Expectant Father (12 page)

“Nope. Just me and my grandmother. Besides, Victoria used to be normal with manners and everything. She’s just fallen apart this year for some reason.” Spider stared at Becca. He thought he’d turned out okay. He had a good set of values, certainly better than Becca’s.

But there was something about Becca that contradicted her fast-and-loose behavior in Vegas. Or maybe it was wishful thinking on his part, some weird voodoo because his seed had done the deed.

“Is she still alive?” Becca asked as she handed the photo back. She had the kind of voice that carried authority, making you stop and take notice. If she just learned to use that presence better, she’d be a formidable force. He had to ad
mire her, at least a little, for taking on motherhood alone, even while he resented her for not telling him.

They’d been strangers in Vegas. They’d talked about lots of things, but never exchanged last names, family history or phone numbers. Guys who did that were just liars. She’d left without him knowing how to reach her or vice versa. And he should have been okay with that, but now he realized being dumped had bugged him.

“She’s been gone several years now.” Spider tucked the photograph back into his wallet. “I miss her a lot. When we had no money in the bank and next to nothing in the cupboard, I’d start whining about things being bad and she’d immediately find some way to give me hope. Pretty soon, we’d be smiling and laughing.”

“I’m sorry,” Becca said. “She must have been very special.”

“She was.” But he didn’t want to talk about Abuelita. “Are you an only child?”

“I’m the second of four kids,” Becca admitted, her expression suddenly becoming guarded.

Sensing her change in mood, the urge to make her smile was strong. “Ahh, a middle child. Always the peacemaker.”

“I was hardly the peacemaker.” Becca was definitely uncomfortable with the conversation. She was mashing the broccoli with her fork.

“We don’t have to talk about it,” Spider offered, suddenly remembering that her brother was dead.

“Well, it’s really no big deal,” Becca shrugged, but her arms encircled her belly, as if seeking comfort. “Both of my parents worked and I had to take care of my younger sisters until they thought they were old enough to take care of themselves. Of course, by that time…” Her smile looked worn out. “They
didn’t want to listen to anything I had to say. Do you know what it’s like to be in charge but have no control over anything?”

“That’s the story of a Hot Shot’s life, and yours, too, I imagine.” Spider tried once more to tease a smile out of her. “Now, about those advantages to being an only child—”

“The number of children I have is really none of your business.” Becca glanced around—possibly to see if anyone was listening to them—then gave him an icy, pointed look.

Translation: shut up.

“Hey, you listened to Victoria,” Spider protested. This was why he shouldn’t have anything to do with Becca. He’d avoided cool, overly educated women like her in the past because they were too much work. “And she was nothing but doom and gloom. The least you can do is hear me out.”

“As long as you understand the number of children I have is none of your business.” Becca’s chin had a stubborn set to it that said she was serious. Spider sat up straighter, grinned wider, trying to look innocent.

This was stupid. He shouldn’t care that Becca wasn’t interested in his life at all. She seemed to have adjusted to the accident that had created the baby she carried rather well. Of course, she’d had many months to get used to the idea, and he’d had, oh, less than a week.

Becca looked across camp to the Fire Behavior tent, then over to the table with the rest of the IC team. She sighed, fixing her blue-eyed stare on him. “I really need to go. Since you’re such a fast talker, you’ll be fast, right?”

“Fast.” He nodded stupidly, suddenly caught in a memory from Vegas. Her eyes had been locked on him in the heat of making love. They’d explored each other at different speeds—urgently, slower and leisurely. Spider swallowed. Becca was unlike any woman he’d met before, a mix of cool
and hot, wit and stubbornness. She was simultaneously intimidating and a turn-on.

“Anytime,” Becca prompted, giving him an impatient look.

She was waiting for him to say something about…oh, yeah, the advantages of his nontraditional upbringing.

“Although Victoria would have you believe she had this tragically lonely childhood just because she was the only child in the house, I stand before you, living proof that it’s okay to be the only kid around.”

“That’s it?” Becca frowned, glancing at her watch, reminding Spider that she was an important person who had an evening briefing to conduct soon.

