Expectant Father (15 page)

Still, Spider steeled himself to the fact that she was going to laugh at him when he told her about his name. “I watch a
lot of horror films, mostly the bad ones because they’re more amusing than scary, and mostly the ones with bugs that have been doused with radioactive waste and grow to be Gigantor-size, terror-inducing creatures.” He held his hands in the air like claws.

She didn’t laugh, perhaps because she was too tired, but Spider preferred to think that she liked him too much to hurt his feelings.

Becca’s smile was as worn out as she was. “I suppose there are worse nicknames out there.”

Spider nodded. It was true.

“Someday, when you feel your immortality, you’ll drop out of the Hot Shots and drop your nickname.”

“Never.” He sat back in mock horror. That meant growing old.

With the same tired smile, she told him, “That’s what I thought you’d say.”

He shook a finger at her. “I am not predictable.”

“Everybody’s predictable once you get to know them.” She pushed herself up, disentangling her legs from the picnic table. “You want to think of yourself as some bad-ass, but—”

“Did you just call me a bad-ass?” He hurried around the table to her side, but she shook his hand off her arm.

“—your grandmother would probably say she raised a gentleman.”

“Let me walk you to your tent and you can tell me about what a gentleman I am.” So they could talk a bit, so he could squelch this need to kiss her.

Who was he kidding? The longer they were together, the more he wanted her. Perhaps if he set his watch to beep at ten-minute intervals, he’d discover a safe exposure limit to Becca. Ten minutes? Five? Didn’t matter now. He was already over the limit. He wanted her.

She didn’t refuse him, but said, “I’m going to the showers first.”

“Not a problem. I’ll just walk you to your tent by way of the showers.” They could talk while she waited in line. Talking was safe. He had questions only Becca could answer.

Because the fire never slept, sleep was a rare and precious commodity in the field. Spider was bone tired. Becca had to be surviving on willpower alone. She needed a distraction and he had just the topic.

“When did you discover you were pregnant?” he asked, falling into place beside her.

“A few weeks after I met you in Las Vegas.” There was no hesitation in her answer. She delivered it in a matter-of-fact voice that probably discouraged most guys.

Good thing he wasn’t most guys. “And how did you know it was mine?”

She shot him a venomous sideways look. “Is this an interrogation?”

“No, I’m just curious.” His next question was even more touchy. “Did you ever…uhm, consider…you know, not going through with it?”

The expression on her face was incredulous. It was clear the thought of terminating the pregnancy hadn’t crossed her mind. She slowed down as they neared the shower line, either because she was tired or to give them a few more minutes of privacy.

“Did you even try to find me?” he asked.

“It’s not as if I needed to tell you. I’m
old enough
to make decisions on my own.” She emphasized the words
old enough
ever so slightly, as if to remind him of their age differences.

Spider frowned. “I seem to remember something you said to me in Vegas.”

Becca looked like she didn’t want to know, yet she didn’t
jump in and change the subject, making Spider suspect that she wasn’t as indifferent to him as she tried to appear.

“When we walked out of the bar and I realized how tall you were…” Taller than him in her sexy high heels, although barefoot they stood about the same height. “You told me that no one was short in bed.”

As far-fetched as it seemed given their time in Vegas, under the yellow lights NIFC had brought in and the orange glow from the fire in the distance, Becca seemed to be blushing.

“It doesn’t matter how old you are or how old I am. We’re having a baby together,” Spider stated, trying to remember if she’d been hesitant or demure in Vegas. He hadn’t thought so, but he’d had quite a few beers by the time she’d come his way.

Her temper flared. He could see it in her defensive stance, one hand over the baby, one on her hip, then she glanced around camp to see who might be watching, before lowering her voice. “There is no
we.
I don’t want to talk about this.” She hurried forward into line, perhaps thinking that he’d just follow her orders.

Not.

