Exchange Rate (2 page)

For the first time since we’d been out trying to survive, I realized the person who might be sabotaging our escapes could be me. I constantly sought the sensation of caring, of nerves, of anything that would make me feel human again.

Bodey crouched beside me, leaning to kiss my cheek. His sudden presence warmed me faster than the cocoa or the fire ever could. Dark gold stubble covered the lower half of his face. Blue eyes roved my face and a soft smile curved lips I’d grown very fond of.

I passed him a chipped green mug and poured him water from the kettle.

“Oh, that’s warm.” He moaned in the back of his throat, the same sound when I kissed him deep. I grinned.

We kept our conversation low. John wasn’t the heaviest sleeper and if we woke him up, who knew how far we’d have to walk that day.

Bodey scooped small spoonfuls of the powder into his mug. “I was so excited Dad found some of this. I just can’t wait ‘til morning.” Metal clinked on ceramic as he stirred.

“Yeah, right. You just wanted some alone time with me.” I nudged him with my shoulder, blowing him a kiss, before sipping more of the sweet liquid I used to take for granted.

“We don’t get enough. Can you blame me?” Bodey twirled the spoon in his drink, watching me.

True. His dad, John, watched us like we planned the next world war. Not that there was much left of the world. I giggled. “Do you think he knows and is just ignoring it?”

Bodey wiggled his eyebrows. “Knows what? That you’re a secret spy? And you’re hiding a stash of OREOs and ice cold milk?” He sipped his drink, firelight dancing over the rugged angles of his face. When had he started looking more like a man and less like a teenager?

I lost my humor, my smile slipping from my face. “If only.”

So much had been left behind us over sixteen months ago. Forced to keep track of the days in the back of Mom’s Bible, I guarded the tiny ticks jealously. If I ran out of blank paper in the back, I would have to use the borders around Genesis. Hopefully, I wouldn’t need any more than the pages I was on.

Bodey stared into the pile of coals, sipping the steaming liquid.

I regretted my humorless reply. I forced a slight chuckle. “Can you imagine how sick we’d get if we had a whole package of OREOs? You couldn’t even handle those animal crackers.” I hid my fake grin as I sipped.

“Me? You didn’t even eat two.” He relaxed, releasing the tension.

I didn’t want to fight with him. And somehow the topic of never enough or what we’d lost always seemed to end up causing tension between us.

“Do you want to go shopping today?” He lifted his eyebrow. Our game – shopping. Like we had money to trade for the things we scavenged. So much had been looted, lost, and we always pretended to pay for whatever we found. The game made the activity more fun, more normal.

Whatever that was.

“Of course. I love to shop.” I didn’t have to fake my grin that time.

Bodey settled onto the log beside me, his leg pressed to mine. We sat together as dawn crept upon us, glistening on the dew-ridden grasses.

~~~

S
omehow I’d survived sixteen months with John and Bodey. I bent my head over the pages of the Bible, careful not to pay attention to the highlighted scriptures framed by Mom’s tight notes. I didn’t hold the book to make myself a believer, I held it because Mom’s fingerprints riddled the cover. We were connected while I held the pages. Guilt nagged me as I remembered how I’d been so callous about the book being taken by Charlie at that camp. Even though I didn’t believe her religion, it didn’t mean I had to be so insensitive. What I wouldn’t give for a chance to apologize for that and so many other things.

I sniffed and focused on the pages again.

September. My birthday was in days. I would be nineteen. How had I lost my eighteenth birthday? I hadn’t even told anyone. The topic never came up. Plus, I think we all hoped society would return in some manner before our next major holiday. We celebrated Christmas with jarred apple sauce and compasses John found. The apple sauce had cinnamon flavoring.

If I closed my eyes, I could still taste the sweetness.

I rolled over on my bedroll. Bodey would be back from the bushes any minute and then we would head into the neighborhood a mile back on the road. John would join us after packing up camp. We moved often.

Charlie. The bastard had some gall to continue to chase us. And he was killing his own people. I could only imagine what he would do to me.

Moving to all fours, I tucked the last of my things into the backpack John had given me the day my mom died.

I would be nineteen. And still a virgin. At the end of the world. What was wrong with that picture?

