Every Soul (14 page)

I really wish I had Anthony’s phone number. I’m a nervous wreck waiting for him, and I feel like I’m not even at the right place. Checking the clock on my cell phone, it’s 6:04pm. Okay, maybe I’m overreacting a tad. I am early.

Standing up, I head outside going into the cool evening. Pulling my coat a little tighter around me, I look at all the people as they bustle by and then…there he is. I catch sight of him right away, from far off in the distance.

It takes him a moment to see me. He walks with such confidence and his eyes light up the moment he sees me from across the square. He looks relaxed as he approaches. “Hey, sorry, I missed my train,” he says wrapping me in a warm, more than friendly hug.

I squeeze back, not expecting the gesture, but liking it. He pulls away and very chastely kisses my cheek. “You look beautiful tonight.”

“Thank you,” I respond with a stomach full of butterflies.

“Did you check in yet?”

“Yeah, but the wait is super long.”

“Let’s grab something to go and eat at my place.”

“Are you sure?” I ask, a little nervous to be alone with him.

“As long as you don’t mind driving, yes.”

“I don’t mind at all.”

“Let’s go,” he says and grabs my hand, waiting for me to lead him in the direction of my car. Dammit, brain, work. Once I get my feet and head to cooperate, we walk, and he lifts our hands kissing my knuckles.

“Thank you for coming out with me.”

I just smile; I mean what am I supposed to say? The guy takes my breath away, making speaking around him pretty difficult.

For the fourteenth time today, my thumb hovers over the send button as I reread my text to Bain. Again, I decide on deleting it and go back to hovering over the call button. I swear I’ve been doing this for close to an hour, which is completely absurd.

Tilting my head back against the wrought iron of my headboard, I stare up at the ceiling. It’s Bain, he’ll understand.
Fuck, no, he won’t.
He’ll want more, he’ll end up hurting me and leaving me like my Nate did.

I slam the phone down on my bed and slink back under the covers, where I’ve been all day. Yeah, call me pathetic. I don’t really give a fuck. My mind is fucking me worse than any words you could ever say.

There’s a knock on my door, then I see Aubrey’s head poke in. “Hey, you don’t hate me, do you?”

“Of course I don’t.”

“Good, I’m sorry if I pissed you off yesterday. I was just being protective.”

“It’s fine, you’ve always been protective over me. I shouldn’t expect that to change now.”

“You’re right, I have and I always will. So if you really like this guy, let me meet him.”

Rolling over, I squint my eyes at her. Is she serious? But there is genuine concern in her tone.

“I’ll think about it.”

“You’ll think about it,” she repeats.

I nod my head. I can’t really promise her that she can meet Bain. Not after I snuck out of his house this morning and took a cab home like a psycho.

Will you just let me know that you’re all right?

Christ, he’s so sweet. I can’t ignore him any longer and text back.
I’m good. Sorry about this morning.

You home?

Yeah.

He doesn’t respond and ten minutes later I hear a knock on the front door. Instantly, I know it’s him. I rush around my room, trying to figure out what to do with myself. Then I hear Aubrey answer and I don’t waste another minute. The second I come into his view, they both stop speaking and he charges towards me. Placing both hands on either side of my face he says, “You said you were all right.”

“I am,” I respond leaning into his touch.

“No, you’re not. I can see it in your eyes and you’re wearing the same clothes as yesterday.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I catch Aubrey slink into her room. Blinking at Bain a few times, I’m not sure how to answer him.

“I’m fine,” I finally say.

“Don’t lie to me. You left this morning and I haven’t been able to get a hold of you all day. I can see it.”

Turning my back on him, I head into my bedroom and clamber onto my bed. He’s right behind me, not allowing me to turn my back on him, as I try to bury myself into my pillow. “I’m not leaving ’til you tell me what’s going on.”

“I…I’m sorry I stayed the night last night.”

“Are you? Because I’m not, the only thing I’m sorry for is that I didn’t sleep with you in my arms. It didn’t matter that I slept on the couch, because you still left.”

Rolling over, I face him and can tell that he’s dead serious. However, inside I feel like I’m betraying Nate by giving into my feelings for Bain.

He holds me tight, letting out a big sigh. I can’t believe my actions affected him like they did. In that moment, I feel horrible for acting how I did. Nate is gone and Bain…Bain is right here with me and all I’ve been worrying about is myself, not caring what I was doing to him.

“You’re right. I’m not sorry. I’m just scared.”

“Don’t be scared. It’s just me, A. Nothing needs to change with us, except you trusting me a little more. You don’t need to run from me, you can run to me. Let your walls down, Arion. I promise I won’t break them.”

Tears fill my eyes at the thought of putting myself out there. I know if I do it again and with anyone, I want it to be Bain…but can I?

“Can we just act like all of this never happened?”

He smirks at me and kisses the side of my mouth, still holding me tightly against him. “Are you going to let me in?” I nod my head biting my bottom lip. “Then if that’s what you need, yes. Just trust me, okay?”

“Okay,” I whisper, now lying completely underneath of him. “Wanna tell me what’s going on with you?” I ask, knowing him well enough to see the pain in his eyes.

He exhales loudly, resting his head on my chest and holds me tighter than ever. “Come on, Bain, if you want me to let you in, then you have to do the same.”

