Face the Music (9 page)

“Yeah,” I said. “I might have to agree with you there. Although I’m not much of an expert.”

“Well, if you want to hear an expert opinion, you should get my dad going sometime,” said Laura.

“Okay, okay,” said Allie with her typical impatience. “If we’ve resolved the racial questions of the day, do you think we could possibly go finish up our practice now? I promised Mom I’d watch Davie while she and Willy go out tonight.”

“So, how are the lovebirds?” asked Laura.

“Talk about mush,” said Allie. “They weren’t kidding that they were saving it until after our tour.” Then she laughed. “But it’s really kind of cute. And do you know what? Mom said that rather than having Willy spend all that money on an engagement ring for her, she’d rather have him get his front tooth capped.”

We all laughed about that.

“But I like Willy’s gold tooth,” I said. “I’m not sure if he’ll still be Willy with it all fixed and pretty.”

“Well apparently Willy wants it capped too,” said Allie as she sat down at the drums. “See, that’s what being in love can do.”

“Here’s to love,” I said, then started our next song.

Our church had a Memorial Day picnic at the lake today. Pastor Tony invited everyone to take a few minutes to remember friends and loved ones who are no longer here on earth. I think a lot of people were thinking about his brother Clay who was killed a few years ago in that terrible shooting at McFadden High. I know I was thinking
about him. I’m still amazed at the influence his life had over me. And I never even met him. I couldn’t help but think that God is amazing.

Josh had come home from college. He graduates next week. I can’t believe that’s possible, but he assures me it is. And if I think about it, I have to admit that my brother, who used to be an obnoxious, fairly self-absorbed preppy, has really grown up into a very nice man. I even took a moment to tell him so.

He grinned. “Thanks, Chloe. You might not know it, but that means a lot coming from you.”

“Yeah,” I said sarcastically. “I’m sure the opinion of your kid sister is pretty significant.”

He got slightly serious then. “Hey, I have a lot of respect for you. Probably more than you can imagine without getting an even bigger head.”

Then we started teasing and messing with each other just like the old days. Pretty cool. I noticed him glancing out of the corner of his eye from time to time to see where Caitlin was and who she was visiting with, since she’d come home too. Finally, I couldn’t stand it.

“Josh, now that you’re graduating, don’t you think you could finally pop the question?”

“Huh?” He looked at me as if I were nuts. “What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean, Josh.
Everyone
knows, for Pete’s sake. You’re in love with Caitlin.”

It was fun watching his cheeks turn slightly red. And rather sweet too. But big brother was not about to fall for my tricks. “Did I tell you that I’m going down to Mexico for the summer again?” he said in an obvious attempt to change the subject.

“Yeah,” I reminded him. “You e-mailed me about it.”

“Well, I was thinking it would be really cool if Redemption could come down and do a little concert for the kids at the orphanage. I know it’s a lot to ask. But there are a lot of teens down there that would really love it.”

I thought about this. “You know, I just saw our summer schedule and we’ll be down in California again in August. I could check with Willy and see if there’s any way to squeeze something in.”

“Cool. Let me know and I’ll see that it’s all set. Maybe we could invite people from the area too, charge for tickets, and if you guys were willing, maybe you’d like to donate the proceeds to the orphanage.”

“You are a sly one, bro.” I jabbed him. “And if you decide not to go into the ministry, maybe you could become an events manager.”

“Isn’t that what a pastor does anyway?”

“Speaking of pastors, it looks like Pastor Tony is waving to you, Josh.”

“Yeah, I haven’t even said hi to him yet.”

“I’m going to go catch Caitlin.” I watched his eyes at the mention of her name. Even if his life depended on it, I do not think Josh would be able to conceal his complete love, adoration, and affection for that girl. I just wish he’d get it over with and ask. But then he may be worried that she’ll say no. She’s already turned him down once. But I don’t think she will the next time. As long as the timing is right. Now, I suppose that could be tricky.

“You getting all ready for the big tour?” I asked her after we hugged.

“I am so excited about this, Chloe. I can’t believe that I actually get to do this. And get paid for it too. Man, I probably would’ve drained what little is left in my savings just to pay my way to come.”

“Well, don’t tell Willy or he might take you up on it. He’s always looking for ways to cut expenses.”

“That’s fine with me. And I’ll be happy to cook or clean or whatever it takes to keep you girls going.”

“Wow, Elise made us do our own laundry and dishes and—”

“Hey, Caitlin,” yelled Allie as she practically tackled the poor girl with a flying hug.

“Careful, Allie,” I warned. “Caitlin was just offering to cook and clean and do all kinds of
stuff for us. Don’t injure her yet.”

“Really?” Allie looked suspicious.

Caitlin smiled. “I was just telling Chloe that I’m so happy to be doing this tour with you guys that I’m willing to do whatever to make your lives easier.”

“Sounds good to me.” Then Allie glanced over to where her mom and Willy were chatting with Pastor Tony’s wife, Stephanie Berringer. “Just don’t tell my mom.”

“Hey, I want to do whatever helps you girls to minister. I see myself coming on board as a servant.”

“That’s cool,” I told her. “But you don’t want to let us take advantage of you.”

She nodded. “Don’t worry. I’m meeting with Elise this week to hear about the details and stuff. She’s making a list of everything I need to do.”

Allie groaned. “Oh man, I knew my mom would mess this up somehow.”

“Well, at least we don’t have to do schoolwork during the summer tour,” I offered.

“But we will be doing Bible study and devotions,” Caitlin reminded us in a firmer-than-usual voice. “And just because you
think
I’m so nice does not mean I’m a pushover.”

