsets me. I checked my spotless car. The back end was totally destroyed.

About that time the other driver climbed out of his car. It was very dark, but I could see he was probably in his fifties. He started ranting, raving, and cursing, and then he said, “Kid, learn how to drive. I am so mad at you.”

I thought to myself,
I’m the one who should be upset. He just turned from the wrong lane.
He was about thirty yards away. I could see he was working up his anger. Then he started running toward me like he wanted to fight.

My first thought was,
Do you want some of this?

You know that’s not true. My real first thought was,
How big is he?

When he came within fifteen yards, I saw he was twice my size. Right then and there I had a revelation: This was not a battle worth fighting.

I went around to the other side of my car.

You say, “Joel, you mean you were a chicken?”

No, I just wanted to live!

He fit into that category of people who will never be at peace with me.

When Jesus sent His disciples out into certain homes, He told them to speak peace over each person in each house. And He said, in effect, “If
they don’t receive it, then the peace you’re offering them will come back to you” (see Luke 10:5–6).

That tells me if you do your best to be at peace with people—even if they won’t take your peace—the good news is that peace will just come back to you anyway. You’ll not only enjoy your peace, but you’ll be given their share as well. When you do the right thing when the wrong thing is happening, God sees it and He rewards it.

Two friends walked into a corner store to buy a newspaper and the store clerk treated them rudely. One of the friends, after paying, smiled at the clerk with a grin and said: “I hope you have a great day today.”

As they were leaving his friend said, “Is that clerk always that rude?”

“Every single day,” the other said.

“Well, are you always that nice?”

“Every single day.”

This puzzled his friend so he asked why.

“I’ve made up my mind that I’m not allowing one person to ruin my day,” was the answer.

He had decided not to give control of his mood or attitude to anyone else. That store clerk had every right to be rude and obnoxious, but everyone he mistreated also had the right to go right on being happy, kind, and friendly.

When you encounter people who are poisoned inside, don’t let it rub off on you. If you sink down to their level and you’re cold and rude back to them, you’ve allowed them to contaminate you. Rise above that. Be a part of the solution, not the problem. You overcome evil with good. If somebody is rude to you, just bless them, smile, and keep moving forward.

Jesus put it this way: “Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth” (Matthew 5:5
NIV
). When we hear the word
meek
, many times we think of someone who is weak, shy, and reserved; just a fearful little person. The image is that meek people can’t stand up for themselves and everyone runs over them. That’s not meek at all. Meekness is not weakness. It’s strength under control.

Meekness is like a wild stallion that has been tamed. The horse is still
strong, still powerful, and has just as much speed as before he was tamed. The only difference is, now that strength is under control. You can walk up to the horse, pet him, lead him around, probably get on him and ride him. But don’t be fooled. He has the same power, the same tenacity; he’s just learned how to control it.

When you’re a meek person, you don’t go around trying to straighten everybody out. You don’t respond to every critic. People may be talking about you, but you don’t let it bother you.

Keep your strength under control. It’s not how proud you are, or how many people you straighten out, or how you can prove yourself. If you argue with a critic and try to prove yourself, all you’re doing is sinking to his or her level. Don’t fall into that trap. You are an eagle. You can rise above it.

You may have the power to straighten out your critic. You may feel like giving them a piece of your mind. Your emotions may tell you,
Get in there. Pay them back. Get even.
Instead, listen to what the apostle Paul told his protégé Timothy: “Be calm and cool and steady” (2 Timothy 4:5
AMP
). He was saying, in other words, “Don’t give away your power. Keep your strength under control.”

A guy was eating a burger in a little country diner when a motorcycle gang came in. These bikers were big and tough and mean. Just to show who was in charge, one of them came to the guy’s table, knocked his hamburger onto the floor, picked up his water, and poured it on top of the guy’s head.

“Oh, I’m sorry. It was an accident,” the biker said sarcastically.

He was trying to pick a fight. The guy sat calmly, took out his napkin, wiped off the water, stood up, and walked out of the restaurant. The biker shook his head and said to the waiter, “Not much of a man, is he?”

The waiter said, “No, and not much of a driver either. He just ran over twelve choppers with his car.”

That’s strength under control.

If you are easily upset, don’t continue year after year that way. If you allow little things like long lines, the weather, a grumpy salesman, or an inconsiderate receptionist to steal your joy, draw a line in the sand. Say, “You know what? That’s it. I’m not giving away my power anymore. I’m staying calm, cool, and collected.”

David J. Pollay, author of
The Law of the Garbage Truck
, was in a New York City taxicab when a car jumped out from a parking place right in front of it. His cabbie had to slam on the brakes, the car skidded, and the tires squealed, but the taxi stopped an inch from the other car. The driver of the other car whipped his head around, and honked and screamed in anger. But David was surprised when his cabbie just smiled real big, and waved at him.

David said, “That man almost totaled your cab and sent us to the hospital. I can’t believe you didn’t yell back at him. How were you able to keep your cool?”

The cab driver’s response, which David calls “The Law of the Garbage Truck,” was this: “Many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they look for a place to dump it. And if you let them, they’ll dump it on you. So when someone wants to dump on you, don’t take it personally. It doesn’t have anything to do with you. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Believe me, you’ll be happier.”