He was going to make sure she went straight to bed after this. She and the baby needed sleep. He stood right behind her in line. This close, he could see her curves. She may have filled out, but she’d filled out well. Becca had the ripest pair of breasts he’d seen in a long while. Reflexively, his hands clenched as if anxious to explore her more-than-generous curves.

He shoved his hands in his back pockets.

Despite her weight gain, she still had that proud bearing. And, unlike the long list of babes he’d known, she intrigued him after the act. She could hold her own with the big guns
of IC, like Sirus, yet she cared about the men and women assigned to fight the fire. She was almost ferociously protective of their baby. And when he was near her, he felt both more alive and more at peace.

Drawn to Becca, unable to leave her alone, Spider leaned forward and spoke just above the chugging hum of the generators so that only she could hear him, not the five people in front of her. It was an intimate move, but the question less so.

“Why did you decide to become a Fire Behavior Analyst? I’d think a woman like you would be a CEO or running her own business.” She certainly had the brains and willpower.

With stiff steps, Becca moved forward in silence.

At first, he thought she wasn’t going to answer, but then she admitted, “My brother was a Hot Shot.”

“So I heard.”

She tossed him a questioning glance over her shoulder as if to assess what he knew.

“Someone said he died.”

“He was my older brother.” She faced forward again, adding softly, “My only brother.”

“I’m sorry.”

She sighed heavily. “He died in the Glen Allen fire of 1993. He and his buddy didn’t realize how dangerous their assignment was—putting out spot fires on a southern canyon slope. The wind kicked up mid-afternoon and created a crown fire, then…” She half turned to him, dropping her voice. “From what I heard, the whole slope exploded into flame. I don’t think they knew the extent of the danger until it was too late. There were no
what-if
scenarios back then, computer simulations weren’t sophisticated and safety precautions not near as stringent.”

“I’m sorry.” Spider patted her back awkwardly. So that was
why she took her job so seriously. “We’ve come a long way since then.”

She gazed up at the smoky night sky. “I think I can remember every NIFC meeting where I’ve fought for progress.” She sighed and looked at him. “Not that the government doesn’t want to keep firefighters safe. It’s just they don’t always want to spend the money necessary to develop the tools that increase the chances they’ll live to a ripe old age. And there’s still a long way to go.”

Spider silently agreed. People were still dying with too frequent regularity on fire crews. Spider was reminded of his own ominous feelings about the Flathead fire.

“What do you think about this fire?” he wondered aloud. The topic had turned somber, but at least they were talking.

She shook her head, staring up at the orange outline of the ridges above them. “Do you want the IC team answer, or my own?”

“What do you think?”

“That you have no patience for politics.” She smiled, but then her expression sobered and she lowered her voice. “Sometimes you have to fight fires with a toothpick and that’s when mistakes start to occur. You’ve been in the meetings. It’s no secret that we’re not getting the support we need.”

He nodded. “Thanks for being candid. I heard that you were one of the best behavior specialists around.”

She made a little movement with her head, half acknowledgment, half discomfort. Becca knew she was good, but didn’t seem to want praise.

“After working with you, I can vouch for that. Not all the support staff take such a personal interest in our safety.” Some, like Julia and Carl, seemed more concerned with having their recommendations and predictions accepted than
protecting firefighters. Becca not only had a good sense of what the fire would do, she made the conditions and risks of each fire zone clear, as well as calling out superintendents by name and telling them it was their responsibility to monitor the situation. That was smart on her part because it made the supes personally vested. If they didn’t perform as she advised, they’d not only have to answer to the incident commander, but also to Becca and the rest of base camp who’d heard her give advice.

But the important revelation was that she was on a mission for her brother. This wasn’t just a job, it was a calling. He understood now how important the promotion was to her. She’d probably really shake things up in Boise, but it didn’t look like she’d get the chance.

With a sigh, Becca dug her thumbs into the small of her back and arched, the movement reminiscent of something they’d done in Vegas. Spider knew on some level that the action was innocent now. But…

Oh, Mama.