We laughed. But there might be some people in this world who would try to push someone like Caitlin around. I mean, she is so sweet and good.
But maybe that’s why I don’t think we will. She has the kind of heart where you really don’t want to hurt her. I have a feeling we’ll all try very hard to make her job easy. Now Beanie, well, that might be different. I think she can handle just about anything we care to dish up.

I was surprised to get an e-mail from Jeremy today. Even so, I am trying not to make it into something it’s not. He said he was thinking of me while working on a new song and wondered if I’d like to have a look at it. We’ve talked about song-writing a lot together, and I know this is simply a professional relationship. Okay, that sounds pretty lame. But Jeremy does respect me as a songwriter, and I’m honored that he wanted my opinion for his latest song, which is really quite good. I immediately let him know, along with a couple of minor tweaky suggestions.

I also know that I can trust his opinions on my songs—he usually has something very good to contribute to my writing process. We have a good working relationship that I plan to continue. And I think I can do this without getting my heart involved. Well, if I ask God to help me, that is. On my own, I would probably make a huge mess.

But at least I don’t lay Iron Cross’s CD covers all over my bedroom and go around gawking at Jeremy’s photos and acting all lame and juvenile. Okay, Allie doesn’t really do that. At least not
when she knows anyone is looking. But even so, I have to give Al this: She’s done a much better job than I have of keeping her heart under control. That has caused me to make this observation, which may or may not be correct. But I’m wondering if the girl who’s all open and up-front about her feelings for a guy—acting all lame and gaga and whatever—is perhaps at less risk for getting hurt than the girl who hides her feelings, letting their roots grow deeply inside her but telling no one.

Okay, it’s just a theory, so far. But it’s also a good reminder to talk to my friends about this heart stuff. Like if I start going head over heels for Jeremy again, I will definitely talk to Allie and Laura, and even Beanie and Caitlin. And I’ll ask them to pray for me and talk some sense into me. I also think it would be good for my pride because I have this disgusting habit of sometimes trying to appear more together and mature than I really am. But that is simply pride. And we all know where pride gets us in the end. Flat on our faces, or as Rosy would say, “Pride don’t look good on you, girlfriend!”

Okay, I know God wants me to love Tiffany Knight. I mean, why else would she be stuck onto my life like warm bubble gum plastered to the sole of a flip-flop on a hot summer day? And time and again I have tried to accept this as God’s special challenge for my life—loving the unlovable. So why, I have to ask myself, do I want to run the other direction every time I see her coming my
way? Like today in the cafeteria.

I was actually having a pretty good conversation with Kim Peterson—a girl who appears, at least to me, to be very spiritually hungry. Despite what she says in this regard, I get a strong feeling that God is at work in her. We’d started talking during fourth period and planned to continue it during lunch. I’d purposely chosen a quiet table off to one side where I didn’t think anyone else would interrupt what was becoming a fairly serious conversation about faith.

“I’m not suggesting that religion doesn’t work for
you
,” she was saying just as Tiffany came over and sat down with us. “But it doesn’t work for me. At least not the Christian version. But I may look into Buddhism someday, if I ever feel the need for some sort of organized religion.”

“I’d have to agree with you about religion,” I told her, nodding a polite “hey” in Tiffany’s direction, although I secretly wished she hadn’t joined us. “Because I happen to think religion is pretty stupid myself.”

“But what about your songs?”

“I honestly don’t think of them as religious, Kim. My music is more about my
relationship
with God. That’s something completely different.”

“I guess I don’t really get that.”

“Well, I’ve been going to youth group pretty
regularly for the last couple of months,” interjected Tiffany. “Actually, there’s this really cute guy there from McFadden who I like, but that’s another story. Anyway, I have to agree with Chloe about the whole religion thing. Our youth pastor says that Jesus came to do away with religion and teach us how to have a personal relationship with God.” She glanced at me like the kid in Sunday school who thought she should get a gold star now. “Right, Chloe?”

I nodded. “And is that what you believe too, Tiffany? Do you have a personal relationship with God?”

She looked slightly puzzled just then. “Well, I don’t know. I guess so.”

“You
guess
so?” echoed Kim. “That doesn’t sound very convincing to me.”

“I think I’m still figuring it all out,” Tiffany said with a slight frown.

Kim shook her head. “See, that’s just the problem with religion. Why do you have to
figure
it all out?”

“That’s what I’m trying to tell you, Kim.” I suppressed my exasperation at Tiffany’s “helpful” input. I know it’s not her fault that she’s still trying to “figure God out,” and that’s well and fine, but I just wish she’d keep her “information” to herself if she’s not really speaking from personal experience. It’d be kind of like me
telling someone how to bake a cake from scratch—something I’ve never done in my entire life. Good grief!

Anyway, I reiterated to Kim that God is
not
something we can figure out with our heads, that it’s a heart thing, and I explained how faith is a gift. But by then I think I was just wasting my breath. I suspect Kim doesn’t like Tiffany any more than I do, and since Kim’s not even attempting to follow God, I’m sure she has no interest in loving this somewhat obnoxious girl either. I wasn’t a bit surprised when Kim excused herself and left me sitting alone at the table with Tiffany. But at least Tiffany acted like she was interested in my little sermonette.

“Hey, I totally love your new CD, Chloe,” she said with bubbly enthusiasm. “I’ve been listening to it a lot.”

I nodded and controlled myself from looking longingly over her shoulder to where Allie and Marissa had just sat with Cesar and Jake. “Cool.”

And so it went, Tiffany and me hanging in the cafeteria, just the two of us. Oh my, what fun.