Everything Changes (9 page)

Maybe that was our first mistake.
 
We rushed everything, but it wasn’t our last.
We were both seventeen. We had desires and wants, hormonal desires and wants.
There was a fire between us that was evident from the start. Anybody could see
that. Between that fire and us was what we wanted and what we really needed.
However, we couldn’t see it. Our eyes were filled with the burning flames which
clouded our rational judgment.

My leg slid over his thigh as his hand came down
to pull it up. He rolled us so he was between my legs, leaning over me. His
kisses were urgent, alternating from rough and passionate to slow and focused.

“I can’t get close enough,” he mumbled, covering
my body with his. He growled in frustration and shifted his hips in line with
mine.

I wanted to yell
, “Oh yeah, right there!”
but didn’t.

Unconsciously, I moaned when I felt his erection
slide against my inner thigh and rest between my legs. Yes, this was the first
time I’d felt a penis before. Sure, it was covered by the thin material of his
board shorts, but it was hard to miss. For seventeen, he had something to brag
about.

The hormonal teenagers played their roles well as
we rolled around in the bed, neither of us wanting the pleasure to stop but
wanting relief at the same time. Being seventeen and never having a boyfriend
before, I had no idea what I was doing. He displayed the same apprehension.

“This feels like we shouldn’t be doing this.
Should I stop?” His hips shifted again. The friction caused a blissful
sensation to shoot through me, like lava coating me. It was a burn I was sure
only Parker could quench.

With every move he made, his muscles flexed. His
breathing gave him away. He wanted this.

My body involuntarily twitched. My legs wrapped
around his waist, allowing his hips to settle right where I wanted him.
Parker’s right hand moved from the pillow beside my head and cupped my cheek,
pulling my mouth to his. After a moment, his eager lips moved to my neck,
sucking, licking, and biting before he moved again. This time the lava must
have plagued him too. His hips lurched forward, his arms wrapping around me
securely as he grunted.

“Fuck, Rowan.”

His grip was tight as he pushed against me. Then
he stopped.

Gasping and nearly choking on his own breath, he
spoke. “I’m sorry…” He pulled back, resting on his elbows, trying to catch his
breath. “I didn’t mean to attack you.”

“It’s okay. I wasn’t complaining.” I smiled,
running my shaking hands over the sharp defined ridges of his shoulders.

He smiled down at me and it seemed unguarded
again. “Should we stop?”

I really didn’t want too. Call me crazy but that
felt
too
good not to keep going. I wasn’t sure I was ready for sex, but
I wanted more of those feelings.
 

“Do you…uh…” He looked confused and scared
shitless that I might actually
want
to have sex with him. And at that point, I wouldn’t say I was opposed to it.
Regardless, it was a little soon for that. “Do you want me to keep going?”

I needed to take control for both of us. Parker
looked completely confused. “I’m not saying we check my oil, but this feels
good. Let’s see what happens.” I shrugged feeling the burn creep across my
cheeks, neck, and chest.

“Check your oil?” He smirked, eyes sparkling as
his mouth explored the heat of my skin.

“Oh shut up.” I slapped at his shoulder. “I spend
too much time around mechanics.” Pulling his lips back to mine, we continued.
Lips, tongues, hands, and hips went wild as we gave in. Parker stopped again
when his hands slipped to my ass, his fingers moving the fabric when he
squeezed. “You know when you said let’s see what happens?” His lips slid across
my neck as he spoke. Wet and delicious, it caused my entire body to break out
in goose bumps.
Stupid neurons giving me away.

“Yeah?”

“Well, I’m almost certain something is about to
happen if we
don’t
stop this.” His head fell forward to rest on my
shoulder, his breathing even more ragged and distorted than before. I could
feel the muscles in his back tense, bracing himself, his body shaking as he
tried to remain still.

“Oh,” I simply said, and then it dawned on me.
When I giggled, my body shook in a manner that once again caused friction
below. He pulled away. “
Ohhhh
…”

He meant…
oh right
…

“I could…” I gulped “...take care of that for
you.”

Listen to yourself, you hooker. You called
Addy
a slut earlier today, and now here you are, dry
humping a boy you finally spoke to for the first time two weeks ago. Clearly,
you’re no role model.

Parker didn’t say a damn thing, just a blank
stare.
Did he think I was kidding?

He shifted away, rolling to the side. His hands
found his hair. “I don’t know, Rowan…this just feels like we’re rushing into
this.” Parker’s eyes squeezed shut, his breathing increasing again when I bit
down on my lip.

“Oh.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to do something about
it…
fuck
.” He let out a deep sigh, gesturing south to the hardness
between us. “I want that…
badly
. But…I don’t want you to think less of
me. I just kissed you for the first time last night...” his eyes opened,
searching mine “...now here I am wanting to have sex with you…right now.”

Why wait?
I trusted him. I didn’t know him, but I did
trust him. Again, why wait?

In a very bold move, my hand reached between us
and grasped him inside his shorts. It must have been the hormones because this
was not something I would have ordinarily done.

Parker’s body jerked at the contact, his hands
instinctively rose to stop me, and then he sighed as I stroked him once, as if
he let go of the reluctance he had.

His skin was soft and warm and incredibly hard.
Everywhere I touched him felt like stone. He helped me out by pulling down his
shorts, but the room was too dark for me to really see him. I only made a
couple slow motions before his hand returned, stopping me.

“You first,” he whispered, hovering over me once
again. “Have you ever had an orgasm before?”

