Everything Changes (11 page)

To this day, I still remember those words. It
wasn’t the last time he said,
“It’s easier to be me with you.”
I never
fully understood the statement until years later. And every time I heard the
phrase, the weight of it suffocated me.

“This place reminds me of one of my favorite
spots to ride in California called
Reche
Canyon. It’s
like a natural made Motocross track. They’ve never touched the place with a
shovel or bulldozer, everything is natural.” He glanced over at me. The light
color of his eyes made his flushed cheeks brighter. “Kind of like you,
untouched and natural.”

“I’m not completely untouched.” I wanted to talk
about last night. We did something. We didn’t have sex, but I still gave a part
of myself to him in a way and that scared me. He’d yet to mention it, and well,
that scared me too. Kind of like our first kiss, he never mentioned it the next
day, as though it never happened. And now this, I mean Christ, I moaned like a
porn star underneath him. How could he not remember that?

Sitting down, I rested against a rock to relax.
All that thinking made me more exhausted than the ride up here. Mental
gymnastics were always the worst.

“Parker…” I began, staring at my boots and the
sand that covered them. “About last night—”

I was silenced by his lips: hungry, salty, and
still just as soft as last night. My lips fumbled with his while we searched
for a rhythm, and then it was over. He pulled away, smiling.

“I’m sorry.” His smile fell a little, but his
eyes held mine. “I just couldn’t wait any longer to feel you against me in some
way.”

Okay,
so he definitely remembers last night.

“I wasn’t sure if you remembered what we did.”

“Remember?” He snorted, appalled and amused.
“It’s all I thought about trying to sleep with you next to me last night. It’s
all I thought about every time I briefly got to touch you while pulling you
from the sand.” His right hand rose to cup my cheek. “It’s all I can think
about right now.”

My eyes that were focused on my boots met his,
unguarded once again, showing me he wasn’t lying. He remembered it.

I didn’t know why I thought he wouldn’t remember.
It’s not like he was my mom and forgot that she went to the bathroom five
minutes ago.

Maybe I thought he wanted to forget it, either
way, he didn’t.

“I think about you a lot,” he whispered, taking
my hand in his. His large hands covered mine completely as he kissed my lips
once more. “I don’t want to mess this up.”

“We won’t.” I sighed contently.

That was easier said than done.

CHAPTER 6

Rowan Jensen

Flying
Lap

This is a lap in which
a rider has put in maximum effort and was at the absolute limits.

June 23, 1997

“We should get back. It’s getting warm out here,”
Parker suggested, taking a long pull from his Gatorade as his eyes focused on
the canyon. It was around then that I realized Parker rarely made eye contact
with anyone, including me.

“Hot indeed,” I teased, trying to get his teasing
side back again.

That earned me a grin. The light stubble
shadowing his defined jaw caught the sunlight. He never said anything, just
smiled with a soft chuckle.

As we put our helmets on, the loud throaty rumble
of a four-stroke bike echoed off the red rocks surrounding us.

Parker glanced over his shoulder, handing me my
gloves I had dropped earlier. “Let’s go.”

Before we could leave, Dusty pulled up with a
smile. “Hey, Parker,” he said, removing his goggles but keeping his red and
black helmet on.

Parker’s mood changed, his body visibly tensed
beside me. “Hey, Dusty, we were just leaving.”

“Oh well, I’ll ride back with you.” Dusty smiled
at me and I knew his next question was meant for me. “You up for a party later
there, kid?”

“Nah,” Parker answered for me, “she’s busy.”

“I see,” Dusty nodded and then motioned between
the two of us. “You two are together then?”

How do we answer that?

“Yeah.” Parker’s eyes remained locked with
Dusty’s
. “We’re together.”

It wasn’t lost on me that he kept eye contact
with Dusty. Over time, I began to realize when Parker actually made eye contact
with you
―
he
wanted you to see his emotions, something that was
only
shown through his eyes.

When I said I remembered the eyes most of all, it
was the truth. Those eyes told me everything he never wanted me to hear.

“Well, you both should come.” Dusty ignored
Parker’s rejection, rolling his eyes as though he was expecting Parker to change
his mind. “Bring Justin and that little girl he was with last night.”

“We have plans tonight,” Parker clipped, handing
me my helmet. “See you around.” His tone was harsh and to the point. It was
evident he was done with the conversation as he threw a leg over his bike and
straddled the seat. His right foot pulled back, kicking up the stand, as he
reached down turning the fuel on. Leaning over to the left, his foot raised to
kick-start the bike. His left hand twisted the throttle a few times giving it some
gas. I did the same, watching Dusty shake his head before roosting up rocks
towards Parker.

I didn’t know it yet, but I had a feeling Parker
didn’t like Dusty.

We returned from the ride around three that
afternoon. Justin and
Addy
weren’t back yet so we
made ourselves some sandwiches and then played around in the pool. I was
nervous slipping into a bikini in front of him. Parker seemed to share the same
nerves about seeing me half naked. He was right about being shy; he could be
shy at times and then other times he was completely different.

It took all of ten minutes and the shyness went
out the door once we were inside the pool. His hands were focused, determined,
and just what I wanted that night. Parker had a way of making me feel like I
was the only girl. I may have very well been the only girl that summer, or
ever, but I still remembered the feeling of being wrapped in his arms that
night in the pool and looking into those blue eyes that told me what I wanted.
His arms comforted me the way I needed.

Parker’s hands pulled me closer while we were
under the water, his mouth wet and hungry against my neck, shoulders, and lips.
Thoughts of last night swirled around my mind, and it suddenly dawned on me.
What if he wanted more tonight?

He sensed the change in me, pulling back to look
at me with sweet, soft eyes. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, maybe…what?”