“No, there’s more.” Spider made the mistake of looking at Becca again. When their eyes met, he could forget that she was higher up the command chain than him, that she was pregnant, that her cheeks and belly had swollen beyond their sleek lines. He could remember that night in Vegas more clearly and how they’d been equals.

He felt himself stir where he shouldn’t be stirring—below the belt. He’d spent the past twenty-four hours avoiding Becca and the unsettling way she affected him. That hadn’t stopped him from looking for her or listening for the sound of her voice.

And here she was in front of him, turning him on despite her impatient frown. “Ah, anyway. The advantages were that I didn’t have to share the television with anyone. I didn’t have to eat cornbread—which I don’t like—just because someone else in the family did. I could sneak out and no one would tell on me.” If she wanted another child, he’d volunteer for duty once again.

Becca arched her brows at him. “So, what you’re saying is that I’d better hope for a boy if I’m only going to have one
child, so that he can drink, belch, smoke and watch ESPN all day long without any interruptions.” Becca’s voice definitely held more than a trace of sarcasm.

Spider had never felt so small. What had he expected? To have her throw her pregnant self at him and profess him a wise man? “Yeah, I guess.” He gave her a weak smile, hoping to lighten the moment. “Sounds great, huh?”

“I just wanted to be clear,” Becca deadpanned. “And according to Victoria, if I have a girl, she’ll need more attention and possibly counseling.”

Spider felt it wise to keep his mouth shut. Too late, he’d realized he’d crossed a line. She was clearly offended at his advice. Could she tell his opinion was biased by proprietary lust?

“Thank you so much for the insight. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to finish up the daily forecasts.” Becca moved with care, lifting her knees to the side of her belly to get out of the picnic table, taking his baby with her.

“Hey, we both turned out okay,” Spider called to Becca’s retreating back with a continued feeling of helpless frustration about Becca, his baby and where they went from here.

“H
EARD YOU GOT
an easy assignment in base camp.” Roadhouse settled across from Aiden with his tray of food after the Fire Behavior Analyst left, as the sun began sinking behind the mountains.

Aiden shrugged, staring at his cup of coffee. But he didn’t leave.

He didn’t leave.
Roadhouse couldn’t move for a moment. He was making progress.

Roadhouse took a bite of steak, content just to be near his son, content to have him safe.

“Why did you marry my mom?” Aiden asked without looking up from his coffee cup.

The steak got stuck in his throat and Roadhouse had to cough to dislodge it. “Well, I…well…we…we were pregnant. People back then got married if they were pregnant.”

Aiden pushed his cup away and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Why did you bother if you didn’t plan on honoring your marriage vows?”

“Well, I…” Roadhouse took off his helmet and set it on the bench next to him, then scratched his head. The truth was painful to admit. He blew out a breath. “You don’t ask the easiest questions, do you?”

“Do you deserve any easy questions?”

Roadhouse deliberately put a piece of meat in his mouth and chewed slowly. “No, I don’t suppose I do,” he admitted after swallowing. He was going to be without a job soon, without his few friends in the fire crews. Alone. Losing everything made a man willing to demean himself to get something back, especially when his previous efforts had been met with rejection.

“I wanted my child to have a legitimate last name, which is more than my dad gave me.” When he’d grown up, you couldn’t escape the label of bastard. He’d spent a better part of his youth running from the stigma. Roadhouse cast his gaze about the tabletop, as if that could help him avoid the harsh memories.

“But you couldn’t keep your pants zipped,” Aiden noted in a resigned voice.

Roadhouse was surprised that Aiden’s comment lacked the bitterness he usually flung his way. It made him continue to try and keep his answers honest.

“I’m not much good at relationships,” he explained slow
ly, because it was difficult for a man to confess his failings to his son. “I’m a bit too selfish about what I want out of life. I never much liked having to tell someone where I’d been or why I was late. And Maria was a jealous woman, who accused me of cheating if I returned a day later than expected from the fire. Back then, there were no cell phones, and pay phones weren’t so easy to find out in the forest.” Roadhouse drew a deep breath. “I suppose I started looking for something when I realized she never believed what I told her.”