~~~

B
odey wrapped his arm around my waist and we walked, our steps in sync, on the cement sidewalk.

The sun had risen an hour ago. Birds sang in the trees and clouds puffed across the blue sky. Grass lawns had overgrown to large patches of dandelions and knee high blades with overgrowth tan amongst the green. Weeds encroached into the lines of the sidewalk and cracks of the driveways we passed.

Fences gave under disrepair. Chipped paint on the wood ones with faded boards paled next to the dirty spottiness of vinyl fencing. Many fences missed planks and posts, some chopped out and others broken out like they’d been kicked in.

Leaves on maple trees were turning to flames on branches. They would start to fall soon.

Another winter would be upon us with only the resources we carried on our backs.

“Do you think we’ll have a more stable place this winter?” I reached for Bodey’s hand and he dropped his arm from my waist to hold my fingers in his. I loved that he needed to touch me, even just casual touching. I wished he would give in and do more with me than kiss. Feeling alive and more in control of my life had become so wrapped up in whether our intimacy was physical or not.

I couldn’t explain why. Maybe I just needed to be wanted.

He sighed, watching the street ahead of us and glancing behind us to check our rear. “I hope so, but as long as that creep continues tracking us, we’re not going to be able to stay in one place for long.” Of course, he was right. He could’ve been his dad with everything he learned alongside John. The men had become the world to me. I loved them, but I kept it bottled inside.

I swallowed. We hadn’t said
the words
yet, but I wanted to, so badly. I opened my mouth but Bodey clenched my fingers in his and pointed toward a white house with a dark blue door. Multiple levels trimmed in red demanded attention.

“You don’t think that nice of a house has been looted yet?” Of course it had. Probably every home in the neighborhood had been. We weren’t the only survivors and evidence of that fact grew everyday with lessened amounts of supplies we scavenged. Where there used to be a box of cereal or crackers and a bag of sugar, there might only be baking soda and oats. Most likely not even oats.

Baking soda didn’t fill any holes in anyone’s stomachs.

“You might be right. I wouldn’t feel right though, if we didn’t at least check.” He smiled at me and my heart skipped. He tugged me beside him, never letting me fall behind. Why couldn’t every moment with him feel so great? Why did we have to run for our lives?

Cautious, but not worried we would find anyone – nothing moved – usually by that point a warning greeting would be given. Being met by landowners wasn’t so bad. Usually we could barter with them, gather information, and share ours. But when they hid? Too many variables for safety.

This time, though, nothing moved. No curtains, no blinds.

Up over the patio steps and to the front door, we stepped around a hole in the broken slats of the deck steps. Rusty nails had worked themselves up from their holes, staring at us as in crooked rage as we walked by, suspicious in our doings.

Bodey tested the door, the handle giving easily to his twist. I looked behind us once more before we ducked inside.

Nothing moved.

Even the bright day seemed to pause.

“Wow, what a beautiful home.” I trailed my fingers along the railing of the stairs leading up. Pictures of people and places and pets graced the hallway. Books stacked shelves lining the den. We tread quietly on the mauve carpet runner framed by wooden flooring.

“Would you want a home like this?” Bodey looked back at me, his eyes blue, brilliant, and warming.

I shrugged. “Maybe? But how safe is it? What could I do with that many books? Start a fire?” A house like that was designed for a family. For kids. My laugh didn’t develop all the way. Mom would want grandbabies, but I wasn’t ready for that type of thinking. I couldn’t guarantee my safety, how could I do so for little ones?

Bodey pulled me to his side as he drew to a stop in the kitchen doorway.

We faced each other, our chests barely an inch apart and then he lifted his hands and cradled my face as he slowly kissed my lips. Passion consumed me, helping me forget we had walked into someone’s home and they were probably dead.

His hands worked up my sides, his fingers trailing my ribcage. He pulled me closer until we touched from knees to shoulders. I moaned, his tongue tracing my lips. Drawing back from me, Bodey watched my face like he searched for clues to the lost world.

I loved his tenderness. I pushed closer. “Do that again.” Lifting my face, I waited for his kiss again. But nothing. Dropping back down, I licked my lips. “Don’t you want to?”

He glanced at my lips and then at my eyes. “I want to kiss you all the time.”