He gestured between us as his naked body pressed
against me, once again sliding across my damp panties. It wasn’t lost on me
that here was a shy guy, but he was completely okay with being naked.

I started to feel strange. I gave my parents a
reason to trust me, and now here I was nearly naked.
Was that wrong of me?

The sensations, oh the sweet blissful sensations,
returned. I moaned as he moved against me, sliding between my legs with ease
from the moisture created.

“Have you?”

Shy with nerves, I nodded.

“What do you like?”

I let out a soft moan as I released the breath I
was holding. My hips rose slightly when his hand went between my legs. “I like
that.”

His soft grunts as his hand explored a place no
one had been before relaxed me. He didn’t make me feel like what we were doing
was wrong in any way. Instead, he made me comfortable and safe.

“Like that?” His hand moved again.

I nodded when his fingers found the right spot
and began their slow movements.

Parker was literally gasping for breaths, his
lips searching for mine, tasting and teasing, his hips moving against the side
of my thigh searching for some kind of friction.

When it happened, I saw stars and fairy dust and
unicorns. My brain felt like pure mush. The warm lava spreading through me
settled nicely throughout my entire body, his warm skin like hot coals burning
against me.

Parker didn’t say anything when I rolled to the
side and reached between his legs.
 

Once I regained some composure and my hands found
his sensitive skin, I stroked him once again. He let out a shaky moan similar
to before, only this time his hips moved forward, forcing my hand down again.
With the light of the moon peeking into his room, I could see that his eyes
were closed, his mouth parted slightly.

“Show me what you like,” I suggested.

He waited a moment and then moved my hand in a
slightly different direction. “You can…uh…squeeze a little harder.”
 
I did. “Fuck…” he moaned, gritty with need,
his back arching as his eyes closed.

I smiled. The sight of me giving Parker, a boy
I’d fantasized about for months, an orgasm was something I wanted to last
forever.

“Is this okay?” I asked against his shoulder,
trying to hide my burning cheeks, which I was sure he could feel. “Am I doing
it right?”

His breathing was labored but he managed to speak
eventually. “Yes.” His breath caught when I increased my speed. It spurred me
on and I became determined in my efforts. Parker’s body tensed, his legs
straightening as he prepared himself. I had nothing to go on. I only knew what
it felt like for me.

He only lasted another thirty seconds before he
was grunting, his body jerking slightly just about the time a warm liquid
spread over my hand.

So
that’s what happens.

Parker was still breathing heavy but relaxed
beside me with a heavy sigh. He turned his head, his lips pressing softly to my
forehead.

“I’ll be right back,” he whispered before
slipping inside the bathroom attached to his room.

I sat there staring at my hand for a minute and
then smiled. Regardless of the mess, I was with Parker O’Neil intimately! Fist
pumping the air was almost necessary.

With his shorts back on, he brought out a warm
wash cloth and handed it to me so I could clean off my hand.
 
Then I fell back against the bed with a smile
and burning cheeks.

Part of me felt guilty. Part of me thought maybe
we should have thought twice before doing this, but we didn’t have sex. We just
made each other feel good. There was nothing wrong with that, right?

“Are you okay?” he asked softly, pulling me
against him once again.

Feeling the slow steady rhythm of his breathing
calmed the anxiety I felt.

With my back to him, I felt comfortable talking,
almost as comfortable as I did under the moon. My eyes remained on the white
wall in front of me, searching the cracks for an answer. “I don’t want you to
think I do this with all guys.”

“I know you don’t. You’ve never look at anyone
the way you look at me.”

Turning over in his arms, I watched his smile
grow. “You knew I liked you?”

So much for being conspicuous. There goes your
career as a detective.

“I thought you knew how I felt.” His fingertips
brushed my hair from my neck, no longer confined in a messy bun. “I hoped you
would have noticed sooner.”

“I wish I would have.”

June
23, 1997

Embarrassment didn’t do it justice when I thought
about how I felt the next morning. The sunlight overshadowed the moons
reprieve, and I felt naked, even though I nearly was, only more so
—
vulnerable.
I was nervous over what his reaction would be today. After we had kissed, he
clammed up and didn’t speak to me for a day. What would I be faced with now?

I thought about how easy it was for Parker and me
physically, in the sense that we could be intimate through kisses and touches,
but neither one of us could openly speak about our feelings or what was
happening between us. When we touched, our bodies spoke for us in ways our lips
couldn’t.

When I rolled over, groggy from sleep, Parker was
gone.

A part of me panicked thinking maybe he ran away.
The other part of me was disappointed he wasn’t there to comfort me. It was
something I’d spend years searching for from him and never receive. He wasn’t
capable of providing the comfort I needed.

Instead, Parker was with Justin, outside on his
dirt bike in the hills behind the condo.
 
Flashes of yellow blurred past the windows as Parker sped up a hill and
threw the bike sideways, turning on the front wheel with the back tire
vertical, one leg kicked out. Then he whipped around and slid down that same
hill while balancing precariously on the front tire, his left leg kicked out as
he balanced himself.

Show off.
I could never do that shit. I was lucky to keep
the bike upright, let alone perform any acrobatics.

I laughed when Justin blew past him up the hill
and acted as though he was going to run into him, only to have Parker fake the
same direction, causing Justin to jerk the bike and fall over. I snuggled into
the blanket I had wrapped around my shoulders and watched. He was messing
around and it was cute.

I knew enough about Parker to understand that he
thought he lost that playfulness he felt while riding when his dad died.
Watching him now, it was easy to see that being here helped him find it, and
maybe I had something to do with that.