“No one told me that babies weighed so much,” she said with a small smile.

Even though she was inches away, Spider resisted moving her hands aside and stroking her back to offer comfort.

“Did you attend the conference in Vegas?” he asked instead.

“I spoke the first day,” she admitted, as if speaking at a conference in front of several hundred peers was no big deal, when Spider knew only the best of the best were chosen to speak. He was small potatoes in the scheme of things compared to her.

They’d met on the evening the conference had begun. Spider had hung out in that same bar the remaining nights of his trip in the hope they’d hook up again. “Did you leave early or something? I looked for you.”

“You didn’t know who I was.”

“That didn’t stop me from looking for you.”

Spider was rewarded with a small smile, as if she were pleased he hadn’t simply forgotten her.

“It would have been fun to wake up together,” he added.

“Fun?”
Everything about Becca stiffened.

He’d stuck his foot in it again. “I’m trying to say that I would have liked to get to know you better. I’d like to get to know you better now.”

“I hear you don’t do girlfriends,” Becca said.

“So, you’ve asked around about me.” Spider had little to be ashamed of. In fact, he was pleased she’d nosed around until he realized what that also meant. “And yet, you didn’t tell me about our baby.”

“My baby,” she reiterated, lowering her voice. “And there was nothing you would have wanted me to tell.”

Had she been put off by his reputation and then just dismissed him? “Don’t believe everything you hear about me, Becca. If I listened to what people said, I’d think you were a cold, calculating woman.” Who was she to judge him? She’d enjoyed their sex just as much as he had. Maybe he enjoyed sex more frequently than she did and with more women, but so what? “Instead I found one hot mama who intrigues me to no end, who still intrigues me, challenges me, and drives me nuts.”

“Keep your voice down,” Becca whispered, casting her gaze about to see if anyone had heard him.

Spider was pissed off. There was almost more adrenaline pumping through his veins than he knew what to do with. “Worried what people will think about you and me? Well, too damn bad. Listen, honey, pretty soon everyone’s going to know about us and that baby of ours.”

She gasped, then narrowed her eyes at him. “You promised not to say a word until later.”

“And I won’t say more until they make a decision about the job you want, but let me make one thing clear.” He moved into her space, until her belly nearly touched his, until he thought he’d go crazy if he didn’t kiss her again. He could see by the way her eyes darkened that she felt the same. “There’s something between us and it’s more than the baby.”

Heaven help him. He had no idea what he meant by more.

“Y
OU KNOCKED HER UP
, didn’t you?” Roadhouse asked, intercepting Aiden in the middle of camp. He’d seen Aiden and the Fire Behavior Analyst in the shower line. There was no other reason for Aiden to pay that much attention to a pregnant woman. He just wasn’t the type, being too much like his old man.

“Do you have to be so crass?” Spider said gruffly, but didn’t immediately send him away.

“Seeing as how you haven’t gotten married first and then gotten her pregnant, I’m just calling them as I see ’em. What are you going to do about it?”

“Are you being nosy or are you going to give me unwanted advice, too?”

“Probably a bit of both,” Roadhouse admitted with a smile. Aiden seemed off balance and open to his presence again. “She’s not your usual type of woman, so I figure you’ll need help.”

Aiden snorted, but he didn’t cuss him out or walk in the other direction, so Roadhouse continued. “A classy woman like that won’t be bullied or coerced into marriage.”

“Who said anything about marriage? You, of all people, have no concept of what marriage is.”

“How else are you going to guarantee your name is on the birth certificate?”

Aiden stopped and stared at him. “Please don’t tell me your name isn’t on the birth certificate of your other kids.”

Roadhouse shrugged. “Joan wasn’t going to put me on that birth certificate. Can’t say for certain about Ava. She didn’t want much to do with me after she moved to the Southwest.”

