Every Soul (25 page)

I’m a little unsure how to answer the question, so I follow my gut.

“I can’t promise you guys anything. Trust me, if I could, then I would. I’ve learned that recently. But what I can tell you is if you pick me, I’ll work my ass off, day in and day out to help you win. I know my skills and they are only going to get better with your coaching staff and the competition. I was born to play this game.”

“Mr. Adams?” the assistant coach asks me.

“Please call me Bain.”

“Bain, I have to be frank with you. It concerns me that you didn’t finish playing your senior year. I’ve heard what happened to your sister, and I’m sorry. But with that, there are quite a few mixed rumors that I’m not sure I want on this team.”

“Thank you and believe me, I respect that. However, I had to make a choice this year. I lost a very important person in my life and was in no shape to be on the court. I knew if I was to force my playing, it would hurt me more than taking a step back, my parents needed me at home so that’s what I needed to do. I knew there was a chance of it jeopardizing my chances in the draft, but ultimately my family is number one. With the time off, I did a lot of soul searching and now know that I was born to play ball. I need it, plain and simple.”

The three men look at each other and nod their heads. “Well, that was just the answer we were looking for, son. Can we convince you to stay the rest of the week and show you around our beautiful city?”

“I’m flying back tonight, but talk to my manager. I’m not sure what he has booked for me, if it can work, I’d love too.”

“You’re a bright young man, Bain,” the head coach says and then continues, “I was hesitant in bringing you here, but after speaking with you and seeing you play, I’m going to do everything I can to make Memphis your home.”

“Thank you all for having me. I’m looking forward to that possibility.”

We exchange our goodbyes and I leave. Calling Arion the moment I’m outside, I need to talk to her. I can’t have this burden any longer. My life is moving fast and I
want
her by my side – I
need
her by my side.

I think I’ve flipped through the channels on the TV about a gazillion times. Aubrey, God love her, ran to get us some dinner while I sulk in my jobless and Bainless existence. I know I should talk to him and work past things. But I can’t. I just can’t. I fucking can’t. Yes, something is seriously fucking wrong with me and I know it.

Finally, I land on the news. It’s the only thing that seems somewhat interesting. It’s sad, but dammit, so am I. Rolling to my side, I seem to study the news anchor more than what he is saying and notice how he resembles Bain. They are both tall, have short brown hair, and I bet this guy has tattoos hidden underneath his suit.

Aubrey comes through the door, taking my mind off the news. She lifts the pizza box and smiles at me. “I got your favorite.”

“Thanks, babe,” I say turning the TV down.

“Of course.” She sets it down and grabs two beers from the refrigerator and some paper towels. “Did you miss me?” she asks jokingly.

I nod my head; she always makes things better, so much better. I haven’t eaten much, lately and finally feel like I can stomach something, thank God. She sits down and we each grab a slice, watching the news. That’s one of the things about Aubrey, she doesn’t pry or make me get deep with things, she lets me just be.

“Holy shit, did you hear about this, A?” she asks as the news anchor starts to talk about a prisoner of war. “I meant to tell you yesterday, it’s been all over the news.”

“In news across the US, thirty-one-year-old Darren Spars finally returned home to his quiet town of Kittredge, Colorado after being held captive for almost a year. Spars was missing and presumed dead, before bravely escaping from captivity in Afghanistan. Authorities aren’t saying much about how or why he was taken. Darren has since asked for privacy, while he readjusts to life at home with his wife and three children. In other news…” The reporter trails off into another story and I can’t believe how lucky that man is.

“Pretty crazy, huh?”

I can’t answer her as I’m lost in my own crazy thoughts. My mind immediately goes to Nate. God, I wish that could’ve been him.
But it can’t and never will be.
They found enough DNA evidence among human remains from his last mission site to change his status from “missing in action” to “killed in action.” I just have to accept the truth and move forward, but it’s hard not to want to wish the truth away.

Accepting that Nate is gone forever solidifies my feelings for Bain. As much as I want to fight them…I can’t. Not anymore. He’s so good to me and I really could see a future with him. I’ve sat here miserable for almost a week acting like I don’t care, fighting the roller coaster of emotions that are going through me. When really, it all boils down to one simple fact. I’m fucking in love with him. Looking down at my uneaten pizza and sunken in stomach, I know I’m really empty without him.

When we are together, we both thrive. We can live and we can breathe. I don’t want a fairy tale, that’s just not me. I want Bain. I want to take each breath with him by my side. The loss of Nate has scarred me, but I need to push past that pain and look at the bigger picture of my life. God gave me an amazing gift in Bain and it’s up to me on how I proceed.

With tears in my eyes, I sulk into the couch. Aubrey sets her pizza down and wraps me in her arms. I lean into her and let it all out. Every twisted, pent up emotion I’ve been holding on to. Every ounce of pain, love, anger, hurt, regret, sadness. All of it. I let it all bleed out of my eyes. Through my sobs, I hear his name, “Bain Adams made quite an impression in Memphis earlier in the week. Now the Grizzlies are in talks with the Suns to make a big trade in order to secure the fourth pick in this year’s quickly looming NBA draft. The trade is rumored to include Garrett Jones and Paul Rod, as well as the Grizzlies’ thirteenth pick and a second round pick in next year’s draft. Where will the ever-talented Adams end up? It’s looking like Tennessee could soon be his home. I’ll have live coverage of his second workout tomorrow in Tennessee. I’m Reagan Reynolds for Channel Two Sports.”