“So you became a cheater because she expected you to be one?” Aiden shook his head. “Didn’t you have any honor or self-respect?”

“I admit I slept with a married woman while I was still married. Her husband was in the military and gone a lot. We were both feeling lonely and misunderstood by our spouses. She got pregnant and had a little boy,” he confessed, then added, “I’m not proud of that.” And then when Aiden started to stand, Roadhouse had to say something to keep him near, so he blurted, “I told Maria, and now I’ve told you.”

Aiden’s expression was unforgiving. “How do you think that boy feels knowing what you did?”

“I don’t know. When Joan’s husband came back from overseas she convinced him Mark was his and I left it at that.” He tossed up his hands. “He may not even know the truth today. What would be the point in telling him? The truth tends to upset folks.” Maria had thrown a frying pan at him, and pretended to forgive him, but then she’d gone out and gotten her revenge by sleeping with someone else and leaving with him. Aiden had walked away from him in Las Vegas after Roadhouse’s admission and seemed about to do so again.

Aiden rolled his shoulders and looked away. “And my sister?”

“Ava never wanted to marry me or anybody. She was pretty much her own woman, along with being a free spirit. We had a few good months together one winter and she went to Albuquerque to make pottery.” This was the longest conversation he’d had with Aiden ever. That had to mean something. That had to mean they were forming some kind of bond.

Aiden scowled. “So, you just let them go and never looked back? Never worried if your children or their mother needed help? Never wondered if your kids would have been better people if you were around?”

“No. You turned out okay, didn’t you? Back then I would have just messed you up, even your Abuelita said so.” Especially Abuelita. “I regret taking the easy way out back then. If I had the chance to do things differently, I would.”

Aiden didn’t say a word as he left, but he didn’t have to. Roadhouse was silently berating himself for being a young fool. How was he to know that some mistakes could never be forgiven?

“B
EFORE WE CONCLUDE
the briefing, let’s hear from one of your own— Spider from the Silver Bend Hot Shots,” Socrates introduced Spider later that night at the briefing as if he were the evening’s entertainment. There was a robust round of applause, followed by a few smart remarks.

“Fellow ground pounders, lend me your ears.” Spider hammed it up, spreading his arms out as if he were Caesar addressing his troops. “The time has come to get more serious about this beast. It’s the end of the season and I’m ready to go home. How about you?”

There was a rousing round of cheers. When they died down, Spider continued. “We’ve got to be smart about this fire.” He caught Becca’s eye, standing with members of the
IC team. She was going to be really happy after his announcement. He could just picture Becca walking toward him afterward with a big smile on her face as she thanked him for helping her convince Sirus to change their attack strategy.

“And apparently, we’ve got Scrooge…er, Socrates, running things and he says we’re due for a short fire. So, without the promise of weeks of overtime, we’ve got to make our extra money somewhere.” Spider avoided looking at Socrates. It was too late to turn back now. If Socrates didn’t approve, Spider would pay for it later.

“I’m going to be starting a pool tonight. For a minimum of four bucks, you can bet on when the fire will jump the highway.” There was a disapproving murmur from the IC team, but Spider ignored them. “You’ve heard the predictions of the Fire Behavior Analyst for the next twenty-four hours. What you haven’t heard is that she believes the fire’s going to jump the highway within the next week if we don’t get it contained soon.”

There was a collective grumble and many gazes swung Becca’s way. A quick glance found her not smiling, but not frowning either. Spider could relate to her numb state of mind. He didn’t know whether to take her in his arms and kiss her senseless, or plant both hands on her shoulders and shake her. He’d never felt such a precarious balance between intriguing desire and toss-your-hands-in-the-air frustration toward a woman. Most men might find that grounds for marriage, but Spider was more like his dad than he wanted to admit. What did he know of love from lust?

Still, he wanted to help Becca. After dinner, he’d considered how he could help Becca convince Socrates to listen to her attack strategy. What better way than to get the entire base camp talking about it?

“Half of the proceeds will go to you, and the other half to
the Firefighters National Trust.” A good cause that benefited families of fallen firefighters. “Okay, I’m turning it back to IC now, so prepare yourselves for the backlash.”