“Are you sure there aren’t others?”

“Can’t say for sure. Can you be sure you haven’t fathered other kids?” There was so much Aiden didn’t know about him, but the way his son uttered the question, as if he couldn’t stomach being near his own father, hurt. Still, at this point, Roadhouse wouldn’t lie. “Look, I told you why I couldn’t see Joan anymore. Ava didn’t want to see me either. I used to meet women and one thing led to another, if you know what I mean. Never saw them more than once or twice.” Roadhouse sighed. “Kind of like your Fire Behavior Analyst, I’m betting.”

Aiden took off again, his pace brisk. “It’s not nearly the same.”

“Ain’t it?” Roadhouse’s laugh was as bitter as his own memories. “She holds all the cards—the baby, being a mother, there being no relationship prior to the event. You didn’t date her, did you?” At Aiden’s silence, Roadhouse continued, “Thought not. You aren’t going to have to worry about that baby at all. Not unless you really, really want to.” Roadhouse held his breath, realizing he was pushing things, but needing to know whether Aiden planned to be involved with his grandchild—
his grandchild
—or not.

“I can’t believe I’m listening to you,” Aiden said, slowing down.

Roadhouse almost wanted to moan in relief, his knees ached so bad. Instead, he said, “You know there’s just one thing that captures the attention of a smart, controlling woman like that.”

“I bet you’re going to tell me.” Aiden glanced to the side as they walked, as if he weren’t interested in the conversation.

“Make her hot for you. A woman like that doesn’t date men like us. We scare them because we can make them feel things they don’t feel right feeling. You know, they’re a bit frigid on the outside, but once they thaw out, they’re hot in bed.”

“Do you believe half the stuff that comes out of your mouth?” With a look of disgust, Aiden stepped into the latrine, ending the discussion.

“It’s a proven fact, my boy,” Roadhouse called after him before sidling away to find his own bedroll.

Aiden would either understand that he had to marry the woman if he wanted a role in that baby’s life or he wouldn’t, in which case he’d know exactly how Roadhouse felt most days—like the world had passed him by.

“H
AVE YOU SEEN HIM
?” Victoria asked later that night as she and Chainsaw walked up the hill toward Spider’s perch near the latrines.

“Who?” Spider asked. He was sitting in the dirt, elbows looped around his knees, keeping an eye on the shower trailer into which Becca had disappeared earlier.

“That old guy in Montana #5. You know, the one who walks funny, like he’s in pain?” Victoria described Roadhouse.

Knowing Roadhouse was Spider’s dad, Chainsaw exchanged a meaningful glance with Spider, who frowned and asked Victoria, “Why are you looking for this guy?”

“Hold the phone,” Victoria held up her hands. “I don’t want to run into him. He stares at me funny. I want to get in line for the showers, but not if he’s around.”

“He’s not around.” Spider had seen him go bed down with the rest of his crew a few minutes ago. He’d be glad when this fire was over and he wouldn’t have to deal with Roadhouse trailing him every day. His old man seemed to be waiting for Spider around every corner, trying to make conversation. Didn’t he realize that he had crushed Spider’s belief that he cared for him, in the same way that his belief in Santa and the Easter Bunny had been shattered so long ago?

“Good.” Victoria headed to the showers.

Chainsaw settled in the dirt next to Spider, smelling strongly of smoke. “What are you doing here?”

Spider didn’t take his gaze from the shower trailer Becca had disappeared into, barely acknowledging his envy at Chainsaw’s field assignment. “Waiting.”

Chainsaw leaned forward, peered into Spider’s face and sniffed, until Spider shoved him out of the way. “You haven’t been drinking,” Chainsaw noted.

“No, I haven’t been drinking.” Besides the fact that alcohol was a big no-no in camp, who had time to drink with so much to do? Just a few days after coming to base camp, Spider no longer considered them slackers. These guys—and gals—busted their humps making sure things went smoothly and safely for the firefighters.