“Then why are you stopping? We could go upstairs – or just in there.” I pointed to the couches in the living room. “Your dad won’t be with us for another hour.” I pushed against him suggestively – well, as suggestively as I thought I was. I was most likely bumping against him like a log in water.

He chuckled, touching the tip of my nose with a finger. “You know I can’t. It’s not right.”

Trying not to pout and failing miserably, I pushed closer. “Why? I... I...” I wanted to tell him I loved him, so much. But I couldn’t. What if he died tomorrow? What if something happened to us?

Or worse, what if he didn’t love me back?

What if I broke my silence and told him and he didn’t say it back? My stomach clenched at the thought.

“Why? What if you got pregnant, Kel? I can’t get you prenatals or anything. It’s not like we can go do the clinic or go to the store for diapers and formula, you know?” He brushed my hair from my cheek, skimming my lower lip with his thumb. My lower body separated from the logic he tried injecting into the moment. His voice grew huskier. “I have something I want – no, need to tell you and I won’t wait anymore.” Bodey took my hands in his and pressed me back to lean on the doorjamb. Sunlight shafted through the front windows, lightening his golden hair with sparkles and shine.

Tell me what? Nervous, I chewed my cheek. Moisture dampened my palms. I rubbed my hands on my legs, leaning my head back to train my attention on him. “Okay.” I offered lamely.

His slow smile melted my anxiety. “I love you.”

Time froze. Heat flooded me. I stared into his eyes, disbelieving. “You do?”

His grin faltered. “Yes. Of course. I thought you knew.”

I glanced at his collar. “No, I knew you liked me, but I never thought...” Meeting his gaze, I grinned slowly. “How could I be so lucky? I’ve wanted to tell you the same thing for so long, but I didn’t. I couldn’t.” The moment couldn’t be more perfect.

“You wanted to tell me what? You have to say it.” His eyes sparkled as he teased me.

I giggled, unable to tear my gaze from his. “I love you.” I glanced at the couch. “So, if we love each other, can we?” I lifted my eyebrow.

“You’re terrible. No.” He shook his head, mocking a frown. “I want us married. You deserve that much. At least then I won’t feel so foolish, if you do get pregnant. And...”

I arched my eyebrow at him as he trailed off. “And what?”

He sighed. “I don’t want you running or camping like we’ve been doing, if you do get pregnant. We need to be in a community. I need you
safe
. This
isn’t
safe.” He slapped his leg. “Having a baby with just a couple of men to help isn’t
safe
.”

Slapping my thigh, I stood away from the frame. Huffing, I bit the inside of my cheek. “So we’ll never be together. Not like that.” I slammed my lips shut tight, pressing them into a thin line.

“Why not?” Bodey followed me as I paced onto the tiled floor of the kitchen.

“Because there’s no one left to marry us. There is no
law
. There’s
nothing
. We can’t even say vows because we don’t have anyone to officiate.” Hopelessness welled inside me. I didn’t even care that much about the sex. The need to feel less alone drove me.

He said he loved me, mentioned marriage, but we didn’t have any way to see our dreams come to fruition. I fought frustration. I didn’t want to ruin a memorable day. He loved me, what more did I want? Besides him naked? “I don’t want to get pregnant either, but... how did mankind survive if women only got pregnant when a hospital was around?” Now, I just sounded pouty.

Bodey cornered me, my back pressed to the counter. He braced his arms on either side of my waist. “Hey, you need to relax. I’m here. We’re here. Let’s take this a day at a time, okay?”

I nodded, but did he mean it when he said he loved me? “Okay.” I swallowed. “Do you think there’s any food in here? Or do you think we’re just wasting our time?”

A heavy footstep fell in the hallway. I stopped moving, resting my hands on Bodey’s inner elbows. I whispered, “What was that?”

As if magically conjured, Charlie stepped through the doorway, his smirk crooked and dirty, framed in a matted beard. “Me, sweet Kelly. Just me.” He spread his arms, encompassing the room.

No. Our special moment couldn’t be ruined by Charlie of all people. Dread dug around my heart, chilling my skin. I hadn’t seen him since the day Mom died and he’d destroyed Bodey and John’s home and killed their dogs. I backed up, my elbow knocking a picture from a shelf behind me. The crash startled me and I jumped.