“I met with the FBI today.”

“About your sister?”

“Uh-huh.”

“What did they say?”

“They don’t think she killed herself.

“Oh my God, are you fucking serious? Why?”

“That print they found in her car has gone missing. Someone hacked into the computer system and deleted it. They are unable to find the hard copy, as well.”

“Fuck, Bain, how does that happen?”

“That piece of shit detective did it, I know it. Now he’s under investigation because there have been so many red flags since the FBI took over.”

“Jesus, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry that I wasn’t there to go through this with you.”

“It’s okay, my mind has been a mess today, but you’re here now. I just don’t know what to think – what to believe anymore. For so long I was convinced that she didn’t do this – that she wouldn’t. I didn’t have a choice, but to believe that she
did
, so I came to terms with it, in a way. I mean what other choice did I have? Now, it’s like I’ve been kicked in the gut and I’m back at square one.”

“I don’t think you can get ahead of yourself yet. Just live in this moment, right here, right now.

“But Arion, someone could’ve killed her and still be out there. That absolutely fucking infuriates me.”

I really don’t know what to say or how to make any of this better, so I do what I told him I would. I open up and try to relate. “When I lost Nate, I went through a long period of denial, as well. It was like my mind kept saying no way, no way, no way is he really gone. Especially because he was MIA and that gave me hope. But eventually, they recovered parts of his body. It’s not the same as Kinsey’s death, but they have their similarities. Then when the news came that they had found him…” I get choked up going back to that day. I can remember right where I was sitting, at his parents’ house when the knock on the door came. I can picture Barb as she fell to her knees and how Jeff just held her. Bain rubs my back. Jesus, I haven’t talked about these events to anyone. So I proceed because this needs to be done and I told him I’d let him in. “I knew no matter how much it hurt to hear the news, he was gone and gone for real. I had to face it. I know it’s not exactly the same as how Kinsey passed, but in a way…it is. Both of them are gone, plain and simple.” Tears stream out the sides of my eyes as I speak. “I know nothing will ever bring them back to us. We might be stuck here and in pain, but they can never be hurt again. And one thing you can take from all of this, is knowing that she didn’t make the decision to take her own life. The FBI will find who did this, that’s what they are trained to do.”

Both of us lie in silence, neither saying a word. The contentment of listening to each other breathing is so soothing. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt this calm – this safe – and this at ease.

My shirt is moist from his tears and his breathing. I hope my words helped to ease a bit of the pain that Bain is experiencing. In the short period of time I’ve known him, I know he’s someone special and someone that’s supposed to be in my life, whatever the reason may be.

Jeff called and said Zeus hasn’t been feeling well. My stomach is in knots from the fear that something is wrong with my baby boy. Parking in front of the familiar house, I hop out and head in, noticing that Zeus isn’t greeting me at the door or the windows.

I see Jeff inside and he waves me in. “Hi there, kiddo,” he says wrapping me in a side hug.

“Hey, where is he? Is he okay?”

“He’s all right. He’s out back.”

We both walk to the back door where Zeus is moping around the backyard, with his tail bent down and ears back. I open the screen and whistle, calling him over to me. His ears perk right up and he runs to me.

“Hey, buddy, how are you?” I ask scratching behind his ears.

He leans into my touch and I bring him inside.

I take my usual seat on the floor. “Go get your ball,” I tell Zeus. He walks off and comes back with it gingerly hanging from his mouth. Then curls up next to me and I ask Jeff. “How long has he been like this?”

“Just a few days.”

“Has he been eating normally?”

“Yeah, everything seems to be normal, just the fact that he’s a little sluggish.”

“Do you think he got into anything?”

Jeff tilts his head thinking about my question. “No, I don’t think so.”

“Do you think I should make a vet appointment?”

“I honestly don’t know if there is much that they could do. He seems normal aside from his attitude.”

I exhale loudly and remember when Nate and I got this little guy. Well, he’s not so little any more, but to me he’ll always be that small, playful pup we picked out when we graduated. “You’ll feel better, bud, just give it some time,” I tell him.

“How have you been?” Jeff asks me.

“All right, thanks for asking.”

“You look good, happier.”

“I am. I’ve been focusing on taking each day as it comes. Not having expectations for it or what the outcome will be. Also, I met a friend who’s been through a similar situation and we’ve been good support for one another.”

I hope I’m not overstepping any boundaries by telling Jeff about Bain.

“That’s good to hear. Did she also lose a significant other?”

“Uhhh…It’s actually a he. And he lost his sister, but the situations are kinda the same. He went a few weeks not knowing if she was alive or not, a lot like we did.”

He nods slowly, processing the words. I don’t want to disappoint or hurt Jeff. That’s the last thing that I want to do.

“Arion, I want you to know that Barb and I view you as a daughter, so your happiness is very important to us. Maybe one day down the road, we could meet the guy who brings this smile to your face.”

I smile getting off the floor and hug him. “Thank you. That really means a lot to me. His name is Bain, I think you would like him.”

“I’m sure we would. Listen, I gotta run to an appointment. Are you gonna stay with Zeus for a bit?”

“I wish I could, but I’m gonna go too. If you say he’s good minus his attitude, I know he’ll perk up. I’ll text you later to see how he’s doing, okay?”