“So, if you haven’t been drinking…what’s up?”

“I’m just waiting, that’s all.” For Becca to get out of the shower and walk back to her tent. For his chance to talk to her again and perhaps try— God, help him—his dad’s advice. Maybe if they made love again, they’d come to some sort of middle ground where she didn’t stubbornly shut him out of her life whenever he got too close.

Chainsaw looked from Spider to the shower trailer, then
snapped his fingers. “It’s that blonde, right? The Fire Behavior Analyst’s assistant.”

“No.” Julia wasn’t worth his time. It was Becca he wanted.

“So, who is it?”

“Don’t you have something else to do?”

“Yeah, I need to take a shower. But if you’re going to be sitting here watching, I’ll be too creeped out to go in the shower trailer.” Chainsaw shrugged out of his backpack. “It’s not like you to stalk a woman.”

“I’m not stalking her. It’s just…” Spider sighed and looked at his friend. “She drives me absolutely nuts. She’s smart, gorgeous, a real looker, but—”

“Not into you, huh?”

Spider searched for a way to describe what he’d gotten himself into without giving away that Becca was the object of his vigil. “She is… She might be… One minute she is, and the next, she’s the ice queen. She drives me crazy.”

“Is this mental craziness or woody craziness?” Chainsaw asked.

Washing a hand over his face, Spider admitted, “Both. I like her. I want her. Then we argue and I think she’s the most impossible woman on the planet. Then she’ll give me a look, and I’m on fire.”

“You do have it bad.” Chainsaw slapped Spider on the shoulder a couple of times. “It’s not like you to expend so much energy on a woman. What was it you said once?” He gazed up at the smoke-strewn starry sky. “Oh, yeah. Any woman that didn’t nibble on the first hook you dangled wasn’t worth the wait.”

Those were the days. Things were simple. Either a woman wanted you or she didn’t. But this was different. His kid was involved. And the compelling, complexity that was Becca. “That was when I had control of my life.”

“Let me see if I can put my advice in terms even you’ll understand.” Chainsaw stood. “Don’t control what you’re feeling. It’s like…it’s like an orgasm. You just surrender to it. If you fight it, if you pull back, it feels good, but it’s not enough, not near as satisfying as letting yourself experience the end result of all your foreplay.”

“You’re saying I should have sex with her?” Spider sighed with relief. That was what his dad had recommended, too. Maybe the old man wasn’t crazy.

“Obviously, my use of metaphor was lost on you.” Hefting his backpack, Chainsaw chuckled. “I’m saying you should just let yourself fall in love with the woman.”

Spider sank back on his elbows. “I don’t do relationships, and neither do you.”

“Someday you will, buddy, and someday I will, too, for the right woman.” Almost in slow motion, Chainsaw shook his head. He’d lost his heart to his high-school sweetheart and had hardly dated since. “Maybe you should try it this once. People change. They grow up. They get married and have babies, and forget the stupid things they did in their youth.”

“Holy crap.” His dad’s advice was more appealing than Chainsaw’s. Growing up was like…death.

Chainsaw squatted down, peering in Spider’s face again. “Do any of my statements scare you?”

“Heck, yeah.” Spider was the least likely to be picked out of a lineup as marriage material.

And then Chainsaw changed Spider’s perspective with his usual insight. “And what if that woman walked out of your life tomorrow, and never looked back? How would you feel then?”

“Like I missed out on the best thing that’s ever happened
to me,” Spider answered without hesitation. “Whoa, where did that come from?”

“Your heart, buddy. It’s about time you listened to it, don’t you think?”

“B
ECCA, CAN YOU SPARE A MINUTE
?” Spider stepped out of the shadows at the side of the tent where Becca slept, intercepting her on her return from the showers. “Can we go over to the chow area, and get a cup of coffee or something?”