He chuckled, looking pleased, but nodded like he
understood my confusion. “Am I making you nervous?” We were separated by about
a foot when his arms moved to my waist, securely holding me against him.

I didn’t answer right away, but when his head
dipped and his eyes went to the pink strings of my bikini, I answered. “You
make me nervous…” His eyes closed when I spoke.

“I’m sorry—”

“Don’t be. It’s nervous in a good way.” And it
was. Though it scared me, I loved the excitement I felt with each touch and the
insecurities I didn’t feel. Instead, I felt a swirling in my tummy when he
spoke my name, and my breath caught in my throat when he looked at me. I loved
it all.

“A good way?” A low laugh shook his chest and he
smiled.

“Yeah, you make me feel normal,” I told him,
looking back down at the water instead of his eyes, afraid of the emotion I
might see.

Two long fingers swept under my chin, and even
then, I didn’t look at him until he lowered his head to catch my glance.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” he mumbled before his
lips crashed on mine. That was Parker’s way of covering up any fear he had…he
kissed me, like kissing would end the uncertainty he felt.

Around six, we decided to get cleaned up and get
some dinner. We went to that same Mexican restaurant we went to that first
night. Parker smiled a lot, bought my dinner, and told me he’d never been on a
date before.

“Have you?”

“No.” I stole a glance at him when I spoke. “This
is my first date.”

He seemed pleased by my response.

Conversations flowed easily when we were alone. I
told him what happened to my mom. He talked a lot about Jack and his wife,
Michelle, whom he adored. You could hear the respect in his voice when he would
say Jack’s name and the love he had for Michelle. He said Michelle hadn’t
missed a race in four years and seemed sad this past winter and spring when he
wasn’t racing. This was the first season that he had missed, and it wasn’t easy
on any of them, especially Parker.

“You never dated anyone before I got there?”

“Nope.” I let a small laugh escape because he
kept going back to who I dated. He seemed genuinely interested. “When did you
notice me?”

Parker shook his head slowly and chuckled under
his breath before whispering, “Noticed you?” He paused, his eyes finding mine.
“I noticed you right away. I went to Rick the day I got to Shelton, and I
wasn’t sure I would be able to work there with you right outside the shop.
Believe me...” he raised his eyebrows at me “...I considered finding something
else for work just so I didn’t have the distraction.”

“At least I wasn’t the only one distracted then.”
I wanted to know why, if he was interested, hadn’t he said anything until now.
I knew why I hadn’t. I was afraid he wasn’t interested in me in that way. When
he first arrived in Shelton, he seemed focused on riding only. Now, I wasn’t
sure that was his only interest there. “If you were interested in me, how come
you never asked me out?”

“I was afraid you would turn me down,” he
replied, paying more attention to his water glass than me. “Are you ready to
go?” Parker motioned with a nod to the door after he paid for our meal.

I nodded and stood only to have him reach for my
hand. It was nice. It was my first date and now I was holding hands. Fist
pumping the air was almost required.

When went back inside the condo, we saw a string
of clothing leading from the front steps to the back sliding glass door in the
living room and then out towards the pool.

“What the fuck are they doing?” I asked, looking
over at Justin striping of his clothes and
Addy
already in the water. “Oh God, please tell me they’re not…oh man…they’re really
doing that, aren’t they?”

“Yep,” was Parker’s amused response. “Come on,
let’s hurry. I’ve got no desire to see my brother naked again.” He pulled me
away from the window and up the stairs to his room.

“You’ve seen Justin—”

His fingers silenced me, his back against the
door. He reached one hand behind him to open the door before pushing it open
with his foot. “Don’t ask.”

“Not asking.” I giggled, following him inside.

When we got inside, he smiled, wrapping his arms
around me. “You on the other hand, I’ve got a desire to see naked.”

Shy party, your table is ready under the sheets.
Oh, yes, that’s me.

This was another moment when embarrassment was an
understatement. My cheeks flushed along with every other part of my body. I
wanted to do things with Parker I had never imagined, and now here he was and
those things were within reach.

Parker wasn’t entirely thinking, at least not
with his brain. He was distracted and his desire was taking over.

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you today,” he
whispered huskily in my ear when we fell back against his bed. He was on his
side, pulling me closer as his hands roamed over my body. I couldn’t think
clearly enough to respond to his actions. I was drowning in the scent of him
and began growing dizzy and out of breath just thinking of what I should be
doing.

Parker seemed to sense this and pulled back to
look at me.

I panicked thinking he would stop, so I leaned in
bringing his lips to mine. My right leg moved up around his waist, and his left
hand immediately pulled it higher.

His lips synched with my own perfectly, and it
wasn’t long after that I felt his tongue rake across my bottom lip. The taste
of him ran across my taste buds, and I nearly moaned, but I was glad when I
stopped myself from doing so. His eyes opened when he realized I pulled away. I
could stay there for hours, just looking into those eyes and be perfectly
content with life. They were like a mirror, and I could imagine anything in
them, see anything I wanted to see. We had another long staring contest before
Parker lifted me on top of him.

Our kiss started to grow urgent and filled with
desire. I felt his tongue lightly trace my lower lip, and I opened my mouth
more for him as he slid his tongue in my mouth once again. I exhaled noisily,
close to a moan.

Parker groaned and moved his hands to grab my
hips, pushing me down on his hips, never breaking the contact between our lips.
He took my lower lip into his mouth and sucked on it, causing me to shiver. His
hands were still at my hips, and they started circling the band of my shorts.
He moved me closer to him, his breathing heavy. Judging by the bulge I was
sitting on, he was obviously getting carried away, and I wanted to get carried
away. I pushed down harder, grinding my hips into him, searching for friction,
making us both groan.