Both Aubrey and I stare at the TV. Bain is moving on with his life. He’s going to get drafted somewhere and move away without me, unless I make this right. Wiping the tears off of my cheeks with the back of my hand, I whisper, “Tennessee?”

“You better call him.”

I shake my head and get off the couch, finally following my heart for the first time since all of this shit started.

“No.” Walking into my room, I grab my backpack off the top shelf of my closet and throw some clothes inside.

Aubrey walks in and asks, “What are you doing?”

“I need to see him. Aubrey, I have to fix this. Will you drive me to the airport?”

“Arion, are you fucking crazy? You don’t even have a plane ticket, or a job to pay for one for that matter.”

Turning around I pull on a pair of jeans and look at her. “I can book my flight in the car on a credit card. Please drive me.”

She nods her head and walks out of my room. With my backpack crammed full of God only knows what and my wallet in hand, I walk into the living room where my best friend is waiting for me with her car keys and iPad. She glances at me briefly, then looks back down at the iPad and says, “There’s a 7:15 flight. Depending on traffic, we might be able to make it.”

“How do you know it’s the right airport?”

“I picked the one closest to Memphis.”

“Thank you, girl, you’re the best.” She hands me the iPad and we head out, getting into her little sports car. For a split second, I doubt doing this. It’s crazy. But being brazen is what brought us together. As I select a one-way ticket, I couldn’t be surer of the decision. I could call him now, but everything I need to say I have to say in person, my heart is telling me that he’s there – so I follow it.

“Are you sure this is what you want to do?” Aubrey asks me.

“I know it is. Aubrey, I…I love him. I love him more than anything in this world. I’m done playing this tough card and being worried about getting my heart hurt, because you know what? All of this hurts, and being without him is unbearable. If he turns me down, the pain can’t be any worse than what I’m going through now.”

“Okay, girl. I love you no matter what happens and will be here for you.”

“I know that, thank you. You know, Aubrey, I followed my heart with Nate and I wouldn’t change a thing looking back. That’s why I’m doing the same with Bain. I don’t want to live life with regrets.”

“I’m so happy for you. I wish I had someone like him, you’re making the right choice A.”

Aubrey weaves in and out of traffic, driving a bit erratically in true Jersey fashion. Glancing at the clock, I can’t help but worry that I’ll miss the flight. If I do, there are others. I can’t go there now and start worrying before anything’s happened.

With thirty-seven minutes ’til departure, the airport is now in sight.

“Please call me when you land,” Aubrey says.

“I will, thank you.”

“Of course, A. Good luck.”

She stops in front of the departures for United and I’m thankful that the outside isn’t too busy. We exchange a quick hug and I bolt. The automatic double doors open like they were made for me. Looking around, I spot the electronic kiosks, pull my phone out to get the confirmation from my email, and check in as fast as I can. This is way better than dealing with the lines of people waiting to check their bags.

Once my boarding pass prints, I have thirty-one minutes to get through security and board the plane. I take off sprinting across the terminal. I opt against a train and just run, my legs moving me as fast as I can go because there is no way I can miss this flight. I have to make it. My heart is pounding, all because I have to get to Bain. Once I finally reach the terminal, I check my ticket again and start to frantically look around for gate seven. Seven, seven, seven.
Fuck, where is it?
Then I spot it tucked in the back corner. An attendant calls over the intercom as I run with all my might. “Calling all passengers for flight 274 to Memphis. This is your final boarding call.”

My legs can’t seem to move me fast enough. I’m moving on pure adrenaline, then finally make it, winded. My chest is heaving and all I can think about is Bain. This is how he gets when we fuck, winded just like this.

The attendant scans my boarding pass and as I walk down the jetway, I can breathe. I made it, thank God. Upon entering the plane, I head straight for my seat. Finally I find it, tucked a few rows up from the center exit row, between two older females. “Excuse me,” I politely say, squeezing in and then sliding my bag under the seat in front of me. Glancing at my text messages for the first time in God knows how long, I’m shocked. There are thirty-eight unread text messages from Bain. Scrolling to the bottom, I type out a text.
I’m ready to talk.

My finger hovers over the keys, then hits send. Resting my head back, I close my eyes and pray he responds.

The flight attendants close the cabin doors and begin their departure procedures, walking about the plane. Then my phone chimes,
You have the worst fucking timing. I just boarded a plane back to Memphis. I’ll have to turn my phone off any minute.

My heart almost jumps out of my fucking chest – he could be on this plane. I text him back,
Me too.
When I hit send, I listen and swear I hear a phone chime that sounds just like his. Anxiety courses through me. I’m too afraid to stand up, but I begin looking around, and…I see Bain. There he is in the front row. I can’t believe I missed him when I boarded. He’s so tall, leaning on the back of his seat and scouring the plane. His eyes move frantically and I’m not sure what to do. I want to run to him, but the captain turns the fasten seatbelt light on, so I text him,
I see you.
He looks at his phone, sitting back down.
Come up here right now! I have an extra seat.

With heavy breaths I reach down and unbuckle my seatbelt. Reaching for my bag, I know there is no going back now. He knows I’m here, plus I’m flying to see him.

The plane starts to move as I get up. The moment I’m on my feet, he sees me. I watch all the wind leave his lungs. His face changes, he can’t believe it just as much as I can’t. But the flight attendant stops me. “Ma’am, I’m sorry. You need to get back to your seat.”

“I am,” I tell her, and point to Bain. She must know he has an extra seat and I practically run to him and into his arms. Our eyes never leave each other’s. He tightly holds my face, pressing our lips together. Kissing him back, I wait to wake up, because this can’t be real.