“Can’t it wait until morning?” Becca looked ready to check out, but beautiful with her face freshly scrubbed and her hair looking darker than usual in a wet braid hanging over her shoulder.

“No.” When a man realized he was in love with a woman, he had to act on it immediately…before he lost his nerve. When she opened her mouth to refuse, Spider added, “I’m not going to press for custody or anything. I just really need to talk to you.”

Becca must have seen something in his eyes to sway her, because after a moment, she nodded and led the way to the dining area.

When they were settled at a table— Spider with a steaming cup of coffee and Becca with a bottle of water—she prompted Spider. “You had something on your mind?”

“Yes. Yes, I did.” He set his helmet on the table and ran his hand through his hair. He hadn’t seen enough date movies to know how to tell her how he felt. Blurting out three words seemed nearly impossible, and, given their circumstances, even a bit premature. He’d known her just a few days. At the same time, it seemed as if he’d known her forever.

He’d sat next to her this time instead of across from her, with his thigh casually invading her space, so that he could
feel her warmth. The silence stretched uncomfortably as he choked on any words that even came close to describing how he’d come to care for her.

“Hey, need any company, Becca?” Victoria called as she walked back from the showers with her hair in a towel.

Spider laid a hand on Becca’s arm. “I really wanted to talk with you alone.”

Becca waved Victoria away after a quick glance into Spider’s eyes. “I’ll be fine.”

Grinning, Spider couldn’t resist sending Victoria off with a zinger. “You go on, Victoria. Big day tomorrow. You’ll need all your energy.”

“You shouldn’t talk to her like that,” Becca warned.

“When I get back out in the field, her life is in my hands. If I talk to her like that here, she won’t want to screw up around me,” he said in earnest, because he didn’t want Becca to think he was totally insensitive. “Your so-called sisterhood won’t do her much good on the line.”

“You’re such a butt-head.”

Spider drew back, laughing. “Years on the fire crews and that’s the best you can come up with? Butt-head?”

“Let me sleep about ten or twenty hours, and I’ll come up with something better.”

Spider sobered, brushing her bangs back out of her eyes.
Tell her you love her, you idiot.
Instead, he said, “You’re not getting enough rest.”

Becca’s eyes drifted closed. “I think I’ve finally hit my limit. I’m too tired to fight you.”

“I find that hard to believe.” They were sitting close enough to kiss. How Spider loved the way she kissed. It was the same way she did everything else—with wholehearted focus and energy. Only they were out in the open, where anyone could
see them. Becca would have a major freak-out attack if he tried to kiss her out here.

“You make it harder when you’re nice.” Slowly, on a sigh, she revealed those fabulous blue eyes. “Can you say something mean?”

“No,” he said gruffly. He couldn’t find the words to say he loved her, but he sure as hell wasn’t going to start a fight with her now.

“Ow.” She rubbed a spot at the top of her rib cage. “The baby’s kicking.”

They stared at each other so long that Spider found it hard to resist her magnetic pull. He leaned closer. Maybe his dad was right and Chainsaw was wrong. “Would it be so bad—”

“No.” Becca sighed, leaning into him as well. Then she straightened abruptly, as if the baby had kicked some sense back into her. “Yes. Oh, my God, we’re out here in the open where anyone can see us.”

She was going to leave him. He put his hand on her shoulder. “I wanted to talk.”

He could feel Becca holding her breath. He should tell her how much he admired her strength, how much he enjoyed talking with her, how much he wanted to lie next to her and hold her in his arms. And he would, as soon as he got over his intimidation at being a younger man, a high-school graduate who was clueless when it came to love.

“You’re worried about being a dad, aren’t you?” Becca sneaked a quick glance at him. “I can tell you’re worried.”

No. He was becoming paralyzed with the realization that he loved her and couldn’t do a thing about it.

“You’ll be fine. Just trust your instincts,” she said softly.

“What if my instincts are telling me that being a dad isn’t enough?”